whodini Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 My mother and father split 17 years ago and my mother is now thinking about dating again (she's 55). She typically comes to me with questions but this time she's got me stumped. One man in particular is interested and pursuing her. She likes him, good guy, nice, seems to be willing to get serious as opposed to just having sex (she's too religious for that) but there is one problem. He has bad teeth. I've not met the guy but she described them as "eww", cavities on the sides of the front teeth, definitely visible. She said "if that's what you can see imagine what else is in there?"...and I agree. She hasn't even kissed him because she's too grossed out and thinks it absurd that he wouldn't know he has this issue. She thinks he has no insurance so he's just never taken care of it. Question: How do you tell a prospective partner their teeth need work (and that you won't date them unless they take care of it)? They are both small business owners, that's how they met, so both are pretty straight forward. She just doesn't want to be rude or hurt his feelings. I also believe there are other incompatibilities but she seems stuck on this. Any advice? This is my first post. Looking forward to your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Personal hygiene is important and if she likes him, then she should just be completely honest with him. Lay it all out there.. With respect and kid gloves.. Are you sure it's cavities and not dark fillings? Or does he have teeth missing too? Does his breath stink? Link to post Share on other sites
Author whodini Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 She never mentioned anything about his breath which I think she definitely would have noticed. She said the dark parts/spots were on the side edges of some of his front teeth...I've never seen fillings there before but maybe. And no, he has no teeth missing. I think she'll definitely let him know, he's coming over today, just how is the question. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 If he had cavities he'd likely be in constant pain *and* have bad breath because those things are bacteria factories and bacteria cause stink. Dark spots can be caused by smoking, drinking a lot of coffee, eating a lot of sweets, chewing tobacco and a number of other habits/issues, in addition to inadequate cleaning of the teeth by brushing. In most cases, the issues can be rectified. IMO, if he's otherwise attractive and doesn't display marked signs of poor personal hygiene, it would be worth further time and an appropriate conversation. I recall broaching issues of halitosis with women I dated (they had it) and they were generally happy to know about it, if a bit embarrassed. Hey, at least he has his teeth Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 It could also be possible if he's done drugs in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 Men used to grow those big mustaches that go over both lips just to hide their terrible teeth. Nowadays you have to have money. How is she with one of those mustaches? Link to post Share on other sites
milkmaterial Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 whodini u dont ..there is no polite way. unless ur mom pretends to want veneers for YOU. or you can pretend u want it..and discuss it. if he chimes in, fill him in. be sure u know details. google it. cavities can be fixed. but what caused them? smoking? medicines? he doesnt brush? genes? prior disease? my dad told me that he knows this rich engineer in hawaii who had horrible ass teeth. the guy was loaded but he preferred to be that way, he was comfy w/ what and how he was. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 It could also be possible if he's done drugs in the past. Yeah, anyone interested can google 'methamphetamine teeth' for some graphic examples of what certain drugs can do to teeth, not to mention other equally obvious physical aspects of a person. Absent surgery/reconstruction, teeth damage is generally permanent, where other observable parts of the body can more readily regenerate. The mental aspects, OTOH, ouch. Doubt that is the issue with the OP's mother's man but anything is possible. Some people are just afraid of the dentist. Seeing both my parents taking their teeth out every night while I was still a young child helped me get by any fear I had. No thanks, if possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts