I need advice from anyone on what my ex is thinking and what I should do about it!!!

[confusedaboutex]

I am new to this form so please bare with me on this long form. My ex and I had been dating for 1 yr and 8 months. He had given me a promise ring about 3 months before he broke up w/me. After he broke up w/me he started dating this new girl. They have been dating during these 5 months.

 

During these 5 months I have been trying to get over him because i still love him very deeply. I tryed cutting out contact w/him but i wasn't strong enough for it to last. We've been talking and hanging out the whole time he was dating this girl. His exgrilfriend hates me.

 

At the begining of March he called me saying he needed to talk to me so i went over to his apartment and he told me he still loved me and that him and his new girlfriend had decided to take a break and that he wanted to start seeing me again. During the last month he has been dating both her and me (which she dosen't know he has been seeing me also).

 

During spring break he told me he was going home and that when he got back into town we would go out. Well come to find out he lied to me and ended up going on a trip w/her and her friends. While he was with him he called me very upset because she decided that she wanted to completly end it w/him. When he gets home Thursday night he came over to see me. We decided that we were going to try and give us another chance.

 

So saturday night about 10 he was suppose to come over and watch a movie w/me. Well about 11:30 he still hasn't shown up and I just figured he lost track of time. Well I feel asleep and woke up at 1:30 terrified that he had had a wreck because he hadn't called or came by. So I go over to his apartment. He was sitting on the porch talking to his friend. He then told me that he and this girl had decided to get back together and give it another try because he loves her. He told me that he was in love w/me and w/her and that he didn't know what to do. He told me he would call me at the end of the week to tell me if he decided to date both of us or just her.

 

I have been through a lot these last 5 months. When we first broke up I stopped eating and got into really bad health. I lost about 40 lbs in two months. When I was finally begining to get better my father passed away. During this time I wanted him to be there for me and he was some but not a lot because he girlfriend started getting very jelious so he wouldn't tell her when he was w/me. He has hurt me and lied to me but I still love him. I want to know what is the best way of getting him back or finding out if he really loves me. Should I try the no contact rule to see how he really feels about me or what. Because it seems everytime I try to cut him out he can't stand it and he finds some way back into my life.

 

I really love him and want everything to work out but I don't know what to do. should i just not contact him and see how he truly feels about me or what?? He has hurt me so bad I just dont' know what to do anymore.

[lady104]

Yeah. He's going out with someone else, so he can't love you as much as he says. You're not the only woman in his life. Don't ring him or contact him, and you'll definitely find out if he cares. That's the way, although hard to resist. Try your best! Good luck

[nikkilove]

You need to take a break from him. Why in the world would it be OK for him to see you and someone else at the same time? Ok for him maybe, but is it OK for you? No guy who would do that to me is worth my time, nor does anyone who would do that to me really love me. Is that what you want? Cut him off entirely. Give yourself time.......if he ever shows up again, make sure he is completely single, but I bet by then, you'll have moved on to someone who treats you better. I wish you all the best, please don't put yourself in this kind of situation, you deserve better!

[ace6061]

He told me he would call me at the end of the week to tell me if he decided to date both of us or just her.

 

Confused

This quote should give you your answer. He didn’t say he would date you alone. That should tell you that he doesn’t have the right feelings for you now. Like Nikki said cut him off. If you really want him back he has to make the decision to be with you and only with you. If you don’t get that then it is not worth it. He seems to be using you. He comes back when he wants and you are waiting for him. I know it is hard; it has been three months since my GF left me and a lot of feelings are still there. The one thing you should try to hold on to is what is best for you. This guy showing up when he wants to is not good for you. By letting him come and go how he pleases is like giving him his cake and letting him eat it to. He will use you for as long as you let him. Cutting him off will make him choose either way.

[confusedaboutex]

Thanks for the advice. When he calls this weekend should I even answer the phone. Will that show him I'm tired of being used and I will not put up w/it anymore. If he really cares about me will he try to keep in contact. I told him that if he chose her I would not talk to him anymore and not to call me that I would call him when I got ready to talk. Since I told him this what if he changes his mind but will not call because I told him not to. I have so many questions. Exactly when do I stop talking to him and when is it ok to talk to him again. Please help.

[nikkilove]

If you really want advice about this........my advice is let it go! Don't call, don't worry about him calling, and if he does call, tell him you are busy or don't answer your phone at all! You do not deserve this crap. He wants you and another woman too?!! Well, that is fine and dandy for him but an emotional rollercoaster for you! Right or wrong?! And don't worry about "if he changes his mind and wants to call you but won't because you told him not to" You are a doormat he can step on because you knowingly allow him to sleep with two women (you may not like it but you've allowed it to happen), and he now knows it's not okay.......so stick to your guns about it. If.......if and when he may decide he wants you after all.............he won't worry about you telling him not to call, he'll call! And I'm really hoping you'll have moved on and wondered why you ever let such a low life do this to you! Ya know? You seem like a nice person. Work on building up your self-esteem, so you don't have this kind of thing happen again. He's treating you the way you've allowed him too.........but you've taken a big step in the right direction by saying enough..........so.............as hard as it might be (I've been there)...........it's time to let go, move on.........and find someone else. Best, best, best of luck!

[Odradek]

This guy is a jerk. He's not worthy of you or any decent girl, for that matter. He's just a pig and he's just using u as a safety deposit. Don't ever let anyone use you as a second table plate, a side dish. If he did have any feelings whatsoever for you, he would at least have the decency to keep his distance with you while he's dating somebody else. And if he had regreted leaving you, he wouldn't have waited for the other girl to break up with him before coming back to you.

 

Complete jerk, not worth your time, I'm sure you deserve better.

[confusedaboutex]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I called him Tuesday night to tell him that I had thought about it and came to the decision that I did not want to date him. Unless he stoped liying to me and wasn't talking or dating another girl my feelings and thoughts wouldn't change. He called me later that night to tell me what class he gotten into because we are suppose to have the same class together but I am going to take it at a different time now. I think that was just an excuse to call and try and talk me out of it but he didn't get the chance because I didn't answer my phone! Thanks everyone for the advice!