G.i.g.s.?

[Heidi89]

Wow you really know a lot about this. I understand that the odds are stacked against me, but if I had any shot of reconciliation in the future what would your advice to me be?

 

Never contact him again?

Contact him after a few months after his negativity has subsided?

Drop off the planet? Lol you get my drift!

 

I know I can be the person he felt so strongly for before, I just don't know how to make him see that. It's been a month since I stopped contacting him, because I could tell he didn't seem to want to talk to me. We spoke last week because he contacted me to get one of his things back..we kept the conversation focussed on that. I'm not sure if it's relevant but I ignored him for two days before we spoke because I didn't know why he was suddenly getting in touch, and I only replied because he sent a text asking if I'm not talking to him any more which sounded pretty defensive. I know what these forums advise, ie no contact, but from your knowledge and having a male brain what do you think my best shot would be?

[loverboy1984]

Where are you getting the science behind this? You are right in most of your assessment but when you lost me at vasopresin. Thats ADH or anti -diuretic hormone used in water retention. I can understand what you said about oxytocin but neurologicaly there are alot more neurotransmitters and centers of the brain involved in this.

[WutheringH]

Hi, loverboy.

 

Well the science is from having read journals, seen reports. My mother has been in the field of researching 'love' for years now.

 

In the practical sense, Im actually immersed within the field of addiction studies. However, I maintain an interest in the studies of 'love' due to my family connections and the shared findings within our research.

 

Your correct regarding Vasopressin's role as a hormone that causes the kidneys to retain water when we get dehydrated. Thus reducing the volume+concentration of urine.

 

However the Hormone is key in a number of neurological functions. For one Vasopressin has been proposed (there is still substantial critisism aimed at the finding) To play an active role in memory formation and retention. It's also well know to play a role in social regulation. Noticeably in controlling arousal levels when under stress.

 

Vasopressins role in Social bonding and alturism has been widely reported. It was one of those areas of research that the media jumped on and reported in a bit of a frenzy. Just search the internet for 'vasopressin+social bonding' I know the Prairie Vole studies are everywhere on the web. So a quick search should show you the influence vasopressin plays in the voles maintaining a monogamous bond.

 

The key area of activation regarding Oxytocins role in maintaining the social bond in 'love' appears, to be in the nucleus accumbens and the ventral Pallidum. Whilst there clearly are other neurotransmitters at work in attachment. However the more we study love and attachment, increasingly we find that it utilises far less of the brain than you would expect. This is what has been dominant in the field accepting that Love is a human 'drive' rather than, as proposed before, a complex group of emotions that all interact to create a overall 'umbrella' of feeling.

 

I see no point in describing trying to explain the theories of neuroscience in moe complex terms than I have. Even if it would be more accurately representative of the exact mechanistics behind it! I think Laymans terms will be good enough for Love shack to help people out a little.

 

Good Lord Heidi! I can't make a decision for you. Brains are very induvidual things, influenced by a whole host of factors. Genetics, Prenatal Hormones, Early learning environment. Not to mention that the current 'pop' research is all about the Neuroplasticity of the brain. I.e the brains ability to change throughout life. Part of the appeal, is that various Self-help groups and New-Age groups ability to grab onto this broad notion and use it to suggest that induviduals can change any of their 'faults' through sheer will power alone.

 

Personally I feel the principle of Neuroplasticity and the implications behind it, are likely, far less substantial when we talk about the limbic system. However thats just my opinion.

 

But to think of the difference between brains as Male vs Female is totally wrong. So better off not thinking about it from this angle

 

My 'knowledge' couldn't give you a timespan. Come back in fifty years and then maybe we will have a level of understanding at that level!

 

For now we still really fly blind in love. Sorry I can't be of more help.

 

If I was you. I would just go no contact untill I felt alright.

Edited April 11, 2011 by WutheringH

[loverboy1984]

Ok thanks for your insight. I didnt mean to call you out on it. Im a med student and I read everything very critically but enjoyed your post.

[WutheringH]

Shoot.. advice if it happens!

 

Well it will be hard to do but.. don't be too eager. Uncertainty ramps up romantic affection. It propels that obsessive thinking that is typical of romantic feelings. So if he gives you THAT ring. Play cold for a while, act unsure. String him along a little. Drive his desire to win you.

 

Then if you have him. Lots of dates. Try go on 'mini-adventures'. Doing activities which get the adrenals pumping and lead to alot of dopamine production. Examples of the perfect date in this context would actually be things like.. Going to a themepark, whitewater rafting, rockclimbing or even learing the Tango etc. The best combination would be something that is challenging, exciting and actually a little dangerous. Perhaps suggest you go ride his motorbike with him.

 

The basic principle is that the rise in dopamine and endorphines associated with the activity 'spill over' into reinforceing your desire towards the mate.

 

It's certianly NOT the time to suggest a movie night in.

 

When it comes to getting physical. The more contact the better. Note, not just intercourse though. You look at a naturally mongomous animal in the wild such as the tamarin monkey and the amount of physical contact and bonding behaviours they exhibit is amazing. Bonding behaviours include. Cuddleing, massage, eye contact, kissing, sex (the slower and longer the better)

 

All these 'Bonding behaviours' stimulate production of the hormone Oxytocin which has a positive calming effect. Of closeness. It also helps combat the effects of stress. All this, if kept up will increase the desire for contact.

 

Talking does nothing. The Hormone gets to work by and large in the limbic system. Thus it works on a subconscious level. It's one of the reasons sex therapists working on strained marriages where sex has died. Tell the couple to 'force' themselves to get physical. The conscious desire isn't there to start but, as contact increases and time goes by.. The physical desire begins to return. Making the bond between the partners stronger. People love,ultimately to have sex, from natures perspective.

Edited April 11, 2011 by WutheringH

[WutheringH]

No problem Loverboy. Given the grammar and spelling in most of my posts. I would also be compelled to question my background and arguments!

[loverboy1984]

I think this is the exact same as my situation. My ex moved to a new state to pursue grad school. after her 2nd semester she made new friends who showed her the night life there and then she kissed a guy one day when she was drunk and asked for a break. later she broke up with me because she said it wasnt fair to keep me in limbo the she justified it by reasons such as we have grown apart and im not attracted to you more than a friend. Yet she calls me babe, sweety and says she loves me and the night before she told me she wanted to marry me. She used to be shy and conservative and now she is flirting like crazy, trying to get attention, trying to fit in, drinking alot.

 

we were in a loving 6yr relationship. I think this is also a case of GIGS w/o another person, although I think she doesnt mind finding one. I just think a guy would have a better chance to come back to you once he outlives this phase than a girl in my case. But you never know.

 

So what do you think? Is this a phase they go through? if so does it go away or do they come back when it gets old. Or have they moved on by then. I just dont know what kind of a person would throw away love and commitment that they have. You always see people looking for someone with these qualities but here they throw it away.

[Heidi89]

Thank you so much for taking the time to post these long replies to try and answer my questions. I really think you should start a thread with your theory because I think a lot of people on this forum could benefit from it.

 

Loverboy, I'm glad I'm not the only one suffering from this..our situations sound very similar except of course you were with your ex longer. I still hope he will come back to me, although it isn't looking likely..

[loverboy1984]

Thanks. I wish you all the best too. I guess it doesnt matter how long you are in a relationship. People break up after 30 years and they have alot to lose then, including money, assets, kids. So the term of my relationship and yours pales in comparison. Yet if we learn from these, hopefully we are not one of those people who have failed marriages later on.

 

Good luck!

[Heidi89]

Good luck to you too! It is so painful, feeling like you were ditched for a new lifestyle. People keep saying to me that he will get bored and he will be back, but I just can't see that happening unfortunately. He told me when we broke up he just needed time on his own and didn't want a relationship at all..but this won't last!

 

How long have you and your ex been broken up?

[WutheringH]

Lover Boy, I can only do the same for you and give you food for thought. So here I go.

 

Im guessing if she was in a new state. It was a LDR. Whilst LDRs can actually make the passionate stage of love more intense. As the distance acts as an obstacle to 'getting' you love. Hence, stimulating alot of dopamine priming and thus causing the feelings of love to be that much more euphoric. So giving you a huge reward when you do reunite.

 

Long-attachment dosn't seem to work like that. As the focus of attachment's chemical causation appears to be regulators for the hormones Vasopressin and Oxytocin. I imagine that a lack of close contact and physical proximity leads to a gradual weakening of the neural feedback associating you as her lover who enduces the positive effects of calm,love and stress relief you once. Of course she still recognises you as her lover but the positive subconscious effects you had on her brain weaken as the time goes on. The less a circuit of feedback is used the 'weaker' its neural basis becomes.

 

My guess would be that with this arguably occuring, plus, being thrust into a new social environment where new mates are in close proximity. Her limbic system's urges and willingness to notice other mates would increase. (please not this is all hypothetical here) In the pursuit of sparking new 'passionate' romantic love.

 

My guess would be that attachment fades with lack of proximity because if our mate died in the wild (thus proximity gone) it would be in our interest to be able to forge a new romantic bond.

 

Many people suspect that one of the reasons passionate love perhaps fizzles out is that a vast amount of the dopamine regulators in respective reward centers. Begin to down-regulate after being overstimulated by the respective stimulus of the lover. I sometimes wonder if a similar process could occur with the receptors that Oxytocin and Vasopressin bind to. It would certainly hint at why so many people begin to feel cold, distant and having grown apart from their mate alongside the rise in stress and anxiety before they breakup.

 

Her words are all just justifications. They can't paint an accurate picture as to what is going on in her head. The partying and social change, again I would put down to trying to perk herself up after the break. Novelty, excitment etc All equal mass dopamine production.

 

I agree with the guy girl thing. Simply from the perspective that a girl has typically, in youth, far more options as to who she wants to date. Thus would be more likely to find that 'spark' with someone else.

 

Any kiss with a stranger is never good. It's kind of like physically tasting 'excitement' The fact it was symbolic of her new found singledom likely means the brain found it even more 'interesting'. It would be difficult for the brain not to want more. If shes already no longer that attached to you.

 

A phase? Yes probably, you've kinda hit the nail on the head there. Most of life is going through various phases. Humans are 'wired' to find repetition fundementally dull. Novelty equals excitment, learning and self-expansion. All things that the brain provides a huge amount of positive feedback for engaging in. Quite frankly we needed someone to go out into the unknown and kill that ferocious animal eons ago, it beneifted us then, and so that little bit of temperament lives on in a big way.

 

Quite right, people change their minds as to what they want in a relationship all the time. The fact that people can engage in rationally the biggest commitment possible. Marriage. Then three years down the line, want out to go 'liberate' themselves. Only serves to highlight this.

What makes it even more funny is how often you see a person fresh out of a marriage fall in love with the first new person they date. Then woops! So much for the rational this is what i want, sexual liberation and singledom speech. Im back in love! I want to get married again!

 

All it serves to show is that relationships are yet another part of the Human condition in which we are notoriously bad at picking an outcome that will make us the most content in the long term. Are inner desires drive us too much.

[D-Lish]

I still hope he will come back to me, although it isn't looking likely..

 

Hi Heidi.

 

No matter what, you have to treat this like it's a break up- like it's over and he's not coming back. When you treat it this way, you start the process of healing.

 

Starting the process of letting him go is nothing to be afraid of- what is the worst thing that can happen? You'll start to feel better?

 

All I can tell you is that living with hope only keeps you stuck in a place that is a painful place to be because you're giving all your power to missing someone.

 

Sometimes people say they need a break because they are afraid to say break up.

 

One thing is for sure- he's out there having fun, partying and doing his thing... And you're just waiting.

 

Do the kindest thing you can do for yourself and take some steps to move forward. If you truly want to get noticed, you have to show everyone you are moving on.

[loverboy1984]

To Heidi

 

We have been broken up for a little over a month now. She told me she needed time to do some self-reflection, to work on herself. After she kissed they guy she felt bad and said that she needed to re-evaluate herself and cannot go on in a relationship as if this didnt happen.

 

The irony of all this is that I went to a different state and I asked for a break because I wanted to date others and not regret it later if we got married. She agreed but told me later it made her break down. Her friends hate me because of this and they are the ones who convinced her to break up. I had GIGS but came back to her. The difference was we talked everyday, and I told her everything even who I was going out with. And I told her I would be back. If she had threatened to leave me I probably wouldnt have done it. While I was doing it I wasnt aware that she was hurt. Maybe this is Karma.

 

To WutheringH

 

I agree with everything you said. Its hard to think when someone like her who is 27 in grad school cant think of one day settling down, and not think of what she had with me. She had my love and commitment, a family that loved her, and I have a nice future which means stability for us both. I think because she hasnt had the freedom to be single since she was 20 that she now wants to explore it. Maybe she thinks she can get back with me.

 

Meanwhile Im doing my best to move forward. Talking about her seems more like talking about a book Ive read instead of it actually happening to me.

[WutheringH]

Despite my suggestions of how you could rekindle if he came back. I still would in reality do exactly as D-lish said.

 

It's funny, you look at the forums for Drug Withdrawal and Breakups and there full of people holding out on hope that just keeps them in a negative thought pattern. Describing simular emotions and verbally justifying why they should hold on/maintain negative behaviour and thought patterns

 

With Drugs you always see people with raging addictions, justifying to others how they can't fully withdraw because of stress factors A B and C. Thus they need to drugs to stay sane. In reality, stress factors A B and C are stress factors in their lifes because they are addicted to a drug. If they quit. The stress factors and thus the supposed reason they need to get high in the first place, will often no longer be an issue.

 

In a breakup people hold onto damaging thought patterns of hope and reconcilliation A B and C, they often stop themselves from healing because they refuse to dismiss thought pattern A B and C, hope is there present form of sanity. Despite the fact that from a rational outlook the slim chance of hope is infact insanity. Acting as a damaging thought pattern preventing emotional processing and moving on.

 

The moral? Sometimes its harder to let go of pain then pleasure. It just dosn't appear that way unless you look deep into yourself.

[Heidi89]

Hi Heidi.

 

No matter what, you have to treat this like it's a break up- like it's over and he's not coming back. When you treat it this way, you start the process of healing.

 

Starting the process of letting him go is nothing to be afraid of- what is the worst thing that can happen? You'll start to feel better?

 

All I can tell you is that living with hope only keeps you stuck in a place that is a painful place to be because you're giving all your power to missing someone.

 

Sometimes people say they need a break because they are afraid to say break up.

 

One thing is for sure- he's out there having fun, partying and doing his thing... And you're just waiting.

 

Do the kindest thing you can do for yourself and take some steps to move forward. If you truly want to get noticed, you have to show everyone you are moving on.

 

Thanks D-Lish! Every bone in my body knows that you are 100% right in what you are saying. I just still can't believe it's over! How do I get past this point? Will it happen naturally or do I have to change the way I think?

[WutheringH]

Heidi. Heres my top tips to move on.

 

Firstly, you need to cut out all stimulus that will envoke an emotional response.

 

Don't throw it away but put it in a box and lock it at a friends house for now. Deactivate Facebook. Delete texts and emails. Any prized ones again print and lock away. Any thing that creates an emotional response will be strengthening a neural circuit of recognition and thus emotional response to the thought of your now ex man.

 

If you see him in public. Walk on. It may seem rude but you need to view him as a biological catalyst that can set off a whole host of feelings of craving etc. It's the brain playing dirty tricks on you. It wants you to go back to the 'pleasure' of him. The 'pleasures' not there anymore, thus you will only end up producing more negative emotions in time if you decided to chase him.

 

Your likely 'low' at the moment. Think of your brain as wounded. Thus, things like exercise, healthy eating, good sleep pattern, no recreational drug taking or drinking. Will all promote levels of Dopamine, Endorphines, Serotonin to rise and also encourage neurogenesis. Is vital to getting your sleep pattern sorted. (take melatonin as a last resort if your sleep is messed up beyond recognition at the moment) All this will allow the brain to return to homeostasis faster and thus you can be in a positive frame of mind to create new happy memories and with time move onto a better place.

 

Heidi also rememeber, if your really suffering from the obsessional thoughts start trying the 5-HTP. It really does work wonders for me. Although if you notice hot flushes or mild headaches stop ingesting it, it might suggest your levels of serotonin have risen higher then you would like. It's not dangerous, just undesirable.

[Heidi89]

Heidi. Heres my top tips to move on.

 

Firstly, you need to cut out all stimulus that will envoke an emotional response.

 

Don't throw it away but put it in a box and lock it at a friends house for now. Deactivate Facebook. Delete texts and emails. Any prized ones again print and lock away. Any thing that creates an emotional response will be strengthening a neural circuit of recognition and thus emotional response to the thought of your now ex man.

 

If you see him in public. Walk on. It may seem rude but you need to view him as a biological catalyst that can set off a whole host of feelings of craving etc. It's the brain playing dirty tricks on you. It wants you to go back to the 'pleasure' of him. The 'pleasures' not there anymore, thus you will only end up producing more negative emotions in time if you decided to chase him.

 

Your likely 'low' at the moment. Think of your brain as wounded. Thus, things like exercise, healthy eating, good sleep pattern, no recreational drug taking or drinking. Will all promote levels of Dopamine, Endorphines, Serotonin to rise and also encourage neurogenesis. Is vital to getting your sleep pattern sorted. (take melatonin as a last resort if your sleep is messed up beyond recognition at the moment) All this will allow the brain to return to homeostasis faster and thus you can be in a positive frame of mind to create new happy memories and with time move onto a better place.

 

Heidi also rememeber, if your really suffering from the obsessional thoughts start trying the 5-HTP. It really does work wonders for me. Although if you notice hot flushes or mild headaches stop ingesting it, it might suggest your levels of serotonin have risen higher then you would like. It's not dangerous, just undesirable.

 

 

Thank you so much for your help. I will do these things and hope that time will heal me..at the minute I don't see myself ever not feeling this way, but time will tell!

 

Thank you

[WutheringH]

I used to fantasize frequently about commiting suicide rather than face the pain of withdrawing from opiates. I broke the negative thought pattern. Broke through the negative emotions and physical pain and damn well broke my way into this rubbish place of soberness and clean living!

 

I'm just kidding, Im glad im here. The point is, I too never imagined i would ever feel 'better' Now i rarely ever even feel a tickle of desire to return to my addiction. And trust me, in terms of an addiction, getting over lost love is .. I would almost go as far as to say, enjoyable. When compared to returning to reality from opiate abuse.

 

Trust me, you will do it. Plus, you will be happy again!

 

All the best.

[VJohnson32]

Heidi. Heres my top tips to move on.

 

Firstly, you need to cut out all stimulus that will envoke an emotional response.

 

Don't throw it away but put it in a box and lock it at a friends house for now. Deactivate Facebook. Delete texts and emails. Any prized ones again print and lock away. Any thing that creates an emotional response will be strengthening a neural circuit of recognition and thus emotional response to the thought of your now ex man.

 

If you see him in public. Walk on. It may seem rude but you need to view him as a biological catalyst that can set off a whole host of feelings of craving etc. It's the brain playing dirty tricks on you. It wants you to go back to the 'pleasure' of him. The 'pleasures' not there anymore, thus you will only end up producing more negative emotions in time if you decided to chase him.

 

Your likely 'low' at the moment. Think of your brain as wounded. Thus, things like exercise, healthy eating, good sleep pattern, no recreational drug taking or drinking. Will all promote levels of Dopamine, Endorphines, Serotonin to rise and also encourage neurogenesis. Is vital to getting your sleep pattern sorted. (take melatonin as a last resort if your sleep is messed up beyond recognition at the moment) All this will allow the brain to return to homeostasis faster and thus you can be in a positive frame of mind to create new happy memories and with time move onto a better place.

 

Heidi also rememeber, if your really suffering from the obsessional thoughts start trying the 5-HTP. It really does work wonders for me. Although if you notice hot flushes or mild headaches stop ingesting it, it might suggest your levels of serotonin have risen higher then you would like. It's not dangerous, just undesirable.

 

Huge respect for you and I love your posts but taking unnecessary supplements is just wrong in my opinion Let your body grieve the natural way without the help of an outside interference. Plus 5-HTP is banned in several countries in Europe due to having bad side effects.

Break ups are hard and take a toll on us mentally and physically but so does everything else in our lifes, we just learn to live with it. The thoughts of your ex will slowly fade away with time and everything else will come back to how it was. No need to rush the process.

Its what makes us human, the loss of a loved one... we are the MOST emotional during that period. Not even falling in love can compare to it.

[D-Lish]

Thanks D-Lish! Every bone in my body knows that you are 100% right in what you are saying. I just still can't believe it's over! How do I get past this point? Will it happen naturally or do I have to change the way I think?

 

I think you do have to change how you think.

 

My bf broke up with me Saturday, it had only been 6 months, but I really loved him, we went through a lot in that time.

 

I made the decision right away that I wasn't going to give any of my power to "hope". I've embraced that, and I believe that. And all I can tell you is that, getting that hope out of the way really opens a path for you to heal.

 

That's why people say you have to treat every break up like it's over. As soon as you right that in your head, you will naturally start to move forward.

 

I think most people hang on to hope because it prevents you from experiencing all the pain of true grieving. Acceptance is really, really painful initially, it's no wonder people want to prolong having to do that.

 

The benefit of moving on will take you much further than any hope you are holding onto at the moment. As I said before, moving on, accepting this as a break up isn't going to change the situation between the two of you. He's out there partying away regardless. That's precisely why you have to tell yourself enough is enough and begin the process of letting the relationship go.

 

You tell yourself," it's over, it's done, he's not coming back- and after the way he's treated me- I don't want him back". And you tell yourself that often. Then you have to actually start the process of moving on. Start dating if you want to.

 

One thing that strikes me with your guy is that he told you he wanted a break- and in doing so, he's made you prisoner to your hope. You don't feel like you can move on because he said it was a break and not a break up. Don't put up with that- make the decision that it is a break up and take your power back. Then you can start to put all of your energy that has been spent on waiting for him, into looking after you and moving forward.

 

You can do it, you really have to do it. Hope has not been your friend.

[WutheringH]

Vjohnson, thanks! Yeah, I did state before that she should research before deciding upon perhaps using it. Just like all plans to alter the body and minds state of play.

 

As somebody actively involved in Drug and Addiction treatment on a practical and academic level. I'd have to voice my opinion by saying that whilst you are totally correct that 5-HTP can have side effects if taken in excess, it's almost unheard of via ingesting 5-HTP supplements alone.

 

Whist "serotonin syndrome" can occur when Serotonin levels are too high. Its almost always when there is an occurence of both monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) and 5-HTP intake together.

 

I knew 5-HTP was banned at certain points due to batch contamination but was under the impression that it was widely avaliable again and that the ban was a temporary thing. It really is a very 'mild' supplement. Hardly like taking a full on SSRI. Which i WOULD advise against. The moderation is the key.

 

I respect your principles behind grief and healing naturally. However as someone in my position. Im always going to view the mind and body as fundamentally. Chemistry.

 

If Heidi decided to binge on junk food, remain in bed all day, not engage her mind elsewhere etc. Her brain would remain in a depressed state. To really simplify my views on this issue.

 

We experience physical pain and mental pain as an inbuilt warning system to alert us to the fact that what we just experienced is not good for survival longterm. With mental pain and chronic grief the brain is literally plunged into a depressed state.

 

Anybody that has suffered from real chronic depression and simultanously suffered a loss, be it death and breakup, whatever. Can tell you that being 'low' is not just a 'natural' process in which we enter that state of mind to process the emotions and move on.

 

Suffers of Depression already often have a vicious cycle of rumination and anxiety going through their thought processes. Add a breakup into the mix and you have a case where the thoughts of the loss cycle through the mind time and time again. Each time the emotional trauma is revisited and maintains its grip in the consciousness.

 

However, if the brain is closer to its natural, healthy state of homeostasis. It processes emotions and thoughts in a better fashion. Rather than feeling compelled to stay in bed all day. It drives you to be motivated to do something which leads to production of those 'feel' good chemicals. Plus a healthy brain is better at memory retention and formation. i.e you can make positive new memories. Helping you effectively, get 'over' the negative mental state.

 

In my view, the notion that the 'deeper' into grief you go the better as you come 'out' quicker, is largely, nonsense. Plenty of people go so far into their grief and emotions that they never come back. Iv'e been on the edge before myself.

 

An overactive stress response in todays relatively 'safe' world. Is fundementally a burden for the person who has that temperament. Again, sure it would keep you alive longer to spread your genes over a longer period of time many eons ago. However spreading genes has very little to do with a 'good' life now.

 

We like to think of ourselves as all equal in biological potential to enjoy life. This is not the case. The more science digs, the clear it becomes that some people enjoy positive mental health and thus positive life experiences far more than others. We are not all equal in our ability to Love, think and create.

 

Thus, to conclude. Getting yourself back to a better chemical state is the key to getting 'over' a negative experiance.

 

If its solely through good living, so be it. I just abide by the notion of "Better living through chemistry!" i.e I feel that it would be alright to take the 5-HPT but would understand if someone came to a different conclusion.

Edited April 12, 2011 by WutheringH

[pippa02]

lllllllllllllllllllllllllll

[pippa02]

Hi Heidi, I think you and I are in a ver similar situation. My bf of 3 years broke up with me very unexpectdly, like you he was texting me the same day saying love you, miss you so much cant wait too see you etc. And then broke up with me, he was crying a lot. If you would like to read my story it is [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272654/[/COLOR].

I know how hard of a time you must be having, sucks huh.

I have been having limited contact with him for the 2 months ( he tells me to too talk to him whenever I like and if I need anything to ask). But I have gone no contact now for a week and will NOT initiate contact again!!

Feels so strange to loose your best friend huh? Hope you are feeling better, are you guys talking at all?

[Heidi89]

Hey Pippa, no we haven't spoken in a month, except briefly last week because he needed something back from my place. We were kind of okay after the break up til I got drunk and called him (the argument that 'caused' the break up was when I was drinking, and I promised I'd stop). I really thought he'd be back by now so I guess I'm starting my grieving process now. I still can't believe he'd throw away what we had but I suppose it's done now

[pippa02]

it sucks a! how can they through away something soo good! definatly go into no contact, I am finding it really hard but I know I have too in order to both move on, but also in hope he might miss me.