Valid worries?

[soundboy96]

Hi,

 

I have a girlfriend who I have been with for a few months.I love her a lot and she says she loves me a lot and that she thinks about me ALL THE TIME. We talk hours a night on the phone. She is 44 years old and a bartender in Vegas, off the strip in a quiet gambling bar. I am 28. Yeah big age difference, haha. I don't live in Vegas but am moving there soon, so right now it's long distance.

 

I've never had any type of proof or hint of her cheating. I don't even have a gut feeling....I got little worries I would say. The problem is that she still trys to live likes shes in her early 20s. Shes out drinking until usually 2 am everynight. On the occasion even later to like 5am. When she goes out for the night....I don't hear from her via text or phone until she gets home. Rarely when shes out does she contact me. She always texts me when she gets home to say goodnight whether it's 2am or 5am.

 

What I don't like is on FB there's always pictures of her pretty close to other guys. Whenever she goes out late she tells me she was out with other bartenders. She never says shes out with her friends. She always makes it sound like its for work. One night she was out till 5am and told me she was promoting all night. I asked promoting what. She said her bar....so that other bartenders will come see her and tip her. Vise versa. In person I don't see her flirt with guys too much at all but she does love attention and wants to be the center of attention oftentimes.

 

She could be 100% loyal to me and like I said...never caught the hint that shes ever wronged me. I guess that Vegas bartender label makes me and many men worry that they are cheaters. She definitely is a partier and likes attention. She tries to make it sound like she just sits down and has a few drinks after work everynight, nothing major.

 

The thing that causes the worry is that when I go to Vegas (get out there once a month until I move there) she always introduces me as "her friend." She doesn't even hold my hand or kiss in front of her Vegas friends. When we aren't around them were in love and have slept together a few times. Im thinking its just because she wants people to think shes single so she keeps getting that attention she craves.

 

What are your opinions?

[spice4life]

What are the current circumstances regarding your relationship? Is there some other reason she can't acknowledge you openly right now? Have you talked to her and let know that this bothers you...especially since you are about to make a life changing move? You need to get this out on the table and let her know what your expectations are if you are going to change your life in order to be with her. You are in no way being unreasonable. Put it out there so you can resolve the issue. Don't stay silent and let it fester because it will impact the relationship. Speak up!

 

Being a bartender is all about being friendly because that is how they make money. It's based on tips and nobody tips a bad bartender...right? Just because they are promoting their business doesn't mean they are out flirting and sleeping with other people. In some cases yes, but if she is not that kind of person then there is probably no need to worry.

 

I made the same mistake your gf is making in a long distance relationship and have since learned how my actions impacted him. I felt horrible, but once I knew how he really felt, I was able to begin respecting his feelings because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. This is why you need to make how you feel really clear to her and she needs to do the same.

[Kelemort]

I think the big concern here is that she introduces you as a friend. Before you make this move, you need to ask why that is. Is she afraid others are going to judge her for dating a much younger man or something? Other than that, I'd heavily suspect something else is going on and that's why she shows you no affection.

 

Otherwise - she's a bartender in Vegas. It sounds like she's living the lifestyle. But aside from the cheating fears, can you handle that kind of lifestyle?