You won't get over your ex until you find someone new -- How true is this?

[Mixed28]

I think after you get your heart broken and after time has passed you can be 90%-95% healed but there is still that little part of you that misses your ex and are not COMPLETELY over them. I think it's possible to be 100% healed after getting dumped by someone you love without finding someone new but that takes a very long time. I am not saying jump into a relationship after getting dumped. For me that would not have worked because I was a train wreck and not emotionaly stable. But now almost 5 months after our breakup I am not 100% over her granted I am emotionally stable (not a train wreck anymore) and want to find someone new. I feel if a new love eneter my life I would be over my ex COMPLETELY. Does anyone have the same experiences? Thoughts?

[fltc]

I don't think you need a new love to get over the old one but it sure helps!

[2011]

I think you have to still be strong-minded and healed quite a bit before you go dating again. I went on a date over the weekend and as much as it was quite difficult to concentrate at times I felt I had some of the old me back, which was not the case on the dates I went on a few months ago.

 

I got on quite well with this girl and we are now making plans to go on other dates. Yes I do still think about the ex but it is nothing that I can't handle and it is not emotional thoughts or anything just a memory that gets dimmer every day. I'm starting to concentrate more on the girl I am starting to date now.

 

2011

[Mcnulty]

You can completely get over your ex without having to find someone new, happiness comes from your own actions I think.

 

It's been nearly 2 years for me and i think i am now completely over her, but yes you're right, it does take a long time and definitely NC!!!

[hoping2heal]

I think after you get your heart broken and after time has passed you can be 90%-95% healed but there is still that little part of you that misses your ex and are not COMPLETELY over them. I think it's possible to be 100% healed after getting dumped by someone you love without finding someone new but that takes a very long time. I am not saying jump into a relationship after getting dumped. For me that would not have worked because I was a train wreck and not emotionaly stable. But now almost 5 months after our breakup I am not 100% over her granted I am emotionally stable (not a train wreck anymore) and want to find someone new. I feel if a new love eneter my life I would be over my ex COMPLETELY. Does anyone have the same experiences? Thoughts?

 

You get over your ex once you reach acceptance. I suppose for some people they do not know how to reach that on their own, so for them it takes jumping into another relationship to help them get that clarity. However, another relationship is not a fool proof way to reach acceptance either. Just distract you. There are many disasters of someone who gets into a RS to get over own, and then sometime down the road their ex comes back and they leave their current RS to reconcile, meanwhile their partner is left wondering wth just happened.

[aypforever]

It certainly helps to find someone else, but if this is the only way to get over someone, you have issues and it will likely happen again.

 

You HAVE to be 'one' with yourself to be in a successful relationship. You can't make someone else be the reason you are happy. Be happy because of who you are, no because of something someone can give you.

 

Not as easy as it sounds, I know...

[seibert253]

I don't think you need a new love to get over the old one but it sure helps!

 

^^^^^^^^

The truth!

[Art_Critic]

What is it they say "To get over someone you need to get under someone new"

 

Of course you can get over someone without having someone new in your life but I think during the healing process that jumping right back on the horse that threw you is in order to finish moving on.

[Beeotch]

You get over your ex when you get over them.....finding someone new before you get over them is usually a distraction. Hence stories of people's significant others leaving them for a former flame. Reason being was that they were not over that person, but simply found someone "good enough" who was a distraction.

 

I frankly was not genuinely interested in anyone til I was over my ex completely. I know this because after we broke up, every man I entertained I felt "blah" about or compared them to my ex in some way, with them not measuring up. All it actually did was make me think about the ex even more and was unfair to the other person.

 

Today...I am into someone else, I find him 100% better than the ex and he came around when I was not looking for it. Now that I like him, I think it pushed me even farther from the the ex, because now he is my last romantic reference and not the ex. But this in my opinion only works when you naturally get over the person and you can never artificially force it with the same results.

[Mixed28]

What is it they say "To get over someone you need to get under someone new"

 

Of course you can get over someone without having someone new in your life but I think during the healing process that jumping right back on the horse that threw you is in order to finish moving on.

 

I agree I don't think people totally get where I am comming from. Say you get dumped by someone you love you can't jump into a relationship next week obvioulsy that won't workout in most cases. What I am saying is for those who are 90% to 95% healed finding a new love will get us back to 100%. Now yes you can be 100% healed by yourself but it takes a VERY long time. I think that if your 90% healed you can jump into another relationship without causing trouble. Lets face it that 90% to 100% period by yourself is a very long period. Finding a new love will get you to 100% much quicker if not immediatly but the thing is you have to truly like your new partner not just enter a relationship with someone you think is ok.

[Beeotch]

You should perhaps ask yourself HONESTLY "If my ex were to come back now and ask to reconcile and say sorry and all elements were right, would I take him/her back?":confused: If you hesitate a little or cannot honestly say HELL NO! Then you probably shouldn't be entering a new relationship...as you are not over that person. When you are at the point where even if your ex came back dipped in Gold and covered in Diamonds and you STILL don't want them and feel indifferent...then you're over them and then you should date someone else because you can be 100% available and not run off the minute the ex comes knocking.

 

It's one thing to have a fling where both people know the deal....but I have no tolerance for people who form committed relationships with others when they aren't over the ex, stringing that person along only to leave them by the wayside for the ex or when they're done playing. If you do that....then you deserve whatever karma comes your way. My motto after my breakup was to not add any unnecessary bad karma to myself and do as least damage as possible.....do my healing on my own without dragging anyone else into it.

 

Then again...people use the term relationship rather loosely. I don't form relationships with people I cannot see longterm. So for me to even get into a relationship takes a lot...whereas some people, anyone they like, they form a "relationship" with. In that case, I suppose if that is your approach then you can casually form one to help you heal. For myself though, it has to be authentic and I take it slow...so that process in itself would reveal to me if I am truly over the ex or not.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Beeotch

[Mixed28]

You should perhaps ask yourself HONESTLY "If my ex were to come back now and ask to reconcile and say sorry and all elements were right, would I take him/her back?":confused: If you hesitate a little or cannot honestly say HELL NO! Then you probably shouldn't be entering a new relationship...as you are not over that person. When you are at the point where even if your ex came back dipped in Gold and covered in Diamonds and you STILL don't want them and feel indifferent...then you're over them and then you should date someone else because you can be 100% available and not run off the minute the ex comes knocking.

 

It's one thing to have a fling where both people know the deal....but I have no tolerance for people who form committed relationships with others when they aren't over the ex, stringing that person along only to leave them by the wayside for the ex or when they're done playing. If you do that....then you deserve whatever karma comes your way. My motto after my breakup was to not add any unnecessary bad karma to myself and do as least damage as possible.....do my healing on my own without dragging anyone else into it.

 

Then again...people use the term relationship rather loosely. I don't form relationships with people I cannot see longterm. So for me to even get into a relationship takes a lot...whereas some people, anyone they like, they form a "relationship" with. In that case, I suppose if that is your approach then you can casually form one to help you heal. For myself though, it has to be authentic and I take it slow...so that process in itself would reveal to me if I am truly over the ex or not.

 

Curse you I probably would take her back. I loved her hopefully I will stop loving her although my feelings for her faded (happens when you don't talk to them in months) but part of me misses her yes but most of me wants to experience something new. Try a new flavor if you will. You know what I mean? and I don't know if you read my other thread but I said being single is not the same. What I mean is when i was single before meeting ex I was very happy (she was my first love broke up in november) but now its like being single is ok you know what your missing after a stable relationship with someone you loved. Now you should not rely on someone for happiness because their is no gurantee they will stick around however they inhance your happiness if they didn't what would be the point of relationships? It's like i want to feel that happiness again you know what I mean?

[Beeotch]

Curse you I probably would take her back. I loved her hopefully I will stop loving her although my feelings for her faded (happens when you don't talk to them in months) but part of me misses her yes but most of me wants to experience something new. Try a new flavor if you will. You know what I mean? and I don't know if you read my other thread but I said being single is not the same. What I mean is when i was single before meeting ex I was very happy (she was my first love broke up in november) but now its like being single is ok you know what your missing after a stable relationship with someone you loved. Now you should not rely on someone for happiness because their is no gurantee they will stick around however they inhance your happiness if they didn't what would be the point of relationships? It's like i want to feel that happiness again you know what I mean?

 

I know exactly what you mean....

 

For quite some time I wished I would meet someone new who I liked more than the ex so I could get over the ex...I wanted to not be single and to experience a relationship again. Ofcourse that is normal; however, I decided it would be better to allow that to happen in it's own time, that way it would be more authentic.

 

If you want to date around or have flings...I say, sure. I would say you can date and take it slow...but will you be honest with this new person about your ex and your feelings? If you are or if you state you aren't looking for something serious but companionship...by all means. Don't be dishonest with yourself or the other person though is what I'm saying. Don't get ahead of yourself and become exclusive with someone just to replicate those feelings when you aren't emotionally 100% available. Can you imagine going through another breakup again or breaking someone else's heart so soon just because you were trying to get back some feelings?

 

When I thought of it that way, I said eff it! Relationships take a lot of energy and emotions and unless this person is worth it and I'm ready, I refuse to form one. Casually seeing ppl and being honest about what you're ready for is another matter...

[Mixed28]

I know exactly what you mean....

 

For quite some time I wished I would meet someone new who I liked more than the ex so I could get over the ex...I wanted to not be single and to experience a relationship again. Ofcourse that is normal; however, I decided it would be better to allow that to happen in it's own time, that way it would be more authentic.

 

If you want to date around or have flings...I say, sure. I would say you can date and take it slow...but will you be honest with this new person about your ex and your feelings? If you are or if you state you aren't looking for something serious but companionship...by all means. Don't be dishonest with yourself or the other person though is what I'm saying. Don't get ahead of yourself and become exclusive with someone just to replicate those feelings when you aren't emotionally 100% available. Can you imagine going through another breakup again or breaking someone else's heart so soon just because you were trying to get back some feelings?

 

When I thought of it that way, I said eff it! Relationships take a lot of energy and emotions and unless this person is worth it and I'm ready, I refuse to form one. Casually seeing ppl and being honest about what you're ready for is another matter...

 

yeah it sucks hard how long were you with your ex and how long did it take to get over him?

[Beeotch]

yeah it sucks hard how long were you with your ex and how long did it take to get over him?

 

We were together for 4 months and it took me 1 year and 10 months to be FULLY over him and to be able to be genuinely into someone else. Which is really funny and shows there is no logic to it, as before I was with someone for about 2.5 years and when we broke up, I sent my last teary email in June and was completely over it after that and then met my ex in December of that year. But in all it took me almost 2 yrs to be over a 4 month relationship and about 8 months to be over a 2.5 yr one.

 

In that period though he (the ex of 4 months) would show up in my life and try to work things out...then disappear for months...then return.....until last June was the last I saw of him and final straw of all that back and forth.

 

But the period where I was looking for other men lasted about 7 months...where I thought that would help me. After that I stopped and just focused on school, had lots of great experiences, there was a guy here and there that I casually spoke to but I did not get into rebound scenarios or date. I lost interest in that and just worked on myself. Then this year...when I was completely healed my romantic feelings restarted and I started seeing someone else and it feels natural and normal and not like some escape.

Edited April 11, 2011 by Beeotch

[Mixed28]

We were together for 4 months and it took me 1 year and 10 months to be FULLY over him and to be able to be genuinely into someone else. Which is really funny and shows there is no logic to it, as before I was with someone for about 2.5 years and when we broke up, I sent my last teary email in June and was completely over it after that and then met my ex in December of that year. But in all it took me almost 2 yrs to be over a 4 month relationship and about 8 months to be over a 2.5 yr one.

 

In that period though he (the ex of 4 months) would show up in my life and try to work things out...then disappear for months...then return.....until last June was the last I saw of him and final straw of all that back and forth.

 

But the period where I was looking for other men lasted about 7 months...where I thought that would help me. After that I stopped and just focused on school, had lots of great experiences, there was a guy here and there that I casually spoke to but I did not get into rebound scenarios or date. I lost interest in that and just worked on myself. Then this year...when I was completely healed my romantic feelings restarted and I started seeing someone else and it feels natural and normal and not like some escape.

 

Me and my ex were together for a little over two months I fell in love with her on like the 40 day mark. We broke up on November 15th 2010 and I am still not over her completely. She started talking to a new guy 2 weeks after our break up then they got together in january hurt like hell. I am kind of mad that i am not over a 2 month relationship after 5 months.

[Beeotch]

Me and my ex were together for a little over two months I fell in love with her on like the 40 day mark. We broke up on November 15th 2010 and I am still not over her completely. She started talking to a new guy 2 weeks after our break up then they got together in january hurt like hell. I am kind of mad that i am not over a 2 month relationship after 5 months.

 

I understand...I was pissed off too because it didn't seem logical. However, I realized that life is about lessons and that relationship came at an important point in my life to teach me something significant, that is why I still had to be emotionally caught up for so long so that it would prompt me to grow and seek answers and stretch myself. That is why it took so long and it wasn't about the ex or the actual relationship but moreso what I needed to learn and how long it would take to learn it.

 

You'll be fine...don't rush yourself....well you can but it won't work anyway Once you learn what you need to learn and grow how you need to grow the healing process starts speeding up.

[Mixed28]

I still think about my ex. Would I think about her less if I had a new chick? Probably. Still, people don't just disappear from our memories. Your past loves and friends are always a part of your life. If you ever really loved someone, you can't completely forget them.

 

Would you say your over her?

[nana841121]

Yes, agree with upstairs'comments

Don't jump into another relationship until you mind is clear and you are 100 percent sure that you are over ex

otherwise , it would be so unfair to the next one involved into your life

and you will feel guilty about it

it's a vicious circle

[orangelady]

I think after you get your heart broken and after time has passed you can be 90%-95% healed but there is still that little part of you that misses your ex and are not COMPLETELY over them. I think it's possible to be 100% healed after getting dumped by someone you love without finding someone new but that takes a very long time. I am not saying jump into a relationship after getting dumped. For me that would not have worked because I was a train wreck and not emotionaly stable. But now almost 5 months after our breakup I am not 100% over her granted I am emotionally stable (not a train wreck anymore) and want to find someone new. I feel if a new love eneter my life I would be over my ex COMPLETELY. Does anyone have the same experiences? Thoughts?

 

It's true for most people but false for a few people who are not wise. I honestly think if you are an 'ex' in someone's life, your skin can't get any thinner than that. Forget about them and move on. It means it's OVER. I know that it's hard but I try to live my life based on logic more than anything else because if I'm not going to guard my own heart, who will? My ex? Puhhlezeeee.

 

Especially if your ex left you for someone else or is already moving on. She/he is having a gala time and you're sulking and writing sad posts on LS. Is it really worth it even thinking about your ex? I don't mean you should develop grudges against them, but at least start dating and give someone else a chance to love you and have an awesome life. I don't believe there is ever "The one". I believe there are lots of nicer people out there than your "ex" and you won't meet these people unless you start forgetting about your ex.

 

And yes, meeting someone new does help forget your ex but that should not be the main reason you are dating again because it will be unfair to the other person.