Quackster003 Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 I was not really sure what to put as a title, but I need some help and advice and I am hoping that the community can help me out. I understand that the title alone will bring in people who want to rail me, I would ask that you not, but hey it's you choice. Bottom line I know I screwed up, no need to remind me. Now that being said a little background. My wife and I have been together for 4 years. 2 years ago we had a beautiful boy who really is the pearl of my world. Prior to her getting pregnant we were on the verge of splitting but thought it would be best for our child if we tried to work it out. About 6 months after our child was born I had an affair with a friend of mine, I will not go into details as that is really not the point of this post. 18 months later this person message me through FaceBook and my wife found it. Needless to say she decided it was time to part ways. I fully understand her decision and I respect it. If I were in here shoes I would probably do the same thing. I take full accountability for my actions and will not make any excuses. We are now in a place where I have fully supported her through school and she is a month and a half from graduating so we intend to make sure that happens. Afterwards she will find a job and until she is fully on her feet I will provide financial assistance as I can. I do not make a ton of money so I will be stretched very thin which is fine. We are in the process of planning out living arrangements, all of our stuff (frankly really is not that much) and we are planning on agreeing through a document that we will both create, sign and get notarized. Here's my concern, once we do move away from each other that's when I expect it will get ugly and emotions will get heavily involved. We are both devastated but feel like this is the best thing we can do for our son. So here is my question, is it plausible that if we make this document while in a rational state of mind that when it does get ugly that we will be able to use it as a guide or is it a waste of time as these situations will end up in court? Thanks for your help in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 (edited) Since you're experienced in the department of deceit, I bet you would agree that sometimes it may not be a good idea for a recently (and repeatedly) betrayed wife to place trust in a document created "colaboratively" with an untrustworthy spouse. Therefore, to answer your specific question (which you already should know the answer to), it all depends on how bad she gets screwed in the document, and how fast she pulls her act together and figures it out. Edited April 10, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Welcome to LS OP, are you talking about a 'post-nuptial' agreement? If so, get it done legally (meaning with lawyers) and then proceed. Depending on jurisdiction, parties generally cannot contract away what a court would otherwise decide is in the best interests of a child, meaning custody and support. An agreement can certainly follow legal guidelines and streamline the process. Have you looked into mediation? Since you're legally married, the only way to break that contract with both of you remaining alive is via lawsuit, whether that be for legal separation or for divorce. My exW and I divorced amicably and utilized the no-contest with settlement agreement route, via mediation. See if your local jurisdiction offers that path. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 Do marriage counselling. Not to save the marriage, but so you both can learn how to co-parent together and have a genuine understanding and respect for one another as "mom and dad". Put your child first, always. This doesn't have to get nasty and go to court. Link to post Share on other sites
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