My disease

[Leeway Harris]

I don't believe good things about myself. I don't like myself and I never have. I think it has to do with the way I grew up. I've been working on it for years, but the work can only take you so far.

 

So, who gives a ****, right? Well, this is a forum about interpersonal relationships, and the relevance is that mine are screwed up. I will never trust a friend, and I will never believe that a woman loves me. Something in my very heart of hearts won't let me believe it.

 

And that's why I'm always alone. It's kind of exhausting for me to be around people, because I feel I have to be somebody else, which is hard work. I can't be myself, because I believe myself to be worthless and awful. Consequently, relationships cannot develop. And alone I remain.

 

What I want to say is this: If you ever have children, try to set a good example for them. It's not enough to treat them well, you have to treat yourself well too. Treat yourself the way you want them to treat themselves when they grow up. Don't teach them that constant, relentless self-criticism is something that normal adults do. Because it isn't. Teach them to love themselves by example.

 

That's all.

[affable]

What I want to say is this: If you ever have children, try to set a good example for them. It's not enough to treat them well, you have to treat yourself well too. Treat yourself the way you want them to treat themselves when they grow up. Don't teach them that constant, relentless self-criticism is something that normal adults do. Because it isn't. Teach them to love themselves by example.

 

@Leeway Harris: I couldn't agree with you more. Like you I hold quite a negative self image of myself, so much so that a close friend of mine is constantly commenting on it!

 

I've taken many steps to improve upon it, but like you say it only goes so far. It's gotten a lot better than it was, but I think I have still a long way to go.

 

I think my negative self image has largely come from the negative environment of my childhood, (not that I'm laying the blame square on my parents shoulders).

 

I hope it works out for you Leeway Harris, and I hope it eventually works out for me too

[Leeway Harris]

@Leeway Harris: I couldn't agree with you more. Like you I hold quite a negative self image of myself, so much so that a close friend of mine is constantly commenting on it!

 

I've taken many steps to improve upon it, but like you say it only goes so far. It's gotten a lot better than it was, but I think I have still a long way to go.

 

I think my negative self image has largely come from the negative environment of my childhood, (not that I'm laying the blame square on my parents shoulders).

 

I hope it works out for you Leeway Harris, and I hope it eventually works out for me too

 

Thanks, affable. I have good days and bad days, and I was feeling pretty low when I posted that. Yes, childhood influences us in ways we're not even aware of. I'm working with a therapist, and she's helping me see how a lot of things from my distant past are still hurting me today. Hopefully we can work through these things and be better people for it. Good luck to us both.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What you have to realize is that there is only one you. Whatever you are good at, well nobody else can do it quite like you. You're unique.

 

What would have happened if John Lennon had given up on music, or Billy Joel had killed himself? What would have happened if Einstein had never been born? What if Mother Teresa had never been born? What if, what if?

 

I know I'm able to do things that other people can't do (write songs and make music), and I rock at it. The last time I wrote a short story, friends were telling me I should sell it to a local magazine, because they said it was brilliant. Maybe it was, and maybe I should. I could be the next Stephen King (lol!)

 

Not everyone runs the race at the same pace. They run it in their own time. If someone is 30, and is still a virgin, or kissless, or dateless, or still lives at home, or...whatever...what does it matter? A 13 year old can have sex. Doesn't make them any better or more mature than me.

 

I have just seen my sister's kids taken away from her, once again, by her abusive ex-husband. She is 32, yet has the mind of a 15 year old girl. And she's raising 5 kids! Maybe I get some of my resentment of the female gender from her, since she has written the book on dating pathetic bad boy losers, but I'm trying to distance myself from her now, because her lifestyle isn't healthy.

 

Not everyone is the same, and being jaded is not a solution. Being jaded just leads you farther away from the goal. Stop being jaded, and start looking at ways to improve yourself.