Darkangelism Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 Well from the title of the thread you should know what this is about. First of all I want to preface my story by saying that it was Deranged's story that pushed me to post publically rather then as a guest or just in PMs, like i had been doing. My own emotions had been dug up in the last week, her story made me sick, my own flashbacks mixed with her images put a rise in me and pushed me to post something. ok now for my story... From roughly the ages of 6-13 I was molested by my male cousin who is 6 months older then me. He had seen a porn when he was 5, much to young, and decided that it would be fun to try. The first few times I didnt know any better and went along with it. After awhile i didnt want to anymore and he made me, not physcically, but mentally with threats. I was to ahshamed to tell my parents anything, i was afraid of the consequences, so I said and did nothing. It stopped because he didnt want to have people think he was gay. Afterwards i was having issues with sexual identity, i didnt know if i was gay or not, i couldn't get any girl to like me. I know i am not gay now, the thought of performing and recieving sexual pleasure from a man is repulsive. I then just buried my feelings and went on like nothing happened. I am not sure what caused everything to resurface, but i want to find some semblence of peace. I think that my experience has caused me to reject wanting touch, purposly sabotaging my own chances with girls. Now that i opened the valve a lot of the images are bubbling back up. I have now talked to people privatly and now publically, i am not sure about whether to seek professional help and or tell my parents. It is not like i can just never see my cousin again, i will undoubtably see him at some point, i need to find the required peace so that i do not attempt to hurt him. I think thats everything, and i will answer any questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I don't want to go into my story at this point, but I was sexually molested by a very close relative whom I still see regularly so I understand how you must feel. My advice would be to start by seeking professional help of some sort. There are many support groups out there that can point you in the right direction. I found one called Adult Survivors of Child Abuse that helped me start the recovery process. I felt it was better to start the recovery process out by exploring the details on my own, and then when I was ready (and I still haven't gotten there yet), I would confide in people like parents or others or perhaps even confront my abuser. I hope that helps! I'm so sorry about what happened to you. There's nothing quite like having your innocence stolen by someone you trusted. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 DA, you are a remarkable young man You know what I think about involving your parents. You really should see a therapist, 7 years is a hell of a long time to suffer like that and it will have an effect on your adulthood unless you deal with it. I know you want to be self reliant and you are. But you could live a happier, more contented life. The issue of physical intimacy, touching, seems to bother you and I'm sure this is why. You also need to decide what to do about your cousin. You have done so well alone, DA - now's the time to let others help too. Well done for posting. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 You're the man, DA. You're the man. I salute you, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 5, 2004 Share Posted April 5, 2004 I agree with Meanon and the others, DA. The thing is that counsellors are trained to help people deal with issues like this - they have knowledge and skills that none of us can just pick up. Even doctors aren't supposed to treat themselves!! I'm very sorry this happened to you; I sort of suspected when you said you didn't like being touched. If you're to have any sort of happy relationships in future, you need to banish this demon. Don't just talk to Psych majors, either - they still haven't learned it all! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Dealing with my cousin wil be hard, ill end up seeing him in two months more then likely at our family gathering, provided that he come back from georgia. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 You can now start the healing process....you are now dealing with this, and good for you! You can come to terms with this now that you are facing this, and that will be good in the long run. Seeking out professional help, definitely. Confiding in and telling your parents, absolutely. Doing those things will help prevent you from hurting your cousin. You have a lot to offer someone, and working through this hellish thing that you suffered is a speed bump in life. Congratulations for posting this, and I hope it was something that will help you heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 If you might see your cousin soon, that's all the more reason to start seeking help now. If it makes you feel any better, I see my abuser at least once a week, point being, you can definitely do this. But it's important to seek the help so that you are better equiped to deal. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Something similar happened to me with a friend of mine. He was gay, liked me, and decided to take advantage of me during a very delicate time in my life. It's difficult sometimes trying to explain to girls why I initially shy away from them performing oral sex on me. I dealt with these issues in therapy before, and am quite comfortable with things now. I still do have to have a lot of trust in someone to get intimate with them in most cases, but I don't think that's such a bad thing at all. I found out that I am somewhat attracted to men at times as well, but I never really pursued anything with it. I prefer to admire from a distance, I suppose. I feel more comfortable with women. I think it is definitely wise to seek therapy. The therapist will be able to help guide you, and you can find peace in yourself again. It might be best to discuss how to break this news to your parents under the guidance of a professional as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 My issue right now witha thearpist is i go home(oklahoma) in 5 weeks and will be there for 4 months. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Dealing with my cousin wil be hard, ill end up seeing him in two months more then likely at our family gathering, provided that he come back from georgia. DA I would seriously consider not going, you are not ready. You and your well being are far more important than any family gathering. faux, Girlie, Fedup: thank you for sharing your stories. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by meanon DA I would seriously consider not going, you are not ready. You and your well being are far more important than any family gathering. faux, Girlie, Fedup: thank you for sharing your stories. I agree whole heartedly with this, DA. All of this is just coming to the surface for you, and you need to be away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Skipping the reunion is actually not a bad idea if you feel that you are not ready. There's no shame in admitting that you aren't ready to face your abuser right now if that is the case. If you can't start therapy right away, you can start looking into therapists in your home town. Or you can start talking to someone where you are now and see if they can help recommend a therapist at home. Also, there are support groups all over that have manuals that can get you started into thinking about your recovery. This one was helpful to me: http://www.ascasupport.org Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Thought you were headed for Ottawa for the summer! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Thanks ill think about whether or not to go, i have seen him in the past and could handle it, also my family is huge( there will be 60 people there) so i could avoid him. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Due to my job, I deal with many young men. Neither your story or Faux's is unusual. It's mean and it's cruel....but I suspect it's went on for centuries. FEW people you talk to does not have a sexual story in their background. I don't blame it on the internet nor on porn. I blame it on people who are self serving and uncaring....and perhaps even uneducated in the extent of knowing how emotionally hurtful a situation like this is to someone else. I'm thankful we DO have an internet and a forum to allow people to openly admit to these things....as a step towards healing. I'm honored when someone trusts enought to share. Even if with a stranger. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Thanks ill think about whether or not to go, i have seen him in the past and could handle it, also my family is huge( there will be 60 people there) so i could avoid him. It's extra stress DA and you don't need it, you may be able to handle it but why should you? You said it was like a valve has been released and understandably you wish him harm. Don't turn the heat up DA. Maybe you could see your school/uni counsellor for now and then ask them to recommend someone back home. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Thanks, DA, for opening this thread. I'm proud of you as well. I would be willing to bet there are many of us on this forum who have been abused in some way in our past, but most don't have the courage to talk about it...until now. I also was sexually abused at several different points in time, as a child, by two of my mother's brothers and by my dad's father. I was much too young to know what was going on and too afraid to say anything. I also was threatened not to. I always felt ashamed, as if I had done something wrong. It took me a long time to realize that "I" had done NOTHING wrong. It was something I kind of buried and didn't deal with until I became an adult and had my own child. Then it all came flooding back. I had such a strong urge to protect my child from anything that I had suffered as a child that I was overprotective of him. Finally my husband convinced me to go to counseling to deal with my issues. He was the first person I had told about my abuse. The therapy helped me tremendously. I strongly advise it. My therapist also got me involved with a support group of women who had been abused as children and it was so helpful. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. You can get help and get better and move forward with your life. Don't let the creep that did this to you have the upper hand. Take your life back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 6, 2004 Author Share Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by meanon It's extra stress DA and you don't need it, you may be able to handle it but why should you? You said it was like a valve has been released and understandably you wish him harm. Don't turn the heat up DA. Maybe you could see your school/uni counsellor for now and then ask them to recommend someone back home. yeah ill try and get out of going. School one would be good, they are free. ladyangel, you were the first one i told, you helped me take the first step, then the other DA got be to post, i guess its a angel thing,lol Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by Darkangelism ladyangel, you were the first one i told, you helped me take the first step, then the other DA got be to post, i guess its a angel thing,lol That is so sweet. And I'm glad you decided to talk about it. I saw this show when it aired on 48 Hours a while back and I was really touched by it. Basically, it just shows that abuse is more widespread than anyone knows. So many people just don't talk about it. Read the story when you get a chance. I know it's dealing with women, but I feel positive there are just as many men with similar stories to yours, DA. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/03/09/48hours/main604910.shtml Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 o, DA, you are so brave to post. you are one of the nicest and most straightforward people i have ever encountered, i am so soory this happened to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Damn Dark-A - That's f**ked up, dude and I'm sorry that had happened to you. I give you props. You've got some serious b@lls posting this. Regards, Vivid Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Damn, I don't even know what to say. I've had two relationships in my life with girls/woman that had been sexually abused as children. Which just seems like a huge percentage to me, it just makes me sick. What the hell man? Where do we as boys/men get these destructive concepts about sex? It just seems like it's so common, and always hused up and pushed under the mat in families. Hang in there DA, you're a nice guy with a ton going for you. Don't let anything keep you down. Take care man, WA Link to post Share on other sites
zanna Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 DA I am so proud of you! I was molested by a preteen when I was just 8 at my nanny's house. There is still an emotional scar. I understand how delicate of a situation this may be. Please dont do anything that could put you in another akward situation with your cousin (aka. go to the reunion). Do what you believe is best for you? If you want to go on living your life like you have been or talk to someone professional about it... it's all about how you!!! Good luck, Zanna Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darkangelism Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 yeah im still unsure about what to do, since that post i have felt great, my posts have been happy and witty. Link to post Share on other sites
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