Thinkalot Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Wow- you are so strong! I agree with what the others have said, but just wanted to send you my best thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Hi DA, I don't fel like I know you as well as the other posters on this forum, and if it weren't for the anonmity of the internet I could never say this to anyone, but I just replied to the same post you read by Deranged Angel that promted your post (as she gave me the stregth to put in words what I have been thinking of doing over the last week) but, in short (if you want to read my story look at her thread) I highly recommend therapy and deealing with the issue no while you are young. I've seen you mention that you are a "virgin" and I was as well until about 19 or 20, because I was terrified of anyone seeing me naked or touvhing me (not to mention not feeling worthy, dirty, soiled, etc.) but I literally had no idea this was why I shyed from women's sexual advances - I thought it all had to do with being an angry abused child of an oversexed wife-beating cheating alcohlic, etc. I really had no idea how deep the feelings this caused and how the fundamentally affacted my subcouncious thinkg, my behaviour (I never let anyone stand behind me) etc. All I can say is good on you for saying this (again it brgins tears to my eyes) but you have done seomthing I should have years ago (it sounds like you have it more together starting life I did as a runaway at 16 lving on the streets) but you do need to definately continue therapy and possibly confront the cousin if you feel the slightest need to. It is your life - take control of it! Best of wishes and good luck A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
pav186 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 DA, I just want to extend my support to you and wish you the best. You seem to be a strong person if you can talk about it on here. I would see someone if I was you, even if it was just to talk things out for a few times and not a long term commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 DA Im glad you came forward, you are well on your you way to another step in healing. I have been sadistically tortured by my drunken grandfather, it started for me i think around age 7, could have been eariler,probably was, my memory is hazy, my body was there but i mentally left. it didnt turn sexual untill 10 or 11, that i can remember. and it ended around then. i didnt have any real knowledge of what happened untill the flashbacks at 14. my acting out behavior was classic, bad grades suddenly in 4th grade, skipping school, as a 13 y/o, i started using drugs everyday and drinking. then i began to cut myself up. i got therapy, at 13, but they just medicated me to keep me from injuring myself and stop the flashbacks. good at the time. at 25 i went to therapy again and got some real help. i found that it was healing to tell my dad, about what his dad did to me. i hated to shatter his illusions, i came out shortly after the sadist died, in a therapy session. the real reason i decided to tell him was, i was really having some serious anger at my grandmother, for allowing him to do this to me. she still has no f'n clue. she is pure evil,and i was reacting badly towards her at this time. my dad said that if us kids ever behave this way again we won't be welcome at his house. ok then, heres why im like this. he was supportive and ask what he could do for me. i haven't had as many problem with my head since i told him, 7 years ago. its like i just put it on him and can now move forward. weird. DA, please dont let what im about to say lessen your experience or stiffle your healing. Im on your side first, YOU come first. If I didnt think it might be important i wouldn't bring it up at all, and please dont get obsessed and convince yourself that his may be true. Its just my suspecion(sp?).... ok im concerned about your cousin, a child at that age does not normally molest other children without being physically taughts first. ......see where im going. i dont buy the porn story in itself, porn may have been a factor, but highly unsual to be the only experience. unless he has some other severe mental disorder. who might have done something to him. you may someday be able to talk to him and ask him about what might have happened to him. along time from now, and only if, and when, you may need to. take care Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 I am sorry you had to go through this, I wish you luck and will keep my fingers crossed for you. Best Wishes~ Link to post Share on other sites
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