Pushing

[ImageofLove]

Hi all,

 

Would you accept a proposal and engagement ring when you have had to push your man into getting a quote and a few promises were broken in the past relating to getting a ring quote/getting engaged? He says he wants to get married and is saying everything a girl wants to hear and has looked at diamonds but I'm not sure if he will ever actually go ahead with the proposal. If I don't say anything more about it he probably will never bother. I guess it's a good test.

 

Confused as to whether to believe his 'talk' or if I should just move on!

 

Thanks

[KoolKat]

My advice is give him a year to do it before bringing it up again.

 

My fiancé was very slow in getting engaged to me. He did as you said, talked the talk, looked at rings and then laughed it off.

 

I decided to talk one day about how nice it would be to get engaged (we'd already agreed ages before that we wanted to get married) to jog his memory a bit. He then said he wanted to propose to me for my birthday, but he told me it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. I was absolutely gutted. I hadn't asked him to tell me.

 

Turns out he didn't even have a ring anyway, although I guess he might have got one closer to the time.

 

Anyway, I let it be and he proposed to me the following March. His idea of a proposal was to pass the ring from his pocket to me while sitting on a bench in a car park and I have to say it does upset me somewhat when I hear about or see other people's nice proposals, but I figure it probably was my fault for ruining his initial surprise.

 

We love each other to bits, so I guess that's what really matters.

[ImageofLove]

Thanks KoolKat,

 

Probably better that he did it on his own terms. I think it's quite sweet that he did it his way and it sounds like you have the love which is the most important thing.

 

Well, my partner proposed to me in the kitchen tonight and it was actually cute. I said no because I still feel I verbally pushed him into it even though he says I didn't (I had said earlier tonight that there is nothing stopping him from doing it at anytime). I feel guilty now but feel that I need to be in a better frame of mind and trust that he truly wants it before I say yes.

 

Any other thoughts?

Thanks!

[KoolKat]

I think you did the right thing - it's supposed to be a moment that you'll remember for the rest of your life, the time that he shows you how much you mean to him by asking for you to spend your life with him so it should be special, otherwise like me, you'll just feel a bit sad about it.

 

I think though, you need to make it clear that you do want to marry him when he proposes properly so that he doesn't get the wrong idea and think you don't want to.

[Kinder-Horror]

Well how long have you been with him and how long have you been "pushing" for him to look?

 

You better damn well accept a proposal if you constantly push him to look at rings, get quotes, etc. Think of how f-ed up him mind will be if you said no.

[phillyfan]

Thanks KoolKat,

 

Probably better that he did it on his own terms. I think it's quite sweet that he did it his way and it sounds like you have the love which is the most important thing.

 

Well, my partner proposed to me in the kitchen tonight and it was actually cute. I said no because I still feel I verbally pushed him into it even though he says I didn't (I had said earlier tonight that there is nothing stopping him from doing it at anytime). I feel guilty now but feel that I need to be in a better frame of mind and trust that he truly wants it before I say yes.

 

Any other thoughts?

Thanks!

 

Dude...u gave him one big headf**k there - pushin him continually, n u know that if u need to push then he aint ready. It is disrespectful to push the guy like that. Then cause he loves u (he must be a good guy) he asks u and u say NO. U need to take care else he will think u r playin a game wit him, and this mite not end too well.

 

Dont get me wrong I hope this works out great 4 u. But r u really ready 4 marriage if u have 2 push and step ova the guys boundries then turn him down?

[ImageofLove]

We have been together for 4 1/2 yrs and I've been bringing up marriage for 1 1/2 yrs. I am 32 and he is 38. He always said he wanted to marry me and there was nothing stopping him proposing when I pushed him for a reason. So he was basically lying the whole time, as the other night he said it was because he was worried about the fighting and that I was loving one wk/mth and not loving the next. He understands it was because of his lack of communication I became like this but I wanted the truth so I could decide what to do. If I had known he was unsure about me I would have left a while ago! It really annoys me that some men will keep you around because they are afraid of confrontation/hurting you when you would just prefer the truth.

 

The only reason I pushed him was because he continually said he wants to marry me but never did anything to show me he was serious so therefore I didn't know if I was wasting my time.

 

Thanks

[Woman In Blue]

A man says alot of things. But if he doesn't back them up, it's just lip service.

 

He's 38 and acting as though he's being coerced into it. His words say one thing but his actions CLEARLY say another.

 

I wouldn't be with anyone who doesn't share the same enthusiasm as I do. I'd rather be alone.

[ImageofLove]

Very true Woman in Blue. This is exactly how I have been feeling. I guess I just need the confidence to realise that it's enough information to move on when there were no actions unless I said something. It's almost as if I already knew the answer but kept prodding him to admit it so I could actually prove I was right. This way I would have felt I wasn't making a mistake because as is every story like this we have a nice relationship otherwise. I shouldn't have fought with him so much, probably didn't go about it the right way!