Rejection: I feel like I’m gonna die

[Renny_H]

I have VERY strong feelings for a girl who rejected me. I felt that she would reconcile all my missed opportunities in the past. But I think I put too much pressure on us getting together, so much so that I f**ked it up. I tried to control her affection for me a little bit, and I repelled her.

 

I just need to know how to stop going too crazy over this girl, put all my emotional dependence on her liking me still, even though she rejected me. I know she thinks I’m nothing to her, but I can’t let her go!!!

 

This might sound over-the-top, but I’m so SAD, SAD, SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

My nervous system goes to buggery when I’m around her. I can’t get her. And I don’t know how to [color=red]reform [/color]to let her go.

 

How do I forget her judgement on me, and find myself again? Does anyone have a similar experience?

 

I was thinking: should I ask this girl to write me a letter telling me all the bad things she saw in me? Should I demand her hatred so I'll lose the crush?

[Darkangelism]

Take a break, concentrate on other things.

[midori]

Originally posted by Renny_H

I was thinking: should I ask this girl to write me a letter telling me all the bad things she saw in me? Should I demand her hatred so I'll lose the crush?

 

I hate to break it to you but you can't demand anything from her. She may well just be indifferent to you. Do you really think she's put a lot of thought into why she doesn't want to be with you? Just because you're thinking about her all the time doesn't mean she has thought much about you... that's the definition of an unrequited crush. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you're not for her.

[Arabess]

Okay Renny......we've had 'a difference of opinions' in the past.....but dammit man.....you are going thru a rough spot. SO LISTEN!!! Everyone has had a taste of rejection. Some barely get a whiff....others have it crammed down their throat. IT'S PAINFUL!

 

In your case, at least you hadn't declared your never ending love and feel like a complete fool. All you need to do is find your old self again and throw the rest of it out of the window.

 

Why does someone reject you? Because they aren't the RIGHT person for you. They just felt it or realized it before you did. Don't be upset or mad at them.....they did you an emotional favor. They enabled you to move on without the access baggage of limited memories.

 

They aren't the ONLY person in the world. They are only ONE person. They DO NOT represent the majority.

 

Pull yourself together and TRY AGAIN when you are ready. Love can be wonderful....you just have to have the patience to seek it out.

 

Hang in there......

 

Arabess

[befuddled11]

How you're feeling is likely how the "ugly" (just using the word you used to describe her) brunette felt when she came to find out you were sending poetry to the blonde.

 

But seriously, I'm surprised such a "hot" guy like yourself could be rejected. *cough cough*

[Renny_H]

Darkangelism said: ‘Take a break, concentrate on other things.’

 

I’m taking the day off from school today just so I can concentrate on my work without her around. That’s how powerfully alluring she is. To me, anyway. But when I am at school, I try reading books, listening to music, but she’s always on my mind. It’s never about sex; I just want her near me, giving me attention, making me feel good. Anyway, we’ve got school holidays this upcoming week.

 

Midori said: ‘I hate to break it to you but you can't demand anything from her.’

 

Well, I kinda meant I’ll make her hate me by annoying the hell outta her. Like never responding when she says ‘hi’ in the morning, pretending to forget her name when I want to ask her something, and just acting plain obnoxious to her rejection. Coz I don’t believe she gave me a good reason as to why I’m ‘indifferent’ to her.

 

Midori said: ‘Do you really think she's put a lot of thought into why she doesn't want to be with you?’

 

No, I don’t think she’s thought that hard. Perhaps she has, but she didn’t deliver any blows to me. She just said we don’t know enough about each other. Man, I think that’s pretty silly of her to say that. It sounds like an excuse? That’s why I still wanna pursue her. Should I?

 

Midori said: ‘It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you're not for her.’

 

I know that’s a rational way of thinking, but crushes aren’t rational and I can’t accept that. That’s my problem. I did so many things to impress her, and she rejected me with a pathetic excuse. Man, it hurts.

 

Arabess said: ‘At least you hadn't declared your never ending love [to her] and feel like a complete fool.’

 

Actually, I sorta did. I didn’t express my love; I just expressed my adoration based on her beauty and how it was destroying my concentration in class. It was sweet, undemanding, just superficial facts. Could she be avoiding me for MY sake, so I can concentrate in class?

 

[color=darkred]And d’you know what else? We were doing some photography the week after she rejected me, and when she was posing for a photo, looking at the camera, she sent a brief glance at me (I was standing in the background, ogling). Her face was expressionless, but she purposely directed her eyes to me. Does she think I’m a creep coz she knows now I think she’s hot?[/color]

 

Arabess said: ‘They aren't the ONLY person in the world. They are only ONE person. They DO NOT represent the majority.’

 

Alright, but I feel like I need another girl [color=brown]QUICKLY [/color]to quench the crush. I don’t wanna start stalking her.

 

I don’t know if this means anything, but she had many things I wanted in a girl. She’s special to me over the other girls.

 

But I tell myself all the time: [color=blue]RENNY, YOU TWIT, DON’T STALK HER!!![/color]

 

Befuddled said: ‘But seriously, I'm surprised such a "hot" guy like yourself could be rejected. *cough cough*’

 

It’s odd. It’s very odd. But that’s just how short-sighted some girls are.

[Uno]

man i experienced it once. damn it's a bad feeling but time solves everything. just leave it 2 time. it's easier 2 forget her if u know her weaknesses, or u find yourself another girl. anyways u cant just forget her in a day or something, it needs a while.

 

but m8 u have 2 be sure if u can turn it around, i mean maybe u still have a chance so try 1 more time if u want to, well i dont know your situation but i dont think it'll work.

 

by the way when i was rejected(the 1. time i asked a girl out) it was my fault(i realized later). i could easily get her if i was more experienced but like i said it was the 1. time i ever asked a girl out. it took me 4 months 2 forget her

[Arabess]

RENNY, YOU TWIT, DON’T STALK HER!!!

 

Let's go with your own words here Renny. Don't read into it....NEVER make a relationship more in your mind than what it is OBVIOULSY in the open. Women don't thwart your affections so you'll be able to concentrate in class. It's NOT what we do.

 

It's time to look around....and find someone else who suits your fancy.

 

This is not suggesting she is a bad sort of person or that you are lacking in any way......she just may have another male interest. Don't take it personally!!!!!

[dyermaker]

Renny, besides the previously discussed issues of severe narcicissm, you also have control issues. You can't seem to let people live their own lives, which either manifests itself through a direct attempt at controlling people, or a callous disdain for them for not conforming to your desires.

 

Drop the idea of demanding a letter, it's stupid. It would only encourage her to press charges. You didn't f*** up, she just doesn't like you. Someone as vocal and confident as yourself should know by now that not everyone will take a liking to you. The reason that she's avoiding you is because she's NOT interested, and is doing the NOBLE thing by denying you of any contact and any hope of sparking something where there is nothing. Quick, genius, what's a billion times zero? It's the same premise.

 

I think you could use this experience as a learning one, perhaps a good place to start is to recognize that you're capable of vaildating yourself, and that women appreciate treatment as sentient individuals with volition and control over their preferences and behavior. That's just a starting point, perhaps a good therapist can help you get more. Additionally, please recognize that no person, in rejecting you, is supposed to give you a reason--in fact, with someone as dangerously obsessive as yourself, it would be detrimental to yourself, as you'd use it as fuel for your desire.

 

Additionally, I request that if you quote me in curious defense of yourself, please address the entirety of the post, not just the sections that you can isolate and semantically defeat. The main point being, unless you have a good lawyer, do NOT pursue this girl.

 

Put all of the energy you're putting into this girl into helping yourself out of your substantial nueroses. Don't say that you're perfectly normal, or just brutally honest--because we can ALL see that the emporer isn't wearing any clothes.

[Renny_H]

Uno said: ‘It's easier 2 forget her if u know her weaknesses.’

 

You know, I’ve tried that. I say she’s kinda fat, I say she’s not too bright, I say she’s too immature and we wouldn’t have clicked for long if we HAD clicked at all. But she’s confident with guys and she doesn’t give a s*** about that and so why should I give a s*** about her minor imperfections? She’s beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and I can’t place any abhorrent curses against her in my mind.

 

Uno said: ‘i mean maybe u still have a chance so try 1 more time if u want to, well i dont know your situation but i dont think it'll work.’

 

It won’t work, but I still desire her like hell. And unless we somehow have little isolation bubbles in class, she’ll always torment me with her presence. I’ll continue to get ‘MISSION FAILED’ signs inside of my head. And then comes the pain.

 

Arabess said: ‘NEVER make a relationship more in your mind than what it is OBVIOULSY in the open.’

 

It was her blasted signals! Eye contact, smiles etc.

 

Arabess said: ‘she just may have another male interest.’

 

She does, though I’ve never seen the guy. But she also flirts with other guys in class, so I’m thinking she’s not that TIED DOWN. What does that say about her exactly? I think I might have given her a stroking of her ego by admitting she makes me weak. I called her my ‘[color=red]kryptonite’[/color]. SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Dyermaker said: ‘You can't seem to let people live their own lives, which either manifests itself through a direct attempt at controlling people, or a callous disdain for them for not conforming to your desires.’

 

Well, if I could get a little microphone and attach it to the girl’s blouse and understand what she’s about, I wouldn’t be this nuts. She’s reluctant to talk to me, so I feel like I have to make her. Okay, but yeah, Renny must start questioning the needs and emotions of others. Renny, do not control people. Respect this girl’s wishes and leave her ALONE!!! Chronic idiocy, that’s what you got.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘The reason that she's avoiding you is because she's NOT interested, and is doing the NOBLE thing by denying you of any contact and any hope of sparking something where there is nothing.’

 

What a bitch she is. Sorry, but that does not make me feel better. We’re in the same class; this is uncomfortable as hell. I agree that from her perspective, she’s doing what she feels is best. But I told her I accepted her rejection, even though inside I don’t. I did f**k up, Dyermaker. I did. Now she eyes me briefly before quickly looking away so she doesn’t give me anymore ideas. She should never have shown interest in me in the first place. She’s criminal for being so attractive.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘Perhaps a good therapist can help you get more [experience].’

 

Oh really? Not just a therapist, but a GOOD one. Very sly, man. But do you personally know of any bad ones? Perhaps from first-hand experience?

 

Dyermaker said: ‘Women appreciate treatment as sentient individuals with volition and control over their preferences and behavior.’

 

Yep, I’m learning that now. I’ll just do what Arabess said and don’t look too deep into flirting and s***.

 

Dyermaker reckons Renny is: ‘dangerously obsessive.’

 

 

Dyermaker said: ‘Additionally, I request that if you quote me in curious defence of yourself, please address the entirety of the post, not just the sections that you can isolate and semantically defeat.’

 

Well, I draw out certain, more prominent quotes that I have something to retort to, and I narrow down the essence of each paragraph with these isolated quotes. I’m not out to defeat your post one line at a time. The rest of your post I accept, that’s why I don’t subject it to scrutiny.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘unless you have a good lawyer, do NOT pursue this girl.’

 

Are you once again implying I’m psychotic? That’s kinda charming.

[befuddled11]

I think Dyer is right on the money here.

 

Renny, you seem like a control freak. I get the sense that it's not so much that this gal is clearly NOT interested in you...it's more the issue that someone DARES to reject you......and in them doing so, you become even more obsessed with them.......crap, to the point of considering asking them to write you a letter spelling out why they don't like you (oh brother, now that's sad).

 

Good gawd dude, get a grip on yourself. You took a flippin' day off of school so that you could do your work without her being around to distract you? That's totally extreme and a sign of someone who's not in control.

 

I sense that you think of yourself as such hot sh*t that it's really paining you to come to terms with the fact that some "hot" chick might actually not be interested in such a "hot" guy like yourself. Sounds to me like the only reason you're interested in her in the first place is because of her looks.......that's pretty shallow. But then again, shallowness...um, nevermind.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Renny_H

Dyermaker said: ‘You can't seem to let people live their own lives, which either manifests itself through a direct attempt at controlling people, or a callous disdain for them for not conforming to your desires.’

 

Well, if I could get a little microphone and attach it to the girl’s blouse and understand what she’s about, I wouldn’t be this nuts. She’s reluctant to talk to me, so I feel like I have to make her. Okay, but yeah, Renny must start questioning the needs and emotions of others. Renny, do not control people. Respect this girl’s wishes and leave her ALONE!!! Chronic idiocy, that’s what you got.

If you could get a microphone, or a camera for that matter, and attach it to her blouse, to understand her, you would STILL be this nuts. I'm advising you not only how to behave within the confines of the law, but also to preserve your mental heatlh as well.

Dyermaker said: ‘The reason that she's avoiding you is because she's NOT interested, and is doing the NOBLE thing by denying you of any contact and any hope of sparking something where there is nothing.’

 

What a bitch she is. Sorry, but that does not make me feel better. We’re in the same class; this is uncomfortable as hell. I agree that from her perspective, she’s doing what she feels is best. But I told her I accepted her rejection, even though inside I don’t. I did f**k up, Dyermaker. I did. Now she eyes me briefly before quickly looking away so she doesn’t give me anymore ideas. She should never have shown interest in me in the first place. She’s criminal for being so attractive.

She's not a bitch, she just doesn't like you, I can't understand why. She's not criminal, she was just curious as to if this good looking, intelligent guy could possibly be a match for her, so she showed interest--then she got a glimpse of your control issues, narcicissm, and anger issues--and realized that's too much for her. Then, in a display of extreme maturity, didn't fuel your craziness by stringing you along, instead sending the clearest message possible: NO CONTACT.

Dyermaker said: ‘Perhaps a good therapist can help you get more [experience].’

 

Oh really? Not just a therapist, but a GOOD one. Very sly, man. But do you personally know of any bad ones? Perhaps from first-hand experience?

Yes, I've experienced both good and bad therapy, but it was under different conditions. I had been forced into it because my family felt I needed help dealing with the loss of a man whom I've never met, while your therapy might be more beneficial, as you're in DIRE need of it. Anyway, leave me out of it, I didn't start this thread.

Dyermaker reckons Renny is: ‘dangerously obsessive.’

 

That smile disturbs me. It's John Wayne Gacyish.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘unless you have a good lawyer, do NOT pursue this girl.’

 

Are you once again implying I’m psychotic? That’s kinda charming.

I'm not qualified to determine whether or not you're psychotic. You do scare the crap out of me. Anwyay, what I was implying was that if you continue to STALK a girl who isn't interested, you will lead yourself not only to self-destruction, but also legal troubles.

 

END THE DELUSION THAT HER EXPLAINING WHY YOU TURN HER OFF WOULD HELP THINGS--THAT IS CALLED SCAPEGOATING.

[priscilla]

Dyermaker is absolutely correct in what he has said. Also, I have worked in law enforcement and you are definitely portraying stalker qualities. You do need professional help because this behavior is not normal.

[Vivid_29]

Originally posted by befuddled11

How you're feeling is likely how the "ugly" (just using the word you used to describe her) brunette felt when she came to find out you were sending poetry to the blonde.

 

But seriously, I'm surprised such a "hot" guy like yourself could be rejected. *cough cough*

 

Gots to love our lovely befuddled! Very blunt and direct !

 

:lmao:

 

~V

[jenny]

after getting to know you a little better, i would say just leave her behind. take some time and concentrate on yourself, maybe talk to someone professionally...you're just in a rough time right now.

 

she's not awful, she just was not right for you. you will go on to love someone again, and hopefully you will lose the idea that you have to chase and conquer a girl in order to be in love with her.

[Arabess]

Jenny is right.....the chase and conquer is a fool's game. REAL LOVE is never a game.

[Renny_H]

[color=red]Bloody hell[/color], Befuddled11. That was a cool post. I liked it. Swift, it was.

 

I won’t object, though you didn’t much teach me how to deal with the aftermath of my actions. I pretty much know everything you’ve said now.

 

Befuddled11 said: ‘Sounds to me like the only reason you're interested in her in the first place is because of her looks.......that's pretty shallow. But then again, shallowness...um, nevermind.’

 

My shallowness makes you sick, does it? Yeah, I know it sounds like that coz I didn’t tell you our common interests.

 

Pretty girls are a dime a dozen; this girl I’m fond of had more than that though. If she didn’t, I wouldn’t be so obsessed. I don’t really know how to define a crush, but I guess it involves a little bit more than looks.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘If you could get a microphone, or a camera for that matter, and attach it to her blouse, to understand her, you would STILL be this nuts.’

 

No man, that’s love . D’you ever know what love is? It’s when want to know everything about a person. I adore this girl. I want to know everything about her, but I was only being hypothetical with the microphone bit to prove how intense my crush was. I’d never do that s***.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘I'm advising you not only how to behave within the confines of the law, but also to preserve your mental heatlh as well.’ He also said: ‘Your therapy might be more beneficial, as you're in DIRE need of it.’

 

I appreciate it and I am heeding your advice. I’m just objecting and asking further questions to understand a bit more about the issue. Didn’t mean to creep anyone out.

 

As for therapy, I’ll wait until someone around me (family, friends) suggests it, coz until they do, my supposed disorders ain’t affecting anyone but my soul. And since I’m a ‘control’ freak, I’ll be able to ‘control’ them. I’ve done so for 9 years and no one’s questioned my sanity.

 

Dyermaker said: ‘she got a glimpse of your control issues, narcicissm, and anger issues--and realized that's too much for her.’

 

I wish she had looked that deep, then I would have been satisfied that she had a good excuse to reject me. But she didn’t search at all. That’s why I’m pissed, that’s what’s creating this anger, turning me around. This craziness you speak of came from not being explored by this girl. It didn’t exist until AFTER the rejection.

 

Dyermaker said: That smile disturbs me. It's John Wayne Gacyish. He also said: ‘I'm not qualified to determine whether or not you're psychotic. You do scare the crap out of me.’

 

I was questioning whether to respond to being called ‘dangerously obsessive’ at all. Perhaps I just really gotta keep to myself for a while. Leave girls alone altogether. But as I said above, Dyermaker, I’m just looking for the core of the issue. I don’t intend to scare you. They’re just words.

 

Priscilla said: ‘I have worked in law enforcement and you are definitely portraying stalker qualities. You do need professional help because this behavior is not normal.’

 

I’m just being honest, saying stuff I think about. Everyone fantasises about possible alternative scenarios.

 

Also, I’ve got this girl’s name written throughout my notebook. Little notes about her, her actions, where she goes to sit at lunch, just small observances. Should I be afraid to leave this on my desk among other kids while I’m absent? I’d say it’s just a [color=green]harmless diary[/color], right? But could it get me in trouble somehow? I don’t know – should I burn it?

 

Jenny said: ‘You will lose the idea that you have to chase and conquer a girl in order to be in love with her.’

 

How else do you get a girl to know you? I’ve been programmed to believe it’s the guy who chases the girl.

[Arabess]

Also, I’ve got this girl’s name written throughout my notebook. Little notes about her, her actions, where she goes to sit at lunch, just small observances. Should I be afraid to leave this on my desk among other kids while I’m absent? I’d say it’s just a harmless diary, right? But could it get me in trouble somehow? I don’t know – should I burn it?

 

No....don't have to burn it. BUT...if you are going to continue to persue her....this piece of evidence maybe used against you.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Renny_H

Dyermaker said: ‘If you could get a microphone, or a camera for that matter, and attach it to her blouse, to understand her, you would STILL be this nuts.’

 

No man, that’s love . D’you ever know what love is? It’s when want to know everything about a person. I adore this girl. I want to know everything about her, but I was only being hypothetical with the microphone bit to prove how intense my crush was. I’d never do that s***.

Oh sweetheart, please don't lecture me about love. There's a diference between a mutual desire to learn about each other intimately, and a neccessity to facilitate an unhealthy obsession.

Dyermaker said: ‘she got a glimpse of your control issues, narcicissm, and anger issues--and realized that's too much for her.’

 

I wish she had looked that deep, then I would have been satisfied that she had a good excuse to reject me. But she didn’t search at all. That’s why I’m pissed, that’s what’s creating this anger, turning me around. This craziness you speak of came from not being explored by this girl. It didn’t exist until AFTER the rejection.

Renny, you do NOT have a right to examine her reasons for rejecting you. This is NOT a court of law, she doesn't have to rebut your case. She's NOT into you. You're fascinated with an unavailable girl, and you're scapegoating it.

 

Part of your narcicissm is your view of self-perfection, to you, you are the ultimate breeding material; ergo, any excuse she could have given would NOT have been enough for you.

 

Dyermaker said: That smile disturbs me. It's John Wayne Gacyish. He also said: ‘I'm not qualified to determine whether or not you're psychotic. You do scare the crap out of me.’

 

I was questioning whether to respond to being called ‘dangerously obsessive’ at all. Perhaps I just really gotta keep to myself for a while. Leave girls alone altogether. But as I said above, Dyermaker, I’m just looking for the core of the issue. I don’t intend to scare you. They’re just words.

 

The core of the issue is with you, not her. You're obsessed, and you've deluded yourself to thinking that if you knew WHY she rejected you, that it would solve your probelms.

 

John Hinckley started with words, but when Carrie Fischer continually ignored him, he shot Reagan. Quite a catch there.

Jenny said: ‘You will lose the idea that you have to chase and conquer a girl in order to be in love with her.’

 

How else do you get a girl to know you? I’ve been programmed to believe it’s the guy who chases the girl.

I tried being myself, and found that 'pursuit' wasn't neccessary--I'm also insanely happy. (Psychotically )

[priscilla]

Yes your little diary could get you in trouble if you do something stupid. And, if you continue to bother her, she could always get a restraining order. Why don't you do something useful with your time instead of documenting her every move. You have to get a life, this is pitiful.

[Renny_H]

Originally posted by priscilla

And, if you continue to bother her, she could always get a restraining order.

 

Actually, she’s started showing sympathy towards me because I’ve been doing the right thing and avoiding/ignoring her. She greets me first, she approaches me to ask me stuff; I’m just sitting back allowing her to give me attention.

 

I’m very discreet about showing her any adoration at the moment. She knows I’m fond of her, so that’s why she’s not afraid of me. I’m trying not to look too deep though. I’ll let things occur naturally from now on.

 

Originally posted by priscilla

Yes your little diary could get you in trouble if you do something stupid. Why don't you do something useful with your time instead of documenting her every move. You have to get a life, this is pitiful.

 

I kinda write romance stories, that’s why I record everything this girl does around me. Writing down small observances helps me to flesh out a fictional story better. I do it to help my writing; not to stalk her.

[amerikajin]

Renny,

 

I don't like to kick a man when he's down, but you needed some humility.

 

It's kinda like I said in the previous thread: you're doing an awful lot of poetry composition but taking absolutely no action. You've got to cut through the cr@p when it comes to dating and just ask a woman out and see where it goes from there. It took me forever to learn that lesson, and I forget it even now sometimes. Women make us stupid, but in a good kinda way.

 

As for trying to win her over....forget it. With a few exceptions, that only works in Hollywood.

[Azaroth]

Well I am going through the simliar thing right now, and you noticed in my posts - i mentioned it on form or another..

 

I find instead of thinking you messed up you should think, well what do you get out of this relationship?

 

You might have learned a couple things, about yourself - and about what you like

she might have taught you to appreicate certain things

 

but above most she taught you a lesson/experience for the next girl.

 

Do you feel that you had something to offer in that relationship? Do you feel that your worth the time and effort?

If you answered yes to both or one of these, then you have good self-esteem! and be proud about that... If she doesn't like you then a sure thing will happen down the road... and she will appreciate you for who you are and what you are.. and doesn't look at the flaws.. you can go out of your way to appologize but you should only do it once and be sincere about it if she doesn't accept it then move on man.. you are just going to be strung along and be the weak person in the group..

 

Why do you want to know about the flaws of you as a character? Ask your friends about that - they will answer it truthly she won't do it full of honesty, she will just intensify your negitive parts much more than they really are..

 

 

The best thing to do is move on, and keep yourself busy... b/c in the end you will be happy and so shall she... if she likes you she will come back... and that's the way i feel...

 

you might have mesed up but state your claim, when you appoligize.. i always say - you will wake up one morning and realize you made a mistake... that doesn't test the woman to go against it - it's a blunt statement and it will make her think..

 

You can go and say, you will never find anyone like me... but that will test the woman to try and find someone better..

 

I hope i am offering some good advice.. the best thing is move on - if it's meant to be it will be down the road- and this break could be the best thing for you and people alike.

 

 

~Az