is this 2 year relationship worth keeping?

[CaliFever]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We moved in together after only 3 monthes, and after 6 monthes of being together I found out he was cheating. I comfronted both him and the girl, and in front of her he claimed to never have seen her before etc, but later admitted the truth and asked to come home. They both claimed during the time that no sex was envolved. Anyhow, I took him back 3 weeks later and let him come home. We have been together for a whole year since, and I am still worried about him cheating but less so, and try very hard to control my thoughts and what I say outloud as far as this is concerned.

 

When we first fell in love things were great. We were so happy - excited because we both felt like we had found a soulmate after alot of "so so" relationships. i feel that a piece of what I felt for him died when I found out he was cheating and I haven't been able to fully regain the love I had felt before. But to get to the point the issue now is that everytime I feel I am not being justified we argue, and when we argue he threatens to leave me so that he can be single and not have to deal with me "trying to control him" He has a short fuse with me now, insults me than says hes just kidding and that I cant take a joke, is inpatient, we can't talk about anything and it just feels like were not even friends anymore, though as strange as it may sound we both love eachother very much. We are currently seperated. He didn't come home last night and I went to his work and took his key to the house.

 

i am very in love with this man. I feel alot for him, can't sleep when he isn't with me, worry that he is ok etc. I know that I can have him come home, all I have to do is ask. I just dont know if it is worth trying to save or giving up at this point.

Any seasoned suggestions as to what might be going on or a path that should be taken?

[befuddled11]

I hate to tell you this, but I have hard time believing that he was "seeing this other girl" for 3 months (6 months into your relationship) and that no sex was involved. Sorry, I don't buy that.

 

Trust is something that's VERY HARD to rebuild if you've been cheated on. There's a good chance that you've had difficulty fully trusting him again because your instincts have subconsciously told you to "be wary" and to not let your guard down.

 

Frankly, I personally don't ever give cheaters a second chance. I give faithfulness and monogamy and I damn well expect the same in return......it's a non-negotiable for me.

 

The fact that every time you have a disagreement about something, he threatens to "leave" and "be single again", and the fact that he has a short fuse, insults you but claims to just be joking (that's lame.....jokes shouldn't make other people feel badly), is impatient, and now....didn't even bother to come home.......girl, you did right in giving him back his key. Your place isn't a hotel where he can come and go. I think he's making it clear that he's not wanting to be in the relationship any longer. You deserve better. You wouldn't treat him this way, so don't accept this kind of treatment.

 

Break off all contact with him, as hard as that will be. Don't fall for any lame excuses he might give you. Don't take him back should he come crawling when he realizes the grass isn't greener on the other side, or he's "horny." Stand your ground and when you're feeling weak and you're missing him, write down all of the crap you've had to endure because of him: the cheating, the lying, his insults, his jokes at your expense, etc.

[CaliFever]

That was great advise. It pretty much sums up what I already believe, it just is so hard when your in love to stay strong and you find yourself stretching and bending your beliefs just to get your fix. Thanks again

[CaliFever]

Say for example, I let him go with intentions of it being forever. Then like 10 years down the line we come together again. Do you believe that you can start anew?

[befuddled11]

Say for example, I let him go with intentions of it being forever. Then like 10 years down the line we come together again. Do you believe that you can start anew?

 

Anything in life is possible.....but I sure hope you don't sit there waiting month after month, year after year, hoping "things" will change, he'll grow up, and that you'll get back together. I hope you don't consciously or subconsciously put your life on "hold", waiting for him to come back (or not)..and in the process, end up missing out on the man you're meant to be with, you know?

 

Do I believe that people can start anew, if there's been cheating or them not treating you with respect? I suppose........but as I've gotten older (I'm now 36), I'm of the belief that life is very short........and that people's hearts are precious things....and if someone hurts you, and it's obvious they couldn't have NOT known that their actions/inaction/behavior/words hurt you, that they don't get a second chance. I likely didn't feel that way back in my early 20s because I was back in my stage of life where I had pretty idealistic views and I was so much on the end of the spectrum of forgiving and giving someone a second chance and the benefit of a doubt that I would almost always end up being crapped on again....but I'd still never lose hope.

 

Now I realize just how short life is.........and I'm such a firm believer that I deserve to be treated the same way I treat my partner...........I would never cheat, I would never go out of my way to make someone feel bad about themself............and I will not give the time of day to someone who does this to me.

 

Guess that's a longwinded response, no? LOL

 

Take some time to heal....to be on your own......to enjoy being on your own again.......and not having to live with the mistrust and tension and mistreatment...and love yourself lots.......and when you're ready, you'll meet the right guy..one who would never dream of hurting you or betraying your trust, or treating you like dirt. I promise!