siuys Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 hi all i've been doing great for almost 4 weeks until xMM got in touch yesterday by email and set me straight back to square one (his emails are auto-deleted but when i went to the trash to retrieve something i had accidentally deleted i saw his email there. i guess i could have left it but i didn't...) i have not responded but realised i am still so weak and can be affected so easily it's disheartening. i feel like a complete wreck right now and tempted to give him an earful but know better. all he did was fishing and being selfish. he did apologise for his behaviour when things ended but other than that he gave me nothing. i feel hurt, and i can't believe i am feeling so weak. why the hell do they do these things? i know, probably ego stroke bla bla bla... please people, help me stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 DON'T DO IT........PLEASE, DON'T. You've come farther than you think you have in 4 weeks, don't undo it now. Remember he can't give you what you want, so going back will just set you up for more of the same ole, same ole. Hugs.......... Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 hi all i've been doing great for almost 4 weeks until xMM got in touch yesterday by email and set me straight back to square one (his emails are auto-deleted but when i went to the trash to retrieve something i had accidentally deleted i saw his email there. i guess i could have left it but i didn't...) i have not responded but realised i am still so weak and can be affected so easily it's disheartening. i feel like a complete wreck right now and tempted to give him an earful but know better. all he did was fishing and being selfish. he did apologise for his behaviour when things ended but other than that he gave me nothing. i feel hurt, and i can't believe i am feeling so weak. why the hell do they do these things? i know, probably ego stroke bla bla bla... please people, help me stay strong. Stay strong girl! You didn't respond right? Ya done good girl...no worries. Now get yourself back up on that NC horse and keep on keepin on! Link to post Share on other sites
MLC64 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) hi all i've been doing great for almost 4 weeks until xMM got in touch yesterday by email and set me straight back to square one (his emails are auto-deleted but when i went to the trash to retrieve something i had accidentally deleted i saw his email there. i guess i could have left it but i didn't...) i have not responded but realised i am still so weak and can be affected so easily it's disheartening. i feel like a complete wreck right now and tempted to give him an earful but know better. all he did was fishing and being selfish. he did apologise for his behaviour when things ended but other than that he gave me nothing. i feel hurt, and i can't believe i am feeling so weak. why the hell do they do these things? i know, probably ego stroke bla bla bla... please people, help me stay strong. ok, I am not any where near your amazing progress...however, what I do know is each time I tried (really I did) to go NC and he fished, I was a sucker for it, each time. Each time it lead to nothing, no change, no new wonderful moments. What I keep reading here is so true, NC = no new hurts. I have that as my new mantra. I know I want him to contact me too...I am only on day 3 but think he will wait. I also know I will be putting myself in a position for complete disaster and more hurt if I do respond. Don't do it, not many stories I have read here have turned out to be fruitful once NC is broken. Usually leaves everyone feeling worse, more wounded.... You are doing GREAT......post to us what you would say....do something. Don't respond to him....he is selfish and wants a piece of cake. ((((((hugs))))))))) Edited April 12, 2011 by MLC64 can't spell Link to post Share on other sites
JadedAmore Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 DON'T do it, do not give in! 4 weeks is such a long way to come, and you inspire me with your strength. Please.. please.. come here and vent, call a friend, do whatever it takes. You do not want to start back at square one. You deserve better, you know this. ((big hugs!)) Link to post Share on other sites
AlaFlower Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 You have made it as far as 4 weeks! That's a big progress. It would be a bad time to give up. No new pain please hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Flabbergaster Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 please go listen to _I will survive_ either the original, or the Cake version it will get your piss and vinegar up now: DO NOT give him the satisfaction This is a male manipulation bs (i know, i'm a male) to get you to engage in discussion. You're gonna call him up to say you're pissed? he'll say, "i'm hurt, too...this is what you did!" and make you feel worse. Wrestle a muddy pig...you get muddy. It hurt, this is why you have been auto-deleting. Lather, rinse, spit the blood out, repeat. If you contact him for ANY reason as response, you are showing him that he does (and is allowed to) control you again. Walk away one step, then two Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 please people, help me stay strong. You saw right through his fishing expedition and you didn't respond; sounds like you're already pretty darned strong to me!:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Amour7 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 You saw right through his fishing expedition and you didn't respond; sounds like you're already pretty darned strong to me!:bunny: I absolutely agree! You call yourself weak, and I'd say you're my role model right now! You have demonstrated true strength. Keep it up, keep posting, and keep inspiring those of us who are weeks behind you struggling with NC. Bravo. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Don't cave..Be strong! Stay in NC mode..You've come so far and even though you feel like you've taken some steps back by reading his email, I believe in a few days you're going to bounce back and be stronger. Stay positive and work through this. Remember ,his contact means NOTHING. Things are still the same and keep everything in perspective. It is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 hi all i've been doing great for almost 4 weeks until xMM got in touch yesterday by email and set me straight back to square one (his emails are auto-deleted but when i went to the trash to retrieve something i had accidentally deleted i saw his email there. i guess i could have left it but i didn't...) i have not responded but realised i am still so weak and can be affected so easily it's disheartening. i feel like a complete wreck right now and tempted to give him an earful but know better. all he did was fishing and being selfish. he did apologise for his behaviour when things ended but other than that he gave me nothing. i feel hurt, and i can't believe i am feeling so weak. why the hell do they do these things? i know, probably ego stroke bla bla bla... please people, help me stay strong. How are you doing? You didn't respond did you? You deleted his email, right? Stay strong ... you need to stay strong and focused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Unfortunately, I caved. I know... I have nothing to say right now. Link to post Share on other sites
gilluk Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Unfortunately, I caved. I know... I have nothing to say right now. no need to justify that, you sound just like me, he is in your heart and no matter what he does or what happens, he is the one you will always want, so i completly understand why you would cave in... Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Hope you're okay siuys, and looking after yourself and your heart. Please don't settle for less than you want and deserve. Good luck sweetie. Link to post Share on other sites
JadedAmore Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Unfortunately, I caved. I know... I have nothing to say right now. Don't be ashamed, and don't kick yourself. Instead, ask yourself why it was you caved and felt like you needed to respond. Seek out ways to prevent yourself from doing it in the future. ((hugs)) It's alright. Pick yourself back up, and let's start over. You can do this. I have faith in you. Link to post Share on other sites
MLC64 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Unfortunately, I caved. I know... I have nothing to say right now. ((((hugs))))))) we are here... Day 5 for me...and I have to admit I am envious......it hurts that he hasn't contacted me, but I told him I wanted off the rollercoaster and said harsh things. So he won't. i am sad, but I know I will feel worse.....if I try to contact him so I am trying. YOu are ok, just be with what you feel...don't feel bad. It is hard. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Your honesty is a good thing! I agree, you can pick yourself back up & try again. Don't let him drag you back down to that ugly spot. You know he isn't right for you, can't give you what you want & deserve, & that you can do better. You really can! We are here for you no matter what you decide to do. I know it's very hard. I think that after going through all of this, we will come out very strong on the other side. Good luck girl. You did it once, you can do it again [if NC is what you want . . . I realize it may not be. But as someone else mentioned, just think of how much worse you feel when you're not 'up' on the high of the contact. In the end it is not a pretty thing!] Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Unfortunately, I caved. I know... I have nothing to say right now. You cared about this guy - a lot. You have a heart. You feel. You're human. Give yourself a break. It's not important THAT you 'caved', but more why. If you're on a bit of a rollercoaster with your eyes shut and not looking where you're going, then you need to stop for a sec. As long as you are in control, and doing what you want to do (not what you feel you should) you need not be embarrassed. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Unfortunately, I caved. I know... I have nothing to say right now. Hey, I caved and broke my diet by eating a whole jar of Nutella! I have my emotional connection to hazelnut spread, you have your connection to this guy; we all break sometimes. The important thing is to remember what your ultimate goal is and get back on the proverbial horse. It's not the end of the world and you're not a failure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Yes, i did cave. Yes, I did meet up with xMM the other day and had a very good conversation. I left the door open for two days, then realised I can no longer do this waiting game. We then proceeded to have another conversation. It was calm, civilised, genuine, with love and respect. We acknowledged that under current circumstances, this will not work. He acknowledged the fact that it is unfair for me to wait, and he doesn't know how long it's going to take him to dig himself out of the hole as he puts it. His M is indeed over, but it's another thing to detach, understand and process everything, sort himself out, sort out the situation, move out, move on... after an almost 20-year marriage, it is not something one can do overnight. It has taken him longer than anticipated. All I know is that we have love for each other, but the external factors make it impossible right now. I cannot wait because I cannot live my life this way. He is unhappy and stuck, and is in no position to be in a relationship proper. We agreed to have no contact until either he is completely over everything, has moved on and is actually happy with his life. I won't contact him until I'm completely over him and perhaps in another relationship myself. We can be friends then, but not now. I feel for him as I know how stuck and unhappy he is. I hope to see him in the future when he is happy and has his vitality back like when I first met him. This is the best outcome I could have asked for. Very civilised, loving, no hostility, no games. It didn't work out, and that's ok. He is not a jerk nor did he lie to me - it's just the worst timing ever perhaps. Whatever happens in the future none of us will know. But at least I know that I have had a special connection with this man, and it didn't last, but that's ok. I will move ahead with my life but he will be in my heart forever. Link to post Share on other sites
HalfAlive22 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Yes, i did cave. Yes, I did meet up with xMM the other day and had a very good conversation. I left the door open for two days, then realised I can no longer do this waiting game. We then proceeded to have another conversation. It was calm, civilised, genuine, with love and respect. We acknowledged that under acurrent circumstances, this will not work. He acknowledged the fact that it is unfair for me to wait, and he doesn't know how long it's going to take him to dig himself out of the hole as he puts it. His M is indeed over, but it's another thing to detach, understand and process everything, sort himself out, sort out the situation, move out, move on... after an almost 20-year marriage, it is not something one can do overnight. It has taken him longer than anticipated. All I know is that we have love for each other, but the external factors make it impossible right now. I cannot wait because I cannot live my life this way. He is unhappy and stuck, and is in no position to be in a relationship proper. We agreed to have no contact until either he is completely over everything, has moved on and is actually happy with his life. I won't contact him until I'm completely over him and perhaps in another relationship myself. We can be friends then, but not now. I feel for him as I know how stuck and unhappy he is. I hope to see him in the future when he is happy and has his vitality back like when I first met him. This is the best outcome I could have asked for. Very civilised, loving, no hostility, no games. It didn't work out, and that's ok. He is not a jerk nor did he lie to me - it's just the worst timing ever perhaps. Whatever happens in the future none of us will know. But at least I know that I have had a special connection with this man, and it didn't last, but that's ok. I will move ahead with my life but he will be in my heart forever. Did you really buy all that Garbage? Of course he's miserable and Stuck! Isn't that alwsys the Case? Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 It doesn't matter. I know what we had. And it's ok that it didn't work out. It's fine. Life goes on. I hold nothing against him. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I cannot wait because I cannot live my life this way. I was just having a really hard moment & reading this sentence really helped me, thanks. I really don't know if you guys would ever get to a place where you could be friends (seems impossible) but at least you know this isn't working right now & you need to move on. Good for you. I am in the same boat & it's not fun. But thanks for reminding me of this, I needed it. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Did you really buy all that Garbage? Of course he's miserable and Stuck! Isn't that alwsys the Case? And this provided me with some much-needed comic relief, thank you HalfAlive. I literally chuckled when I read it because it's so true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 I was just having a really hard moment & reading this sentence really helped me, thanks. I really don't know if you guys would ever get to a place where you could be friends (seems impossible) but at least you know this isn't working right now & you need to move on. Good for you. I am in the same boat & it's not fun. But thanks for reminding me of this, I needed it. I never thought I could say we can be friends. But now I know we can be. Because the respect is there. Sure, we have gone through the whole anger thing and there was much misunderstanding. I am happy the way it ended and I hold no grudges. I wish to see him happy in the future, as much as I wish to see myself happy. Now I can concentrate on healing, moving forward and live my life. Link to post Share on other sites
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