Confused4Now Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Did you really buy all that Garbage? Of course he's miserable and Stuck! Isn't that alwsys the Case?Exactly what I thought from a guy who once moved out for 6 months before and now he has to go through the work all over again. Puhlease stuck my AZZ....whatever. The freakin guy was just fishing to see if he could get his hooks in you. Obviously he realizes he can't anymore. He'll move onto the next victim. Time will tell....I can assure you a year from now he will be in the same exact spot. Living as room mates or whatever he wants to call it. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I never thought I could say we can be friends. But now I know we can be. Because the respect is there. Sure, we have gone through the whole anger thing and there was much misunderstanding. I am happy the way it ended and I hold no grudges. I wish to see him happy in the future, as much as I wish to see myself happy. Now I can concentrate on healing, moving forward and live my life.Did you really say this? WOW...I just posted that he'll find another but I will retract that. He knows how much you love him....he'll just wait for you to go date a couple of guys and you won't feel anything for them. You'll be "friends" with him. Get emotionally attached again. The lusting and wanting....and badda bing we are back to full blown affair again. He'll say the same things again. We arent' H and W really we are roommates. I don't love her its just hard to break everything apart. "It's just bad timing but I really do love YOU!!!" Because all he needs is a way in, as long as he has you talking to him and not hating him, he has a way in.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 Did you really say this? WOW...I just posted that he'll find another but I will retract that. He knows how much you love him....he'll just wait for you to go date a couple of guys and you won't feel anything for them. You'll be "friends" with him. Get emotionally attached again. The lusting and wanting....and badda bing we are back to full blown affair again. He'll say the same things again. We arent' H and W really we are roommates. I don't love her its just hard to break everything apart. "It's just bad timing but I really do love YOU!!!" Because all he needs is a way in, as long as he has you talking to him and not hating him, he has a way in.... I only know I will move on. You make him sound like a villain, and I don't believe he is. It doesn't matter coz it's done now. If in a year's time or whatever he is still in the same position, that's his problem, not mine. Why am I getting bashed for not being hostile, bitter or angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I only know I will move on. You make him sound like a villain, and I don't believe he is. It doesn't matter coz it's done now. If in a year's time or whatever he is still in the same position, that's his problem, not mine. Why am I getting bashed for not being hostile, bitter or angry.I say this cause of this remark "I never thought I could say we can be friends. But now I know we can be." Work on moving on first once you've done that then maybe you can think about being friends. I'm not bashing you cause everything I've said about this man has been 100% right so far. He can't even respect your NC. He's not a villain he's just a very confused man I think we've established that. We love you, we are here for you, we believe in you...We are so happy and proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 I say this cause of this remark "I never thought I could say we can be friends. But now I know we can be." Work on moving on first once you've done that then maybe you can think about being friends. I'm not bashing you cause everything I've said about this man has been 100% right so far. He can't even respect your NC. He's not a villain he's just a very confused man I think we've established that. We love you, we are here for you, we believe in you...We are so happy and proud of you. Thanks, Confused. I am working on moving on. Everything else is of lower priority that much I agree with. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I never thought I could say we can be friends. But now I know we can be. Because the respect is there. Sure, we have gone through the whole anger thing and there was much misunderstanding. I am happy the way it ended and I hold no grudges. I wish to see him happy in the future, as much as I wish to see myself happy. Now I can concentrate on healing, moving forward and live my life. Good for you! :-) I'm glad to hear it! Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I say this cause of this remark "I never thought I could say we can be friends. But now I know we can be." Work on moving on first once you've done that then maybe you can think about being friends. I'm not bashing you cause everything I've said about this man has been 100% right so far. He can't even respect your NC. He's not a villain he's just a very confused man I think we've established that. We love you, we are here for you, we believe in you...We are so happy and proud of you. Yes, exactly . . . it sounds so much like my xMM. He is not purposefully a villain, doesn't set out to hurt me, but he will take everything I give & then some. So I have stopped offering him everything because I don't want to be taken again without having what I want in return. I can't be friends with him because a friend doesn't hurt me the way he's hurt me . . . even if it was accidentaly & he's too confused, like you point out Confused4Now, to know how to treat me consistently right, he's hurt me, & if I had a friend keep doing that, I'd have to stop being friends with them too, & just move on, not think 'maybe one day we will be friends again' - that is leaving the door open, leaving open hope & a way for him to come back in & take more from me. Especially in this context where it wasn't just a friend but a romantic love who promised me things & didn't deliver them, over & over again, & lied to me & also to his wife [which is another reason we couldn't be friends but that is a different road to go down.] Suiys I'm sorry I'm personalizing your situation, I just mean this is why I have no hope of being friends with my xMM in the future, but if you feel differently, then that's cool but just remember he may not have your best interests at heart, just like he hasn't in the past . . . he may not mean to but he will suck you dry if you let him, & being a friend is a way to let him. I bet if you really move on & get over him you will have no interest in being his friend. It may just be your mind's way of coping with this one issue at a time, which is fine. Loss is hard. I know - I am feeling it. And I am really happy for you that you are in a good spot & ready to move on. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 26pointblue, friends or not time will tell. Right now, i am just processing everything and accepting things as they are - part of moving on. i believe human emotions are complex and most do things not to deliberately hurt others. xMM never promised anything, and if I chose to live an illusion that was my choice, not his. There will always be hurt when a R doesn't work out. But we all heal from it, and forgive it. Only thing to do is to remove yourself and often people will go back and forth, until that moment arrives when you know you have no other alternative except to do what is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I won't contact him until I'm completely over him and perhaps in another relationship myself. We can be friends then, but not now. You may feel completely differently at that time.. In another relationship, how fair is it to your new bf to be friends with an ex affair partner? Your bf may not like it much.. I'm just saying don't plan anything, don't be sure that you and your exMM could have a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 OK. let's not talk about the friendship thing anymore coz like you said, who knows. My focus is not that right now. My focus is to heal and move forward. First time in months I shed a tear. It's a beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
Flabbergaster Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 siuys you have such a great attitude, here. You should teach a class! Focusing on being friends...LATER...after healing...is a great move. So many of us make the mistake of saying "friends now, or we can never be friends." That means you can be NC for now...because it will create the possibility (maybe slim, maybe not) of being friends again in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 It doesn't matter. I know what we had. And it's ok that it didn't work out. It's fine. Life goes on. I hold nothing against him. Exactly. I remember feeling that way too. Your life, I think you did what was right for you. And you'd already put the hard work and effort in prior to this week anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author siuys Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 Thank you all for your feedback and comments. It's tough right now, but I know this too shall pass. Good luck with all those in NC and stay true to what's right for you. If you don't get there the first time, don't despair, for you will get there eventually. We are humans, with complex emotions, and we make mistakes, go back and forth, but sooner or later, we learn, we let go, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Amour7 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Thank you all for your feedback and comments. It's tough right now, but I know this too shall pass. Good luck with all those in NC and stay true to what's right for you. If you don't get there the first time, don't despair, for you will get there eventually. We are humans, with complex emotions, and we make mistakes, go back and forth, but sooner or later, we learn, we let go, and move on. Very wise, siuys. It sounds like you have come to some kind of peace with your situation. Good luck to you, too. Link to post Share on other sites
so-wrong Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 siuys you have such a great attitude, here. You should teach a class! Focusing on being friends...LATER...after healing...is a great move. So many of us make the mistake of saying "friends now, or we can never be friends." That means you can be NC for now...because it will create the possibility (maybe slim, maybe not) of being friends again in the future. I like this comment, it gives me strength. Link to post Share on other sites
rainier Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 suiys I hope you are healing and believing in the finality of it. At some point we just don't have the energy to keep it going. You sound like you are at that point. Your positive outlook is a good place to be. Holding resentment is giving power and wasting your energy. He cannot and will not leave his situation for whatever reason. As long as you keep telling yourself that, the reason will not matter. I am trying NC again and even though I am sad, I am also feeling sad because I am feeling distant and maybe even healing or mourning, they seem to go together. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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