Women: How do you feel after you think you've been used for sex?

[ASG]

However, I seriously question that women are really that indifferent after a guy stops talking to them suddenly after sex. All the responses on here seem to indicate women want the sex and only sex just as much as men.

 

WTF?! Of course women want the sex just as much as men do! This is not the 20's anymore. Some women still feel the need for sex to be something meaningful, but that's not necessarily true for every woman.

 

And honestly, as a woman that has no problems with meaningless sex, I have much more respect for a one night stand guy than for one that drags it out making it seem like something more, which is, in effect, what you do, with your formal dates and courtship of more than a week!

 

I still wouldn't consider it being used, though. I'd probably be disappointed, but I wouldn't even remember your name a couple of weeks later...

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The women that would like being used for sex, have issues anyway.

 

This is such an odd statement. If you didn't consent, you were raped. So, does that mean you guys think nobody can ever get used for sex? Or that rape is using for sex?

 

I guess there are three extremes:

 

Extreme #1: You did not consent for sex/you were raped: this is pretty easy to define.

Extreme #2: You consented, but were dropped later. In that sense, you were using the sex as a bargaining tool, or as something that "meant something", and to him it was "just sex." In that sense, you did not consent to being dumped, but you DID consent to the sex, so you weren't raped.

Extreme #3: You consented, and were used for sex. You enjoyed it, and didn't view the sex as more than just meaningless sex.

 

So number 2, sex is attached to love, and number 3, sex is just a physical action that means nothing.

[forrest]

Let's see, you take them out on formal official dates, dinners, they meet your friends, you act like you care about them and enjoy their company, and then after they have sex with you you disappear and stop returning their calls because you dont' care about them anymore. Yeah, you're misleading them. You're a garden-variety *******, at least in this area of your life. Ten deep on the ground, and most grown women are used to your type, but of course you've hurt people's feelings and made at least some girls feel used and bad and made them jaded. Is that something you're proud of? Something that makes you feel good about the life you lead?

Is it possible that the guy thought the two of you were not sexually compatible? And instead of saying so, disappear without mentioning anything. I hear a lot of women do the same thing after a date. Is that any different?

[musemaj11]

Let's see, you take them out on formal official dates, dinners, they meet your friends, you act like you care about them and enjoy their company, and then after they have sex with you you disappear and stop returning their calls because you dont' care about them anymore.

If anything, the guy is the one who suffers a real physical loss for all the resources he spent in order to reach a point where you will 'reward' him with sex, a reward which you enjoy yourself anyway therefore not really much of a reward in the first place (unless of course he sucks in bed). Instead of being angry perhaps be thankful for all the dates, dinners and fun things he gave you in return for the sexual activities that the two of you enjoyed before he disappeared.

Edited April 13, 2011 by musemaj11

[OliveOyl]

I guess I wouldn't understand if the guy disappeared after sex IF the sex was good.

 

If the sex was good... I would want to do it again. Which is why I don't get why he would disappear after the sex. Wouldn't the guy want to do it again, too? I thought guys liked sex. Maybe the thrill of the chase is gone but isn't there the thrill of the next romp?

 

Unless the woman said something like "Oh look we had great sex I wonder how our babies will look" which is an entirely different thing altogether.

[mr.dream merchant]

I disagree.

 

What if the guy is being deceitful? He says he wants a long-term relationship (but doesn't really), the girl waits until she is sure he's telling the truth, they have sex, the guy dumps her.

 

That's being used for sex, isn't it?

 

RF

 

 

And this is why you don't put out easy & actually take the time to know the person before you sleep with him. And no, 2 weeks isn't long enough to know what kind of guy he is.

 

Sheesh, you'd think people would learn by now!

[musemaj11]

I guess I wouldn't understand if the guy disappeared after sex IF the sex was good.

 

If the sex was good... I would want to do it again. Which is why I don't get why he would disappear after the sex. Wouldn't the guy want to do it again, too? I thought guys liked sex. Maybe the thrill of the chase is gone but isn't there the thrill of the next romp?

 

Unless the woman said something like "Oh look we had great sex I wonder how our babies will look" which is an entirely different thing altogether.

To give you an illustration, guys dont even want to masturbate to the same pornstar twice in a row. Thats why pornsites have to produce up to three new videos with new models everyday. Testosterone ensures that men are slaves to their vision.

 

Thats why I said elsewhere that if you want a loyal man, find the one with low sex drive.

[OliveOyl]

To give you an illustration, guys dont even want to masturbate to the same pornstar twice in a row. Thats why pornsites have to produce up to three new videos with new models everyday. Testosterone ensures that men are slaves to their vision.

 

Thats why I said elsewhere that if you want a loyal man, find the one with low sex drive.

 

Hmmm okay, well... maybe this is the difference between men and women when it comes to sex? For me personally sex is about wayyy more than getting an orgasm. It's the high of that connection with someone which isn't necessarily about "love" or "meaning" or a promise of exclusivity although of course it can be. I've had great casual sex in the past (distant, distant past...) But normally if the sex is great with a person, then I want it again, and it ends up not feeling so casual after a few times. FWB wouldn't really work for me, I end up getting attached. But that doesn't mean I feel used. I never feel/felt used for sex. I know what I'm getting into (or, he's getting into... lol)

[musemaj11]

Hmmm okay, well... maybe this is the difference between men and women when it comes to sex? For me personally sex is about wayyy more than getting an orgasm. It's the high of that connection with someone which isn't necessarily about "love" or "meaning" or a promise of exclusivity although of course it can be. I've had great casual sex in the past (distant, distant past...) But normally if the sex is great with a person, then I want it again, and it ends up not feeling so casual after a few times. FWB wouldn't really work for me, I end up getting attached. But that doesn't mean I feel used. I never feel/felt used for sex. I know what I'm getting into (or, he's getting into... lol)

A study shows that women with high sex hormones are much more likely to hop from one man to another as well.

 

The reason most women arent as sexually compulsive as most men is because most women arent as hormonal.

 

I personally know this fact from my own life. When I was a teenage boy until my early 20s, I was so hormonal that I was always ready to have sex with every single female I saw. But then I hit a depression which lowered my libido and now Im 25 and although I no longer suffer from depression but my sex drive never recovered. I can have Megan Fox standing naked in front of me and Im only going to feel little sexual urge even though Im attracted to her. In order for me to have sexual desire, I need more than visual stimulation. I need to feel emotional connection and passion. And I can guess that this is probably what most women are going through.

Edited April 13, 2011 by musemaj11

[DreamerGirl27]

I feel ecstatic...

 

 

that I have and will never let a guy do that to me.

 

I'm waiting for commitment and/or marriage.

 

Girls, raise the bar. If you don't wanna be used for sex, don't put out. Make a guy earn your love and make him respect you for you, not your lady parts.

 

If, of course, that's what you want. If you're a loosey goosey girl who doesn't care, then by all means. Go have lots of sex!! Just don't come home crying when you get attached.

[Chicago_Guy]

Like the title, how do you feel after you think you've been used for sex? Whether it is a first or second date, or the first night you meet. The guy seems great, interested, calls and text up until the sex happens and suddenly pulls back. How would you feel about him? Do you voice your opinion to him, or just let it go?

 

*Not talking about turning it in to a fwb situation, but simply doesn't initiate and brief/vague responses about schedule and simply done with you.*

 

Some women push for sex right away and then the guy pulls back right afterwards. Do women really feel as though they were "used" in that situation?

[oaks]

Let's see, you take them out on formal official dates, dinners, they meet your friends, you act like you care about them and enjoy their company, and then after they have sex with you you disappear and stop returning their calls because you dont' care about them anymore. Yeah, you're misleading them.

 

Maybe the guy didn't like the sex - something about it was a red flag for him - so he bails. He might be accused of using the girl for sex, but really he just didn't want a relationship where the sex was bad and he didn't have the balls to say "you suck in bed".

 

Ok, so I'm sure that isn't always what happens, but how does a girl who thinks she was used for sex discount the possibility that he just didn't enjoy the sex?

[ASG]

I feel ecstatic...

 

 

that I have and will never let a guy do that to me.

 

I'm waiting for commitment and/or marriage.

 

Girls, raise the bar. If you don't wanna be used for sex, don't put out. Make a guy earn your love and make him respect you for you, not your lady parts.

 

If, of course, that's what you want. If you're a loosey goosey girl who doesn't care, then by all means. Go have lots of sex!! Just don't come home crying when you get attached.

 

That's just the thing. I have as much sex as I want and I never come home crying that "he" didn't call. Didn't call? His loss then. Next!

[kiss_andmakeup]

I feel ecstatic...

 

 

that I have and will never let a guy do that to me.

 

I'm waiting for commitment and/or marriage.

 

Girls, raise the bar. If you don't wanna be used for sex, don't put out. Make a guy earn your love and make him respect you for you, not your lady parts.

 

If, of course, that's what you want. If you're a loosey goosey girl who doesn't care, then by all means. Go have lots of sex!! Just don't come home crying when you get attached.

 

Yes, because clearly there is no middle ground between waiting for marriage and being a "loosey goosey girl."

 

My boyfriend and I slept together on our first date and 3 years later we're still together.

 

Before him I dated a guy who I didn't want anything serious with, just fun and sex and he got attached.

 

I think the idea of this dilemma applying exclusively to women, as if we are such victims, is a bit outdated and untrue. Both sexes can make their own choices and be responsible for their actions.

Edited April 13, 2011 by kiss_andmakeup

[DreamerGirl27]

Well maybe I'm just sweeter, more sensitive and more classy than both of you?

[harmfulsweetz]

I don't think you can be used for sex, unless you were raped. If it is consensual, and you are not in an exclusive relationship, then you are equally responsible for your own actions. I do think of course, like anything else, it stings, it's rejection, but then, any of the guys who have done that to me, weren't great in bed, in fact, they were far from great, and so, not really a great loss to me.

 

No one wants to be humped and dumped, but it happens. Don't walk around with a victim mentality about a risk you took though, in the end, if you had fun, enjoy it for what it was. If not, least he's gone, and you can start nexting. Either way, great learning experience.

 

But we all have down days, when those things make us question our own validity as a person, not when I've necessarily felt like a victim, but more like I think of his rejection of me to be some reflection on me? But I think we all get that, I just remind myself I ought to have rejected him too.

 

In one way, and I'm not making the most coherent post ever, but if you find out his character early on, it saves you a whole load of bother later.

[harmfulsweetz]

I feel ecstatic...

 

 

that I have and will never let a guy do that to me.

 

I'm waiting for commitment and/or marriage.

 

Girls, raise the bar. If you don't wanna be used for sex, don't put out. Make a guy earn your love and make him respect you for you, not your lady parts.

 

If, of course, that's what you want. If you're a loosey goosey girl who doesn't care, then by all means. Go have lots of sex!! Just don't come home crying when you get attached.

 

Good for you. Heaven forbid, someone make a mistake.

 

 

It's all well and good to wait for marriage, don't come home crying if he turns out to have a small d*ck, and struggles with erectile dysfunction though.

[Mutant Debutante]

Is it possible that the guy thought the two of you were not sexually compatible? And instead of saying so, disappear without mentioning anything. I hear a lot of women do the same thing after a date. Is that any different?

 

Look, it's lame whenever somebody actively dates another person, has sex with them, and then stops returning their calls and drops off the face of the earth. It's weak and selfish and can hurt other people's feelings.

 

If you think you're not sexually compatible, have some courtesy and just tell the other person you're just not feeling the chemistry and you're moving on. It's not the easiest conversation but it's not like it's as hard as a big serious breakup and it keeps you from being a big douchenozzle.

[Mutant Debutante]

Good for you. Heaven forbid, someone make a mistake.

 

 

It's all well and good to wait for marriage, don't come home crying if he turns out to have a small d*ck, and struggles with erectile dysfunction though.

 

Honestly I think it's kind of retarded to wait until marriage. But maybe that's because I like sex and I can't imagine being legally tied and MARRIED to somebody I might have real sex problems with...also I don't want to get married until I'm at least like 30 and who wants to wait that long?

 

But whatever floats her boat, I guess. Just acknowledge there's risks either way.

[Mutant Debutante]

Maybe the guy didn't like the sex - something about it was a red flag for him - so he bails. He might be accused of using the girl for sex, but really he just didn't want a relationship where the sex was bad and he didn't have the balls to say "you suck in bed".

 

Ok, so I'm sure that isn't always what happens, but how does a girl who thinks she was used for sex discount the possibility that he just didn't enjoy the sex?

 

Let me break it down (this is not just directed at you, btw Oaks).

 

This guy doesn't say he didn't like the sex, although I'm sure that happens sometimes to everybody. He talks about a pattern of humping and dumping, and strongly implies it's his normal MO. He wanted to know if a pattern of acting like he genuinely likes/is romantically into women, having sex with them, and then pulling a disappearing act, was hurtful to any of the women he did that to. And the simple answer is YES. However much some people on this thread want to talk about sexual empowerment (which I agree is a good thing) or double standards or celibacy until marriage or whatever blah blah blah, the fact is that yeah, what he's doing is going to hurt some women.

 

In my book, when you do potentially hurtful things over and over without thinking about the people you might be hurting because you just want to get your rocks off, you're being a douchebag.

 

Maybe that makes my position clearer.

Edited April 14, 2011 by Mutant Debutante

[mogul]

 

This guy doesn't say he didn't like the sex, although I'm sure that happens sometimes to everybody. He talks about a pattern of humping and dumping, and strongly implies it's his normal MO. He wanted to know if a pattern of acting like he genuinely likes/is romantically into women, having sex with them, and then pulling a disappearing act, was hurtful to any of the women he did that to. And the simple answer is YES.

 

In my book, when you do potentially hurtful things over and over without thinking about the people you might be hurting because you just want to get your rocks off, you're being a douchebag.

 

My intention isn't to hurt them. When I do actual dates, that is just how I am. I'm just a nice guy. If I am not interested, I will only suggest going for drinks. I don't mislead them. I am genuinely interested in them and their company. I never talk about "us" in future tense, nor do I give them any indication I want a relationship. I am always under the impression that when I go out with them, it is just two adults enjoying each other. I never say it is a "date", but I guess it is implied. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

I don't drag it out. I don't waste their time under false pretenses that I want a relationship with them. From me initially meeting them, to sex is usually less than 10 days or first/second date. However, I just am not the same after sex. I honestly just feel less motivated. I might not be over my ex, so I am picky and compare so I don't pursue the route of a relationship with these girls. I don't want to prolong it and have them become clingy/intrusive with my life so I feel it is best to pull back. I don't ignore them, I just do not initiate and give them short response. I also let them know that I am busy and will let them know when I have time. It isn't like I just disappear without a reason. There are times where the sex is amazing, and I will turn them in to fwb.

 

I actually created this thread to gauge whether women really do care if a guy isn't the same after sex. From what it seems, women on here appreciate it for what it is. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that way in the real world. They become clingy, and often times call me out on it. I don't see anything wrong with what I am doing. I am not lying to them, they get to enjoy my company, a night out with me, a nice dinner, and network.

Edited April 14, 2011 by mogul

[mogul]

I feel ecstatic...

 

 

that I have and will never let a guy do that to me.

 

I'm waiting for commitment and/or marriage.

 

Girls, raise the bar. If you don't wanna be used for sex, don't put out. Make a guy earn your love and make him respect you for you, not your lady parts.

:

 

Really now? We are in the year 2011. Do people really still wait for marriage? What happens if the sex is horrible? Are you going to divorce him for that or stay with it for life?

 

Regardless of how much I may like a girl, I will never marry her without knowing we have sexual chemistry.

[betamanlet]

used. feel hurt. trust guys less. date less. complain to friends that all men are pigs. date more. meet cool guy. think you've found someone special again. get used for sex a 2nd time. feels stupid. never trust guys again.

 

I exaggerate a lil, but something along that line.

then stop desiring the bad boys.

[OliveOyl]

I don't drag it out. I don't waste their time under false pretenses that I want a relationship with them. From me initially meeting them, to sex is usually less than 10 days or first/second date. However, I just am not the same after sex. I honestly just feel less motivated. I might not be over my ex, so I am picky and compare so I don't pursue the route of a relationship with these girls. I don't want to prolong it and have them become clingy/intrusive with my life so I feel it is best to pull back. I don't ignore them, I just do not initiate and give them short response. I also let them know that I am busy and will let them know when I have time. It isn't like I just disappear without a reason. There are times where the sex is amazing, and I will turn them in to fwb.

So you're not ready for a relationship. Do you let the women you are dating know that up front?

[musemaj11]

 

I actually created this thread to gauge whether women really do care if a guy isn't the same after sex. From what it seems, women on here appreciate it for what it is. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that way in the real world. They become clingy, and often times call me out on it. I don't see anything wrong with what I am doing. I am not lying to them, they get to enjoy my company, a night out with me, a nice dinner, and network.

I know right? Especially if the guy had taken her to nice dinners and nice dates, the woman should be saying thank you to him for all that he had given her before he left after having sex with her instead of getting angry.