SailAway Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I'm new to this forum, but was just wondering if there are any others out there in this situation. Very short summary, like the title says, I had a very involved mostly EA with a married OM. We both have been through several ddays, of our own admission. It is over now, for good, and there is no possible future together. I'm in the rebuilding phase with my H. He has been truly amazing throughout the aftermath. He has supported me and comforted me when I least deserved it. He has shown me over and over that he is able to, and WANTS to move on and put this behind us, and grow together as a result. I just can't seem to get there. I love this man. I have put us both through hell, and I want to "fix" it. But I am still reeling with emotions from my R with OM. I don't know how to get past this. I am not worried about breaking NC this time around, I am more worried about mental NC. I felt things I have never felt before with someone other than my H. And I can't unfeel those things. I can't unknow what I know. And I feel incredibly stuck, and hopeless, and defeated because of that. Sorry for the rambling. This is my first time posting on a forum, but I just wanted to see if there's anyone out there who has been through something similar. Link to post Share on other sites
dryerase Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I read your post and felt as though I had written it myself. Yes, I am in the same situation as you, committed to making my marriage work (my husband is similarly awesome), but still having so many thoughts of the OM in my head. Doesn't help that I'm also working with him (for now). I find myself wondering if I did the right thing (by letting the OM go), trying to convince myself that it wouldn't have been good to be together with the OM (which he definitely wanted), reminding myself of all of his negative qualities (and all of my husband's good qualities) to make myself feel better than I let him go, and I am still left with all of these emotions. I would say it gets better during the days I don't see him, then seeing him at work brings it back. I have looked through this forum extensively, and it seems like other women have gone through this, and in time, just taking things day by day, keeping yourself occupied, those emotions will gradually fade. I find writing things down (even sending emails to myself) on why the OM doesn't fit with the overall goals of my life, the times when I didn't feel so good with him, helps a little bit. It is really hard, much harder than I thought it would be given I felt absolutely ready to end things, so I feel for you, too! This forum has really helped me. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Welcome SA......to LS. You'll get more assistance in the infidelity section of LS as there are a lot of people there who have successfully reconciled although be prepared for a few 2x4's also. I suggest you either repost your story there or ask the mod to move it. I wish you all the best! Link to post Share on other sites
dryerase Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I don't know, BB07. They can be so evil over there on Infidelity. Sometimes I just find them more cruel than helpful over there. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I don't know, BB07. They can be so evil over there on Infidelity. Sometimes I just find them more cruel than helpful over there. Well going over to Infidelity with the above attitude is not really going to help When I came to LS in the immediate aftermath of Dday following my affair, I found that the Infidelity forum was definitely the most appropriate one if seeking recovery in the marriage. yes there will be criticism but there will also be a lot of support and help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SailAway Posted April 12, 2011 Author Share Posted April 12, 2011 Thank you everyone for the quick responses. I will wander over to the infidelity forum to see if my skin is thick enough! I feel so overwhelmed with what is ahead of me, and I feel that I have not made much progress in my healing. Ending the A was an intense, long, ridiculously emotional drawn out process, so I've been dealing with these emotions for a year now. Both mOM and I struggled with NC throughout that entire time. Knowing that it is over now, for good this time, I know will help me to finally move on, but right now it is still so raw and painful, that it's hard to focus on the positives. So that's where I struggle. Trying to simultaneously fix myself, deal with my emotions surrounding the end of the A, my withdrawals, getting through one day at a time, AND trying to rebuild my marriage. It's extremely draining and daunting. Anyway, thanks again for the responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I'm curious...and I can post this in your other thread if you prefer...but what are you ACTIVELY DOING to recover your marriage? What are you and your H doing to try to rebuild after your affair? Marriage counseling? What have you done to begin rebuilding trust? What are the two of you doing to rebuild damaged communications? Link to post Share on other sites
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