My Daily "No Contact" Journey Journal

[MrStinky]

Hello all.

 

This is my first post.

 

I will give you a background on my relationship that just ended.

 

I met my ex-girlfriend in high school when we were in grade ten. At first, I thought she was quite plain and boring. But something about her grew on me and for the next 3 years she was "the one." I obsessed about her, desired her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

 

Well, my opportunity came when I was 18 years old.

 

She actually kissed me first but I must say I was the one who laid all the groundwork to that kiss

 

Anyways, we started dating and had been together since then.

 

Fast forward to this January, when quite literally out of the blue she broke up with me over a text message. We had been living together for 3.5 years and had been dating for almost 7 years.

 

Initially I made all the mistakes I now realize I should not have done. But then again, you don't read about what not to do in a breakup until after you've been broken up with

 

For example:

 

• I said I would change
  
• I cried and showed emotion in front of her
  
• I begged for her to change her mind and stay with me
  
• being close to her (physically and emotionally)
  
• saying we could be friends
  

The weird thing is she slept with me 4 times in the month after we broke up - and let me video tape one of them. She also let me take dozens and dozens of naked pictures of her 4 weeks after the breakup.

 

As a result of our breakup, I had to move back home with my mom. That would have been fine if not for 2 things:

 

1. She works for my mom at my moms house
   
2. I was working hours (4pm - Midnight + Midnight - 8am) that prevented me from being able to avoid her
   

I tried my best to do "no contact" but she would ask me questions when I was around -or- try and talk to me about my life.

 

It became almost unbearable.

 

My heart was broken, I was depressed, couldn't eat or sleep, had a perpetually dry mouth, etc. and I was expected to see her 5 days a week.

 

I couldn't escape her and couldn't catch a break.

 

That is until the company I work for offered me a day shift.

 

It was heaven sent.

 

I now work 7am - 3pm

[MrStinky]

DAY 1

 

Today after work I went right to the gym.

 

Since she broke up with me I've intentionally lost 40+ pounds in 10 weeks (and still have a little more to go), changed my wardrobe (I'm so stylin' now), had the space between my teeth filled in, got some fashionable glasses, awesome haircut, hung out with friends all the time, changed my personality and confidence, etc.

 

I did a lower body workout and went down to the beach today to kill time for 40 minutes.

 

I got home at about 6:20pm and she was long gone.

 

I do this so I do not have to see her or speak with her. I've tried NC before but I want to make sure I have a fail proof plan where I don't have to see her at all and fall into my old ways.

 

My brother and I are moving out for July (potentially a month sooner) so I only have to keep this up for the next 80 days

 

Today was a success!

[Hopeless Girl]

why did she break up with u? btw nice job.. kep up the good work... ur doing great!

[Exit]

Wow man, 40lbs in 10 weeks. What's your secret? Haha.

 

You're doing the right thing, especially after the mess of still sleeping with each other after it was over. That just sends the message that she can still have you without any commitment. So it's good to put an end to that and get on with your life.

[NRG]

Good job. Does she not want to reconcile? There is some serious mixed messages I am reading here.

[arbrne_vet]

i too am a weightlifter. been lifting a long long time.

would be willing to give some advice, share ideas.

 

rule #1, never quit. keep hitting the weights. bust your ass. you will feel good, and look good.

 

good luck!!

[MrStinky]

Day Two

 

Today, again, after work I went straight to the gym.

 

I hoped on the subway and was there at around 3:40. My workout (Upper Body) was done and I was out of the gym at about 4:50.

 

After that, I walked down to the beach again and finished a book (it's called "I'm having more fun than you") that I have been putting off as it is not what I thought it was going to be and have had trouble finishing it because is is quite repetitive and boring. Problem with me though is I can never not finish a book I have started. Arrrgh...

 

After that, I walked over to the grocery store to pick up some items that I need for my diet plan and by the time I got home, she was gone once again.

 

I am sure she is starting to realize that I am not showing up at my regular time and she may be wondering what the deal is.

 

I can't do NC if I see her everyday, even if I don't "speak" with her per-se and say a "Hello" when I get there.

 

A saying that I heard that is so true for NC is:

 

You’ll never see the grass grow by staring at it

 

Have you ever noticed how you don't see a coworkers weight loss but when you see a friend after 6 months, it is very noticeable?

 

It's the same thing for me.

 

If I am around all the time she will never:

 

• see me grow as a person
  
• notice my weight loss
  
• realize my change in confidence
  
• understand how much she misses me
  

Day Two was a success!

[MrStinky]

Hopeless Girl,

 

She said she "fell out of love with me" and has not elaborated very much other than that.

 

She still maintains she doesn't just want to be friends with me, but rather "best friends"

 

----------------------------------

 

Exit,

 

Honestly, I am on low-carb "atkins" eating. I eat less than 20 carbs per day and it works perfect for me.

 

I agree with not allowing it any more. We even kissed about 3 weeks ago (the breakup was in January) so I NEED to get my head on straight and stop any and all contact (or maybe never contact again) until I am ready or want to.

 

I know she wants me in her life in any capacity so I can take all the time I need.

 

----------------------------------

 

NRG,

 

I agree. The messages are incredibly mixed.

 

I figure I will give her 6 months minimum (most likely 1 year) to figure out how much her life sucks without me and how I've moved on in the meantime.

 

As the great Keith Urban said:

 

Someday I'm gonna run across your mind. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm gonna be alright. While you're sleeping with your pride. Wishing I could hold you tight. I'll be over you. And on with my life

 

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arbrne_vet,

 

You have my word. I will NEVER quit. I promise.

 

I will not let up until I am beyond my goals

[Hopeless Girl]

she fell out of love? ouch.. idk what to say ... these things happen... but i wonder why would she want to be best friends? weird...

[arbrne_vet]

the unfortunate, fortunate thing about weightlifting, is you never reach your goal. a true weightlifter always wants more so to speak. you have a goal for a 200lb bench. you bench 200 lbs. you are estatic! excited. then, you want more. some day you hit 300 lb bench. again, you are estatic. then you want more. it is a great thing. keeps you pushing yourself.

 

you want to get strong, and look good. i strongly suggest going for high reps, in the 15-20 range. i have been lifting for sooooo many years. i always stayed within the 4-8 rep range,this is what i have always heard. four months ago, i changed to the 15-20 rep range. and mind you, when you get to the last few, your jewlels should be ready to pop. my strength has increased, and holly crap do i look better. my daughter even made a comment. she came over and i had no shirt on and she said she has never seen my chest so ripped.

 

So my friend. that is my advice.

 

i hope you are doing well with everything else.

[MrStinky]

Day Three

 

Today was another good day.

 

At work I didn't have too much to deal with (although it was stressful at times) but was glad to leave when the day was over.

 

I went straight to the gym (you'll notice this pattern in my posts Monday - Friday) and had a fantastic leg workout. One of those workouts where you are ecstatic when it is over

 

After the gym, I was supposed to go meet a friend of mine but he didn't pick up his phone so I decided to go to my usual hangout after the gym... the beach!

 

I walked along and found a bench and started reading a new book. Already the new book is is 10 times better than the previous one!

 

After the book I kept walking along the boardwalk on the beach.

 

I must admit, the thought of being alone bothered me today. It crossed my mind a couple times when I thought of all the potential work to find and get to know somebody and how it would have been easier to just stay together with the ex.

 

A little while later I found a bench and wrote the following to myself:

"You gave up on me. You said I wasn't good enough. Because of that, I can never, ever take you back"

 

I realize there are so many women in my city and a good majority of those women offer more of the things I've always wanted in a girlfriend/wife that the ex couldn't.

 

I find myself smiling at our good memories (instead of getting down at the thought that there will never be more "memories") but also I have been actively thinking of all the things about her and the relationship that I couldn't stand.

 

That helps a lot.

 

There is a lyric in a Deana Carter song that says:

 

"Is it really him or the loss of my innocence I've been missing so much"

 

But for me it would read:

 

"Is it really her or the loss of a relationship that I've been missing so much"

 

I think that with every day it gets easier to deal with and now with the genuine NC is is exponentially quicker in terms of how much better I am feeling, instead of ignoring her around the house that I had to move back into when we broke up.

 

Today was another success!

[MrStinky]

Hopeless Girl,

 

I don't have a clue why she would want to be friends.

 

The ex's mother kept insisting whenever I spoke with her (we have a great relationship) that she thinks she is "keeping me in her back pocket" in case things don't work out with her "new" and she wants me back.

 

She may be trying to do this by:

 

• still working for my mother
  
• trying to keep in contact me
  
• asking about my life to my family
  
• asking me to go out to places with her (diner, movies, etc)
  

I'm no chump so I won't do any of the above things with her

 

 

 

-------------------------------------

 

 

arbrne_vet,

 

Great advice! I will definitely use it.

 

All else is well

[MrStinky]

Day Four

 

Today was another good day.

 

Work kept me busy and I got to see and friend who I haven't seen in around a month.

 

After work I did something a little different.

 

I went up to a department store and bought some shoes. 4 pairs to be exact. They were "Buy One Get One Half Off" so I took advantage.

 

That helped kill some time (and I got some flashy new kicks) because I have around 3.5 hours between finishing work and being able to come home with 95% certainty that she will not be at my moms.

 

After the department store, I walked a nice long route to the gym.

 

Got my upper body workout in an after that was able to kill a little more time at my elementary school listening to a song on repeat that is simply awesome.

 

You need to listen to it if you like tremendous songs.

 

It's called: I Can Feel A Hot One - Manchester Orchestra

 

Today was another success as I did not see nor contact her!

[nana841121]

after all the numbness and the silly optimism and the who-cares shrugs of

 

the shoulders , you will be happy again.

[MrStinky]

Day Five

 

Just got in from hanging out with friends. I know. It's 3am.

 

Anyways, all day was good. Until about an hour ago.

 

I woke up (got a great sleep) and did my HIIT cardio bike workout.

 

After that I did some shopping with my mom and was able to get 3 new jackets and a vest for under $100. Not a bad deal.

 

I went out for dinner with friends, and had a great time.

 

I even saw 3 girls there who were rather cute and they got my mind onto the idea of a new girl in my life for the couple hours I was around them.

 

Then on the walk home, we ran into my "ex's" little brother. We talked for a bit and then we were all on our way.

 

As we were walking home we passed a couple bars and I kept thinking "What if I see my ex at one of them?" (as I am trying to do complete, disappear from your life, don't ever see me form of "NC") and then started to think about her sleeping with somebody else and I couldn't get it out of my mind for like 15 minutes.

 

Don't ask me why that thought popped into my head.

 

I did finally get the thoughts out of my head my confronting the thoughts as irrational and unnecessary as they were happening.

 

I am now home and ready to head off to bed but even with the "thoughts" set back...

 

Today was a success!

[Fufu]

You are doing great Keep it going.

[MrStinky]

Day Six

 

I woke up after a nice long sleep in.

 

I had some breakfast and about an hour later I went for my daily HIIT bike ride.

 

I got home and watched some TV with my brother and had some nice atkins meals (chicken wings, bacon cheesburger, etc).

 

In the evening we both went to a mutual friends to watch a movie. In honor of the recent 4th installment, it was "Scream."

 

I got home around 9:30 pm, made my food for the next days work, cleanup and and went to bed.

 

All in all the 6th day was...

 

A success!

[MrStinky]

Day Seven

 

Today was a close call!

 

I got off work, went to the gym and had a great workout.

 

After that I met up with a friend and went for a walk. We actually walked over to another guys house and stayed there for about an hour.

 

Now the "ex" usually leaves work (at my mothers house) around 6pm. Today I showed up at 6:20pm and she was STILL THERE!

 

Luckily she was talking to my mother at the time and her back was to me so I was able to use my ninja skills and walk past here without saying anything and bound up the stairs so I could avoid her.

 

About 5 minutes later she left but I think from this point on I am going to aim for at least 6:30pm as my earliest arrival time so I don't have to see her at all.

 

I'll have to figure out some more things to do, places to go and people to see so I can kill more time and not see her at all.

 

I also want to take away her ability to EVER see me.

 

All in all...

 

Today was a success!

[MrStinky]

Day Eight

 

Today was good.

 

Got up for work at 5:30am.

 

Worked until 3pm.

 

Went to the gym where I did a lower body workout.

 

After the gym I went over to a friends house to kill time for 90 minutes.

 

We watched a stand up comedy special entitled "Love Is Evol" about a divorce.

 

After that I came home, ate my dinner and 30 minutes later went for my daily H.I.I.T bike ride.

 

Had my bath, hoped on the computer and was in bed around 10:30pm.

 

Not to exciting but essential for my goals.

 

I feel every drop of sweat makes me that much more handsome in the eyes of a new girl.

 

Speaking of new girls, I met a new girl who I texted back and forth all night with.

 

We are going on a date sometime next week and I very much look forward to it.

 

All it in all, Day Eight was...

 

A SUCCESS!

[MrStinky]

Day Nine

 

Another good day.

 

Worked in the morning, worked out after work and then went to a friends house.

 

We went to the grocery store and I got a bunch of stuff I needed.

 

After that, I came home and did my H.I.I.T bike workout.

 

From there I had my shower and made my food for the next day.

 

I was in bed by 10pm.

 

All in all it was a good day.

 

There were moments where I thought about alot of the crap she did over the 7 years and it further solidified my desire to never take her back.

 

Literally, some of the stuff she did was criminal.

 

I feel like parts of the 7 years we were together were a sham. I also think that I could never believe anything she would say she "didn't do" during the break if we were ever to get back together.

 

Besides all that...

 

...Today was a success!

[MrStinky]

Day Ten

 

Today was another typical day.

 

Work until 3pm. Gym after that (FANTASTIC leg workout) and then I went out to see a friend.

 

Turns out the ex has been saying "Hello" to him whenever she sees him in the neighborhood, even though she used to tell me that she "couldn't stand him."

 

As to why she is now doing this - your guess is as good as mine.

 

After that I came home, ate some dinner and did my daily bike ride. On my bike ride I once again ran into her younger brother. We talked for a bit and I know he is the type to tell her we talked.

 

Around 9:30pm I went to see a good friend of mine perform with his band. They are awesome!

 

From there I got home quite late and went right to bed.

 

I was so tired I forgot to make my food for work today. Luckily I have some "ready-to-drink" nutrition shakes and other miscellaneous low carb options that I have for situations like this.

 

All in all, today was...

 

...A SUCCESS

[MrStinky]

Day Eleven

 

Today was fine. Not because I missed my "ex" but because I had to work on a holiday

 

Last night was awesome though.

 

I (as well as a bunch of friends) went to see a screening on a movie called "The Room" that came out in 2003 that has been called "The Best Worst Movie EVER." The 2 stars of the film where there and I was able to get my photo taken with them. The movie is completely hilarious - for all the wrong reasons.

 

After the movie was done, we went to a bar to grab a couple drinks.

 

Ever since my "ex" broke up with me, I have found it slightly uncomfortable in bars/clubs but by exposing myself to them I am getting better and better with being there.

 

Ultimately, you can meet many girls there and that is what I intend on doing.

 

But day 11 was...

 

...a success!

[Fufu]

Time passes fast... 11 days already.

[MrStinky]

I agree.

 

Before I know it, it will be 30, 60, 90 days.

 

And after that we will become strangers again.

 

At that point it will be weird but I will be over it all and moved on with my life.

[MrStinky]

Day Twelve

 

It was nice that it's the weekend.

 

I was able to sleep in, instead of getting up at 5:30am.

 

When I woke up I watched some tv, had some food and then around 4pm went to the gym and had an epic upper body workout.

 

I am going to add one more lower body weight lifting workout to bring my weekly total to 6.

 

I will still be doing my 7 day a week HIIT cardio workouts.

 

I cam home, ate and went out to do my bike workout at around 8pm.

 

I stayed in the whole night after I got back from it.

 

There were at least a couple moments of weakness where I wanted to call the ex.

 

In my mind I tried to justify these thoughts by saying things like "Why can't we just be friends" or "I want to know what she is up to right now" but I knew it would take me back to square one.

 

She would feel I need her, she would have the power and I would look like a chump!

 

Besides, my new life motto is...

 

"You can't see the grass grow while looking at it"

 

I want to choose when she sees me and when she does see me, I want to look COMPLETELY different than the last time she saw me (down another 25 - 30 pounds) and have a completely different attitude and outlook.

 

I want to be a brand new person (of sorts) and show her how good my life is and what she chose to let go of.

 

It may sound petty or vindictive (and to a certain degree it is) but it is what I want and what will make me happy.

 

So today was...

 

...a success!