My Daily "No Contact" Journey Journal

[LadyD06]

seems like your doing GREAT

i'm going thru a breakup now. and need help

my only bad habit is texting!!!

how do i stop texting him?

please help i feel like a fool sometimes.

any other pointers will help too.

thanks

[MrStinky]

seems like your doing GREAT

i'm going thru a breakup now. and need help

my only bad habit is texting!!!

how do i stop texting him?

please help i feel like a fool sometimes.

any other pointers will help too.

thanks

 

It sounds so cliche but you HAVE to keep busy with other things.

 

I assure you - the feeling to text does not go away easily. I wanted like crazy to call or text her today but decided to have a nap instead. When I woke up, the desire was completely gone.

 

As bad an example as it may be - think of not texting/calling like being on a diet. You may think of the "bad" foods every now and again but if create a "No Fail Environment" as Dr Phil says and have it so there is always 3 things to do before you text/call (see list below) you should be fine.

 

Stay busy in the long term with some F's (friends, family, fitness, food, etc.) and in the short term keep busy by doing things that occupy your mind (sleep, food, tv, movies, reading, internet, etc) so you don't think of them -or- are too busy to do anything about it when the feeling strikes.

 

Hope this helps

[LadyD06]

It sounds so cliche but you HAVE to keep busy with other things.

 

 

oh i agree! if i had a dollar for everytime i heard that! lol

but today was ok only spent the first half of my day texting him he just text me just now saying his work schedule is going to change.. what do i say to that?? ugh its just so frustrating to go from one extreme to another, seeing him and having this routine to NC. it's at times unbearable.

but so far today i've hand washed my car, started reading this great book, cleaned out my closet, chatted with a friend.

but keep posting ur journey thru this it's very inspiring that it can be done;)

thanks

[Sassygirl2]

Keep up the great work, Mr. Stinky! It is very inspiring reading your entries. I too, would like to lose some weight before my ex sees me again - IF it ever happens. I started exercising last week - not what you are doing but walking and yoga for now. I'm a newbie to exercise so I am just working on doing something every day and am also eating lots of protein. I DO notice that the exercise helps with the stress!

[MrStinky]

Keep up the great work, Mr. Stinky! It is very inspiring reading your entries. I too, would like to lose some weight before my ex sees me again - IF it ever happens. I started exercising last week - not what you are doing but walking and yoga for now. I'm a newbie to exercise so I am just working on doing something every day and am also eating lots of protein. I DO notice that the exercise helps with the stress!

 

What matters is that you are doing something!

 

Any exercise is better than no exercise.

 

You're right about it being great to de-stress. Also, when your ex sees you and you've lost weight, the look on their face will be priceless.

 

Protein is great for satiety. It is also the most metabolically active of the macronutrients in that it has a thermic effect of 30%. So in other words - 30% of the calories in protein are burned up just to digest it.

 

It's all about baby steps and doing something rather than nothing and you look like you are well on your way to your goal.

 

Keep it up and keep me posted on your progress

[MrStinky]

It sounds so cliche but you HAVE to keep busy with other things.

 

 

oh i agree! if i had a dollar for everytime i heard that! lol

but today was ok only spent the first half of my day texting him he just text me just now saying his work schedule is going to change.. what do i say to that?? ugh its just so frustrating to go from one extreme to another, seeing him and having this routine to NC. it's at times unbearable.

but so far today i've hand washed my car, started reading this great book, cleaned out my closet, chatted with a friend.

but keep posting ur journey thru this it's very inspiring that it can be done;)

thanks

 

What should you say?

 

Say nothing to him and say to yourself "I need to stop texting him if I want to get him back or if I want to move on"

 

I agree about the extremes. It feels so weird to go from loving somebody so much to becoming intentional strangers.

 

Just like anything in life (good or bad) it is true when people say "This too will pass"

 

You will get over it. You will come out stronger and more wise.

 

Keep it up with keeping busy. Make a list of the things you want/need to do and you will find yourself so occupied with your own life that you will forget about theirs.

[MrStinky]

Day Thirteen

 

Today was another good day.

 

I woke up early (around 8am) and hoped on the computer.

 

Read some articles on the internet, Facebook'ed a couple friends and had a nice breakfast of chicken wings (I'm on a low carb diet).

 

Later, I cam upstairs and was talking with my younger sister who essentially sounded off on all the things she couldn't stand about the "ex" and told me all the things other people (friends + family) have said.

 

She then proceeded to tell me that the "ex" and I fought to much (I honestly don't think we did but I could be wrong).

 

She did say one thing that kinda bothered me (ego hit I guess) and that was when I said that "I am the most compatible person" my "ex" will ever be with, my sister said "She will find somebody better than you."

 

I didn't know my sister was a fortune teller

 

In all honesty, I really do believe that I am the most compatible. We were friends for 3 years before we dated. We dated for almost 7 years and I know she has never connected with ANYBODY like she did with me and I honestly think it will be that way forever.

 

Besides, the "ex" was telling me before, during and after the relationship that I am her "best friend" and she "can't imagine me not in her life in some capacity."

 

At 2pm I went out for a walk with a friend and we roamed around the area for a couple hours.

 

I got home a little after 5pm and had another meal. I was seriously considering calling the "ex" to see how she was but all I really wanted was to hear her voice.

 

I decided a nap was a better idea.

 

I dozed off pretty quickly and slept till a bit after 8pm.

 

I woke up, watched some of the hockey game (Vancouver vs Chicago) and once again came on here to answer some questions and post my daily journal.

 

I find that it is getting easier and easier every day to think of her less and my desire to contact her is lessening every day.

 

I still love her. But I know that if I am to move on or get her back eventually, this is the ONLY course of action

 

All in all today was...

 

...a success!

[MrStinky]

Day Fourteen

 

Today was a so-so day.

 

Right off the bat, I can say that I did not contact my "ex" so you have nothing to worry about there.

 

What happened was I saw that YouTube video "

" and it really hit me hard.

 

I literally almost broke down crying in front of my friend. The lump in my throat was enormous.

 

I just could relate so much to the video.

 

I also went with my brother today to see an apartment.

 

I must admit it was bittersweet.

 

Sweet: because I will have both my on place and freedom again

Bitter: because I am no longer living with my "ex"

 

Sometimes these moments hit you like a ton of bricks.

 

You wish so much to be with them, hold them, smell them, hear them, etc. -but- you know it is not good for your healing.

 

My mind says the relationship was crap and I always knew I wanted something else.

 

But my heart still has not healed and at times will overlook the "crap" and think that she was perfect.

 

She wasn't!

 

She did so many terrible things to me (amongst the amazing) and I still wish at times it wasn't over.

 

I do realize there are many more girls out there (I have a date this weekend) and that I am an amazing person who ANYBODY would be lucky to have.

 

That being said, I am just about to do my weight workout and after that will do my HIIT bike ride.

 

So even with the sadness, today was...

 

...a success!

[neghitzbrah]

This is truly one of the most enjoyable thread I've read in the past few weeks on LS. I, too, have broke up with my ex 4 months ago after 5 years. It was tough for me to do it (us to do it) but it was for the better.

 

I wish the best of luck for you MrStinky. Keep at it with the working out! I did the same! I dropped down 4% bodyfat (16% to 12%) within the first 2 months of the breakup. Best shape ever and boost of confidence.

 

A lot has happened since then. Dated a few girls and was seeing one for about a month. Still think about the ex from time to time, but I know nothing will come good if i get back with her.

 

I'll give you feedback on your diet if you post it here and provide you with some great workout routines if you need it. I coach a few people at my job and a few people on beachbody.com -- I have been doing P90x and Insanity for a year and it feels great. Remember, diet is 90% of the progress!

 

Stay focused! ---> Subscribed

[LadyD06]

i just watched the first 4 mins of "Strangers Again"...... i got the same lump in m throat and same gut turningfeeling!

 

its ridiculous..its llike you want to get into there mind and see things they way they do.

 

but the good thing is we can't i'd probably would be too scared to knoww what my ex was actually thinking.

 

i again thank you for writing this and you have kept me strong these past few days....

Thanks, LadyD06

[manji123]

Yes thanks for writing this because it is helpful. I was in a relationship for 9 years (almost 7 of those we were married) and I still remember on the day of our divorce it hit me that when I was 60 (many many years away) I would have no idea if she was alive or dead. Although she had cheated on me and we just were not compatible it still hurt--bad.

 

But now I've moved on and after dating here and there I actually found a lady that I was I was compatible with and we were happy for the last 6 months. But she just broke up with me this weekend because she felt she still had an emptiness in her from her divorce (she divorced last year). Although she doesn't want him back she finds that he still haunts her and thinks that isn't fair to me. So now I'm having to go NC and hope that she realizes that I'm still here for her and that those memories will always creep in from time to time.

 

I'm not trying to hijack your thread. lol I'm trying to say don't be surprised when stuff like a video, song, place or scent brings back a flood of emotion. Just know that it will happen and don't let it ruin any future relationships.

[MrStinky]

This is truly one of the most enjoyable thread I've read in the past few weeks on LS. I, too, have broke up with my ex 4 months ago after 5 years. It was tough for me to do it (us to do it) but it was for the better.

 

I wish the best of luck for you MrStinky. Keep at it with the working out! I did the same! I dropped down 4% bodyfat (16% to 12%) within the first 2 months of the breakup. Best shape ever and boost of confidence.

 

A lot has happened since then. Dated a few girls and was seeing one for about a month. Still think about the ex from time to time, but I know nothing will come good if i get back with her.

 

I'll give you feedback on your diet if you post it here and provide you with some great workout routines if you need it. I coach a few people at my job and a few people on beachbody.com -- I have been doing P90x and Insanity for a year and it feels great. Remember, diet is 90% of the progress!

 

Stay focused! ---> Subscribed

 

First off... Thank You. I am glad you are enjoying this.

 

I hope that through my pain (and now healing) I can help people.

 

The benefits of fitness are tremendous. It feels good, I get better sleep, my clothes are fitting so much better -and- they are so much more stylish, I have so much more energy and confidence as well.

 

I agree (for the most part) that nothing good will come if you get back with your ex. I find that thinking of all the things I couldn't stand about her, the things that caused me pain and sadness (that she did) and how this is such a life learning experience help me get through the tough times.

 

I agree with the saying "Abs are made in the kitchen. Not in the gym."

 

I ensure my diet is optimal for my goals (fat loss) by keeping my body in ketosis.

 

Keep me posted on how you're doing fitness wise + relationship wise. We all love to hear it

[MrStinky]

i just watched the first 4 mins of "Strangers Again"...... i got the same lump in m throat and same gut turningfeeling!

 

its ridiculous..its llike you want to get into there mind and see things they way they do.

 

but the good thing is we can't i'd probably would be too scared to knoww what my ex was actually thinking.

 

i again thank you for writing this and you have kept me strong these past few days....

Thanks, LadyD06

 

It really is a sad film. Very poignant right now for us all!

 

I agree that if we did get into their mind we would literally be haunted by their thoughts. The thoughts could destroy us while we are still this emotionally fragile.

 

I am very happy to hear that I have been able to help you. I will keep posting here daily because I know you'll continue to stay strong.

 

We are all here for you

[MrStinky]

Yes thanks for writing this because it is helpful. I was in a relationship for 9 years (almost 7 of those we were married) and I still remember on the day of our divorce it hit me that when I was 60 (many many years away) I would have no idea if she was alive or dead. Although she had cheated on me and we just were not compatible it still hurt--bad.

 

But now I've moved on and after dating here and there I actually found a lady that I was I was compatible with and we were happy for the last 6 months. But she just broke up with me this weekend because she felt she still had an emptiness in her from her divorce (she divorced last year). Although she doesn't want him back she finds that he still haunts her and thinks that isn't fair to me. So now I'm having to go NC and hope that she realizes that I'm still here for her and that those memories will always creep in from time to time.

 

I'm not trying to hijack your thread. lol I'm trying to say don't be surprised when stuff like a video, song, place or scent brings back a flood of emotion. Just know that it will happen and don't let it ruin any future relationships.

 

My pleasure.

 

The thought of the future without knowing them can be both troubling and exciting. I just hope your days of excitement far and away exceed your days of trouble.

 

You don't have to worry about hijacking. Your input is always welcome!

 

It's true. It's always the smallest things that set you off but they were also the things that made the relationship so very special.

 

I know you'll be fine

[MrStinky]

Day Fifteen

 

Broken down and hungry for your love

With no way to feed it

Where are you tonight?

Child, you know how much I need it

 

These lyrics are from one of my favorite "mourning / break-up" songs.

 

I love the original but was introduced to the cover version by Jaime Cullum when I bought his album back in 2003. I loved this song then and ironically remember listening to it while sitting next to my then "girlfriend" while we were on a train to visit friends this last New Years.

 

This song lyric kept playing in my head at work today.

 

After work I went to the gym. Did maybe my most grueling leg workout yet.

 

Once done there, I went to Starbucks to kill some time (my "ex" still works at my mom's house so I have to avoid her until after 6:20pm) and enjoyed a book I am currently reading and some music on my Ipod.

 

Once I was done there, I walked home and she was gone.

 

I ate some food and went on my daily HIIT bike ride.

 

Normally I do 10 laps of a hill but starting today I am doing 15 laps per workout.

 

It's hard but worth it.

 

I have been saying to myself (when I am exhausted during my workout) "I can give up -or- I can give you hell."

 

I can either quit (and be pissed with myself) -or- I can press on through and be happy with the results and know that the next time she see's me she will be flabbergasted at how much fat I have truly lost.

 

It will feel great.

 

After that I came home and hoped on the internet to do some reading.

 

I have been reading a lot about "PUA" and am enjoying being an apologist about it to other newly single men.

 

I was out of "the game" for almost 7 years so I need to brush up on my skills.

 

I would recommend it to all men on here who are looking to improve your odds.

 

But now I am off to bed.

 

Today was...

 

...another success!

[Sassygirl2]

I need to say thank you as well Mr. Stinky. You have been keeping me going too. Your posts are refreshing and motivating. I need to lose some serious weight and have been walking and doing yoga like I had told you earlier. The yoga is helping me relax which is good since I am working on my anger. I am also trying to eat well. Is there something you can recommend that will help me excelerate this process? Do you think I should do a cleansing diet like Isagenix? I did that a few years ago and it worked well but it's expensive. Money is tight so maybe there is something I can do that isn't as expensive? It seems like men can drop weight so fast and for women it takes much more. I have heard that it also gets harder as we get older. Since I'm 45 now I'd better get in shape and stay that way or it will just be that much harder.

[adagio012]

Thanks for sharing your daily journal with us, MrStinky. It makes me believe that if you could make it through like that without contacting the ex for a little over 2wks now, then anybody could do it too.

I'm at day2 of NC now... but the bad thing is, I'll still be seeing him around at work later on during the end of this week.

Oh, I also have a question: What if later on within your NC period it is the ex's birthday.... would you wish her a 'happy birthday' or stay silent and do nothing about it?

[LadyD06]

Today another day but.. not completly NC with some texting here and there.

finally text him and said 'you know if i couldnt make you happy then i hope he finds that someone who can' and left it at that, and of course i've been checking my phone and jump when it lights up lol. still no response but owell.

 

but i've noticed i've been through stages:

sad; where i balled my eyes out and any little thing triggered water works.

mad; where i really wanted to just find the nearest punching bag and go at it.

and now it's kinda of a "F*** it" stage, if he doesnt want me someone else will.

 

have you been through these similiar stages? and is it normal?

[MrStinky]

I need to say thank you as well Mr. Stinky. You have been keeping me going too. Your posts are refreshing and motivating. I need to lose some serious weight and have been walking and doing yoga like I had told you earlier. The yoga is helping me relax which is good since I am working on my anger. I am also trying to eat well. Is there something you can recommend that will help me excelerate this process? Do you think I should do a cleansing diet like Isagenix? I did that a few years ago and it worked well but it's expensive. Money is tight so maybe there is something I can do that isn't as expensive? It seems like men can drop weight so fast and for women it takes much more. I have heard that it also gets harder as we get older. Since I'm 45 now I'd better get in shape and stay that way or it will just be that much harder.

 

I am glad I could help you!

 

I know you will make it though this and you will come out a better, more confident, loving person.

 

Life does go on and it is HIS loss - not yours! Always remember that!

 

I don't know your specifics (weight, height, etc) but I would recommend not a total low carb diet like myself (as it can be very challenging at times... carbs are delicious after all ) but a reduction in carbs (20% [or less] of your daily calories should come from carbs) + an increase in protein (around 50% of your calories) and a healthy amount of fat (around 30%).

 

You can read more about "what to eat" here

 

Fat is not the enemy it is made out to be. Insulin (for the most part) causes weight gain. And fat has literally no effect on insulin. Protein has about a 5% effect and carbs (sugars, starches, etc) have a 100% effect.

 

I would NOT recommend cleansing diets. Your liver is better at cleansing your body than ANY diet - so to make it easier for your liver to do its job stay away from booze for a while.

 

Men do actually lose weight 2x as fast. I apologize on behalf of us all

 

The reason it gets harder as you get older is because if you are not active you loose 0.5 pounds of muscle (metabolically active) and replace it with 0.5 pounds of fat (not metabolically active) every single year after about age 30.

 

Keep up the good work! It will take time to get in shape - but it is WELL worth it

[MrStinky]

Thanks for sharing your daily journal with us, MrStinky. It makes me believe that if you could make it through like that without contacting the ex for a little over 2wks now, then anybody could do it too.

I'm at day2 of NC now... but the bad thing is, I'll still be seeing him around at work later on during the end of this week.

Oh, I also have a question: What if later on within your NC period it is the ex's birthday.... would you wish her a 'happy birthday' or stay silent and do nothing about it?

 

Not a problem.

 

I assure you, it can be done. I never thought I would last this long but I have and I will continue to go NC until I feel I am over it all and healed.

 

When you see him at work, smile, say "hello" and leave it at that.

 

You don't need to talk to him. You don't need to do anything you don't want.

 

Before I had my day shift, I would see the "ex" while I was in the house and either outright ignore her -or- give one word answers to any questions she asked me.

 

My ex's birthday was on the 6th of this month.

 

I remained silent and so should you

[MrStinky]

Today another day but.. not completly NC with some texting here and there.

finally text him and said 'you know if i couldnt make you happy then i hope he finds that someone who can' and left it at that, and of course i've been checking my phone and jump when it lights up lol. still no response but owell.

 

but i've noticed i've been through stages:

sad; where i balled my eyes out and any little thing triggered water works.

mad; where i really wanted to just find the nearest punching bag and go at it.

and now it's kinda of a "F*** it" stage, if he doesnt want me someone else will.

 

have you been through these similiar stages? and is it normal?

 

I think you need to leave it at what you texted him.

 

Every time you send him a message, he see's that in some capacity you need him and are not over him and he is loving it (even if it is just sub-consciously).

 

A good friend of mine told me those would be the "three stages" and he was spot on.

 

I went through them -and- to a certain degree still am going through them.

 

But with anything, life gets easier and time does heal. You will make it through this and as Tim McGraw says "You'll find better love, strong as it ever was."

[MrStinky]

Day Sixteen

 

Today had a close call.

 

I continued my typical routine.

 

Wake up at 5:30am, work until 3pm, go to the gym after work (today was an upper body workout and it was fantastic), go somewhere to kill time (the beach, the graveyard, a school, a friends house, a walk anywhere, etc) and then go home in hopes that she is no longer there.

 

Well today when I got there, I saw my mom getting into her car while I was walking down the street and I am almost certain I saw the "ex" sitting in the front passenger seat.

 

I swear sometimes she is waiting for me. I know her so well and I know she is dying to know what I am doing and has probably manifested some scenario in her head where I have done something that is resulting in jealousy on her part.

 

Luckily I had my headphones on and I simply waved to my mother and walked right into the house.

 

When I got in I ate my dinner, watched some TV and went for my HIIT bike ride.

 

Got home, had a bath and watched some of the hockey games on TV.

 

I find my desire to call/text on returns on the weekend when I have more free time.

 

Also, I had worked 3 out of every 4 weekends for years and I think that now that I have them free - I wish I could have been doing things with her on them.

 

Her mom messaged me on Facebook yesterday when I was on and wants to go out for coffee. We have maintained a great relationship (her mother and I) in spite of the breakup.

 

She thought the world of me and I know she completely disagrees with the breakup.

 

I admit, I was no saint but the "talk" was completely out of the blue.

 

Her mother also maintains that the reason the "ex" is still connected to my family is in case things don't work out in her "new" life and she wants me back.

 

Problem with her though is she will never be proactive and initiate.

 

If she wanted me back, I would most likely never know.

 

I saw this a million times when her "friends" stopped calling or inviting her out. She would always maintain that it was their responsibility to contact her because she tried once and that was sufficient in her mind.

 

Either way, I still love her and my heart would take her back but my mind that is filled with logic, rationality and reason would say NO!

 

I found out too many things about her and who she really was as a person (and all the things she felt she couldn't tell me) after she broke up with me.

 

It hurt but it also helped.

 

It hurt because I felt like I never knew her and could not trust her -but- it helped because it made staying away easier.

 

Only time will tell what happens.

 

But I am in a better place than I was 3 months ago.

 

And I know that trend will continue with each passing month.

 

So today was (even with the close call)...

 

...a success!

[reallyconfused2542]

nice job! way to keep it going

[MrStinky]

Day Seventeen

 

Today was a half success.

 

I will explain.

 

I did my normal routine (wake up, work, gym, waste time).

 

To waste time I went grocery shopping and clothing shopping.

 

I even went and sat at some baseball diamond and listened to music to kill time.

 

Anyways, on the way home at around 6:15 I was walking some side streets and I ran into her going back to her apartment.

 

Now, I could have ignored her outright and pretended not to see her but that would have been both apparent -and- childish.

 

So as I got closer, she waved at me and I took my headphones out to "chat" but I made sure that I only stayed for a couple minutes.

 

We talked about a couple things and I know she has been looking at my Facebook page (I deleted her) as she told me she say me in a photo that my 2 friends are also using as their profile picture.

 

She never looked at their pages. Go figure...

 

I also made sure I was the one who ended the conversation as I said "i have to get going now."

 

I made sure I smiled, told how good my life is and showed that she wasn't having an effect on me anymore.

 

It really looked like she wanted to give me a hug when I said I had to get going but I made sure I just walked away and didn't look back.

 

Although it was completely unintentional that I ran into her - I consider today...

 

...a half success!

[MrStinky]

nice job! way to keep it going

 

Thank You!