Sometimes I feel like cheating on my BF

[RedDress]

Hi I know most of you will probably hate me from what I'm about to write. I need some place to vent out and write all my frustration and feeling. I don't really want to do but I'm frustrated.

 

I've been with my BF for 10 months (I'm 21 and he's 23) and he still won't have sex with me. Seriously, I can put on my pyjamas or wear something provocative but nothing. All we end up doing is making-out, rub on to each other with our clothes on, he fingers me sometimes and lots of kisses but not the real thing.

 

I know how it feels to be a virgin and be nervous but it's been a while now. How much longer do I really have to wait for him to be ready? Why can possibly make him scare/nervous? I'm not going to laugh at him if he doesn't do it well the first time.

 

What will take him to finally do it? He keeps saying he's not ready yet but it's really starting to get me a bit annoyed. What will take him to finally do it?

I will be coming back and reply to your insights.

[WorldIsYours]

Hi I know most of you will probably hate me from what I'm about to write. I need some place to vent out and write all my frustration and feeling. I don't really want to do but I'm frustrated.

 

I've been with my BF for 10 months (I'm 21 and he's 23) and he still won't have sex with me. Seriously, I can put on my pyjamas or wear something provocative but nothing. All we end up doing is making-out, rub on to each other with our clothes on, he fingers me sometimes and lots of kisses but not the real thing.

 

I know how it feels to be a virgin and be nervous but it's been a while now. How much longer do I really have to wait for him to be ready? Why can possibly make him scare/nervous? I'm not going to laugh at him if he doesn't do it well the first time.

 

What will take him to finally do it? He keeps saying he's not ready yet but it's really starting to get me a bit annoyed. What will take him to finally do it?

 

Is he a virgin? Or does he have a standard or some sort of time set? Give us more background, please.

[Ginger Beer]

Hi I know most of you will probably hate me from what I'm about to write. I need some place to vent out and write all my frustration and feeling. I don't really want to do but I'm frustrated.

 

I've been with my BF for 10 months (I'm 21 and he's 23) and he still won't have sex with me. Seriously, I can put on my pyjamas or wear something provocative but nothing. All we end up doing is making-out, rub on to each other with our clothes on, he fingers me sometimes and lots of kisses but not the real thing.

 

I know how it feels to be a virgin and be nervous but it's been a while now. How much longer do I really have to wait for him to be ready? Why can possibly make him scare/nervous? I'm not going to laugh at him if he doesn't do it well the first time.

 

What will take him to finally do it? He keeps saying he's not ready yet but it's really starting to get me a bit annoyed. What will take him to finally do it?

I will be coming back and reply to your insights.

 

If it were the other way round you'd expect the man to wait. Don't be a cow.

[EyesWideOpen]

Hi I know most of you will probably hate me from what I'm about to write. I need some place to vent out and write all my frustration and feeling. I don't really want to do but I'm frustrated.

 

I've been with my BF for 10 months (I'm 21 and he's 23) and he still won't have sex with me. Seriously, I can put on my pyjamas or wear something provocative but nothing. All we end up doing is making-out, rub on to each other with our clothes on, he fingers me sometimes and lots of kisses but not the real thing.

 

I know how it feels to be a virgin and be nervous but it's been a while now. How much longer do I really have to wait for him to be ready? Why can possibly make him scare/nervous? I'm not going to laugh at him if he doesn't do it well the first time.

 

What will take him to finally do it? He keeps saying he's not ready yet but it's really starting to get me a bit annoyed. What will take him to finally do it?

I will be coming back and reply to your insights.

 

 

Cheating on him will not make him ready any sooner. And while it may seem like an eternity...ten months isn't THAT long.

 

So it seems that you've talked about it enough for him to state that he's not ready, but have you discussed why he's not ready?

Is it religious? Is it that he's wants love first and either isn't feeling that deeply for you, or even doesn't feel that you do for him? Or has he stated that it is strictly nerves?

[SoulStorm]

Are you sure he's a man?

Have you seen him naked?

[KatieB]

don't be so hard on the poor guy, I wish my boyfriend was a virgin when we met lol. It would be a shame for him to make the mistake I did, I decided to lose my virginity to my bf because I felt like I was making him wait too long and didn't want him to get impatient so I just went along with it, I wish I hadn't now that I've found out about his past and stuff.

Everyone has different needs and that needs to be respected if the relationship is going to work. I know it may just seem like sex but for some people its very important. You never know, he may even have issues that he needs to deal with and hasn't told you about, a traumatic experience perhaps? I'm not saying its the cause but its a possibility and its never fair to pressure someone.

Anyway, giving him more time may give him more confidence and it will be better for you in the end.

 

Good luck!

KAtie

[PegNosePete]

Go ahead, cheat.

Then be consumed by guilt and confess it to him, or wait for him to find out.

Then get dumped.

Then he'll hate women and be a misogynist for the rest of his life.

Congratulations, pat yourself on the back for a job well done f*cking up someone's life.

 

Or you could try talking to him about it? Radical suggestion I know. If it turns out that you're not compatible then split up.

[shadowofman]

What prevents you from whipping it out and going to town?

[Woman In Blue]

LOL..young guys his age would screw a knot-hole in a fence if they were sure they wouldn't get splinters.

 

He's either gay, impotent, or crushingly insecure.

 

You're only 21. You'll have many boyfriends before you find "the one" that you'll want to commit to. This isn't the end of the world. This guy is rare - I'm sure the next one won't act like this.

[WorldIsYours]

LOL..young guys his age would screw a knot-hole in a fence if they were sure they wouldn't get splinters.

 

Same for the young women his age.

 

He's either gay, impotent, or crushingly insecure.

 

Oh yea someone is either of those three choices if they don't want to ****.

[BeginAgain]

Same for the young women his age.

Definitely never met those girls.

[Chi townD]

okay, so what? He's a virgin and he's nervous about doing it! If you cheat on him you are going to lose an incredible guy. Let's face it. A lot of guys his age only want one thing from you. This guy is different. He's gotten to know you, respect you; love you and without ulterior motives.

 

Look, you've been honest with us, complete strangers on a forum. You need to be just as honest with him. You need....it. And you have to tell him.

 

First and most importantly, DON'T Pressure him. Don't tell him, look either you give it up or I'm gonna find someone that will. Then when he does, he'll resent you for forcing him into something he felt he wasn't ready for. Just tell him that you love him and you want to experience that part of him. And because of your feelings for him you believe that it would be incredible for the both of you. get to the nitty gritty of the conversation. Re-assure him that it will be safe and protected and that you won't do anything that he feels he's not ready for, you wont push the evelope and you'll just keep it simple and ease into other things.

 

If you can re-assure him that everything will be alright. And your first time is done lovingly and with tenderness....I expect a new thread from you stating, "I can't get him to stop!"

[WorldIsYours]

Definitely never met those girls.

 

There are plenty of skanks who are out there looking for something to fill their holes.

[RedDress]

Is he a virgin? Or does he have a standard or some sort of time set? Give us more background, please.

Yes he is a virgin. I learnt this early in our relationship through his relatives. It was in our 3rd month that he finally decided to tell me (after confronting him with what his relatives told me) as I was starting to suspect. Initially my first thoughts that was either he's just shy with intimacy, had bad experiences and is taking his time, or had little to no experience at all. So it turned out my last assumption was correct afterall.

 

I was annoyed that he lied about it and didn't told me from the beginning. I wouldn't have mind at all.

 

This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship with a virgin man so I'm kind of new to this. If waiting is what he wants then ok. It sure does takes lots of patience.

[RedDress]

If you can re-assure him that everything will be alright. And your first time is done lovingly and with tenderness....I expect a new thread from you stating, "I can't get him to stop!"

Yeah it will take a bit of time before I hear the words ''I'm ready now''. I want his first time to be the happiest moment.

[RedDress]

Go ahead, cheat.

Then be consumed by guilt and confess it to him, or wait for him to find out.

Then get dumped.

Then he'll hate women and be a misogynist for the rest of his life.

Congratulations, pat yourself on the back for a job well done f*cking up someone's life.

 

Or you could try talking to him about it? Radical suggestion I know. If it turns out that you're not compatible then split up.

I'm not going to cheat. This was my way of venting out my frustration on this thread but it's a hard position to be in. I've never cheated on my past relationship and don't want to be this low-life person.

[thatone]

Yes he is a virgin. I learnt this early in our relationship through his relatives. It was in our 3rd month that he finally decided to tell me (after confronting him with what his relatives told me) as I was starting to suspect.

 

 

that's pretty terrible on the relative's part. and worse to confront him about something like that after hearing it from a third party, imo.

 

think of who you're dealing with. men are told that they're supposed to initiate contact with women, when someone is doing that for the first time, but still has the ingrained expectation of performing well, that's a lot of pressure.

 

the confrontation pushed him further away.

 

you have to play to his thoughts/feelings. so think of what gets men to respond to you...

 

a) telling him you want to do this, blatantly and openly, not beating around the bush about it (no pun intended). he initiated first contact before the first date right? that's all he wanted to hear was "yes". so put him in the same shoes you were in, make him look you in the eye and tell him what you want, he won't likely be able to say no, it's not in a man's nature to flatly say no to a specific demand like that. don't accept an excuse that amounts to no, if he tries to explain away why he doesn't want to, interrupt him and tell him "just say yes" like he would've done to you if you would've stalled in giving him an answer when he first asked you out.

 

b) tell him that he will do fine. he doesn't want to hear that you'll accept failure, he wants to hear that he'll do ok. appeal to his rational nature, tell him that you've been here for 10 months, you're not going to reject him over the next 30 minutes.

 

c) even if the first time is awful, reassure him, give him a little positive feedback even if he doesn't necessarily deserve it, it'll help

 

d) once you get past the hurdle of the first time, he'll want to get better, it's also not in a man's nature to ignore challenges from women. so tell him what you like and what you want, be specific. when he does well what you tell him to do, tell him how much you enjoyed it. add something new each time, not every expectation all at once.

[EyesWideOpen]

Yes he is a virgin. I learnt this early in our relationship through his relatives. It was in our 3rd month that he finally decided to tell me (after confronting him with what his relatives told me) as I was starting to suspect. Initially my first thoughts that was either he's just shy with intimacy, had bad experiences and is taking his time, or had little to no experience at all. So it turned out my last assumption was correct afterall.

 

I was annoyed that he lied about it and didn't told me from the beginning. I wouldn't have mind at all.

 

This is the first time I've ever been in a relationship with a virgin man so I'm kind of new to this. If waiting is what he wants then ok. It sure does takes lots of patience.

 

You learned it from his family?? Wow. So did you learn this because you are talking about him to his family? Or did you learn it because his family feels free to just gossip about him?

Either way, that's really f*cked up. The family has no place in this situation at all. And it's creating even more unnecessary pressure. I would be p*ssed off at my family if I were him for even discussin it. It's none of their business.

 

 

So it is strictly based on inexperience and essentially his insecurity over this?

You do realize that being pushy about it will only make the situation worse, right? If he's already insecure about it, the more it's talked about and focused on (by you AND by his family) the more it is going to drive him in the opposite direction.

 

While I understand that you are frustrated, you need to be patient with him. If he's not ready, he's just not ready. If that is just unacceptable to you, then you may want to rethink the relationship. Trying to force him to feel differently is only going to end in distaster.

[Kelemort]

So you found out from his family (...strange) that he was a virgin, and instead of talking to him about this, you chose to "confront" him? Of all of the news you could possibly hear about your boyfriend, "he's still a virgin" is among the best you could get. And 10 months into a relationship isn't that long to wait to have sex, especially given that he's a virgin. I dated my boyfriend for about a year before I felt comfortable enough to sleep wtih him.

 

It sounds like this is your only problem with your boyfriend. It's fair that maybe you don't want to wait that long, but he's not completely ignoring you sexually. He's 23-years-old. If I were 23 and male, I'd be scared about having sex too. In this society, if something goes wrong, he's expected to be able to take care of you and the baby. My philosophy's long been that waiting at least 9 months is a good idea - if something DOES go wrong (and it's unlikely if you're using protective methods - but not impossible), you've been together long enough that you may be better able to weather a surprise.

 

To that end, would you use birth control? Reassure him that you would use condoms, spermicide, birth control pills, etc. to ensure your complete safety. Go and get tested for STDs with him to prove that you're clean to remove his anxiety. And more than anything, reassure him that you love him no matter what - not just because of the sex. You've confronted him and attacked him about his secret - about something which he was clearly uncomfortable about, and you only compounded that when you acted upset that he kept it from you.

 

And reassure him that he will be special to you whether you have sex or not. If he's your boyfriend now and you've stayed with him this long, hopefully it's a sign that he is the best you've ever had and not just a placeholder. These are important things.

 

I wish someone would have helped me feel that way when I lost my virginity. Instead, I felt like part of the line-up.

[Bionic Me]

Hi I know most of you will probably hate me from what I'm about to write. I need some place to vent out and write all my frustration and feeling. I don't really want to do but I'm frustrated.

 

I've been with my BF for 10 months (I'm 21 and he's 23) and he still won't have sex with me. Seriously, I can put on my pyjamas or wear something provocative but nothing. All we end up doing is making-out, rub on to each other with our clothes on, he fingers me sometimes and lots of kisses but not the real thing.

 

I know how it feels to be a virgin and be nervous but it's been a while now. How much longer do I really have to wait for him to be ready? Why can possibly make him scare/nervous? I'm not going to laugh at him if he doesn't do it well the first time.

 

What will take him to finally do it? He keeps saying he's not ready yet but it's really starting to get me a bit annoyed. What will take him to finally do it?

I will be coming back and reply to your insights.

 

To be ready. If he's not ready then how can he do it? Question may be redirected to you. Are you ready to be with him if this continues to hold his grounds?

[somedude81]

You need to have a serious talk about sex with him.

 

Tell him how important sex is to you and how necessary it is for a healthy relationship.

 

If he still insists on not having sex. Dump him.

 

Don't cheat on him.

 

Just dump him.

[WorldIsYours]

If that's all you want is to have sex with him, then maybe you need to reconsider the relationship. Don't cheat, just break up with him. He doesn't need to compromise his values just because you want an orgasm.

[Professor X]

So... Did you quench your thirst for a penis yet?

[somedude81]

So... Did you quench your thirst for a penis yet?

Why are you asking that? Shouldn't you already know her answer?