stopthemadness Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 For the most part I thought I was doing so good with this whole coping thing. Its been almost 3 whole months (on the 20th) that i have had no contact what so ever with my ex. Thats REALLY good for me. I was the dumpee and took it very hard. Tryed to talk him out of the breakup the whole nine.I WAS very broken.Was 2gether 8+ yrs. Doing much better now. I joined a gym, and that feels great. I am still seeing my therapist about every 3 weeks now, started out once a week then every two weeks. But the last few days I feel sad its like am in a funk. A relapse if you will. Not really sleeping well again. Although lots of other stuff going on too. I find myself thinking of "him" when i dont wanta even have him in my head anymore! He works in my city. Hes a city worker and him and I have crossed on the road a few times lately. And YES it stings a little to see him. But for the most part we both just pretend that we dont see eachother. He lives with his new women down the street from me about 3 blocks (REALLY SUCKS) I make it a point to never go that way any more. It seems to help not to have to see his car parked at that house. Maybe its the change in seasons? Maybe its the time frame in which alot of us have been brokeup for 6+ months or so. But Iam reading other posts just like this. Seems to be going around? Most days I think. I got this!! Am gona be just fine. Then theres days like 2day when i saw him on the road. We both look the other way. And lifes goes on. I know am not really to be in a heavy relationship. I know I still have some healing to do. But like my thearpist says "am doing the work" so when my next relationship guy comes around I'll be ready and not holding on to crap from the past. Soo bottom line..this is just a funk and it will pass right? In a few days I'll be feeling strong again right? I know am not alone in this as I,ve been reading other posts. Your thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 8 years is a long time, don't beat yourself up for still feeling like you're on a rollercoaster after just 3 months. Let yourself be sad when you feel sad, just don't let it take over your entire life. Have a quiet evening, be sad for a while, and then do your best to get on with life. If you try to ignore your feelings, they'll just keep building up, and some day you'll have to face them eventually and it won't be pretty. Acknowledge your feelings as they come, respect the fact that you're feeling whatever you're feeling, and then let it go. Kind of vague advice, but there isn't much you can do. A change after 8 years is a lot to adjust to and you're much stronger than me! Going through breakups after 6 month or 1 year relationships makes me feel like the world just lost all its oxygen. I'd probably lose it completely if I lost someone after so long. You're doing good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stopthemadness Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 8 years is a long time, don't beat yourself up for still feeling like you're on a rollercoaster after just 3 months. Let yourself be sad when you feel sad, just don't let it take over your entire life. Have a quiet evening, be sad for a while, and then do your best to get on with life. If you try to ignore your feelings, they'll just keep building up, and some day you'll have to face them eventually and it won't be pretty. Acknowledge your feelings as they come, respect the fact that you're feeling whatever you're feeling, and then let it go. Kind of vague advice, but there isn't much you can do. A change after 8 years is a lot to adjust to and you're much stronger than me! Going through breakups after 6 month or 1 year relationships makes me feel like the world just lost all its oxygen. I'd probably lose it completely if I lost someone after so long. You're doing good! Thanks for saying sounds like am doing good. It helps me to hear it smtimes. You know what? I think smdays I just miss him. And you know what else? I wonder if he misses me too? Thats crazy huh.. But i dont live i pretend world..I live in the now. A place where me and him are over and life goes on..It has too.. And yes smtimes it does feel like i lost my oxygen..But it passes and you get through it (i Guess) feeling a little better thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 great advise exit Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Right. There. With. You. Sister. *pulling up chair to hold hands* You're doing everything right. We just have to ride this out. Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Sounds like you and I are in the same boat - I'm also 3 months out of an 8 year relationship. She was my everything. I took it really badly and ended up on meds and seeing a therapist - I think my issues drove her away in the end so I am also having a hard time beating myself up. My days are slowly getting better yet she's always there in the background, so many triggers after that length of time and it's really hard. I think we're all doing the best we can in such a ****ty situation, I really miss the companionship and the life we should have had (we were engaged and she was even planning our kids names!) but WE WILL GET THERE!! Keep up the good work. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 the ups and downs are part of the natural healing process. There is not straight line to healing like we would like to be. You are do soooo soooo sooo good. Write out your feelings. Do it in color and bold out the words you really really mean. you have a wound and it takes time to heal Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Wow, reading this makes me both happy and upset. Happy that I'm not alone, but upset that we've all had to go through it. I'm also 3 months out of a relationship that was just short of 8 years in which she left me, stating she no longer loves me. I've also, in these last few days had a relapse. I work in the same building as my ex but thankfully it's a very large building with multiple exits and entrances to each wing. I've walked past her before and, whilst it hurts to see her, I've always felt like I was making improvements, however, the other day I saw her and we both did the pretend we hadn't seen each other thing and walked on. Only this time time, instead of the knot in my stomach easing and the pain dying down after about 30 mins, this time it continued and has done for a couple days now. I thought I was doing really well. Filled up my social calendar, organised a new housemate to move in (couldn't afford the house on my own), reconnected with friends that I hadnt spoken to in ages and ultimately tried to enjoy myself. But once again, after this one encounter, she invades my thoughts once again. I write this to show there are many similar stories to yours, and hopefully show that it's normal to have the relapses. As others have said on here, 8 years is a long time to have to get over and it will take a lot of adjustment. A friend of mine, who's 10 year marriage ended 2 years ago when she left him, said that he feels, at an absolute minimum, it's at least one month healing for every year you were together. I'm sure we'll all get there, in fact I'm certain we will. We've just all got to be strong, focus on ourselves and give ourselves some much needed TLC! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) It is a tuff time of year and you are going through a difficult time, but be kind to yourself. It is important to allow yourself to feel all of it, even though it sucks sometime because it does not feel like it will end but it had to work itself out. Trust yourself, your doing fine. So tomorrow go out and do something to reward yourself for your hard work- like buy yourself some flowers, get an ice cream cone, or go for a long walk in the woods. You deserve it. Edited April 14, 2011 by GrayClouds Link to post Share on other sites
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