Gauging Interest ...

[px2006]

OK, so this is kind of embarrassing to put on a forum. So I'll keep it as simple as possible. This is something that I feel I should know but for some reason I'm absolutely stumped. I guess emotions are getting in the way of reasoning right now and I could use some outside opinions. Let me preface by saying I'm gay and I'm NOT looking for a one night stand. I'm looking for commitment, LTR, that whole deal. It's frustrating because sadly I can't find a lot of guys like that. But take that into consideration. Being a gay man, I have no idea how gay men operate. I'm also a chronic overanalyzer, so take that into consideration too. I'm probably thinking about this way more than I should.

 

Anyways, here goes.

 

I went on a date (or meeting) with a guy I talked to online on Sunday. I honestly had no expectations for this, if anything they were sort of low (the guy didn't really seem to be my type). Imagine my surprise when the guy turned out to be everything I'm looking for in a guy. Charming, witty, handsome -- the whole package. I won't lie when I say I could hardly keep my eyes off him.

 

I'll call it a date, but honestly it was the first time meeting in person after a few days of back-and-forth messages. Sort of a spur of the moment deal. So that's where one of the questions comes into play: was this a first "date"? Is a date when you mutually agree to meet, or is it a date if you two mutually agree it's a date?

 

Second, I thought it went fantastic. I was involved, he was involved, I wanted to know more about him, and it just went really well on my part. I was more relaxed than I've ever been, and he's seriously the first decent guy I've met in years. (I've met some ... winners.)

 

Before I left, I asked if he'd like to hang out again. He said yes, in a special sort of way like he'd been waiting for me to ask. I hugged him (it was the middle of a subway station so I didn't want to kiss) and told him I'd keep in touch.

 

That night he sent me one text message, I asked if he made it home all right and he said he had. That was it.

 

The next day, I sent him a generic "hey" text message - "hope you're having a good day" sort of thing. He responded about 9 hours later, saying he'd had a busy day and he'd just gotten home. (However, he'd had time to check OKCupid in the meantime, but not text?) He didn't apologize for the delay - not that there was a need to, but it was more statement rather than "sorry I didn't get back to you."

 

Today I didn't text him at all, figuring I left the ball in his court after my response to his last text message. Nothing all day. And now it's Tuesday night. I know, I know, it's only been a few days, but this guy has just been on my mind. Something about him is just really intriguing, and it may or may not be a crush. My second question is: what's the best way to ask him if he'd like to hang out again (or go on a second date)? Is this no-text but checking-online (he was online for a while today) an obvious sign of disinterest? He didn't strike me as the shy type, so I don't think that could be it. Should I just come out and say hey, I really like you, would you like to meet up again later, or would that push him away? Or should I just assume he's not interested and move on? (I do have other things to occupy my time. I'm not going to waste time with the ones who don't matter, and if he's "just not that into me", that's awesome - but tell me, don't leave me hanging!!)

 

Anyways, yeah that's it ... I'm also not a teenager, I'm in my 20's but somehow love puts us all back to middle school where we're analyzing what everyone says and every tiny action. So any help from you guys would be appreciated.

 

Many thanks,

px