health Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Sometimes I feel like I'll never like a girl as much as my ex again, it's scary...I hope I will though. This is bad - I've been broken up for over 2 years - she's with the same guy she rebounded with - I was just looking at her photos and it's like I liked everything about her. It sounds shallow but to me she had the perfect body. I don't know what to do. It's like I get a buzz I see a photo of them together and it messes me up but excites me - but I know in the next few days I'm going to feel sick. I feel like beautiful girls and people in general will always be happy cause it's like they can find whoever they want - I know that's untrue though. I don't know. It's been really hard trying to find a new girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 How long were you together? 2 years is getting into dangerous territory where you should probably be well over this by now. Unless this was some 10 year relationship with the love of your life. Even then, 2 years should be enough. It's great to love someone so much, but eventually it comes down to, how much can you possibly love yourself to still endure the torture of missing this person and trying to find pictures of her? Snooping online, finding pictures, getting that strange rush from feeling the pain, feeling sick about it later, these are somewhat "normal" behaviors during the early stages. It's been 2 years, you are going to drive yourself crazy. I can answer your question right now. Will you ever like someone as much as your ex? No, not if you're still so focused on your ex, you won't have the capacity to feel that for someone else. Someone great could come along and you won't even realize it because your attention will still be on your ex. It may be time to seek some help. Nobody on the planet is worth loving for 2 years if they are giving you nothing in return. That's not good. I don't mean to sound harsh, I just want you to get better and free yourself from this. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 When the one comes, you will be able to love again. Don't take things too hard on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 To you, your ex was 'the one' - no doubt about it right? 8 years ago I met 'the one'. Loved her so much but things didn't work out and it ended badly. Now last year I meet another girl (there's been dates between then, but nothing like this) and I'm once again convinced she's 'the one'. Now there's the conflict - how many 'one's' can there be out there? So now I'm resigned to trying to make myself realise that there is no such thing as 'the one'. Just different levels of emotion and connection each time. Same for you - this ex of yours was clearly such a strong connection, but that doesn't mean you won't have another connection in the future. It'll be different but just as powerful. But you've got to willing to let it happen, and that will only come when you finally move away from this emotional bond you still have. 2 years is a long time, but I'm a firm believer that there is no law that says you should be healed within a set amount of time. You just need to focus your attention away from those memories and stop checking up on her (I'm just as bad for that). Everytime you see her picture it's a reminder. I know, believe me! Seal all those pictures up somewhere - don't destroy them as that will only cause you to look elsewhere for your fix. Just put them somewhere that's out of sight and leave them for a week. Then if you feel okay, leave them another week, then another. See how things are in a month or two. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 The post from EXIT is right. It does take time to heal but are you really trying to heal or just deal. Healing and dealing are 2 different things. You need to accept and put all those pictures and everything away and get on with your own life. 2 years is enough. You have to get going or you will be stuck for a long long long time. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Been there thought I'd ne'er find Anyone as beautiful and sweet as my ex fiancé and I did even though that didn't last. Once you let go the work has a funny way of taking care of things. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Your ex aint all that anyway no matter what you think.....leave it alone Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 How long were you together? 2 years is getting into dangerous territory where you should probably be well over this by now. Unless this was some 10 year relationship with the love of your life. Even then, 2 years should be enough. It's great to love someone so much, but eventually it comes down to, how much can you possibly love yourself to still endure the torture of missing this person and trying to find pictures of her? Snooping online, finding pictures, getting that strange rush from feeling the pain, feeling sick about it later, these are somewhat "normal" behaviors during the early stages. It's been 2 years, you are going to drive yourself crazy. I can answer your question right now. Will you ever like someone as much as your ex? No, not if you're still so focused on your ex, you won't have the capacity to feel that for someone else. Someone great could come along and you won't even realize it because your attention will still be on your ex. It may be time to seek some help. Nobody on the planet is worth loving for 2 years if they are giving you nothing in return. That's not good. I don't mean to sound harsh, I just want you to get better and free yourself from this. I was with her for 5 years and 4 months. I am doing everything possible to get over her. I stopped drinking, smoking, etc etc. I was the one who went No contact for 2 years when she was calling me like crazy. I was the example of what to do to get over a break up - got promoted, went to Europe, LA etc. I was with 3 other girls. This is the thing - we were both young, fresh. As I get older I see these girls who have a laundry list of dudes they were with. I am happy and am moved on - I just am expressing a fear. Cause to me she really was beautiful. 2 years of healing is not Dangerous territory - everyone heals at different levels - you know some poeple think they healed find someone in 2 years and still miss their ex - That is not cool. When I find a new girl I want to be good - its just that I wouldn't get with a girl who is just fresh out of a relationship cause my ex rebounded - it's nuts. I know you mean well and trust me I am commited to healing. I just checked out her photos last night after a long while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 See the furstration comes from this - I have tried my hardest to find new girls and I have girls that would have taken my mind of her - but none reciprocated. After being rejected so much - I resorted back to her photos. In this time I dated 3 other girls, they were no good - alcoholic, cheater and just straight slut. I never cheated on a girl in my life. See - I am learning so I don't make the same mistakes in finding a partner thats why I think its taking longer. I go out every week - not to just clubs and concerts but book stores etc. I signed up on a dating site, also a free one. I go out and socialize, exercise everything and I'm going to a therapist. I know I will find another girl - I am not sitting pinning away all day but sometimes it just feels like it should be going smoother than it is! It's scary when you give your all - I know what can happen now after break ups - it can mess with your everything thoughts, beliefs physical - everything if your not careful. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I feel the same way. It sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Exit - See it bothers me when you say dangerous territory after healing for 2 years - know that there are single people in their 40s because they haven't learned from mistakes and keep repeating them. SIngle doesnt matter but repeating mistakes does. I'm reaching out for help here and expressing myself cause yes it is scary - I am scared I go after girls who dont love me in return. My ex actually did give back to me consistently for 5 years then it all went to hell when another guy came in the picture. I am in this world now where many people lack integrity where there is little intimacy where people love themselves with food drugs and alcohol. Whatever I wont be a victim. Sorry if Im comming harsh at you I know you mean well. I just feel I have to learn so much. Thank you smudge I will do that, I appreicate it. I know there are others than The one I never believed in that - but I do agree with what you said about the strong emotional connection thats what it is. Thanks FuFu I will try to be nicer to myself. 9 Lives I agree I will try once again to get on with my life. I just feel so alone at times, and my family is not good either. I don't talk to my brother and sister any more because they are abusive. Thanks Emporer. I agree 9lives I have to push her off that pedastle! lol Thanks for understanding Silver! Link to post Share on other sites
Lil1 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Health, I know exactly where you're coming from. It's so diffcult to get past the rejection sometimes. Knowing that you gave this person everything you had in you, and that you loved them so much and still that was not enough to make them stay committed to you. It's not an easy thing to get over, especially when you thought they were the one person you would grow old with. I think that what youre doing, taking your time and trying to learn through dating is a sensible way to move forward. You have to keep reminding yourself that you have a lot to offer to the right girl, be open to love (which it sounds like you are), and dont be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve. That is how you will weed out the fake prospects and find someone who will return your unconditional love. Best of luck to you Health! Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Your probably right!! you will never get over her. You are conquered. You will not ever get better. You will always be looking at her live a wonderful and awesome life. You will be crying your eyes out looking sad and pitiful and she will not care and most likely be laughing her ass off. I agree. So get use to being a loser over her Link to post Share on other sites
Author health Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 Your probably right!! you will never get over her. You are conquered. You will not ever get better. You will always be looking at her live a wonderful and awesome life. You will be crying your eyes out looking sad and pitiful and she will not care and most likely be laughing her ass off. I agree. So get use to being a loser over her Woah, since you put it like that! Hell no I don't want that. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Your ex aint all that anyway no matter what you think.....leave it alone Your probably right!! you will never get over her. You are conquered. You will not ever get better. You will always be looking at her live a wonderful and awesome life. You will be crying your eyes out looking sad and pitiful and she will not care and most likely be laughing her ass off. I agree. So get use to being a loser over her 9lives tells it like it is. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Woah, since you put it like that! Hell no I don't want that. Thanks. Yes you will. You like it. You like being her little puppy she can kick with her feet telling you to GET LOSS little man!! You bore me with your weak ass!!You love it!!! She knows it and is totally sharing all your little texts and emails with her friends showing you are all broke down like a little btch!!! Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 lol nice reverse pschyology. I use it on my 9 year old brother all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 She knows it and is totally sharing all your little texts and emails with her friends showing you are all broke down like a little btch!!! Oh OP this is true. They tend to share those things -also might be showing it to the new person she's with, my ex did- Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Oh OP this is true. They tend to share those things -also might be showing it to the new person she's with, my ex did- lol That is hilarious! Showing too much empathy and people just waddling in it and it just gets so old Link to post Share on other sites
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