patrick111 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) I met a girl online back in 2009. I should emphasise that the website on which we first started speaking is not a dating site or anything like that; it's actually a kind of social networking site based on music (I won't say the name of the site, but it's pretty popular). Anyhow, at first she and I exchanged a few messages here and there, but it was nothing really serious and I didn't think too much about it. But sometime in 2010 our messages to each other started to get more "romantic", I suppose. And then we started instant messaging each other. For about 8 months, we would IM each other just about every day, and I could tell she liked me. She even started to call me "darling" and sent me a picture bearing the words "I love you"! However, since about three or four months ago, our chats have become much more infrequent. She went from talking to me every day, to talking to me once a week or so. At first I thought that was understandable, because she is a university student (like me) and I know she takes her work seriously. However, what I find really perplexing is that she would talk with people on the aforementioned site, and update her blog and so on, while not signing in to the IM program to talk with me. So it can't be that she's too "busy" to talk to me, because she still finds the time do all that other stuff online. . .right? I remember back when we were talking all the time, she said something to the effect of "every minute I'm not talking to you feels like forever" (), and yet now she seems to be ignoring me. Do you think she's changed her mind about me and is trying to send me a hint that I should find someone else? By the way, despite the thread's title, she doesn't consider me a boyfriend. In fact, she has said a few times that she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. This is kinda confusing when you take into account all the romantic rhetoric ("darling", "sweetheart", sending me love hearts, and so on). However, I believe what she means is that she would like to be in a relationship (specifically with me?) once she gets her life sorted out, i.e. once she graduates and gets her own place, but at the moment it would be intractible. Oh, also, I should mention that even though she seems to be flatly ignoring me a lot these days, she is still very sweet and nice when she does talk to me, and still talks to me as though she "likes me". So what do you think? Has she gotten over me? Am I overthinking this?! Edited April 13, 2011 by patrick111 typo Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 How is this relationship really any different than one with a girl whose last name is JPG or PNG? You need to go out and find a real girl to be with. This virtual affair of the heart is no more than a fantasy. Before that you could try hitting her up irl but if you don't get any irl contact treat her like just another neckbeard, fat guy on the internet. I hope by posting this you don't fall in love with me as well. Also if she doesn't live reasonably close don't commence a LDR. That is a whole other bag of worms and we are trying to get you out of this fantasy world. We don't want to get you into another. This is beginning to seem a little too like: Link to post Share on other sites
Author patrick111 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) Well, as I said, we talked to each other every day for almost a year. Surely that counts for something? Of course it's not a substitute for actually meeting in real life, but I think it would be fair to say we know each other pretty well. I'm sure there are plenty of "real-life" couples who talk with each other much less than we do. Also, are you implying that I fell for her too easily or something? It's not like I was trying to have an online relationship (I mean, I'm 19, I don't exactly need to be doing that. I wasn't even really interested in having a relationship at all). She initiated our IM conversations, and she was the one who started using all the lovey-dovey language. For the record, I could try to find a real gf (and I have considered it), but she's already told me that that would make her sad. That's why this is confusing: she doesn't think of me of as a boyfriend, and she's not interested in a relationship at the moment, and yet she doesn't want me to date another girl? Clearly there is some cognitive dissonance there. But ultimately I guess it means she really does care about me. You seem to be implying that a proper relationship could never grow out of an online friendship, which is something I disagree with. Edited April 13, 2011 by patrick111 Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Okay. You have decided to stay the course. Keep getting jerked around and strung along. See you in ten.....years when you come back to the internet complaining about being the abused and mistreated nice guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author patrick111 Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 I never made myself out to be "the abused and mistreated nice guy"! Basically, I was interested in hearing some possible explanations for her behaviour. You told me to forget about her and find a real girl, which is fair enough, but that doesn't exactly address my questions. I appreciate your perspective, but it seems to me that you're just dismissing this because it's an online relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
BeginAgain Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 She's playing you like a fiddle. Women like attention. A woman's ultimate fantasy is a harem of cuckold males she never has sex with but are at her beck and call. It is that simple. Move on and find a real girlfriend. Nothing on the internet is real. Expect that in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
KennyNicholas Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Hey, you had the exact same problem as I did last year, I met a girl online I was 13 at the time and she was 12, was some sort of game site cant remember which one... but we stayed in contact away from the game and started to talk alot, I saw her get a boyfriend the year after and then after 4 years saw her lose him. So last year being 18 I decided the time was to meet her I knew she was not a pisstake she was genuine and I knew what she looked like so I told her i would travel to her and meet up with her for a week... worst week of my life.. Moral of the story you can depict what you want to be online, sure some of her features she painted we're there but she was so heavily influenced by her so called mates that I was thrown aside like a ragdoll.. I now do not talk to her, thats her decision and not mine and I respect that although looking back now shes a complete bitch.. If you decide to take things further with this girl good luck but dont make the mistakes I made when I met up with this girl, dont get your hopes up thinking you'll pull her easy and get laid and **** because you probably wont..... good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 My brother actually had an online relationship for 2 or 3 years. They talked everyday and saw each other every chance they got in person. Long story short, the girl ditched him the second another guy came along because she would rather a "real" relationship. My bro was pretty torn up about this, because as I could imagine you create a much stronger personal bond with the person. Despite my story, I believe they can work out but it definitely takes two special kinds of people that are completely honest, have great communication, reliable, and definitely patient. My brother sacrificed a lot of his life just to talk to this girl, but I guess you do crazy things when you're in love. I suggest that when you end up talking to this girl again, just be direct and ask her where you two stand. Make her pick a side between relationship or just friends.She could be ignoring you because maybe shes the one falling for you. I would advise against a relationship with her though, by what you've described her as she seems too unreliable and immature, and I bet its just as bad if not worse getting jerked around online compared to real life, but at the end of the day do what you feel is right. Link to post Share on other sites
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