sorry long post, but interesting, i cheated, looking for advice or insight

[supraman811]

Ok I need help seeing what my ex-girlfriend is thinking or seeing in me, we were together for almost 3 years then we tried to make a transition to college from high school, of course we went to the same high school and then to the same college.

 

As everyone knows college is totally different than high school so the transition was extremely hard on our relationship. We got towards the end of the first semester and things were starting to get troubeling for the both of us, it didnt seem like she really loved me or wanted to be with me, so i tried to talk to her about this and all she did was get upset with me, maybe i was trying to discuss at the wrong times...i don't know.

 

But finally she did say that she didnt know if she was in love with me anymore...that hurt me so bad, but instead of taking a break from her like we talked about and chose to hold on to it and give it a little while longer, i called up one of my friends(which was a girl) to talk to me that night, mistake, she came over and we kissed a little bit, me and my girlfriend were still together when this happened, a little less then a week went by and one of my g/f's friends started showing interest in me and she told me that she wouldnt tell if i wouldnt tell.....big mistake....she got me to go to a hotel with her and 2 other people, although i was there in a bad situation i did feel extremely bad and i did kiss her a litttle bit but thats it so i rolled over and tried to go to sleep, after almost 3 years of being a good b/f i totally screwed up all in one week. the first was a saturday night and the next was a thursday, but then that coming sat me and my g/f did "take a break" her not knowing what i had done....i should have told her there, but i didnt man up and tell her.

 

About a week after we took the break my g/f came to me wanting to be with me again tellling me that she new she had messed up before and wanted to change all of it, i wanted to say yes and be with her, but i knew what i had done. during that time one of my friends that i had told about me cheating mentioned it to her, so she confronted me.

 

Again i avoided it by just telling her that i had made out with her friend after we had taken the break and that was it, so therefore i now lied to her on top of cheating and she still doesnt know i was cheating.

 

Finally he told her everything and she confronted me and again i denied it, really big mistake on my part. but eventually i told her the truth not leaving a single i had done out

 

she then seemed to forgive me and want to be with me again, but doubts had risen in myy mind, of knowing what our relation ship was like before so i iwanted time to figure it out so for about a month i would talk to other girls and her frequently but i would give in to her wanted to make out a bit with me. i told her i asnt sure what i wanted ahead of time so she knew this

 

but i really felt horrible about cheating on her cuz i really do love her, but then i saw her start talking to another guy alot, so i got scared and called up her friend again and we started talkin a little again and doing things together alot. this hurt my ex sooo bad and i do see why, so i didnt talk to my ex for a whole week, which is hard considereing i talked to her every day for the past 3 years.

 

then i really missed her and knew what i wanted which was her, my ex, i told her this and i stopped talking to other girls period, she told me that i would have to earn her trust back and her friends trust back and her parents and so on. so i have been trying to do this for a couple months now

 

but everyday i see her growing further and further away from me, i do things for her all the time, like i bought her tickets to the regional finals in st. louis where ku was playing, shes a huge ku fan, but i do things like this and even though i do that she still is struggling to give me her time, at first i could see she was excited to talk to me but now its gotten to the point where i am begging for her attention and she wont give it to me,

 

i feel as if she doesnt miss me at all, I am soo regretful about what i did and know it was wrong and i love her sooo much, please give me some insight if you can, thanks

[dyermaker]

You have warped the boundaries of trust and fidelity in your relationship. I have an acoustic guitar, and the wood on the fretboard is warped, the guitar still plays, but there will always be this annoying aftersound that will only come in handy when playing dueling banjos for the jerry springer show.

 

You both deserve a nice, crisp sounding relationship. You could go ahead and try to make it work, realizing things will never be quite the same, and perhaps ending up on jerry's show, or you could give her a sincere apology, and move on, because you both deserve better.

 

She deserves better treatment, a clean slate, and time to get over you.

 

You deserve a woman who doesn't harbor silent resentment and pain at the thought of you, and whom you can try out your new found knowledge and enlightenment one can choose to garner from a failed relationship.

[hART]

While it is nice you two decided to give it another try, prehaps it is time to let go.

If she wanted to stay with you, she would have wanted to work it out.

For you to cheat on her, she must have been putting you through some sort of abuse.

If you do get back with her, tell her what your needs are (like why did she say she doesn't love you).

Tell her your thoughts on it, like how you love her.

Most importantly, be honest with her, rebuild trust (don't cheat on her again), treat her with respect and communicate with her.

 

If she is anything like myself, she was probably hurt that you not only cheated on her, but had to lie about it.

 

Figure out why you lied about it and what your motivations were for doing it.

Maybe her comment made you feel insecure.

 

Work through whatever problems you had with a counseler or a trusted friend (forum posts are good too).

 

Working through everything, will strenghten all your relationships.