anybody comes first than me

[dina]

Hi, i'm 3 years with my bf. He is somehow a nice guy.

 

He is self alliance with his Business Partner. His Business Partner is very dominant and showy, wenn ever we went out to society join , he overact and try to be better than other. My bf is very cool type, and he doesn't give any space for such things and me to. But my bf has accepted his business Partner and he can deal with it. me i don't like wenn somebody tries to be smart with my cost. I hate that. and i hate too how his friend try with mine and my bf cost to be smart. My Bf hé never defend, he lets him, because he doesn't want any argue in his work for such small things.

 

But i defend and his friend knows i never let him do what he tries to do with my bf and his gf. I react immediatly for his abuse or stupidity. So he respects me but for what i did he punsches my bf indirect and he gives me the answer indirectly "" He changes a place where he sits, or so like look we want to be with you( with my bf) but your gf acts like stupid"" so then after me and my bf argue because my bf tells me it is a society join, he can't afford such kind of conversation. So he says i'm just blaming him. wenn ever we went out mit this guy and his gf. we have a probleme and after we fight and my bf tells me that my arrogant is going to kill him, and he doesn't want to be with me. He means i act in every society join like a kid, so he fills bad for that.

 

But this guy he wants to dominate me like others, he can't have no everbody knows him. But the problem is my bf can't do any thing because he have a firm with him, he can't drop 4 Years hard work for such a simple things,

 

and my bf is telling me that i blame him, wenn ever i react, and me i fill very sick wenn this guy wants me and my bf to undermine, so then i start to protect us. But my bf doesn't like this he is telling me "i ruin his image" so what can i do??? my bf is telling me, wenn i do that i'm not helping him, everytime he said i fell i lose power, wenn ever i go out with you. I 'm not acting stupid, but wenn somebody try to disrespect me then i feeeeeeeeeeeeeel sick.

 

should i kiss his friends ass to stay with my bf , and i hate that. I don't want to be disrespected and dissrespect people. This is not my way. Please help i love my bf. i love to live with him, and to be with him.

[Tony T]

I think the one of the most important things we learn in life is to get along with other people. Unfortunately, so many people are getting crazier and crazier so our job becomes ever more difficult.

 

Out of respect for your boyfriend, not his business partner, you should act kindly and respectfully no matter now disrespectful or boastful his partner becomes. Just because his partner is a fool, you don't need to become one yourself.

 

Everyone here at the forum can tell you I'm not one to take disrespect or lack of consideration, but when it comes from a person who is completely stupid and whose mental functions are lacking, I can overlook that.

 

Since you probably don't see his partner often, you really don't have to put up with his insane behavior very often. My recommendation is to develop an attitude of compassion towards this man and just feel sorry for him when you go out. People cut other people down and make them feel lower than them because they have many insecurities and feelings of inadequacy themselves. Feel sorry for his partner. This showy and dominant behavior is mostly because he does not feel good about himself. Just have pity on him.

 

Let your boyfriend know you do not want to socialize often with his partner. But during the times when you are all out togehter, just smile, be cordial and pretend you are out with a mentally challenged child and deal with it accordingly. You have a choice about how you feel. Consider being around this guy once in a while an opportunity to exercise your skills in getting along with crazy people, a quality you will need all the days of your life.

 

Just because people have big bodies and appear to be adults is never an indication that they have grown up and have become fully functioning mature adults. This business partner is just a small, if not retarded, child who is in a big body.

 

In all of this, it seems your boyfriend does not do a good job of picking business partners. However, I'm sure the choice was based on business considerations and potential income (I HOPE). After all, a lot of people may do business with this guy because they feel terribly sorry for him.

 

If you absolutely can't tolerate the situation any longer, you can just stop being around this man, you can break up with your boyfriend, or you can ask your boyfriend to sell out his part of the business and find another work opportunity.

 

The best thing you can do is change the way you think about this as I suggested above. Sooner or later, this partnerhship will have serious problems and your boyfriend will be away from him. I just hope your boyfriend doesn't lose a lot of business or his reputation because of his involvement with a crazy partner.

[dina]

Hi Tony, you're right. i appreciate that , promise i'll do that. thanks.

you know what a'm wondering is, why my bf do that, wenn ever we go out my bf pay the whole bill. he have to bring for all of us a drink. and his business partner and his gf everytime wenn we go out they just say to my bf can you please take the bill. Why not because of the money, my bf is not his assistance he is his partner, why is it clear that my bf has to take for that. He does not want to admit.

 

What he hears and sees.

 

and the bad thing is my bf doesn't talk about it. It seems he knows that but he doesnt' want to see the reality or he doesn't want to tell me. It is about tabu for him. He sounds like what i'm telling him is a fantasy??

 

what is wrong to him ?? Always he is telling me that i'm wrong.

[Tony T]

Your boyfriend may feel insecure in the business partnership. His partner may have put more money into the business or have more knowledge of the business operation. Unless your boyfriend is insane, I am sure he has a good reason for paying for all of these meals, trips, outings, etc. If there are important reasons why your boyfriend is paying for these things, they are probably too embarassing to discuss with you.

 

On the other hand, your bf may just be a very nice guy who hasn't yet learned that people will take advantage of him if he allows it. Whatever the reason, it is very WRONG to pay the bill all the time...unless your bf has a very good reason that he doesn't want to discuss.

 

You boyfriend may not want to tell you he is less than 50 percent partner. Maybe he owns only 20 percent of the business and wants to be sure he stays on good terms with the major partner. If your boyfriend will not discuss these things with you or share any business information with you, you will never know.

 

You may as well accept the fact that your boyfriend may have this guy for a business partner for many years and his attitude is not likely to change. No matter what is going on here, you are either going to have to accept it or leave. The choice is yours.