How can my heart hurt so bad?

[Lovehurtssomuch]

5 years ago, I followed the advices given on this website and I finally got this gal to become my gf after 1 and a half years of courtship.

 

Today, I'm turning back to this website to get advice on a different matter - This gal cheated on me.

 

I was 19 and she was 18 when I first discovered I got a thing for this gal. Over the course of 1 and a half years she rejected me two times before agreeing to letting me be her 1st ever bf. She was my 2nd gf.

 

Things were quite arkward in the beginning 1 month, but as we got comfortable with each other...our love grew by the day. We shared our 1st kiss one month into our relantionship, got passionate 2 months later and she gave her virginity to me 9 months into our relantionship.

 

I had to give up my civilian life to serve my conscription in my country's military force. I hated every moment of it, but every citizen in my country has to serve 2 and a half years of military service.

 

When I was a soldier, I changed a lot. I started to be really self-centered and wanted time to rest at home instead of meeting up with my gal during weekends because during the weekdays I'm confined to camp. And when we meet...it's usually to make love. We have frequent quarrels and misunderstanding over the telephone all the time.

 

Just as I'm finishing my term in the ARMY, she came to know a guy she met at a club. She told me they are just friends and I somehow trusted and believed her.

Then things started becoming strange, I noticed that she got a lovebite on her neck and when I questioned her she said it was rashes and I actually believed her.

 

It was only when I called her up late one nite and realise she was not home that I knew something was wrong. But the time I found out, it was too late, she already had sex with the guy twice.

 

After confessing everything to me, I decided to call up the guy to ask him for an explaination, I was prepared to let my gf go if he geniuely likes her. Instead he denied everything, he said they were just friends and she was the one who liked him. It was all bull**** because he was definately the one who lead my gf on. He promised her and gave her everything I couldn't. she fell for it and gave in to his demands. They had unprotected sex twice and I was very worried that she may get pregnant or STDs. Thankfully her period came, but whether she's HIV infected or not...we are still not sure.

 

Today, one month after it happened, me and her are still together. We have learned a lot from this incident and learned to love each other more. We'll never take each other for granted again and neglect each other's feelings. Our intimate moments are even more passionate than ever and I don't think of her as being used by another man. But our quarrels and misunderstanding also has become more frequent and serious, and it always relates back to the fact that she cheated on me.

 

And there's another problem, I can't seem to get over it myself. I'm still having sleepless nites when I'll wake in the middle of the nite in my bed drenched in cold sweat and tears on my pillow.

 

I'm prepared and I want to love her again, and I know that she'll never do such a thing again, but I need real good advice on how to get over it. My friends keep telling me that it always take something terrible to bring two people together and everything happened for a reason, if u love someone you gotta learn to let her go..i dun noe....it's so confusing for me...I really need help...

 

can someone pls help me?

[lonelyguyinlove12345]

I am so sorry you are hurting like this. The advise I offer is from both sides of your story......the reason for both sides is...I am seeing a married woman. I am married also. AND she "cheated" on me. Let me explain. I have known her for years. We began to get close as our marriages fell apart. Well we crossed the line and fell in love. We planned on leaving our spouses in a civil manor because of kids. Before we could do this...She went out with her uncle and aunt to have a drink or two or three....... Well this guy at a bar started buying her drinks. she was already drunk. Her uncle isnt the most responsible person in the world. Her uncle and aunt left her in the bar. This guy offered to drive her home. He drove her to his house where he had sex with her. She felt so horrible because she has only been with two guys. Her current husband and myself. She is Catholic and she started to really feel like she is going to hell. I was in your place. I was so upset. I was so hurt. So she decided to try and make it work again with her current husband. Even though she doesnt love him. I was hurt.....Well a couple of months have gone by and she is starting to see that its not going to work with her current husband. She is calling me telling me she loves me. I have forgiven her because I know what could happen when you have way way to much to drink. I am going to wait for her to leave before I get my heart in too deep. What I am trying to tell you is.....Everyone tells you time heals all wounds. You hate that saying but its true. It doesnt help you right now. but it will get better. If you truly love her then forgive her and get her. But NEVER throw it in her face. I hope things work out for you. I dont know if my story helped but, Let me tell you, Before this happened to me, I would have thought dump this girl shes a whore. I have learned a great lesson.....she is a person with weaknesses. Drinking makes you weaker. The next day she didnt even know what happend. she had to see a therapist to bring it out. I love her and I will accept her. good luck

[i love him but....]

well realy you cant ever get over it because it will always be in the back of your head no matter what......but dont break up with her trust me if you realy love her it would be the worst thing you could ever do ......... if you and her both know it was a once and a life time thing and she has apologised ....... then the best you could do is forgive her and move on . only time will change your problems....

 

----- personal quote -- ((( if you truely truely love some one no matter what they say or do will not change the way you feel about them....... you may be disapointed in them ..... but it shouldnt change your love for someone ........ love is a very strong thing..... if you can forgive some one for there mystakes and move on that is true love))))))))

[MB]

Lonelyguyinlove12345:

 

You are one sick bastard.

[Cassidy]

I have to agree with MB. You disgust me. Poor you, your girlfriend cheated on you. Your married girlfriend, mind you. Imagine how your wife is going to feel when she finds out what your doing to her. You think you felt bad? You can't even imagine how you are going to tear her apart. I have no sympathy for you. Do your wife a favor and leave. You do not deserve her. Oh as for your girlfriend cheating on you and going to hell because she's Catholic? What about the fact that she's cheating on her husband. You both deserve eachother. Maybe when you leave your spouses and get married you can find new girlfriends and boyfriends.