This can't be normal?

[IFDDS]

Hey all,

I'm gonna try and keep it really brief, it's quite immature stuff and all. But thanks for hearing me out:)

 

 

So around 6 months ago i had this thing with a girl. She liked me and I liked her, but she was really unsure if she wanted to be with me. I gave her time to think, got impatient after 2 weeks, and pressured her to just take me or leave me. Well it went a bit on/off for a few weeks. I had important exams, and i had a hard time concentrating with the whole situation going on in my head. Then something happened, and I still don't know why. I just lost all feelings for her. I would look at her, and feel nothing. It happened over a weekend; on Friday it was all normal and on Monday nothing. I didn't get it, it felt bad. I wanted her, but didn't feel anything? So after a week I just told her about it. I was blunt and honest. ”I'm not sure if I like you anymore, and I can't fool myself. It doesn't really bother me that you are going out with the guy who asked you out.” Something like that. I felt really bad, and after a few days the normal feelings towards her came back. Of course I tried getting her back: called her, and asked her to meet me up, apologized, and explained in the best way I could. She really didn't ask anything herself. We didn't get together after this. I kept contact for 5 months and asked her out 2 times, but gradually stopeed contact.

 

 

I know people around here have gone through some really bad break-ups, breaking up with people who they have been with for over 5 years etc. I feel like such a puss for dwelling on this stuff, but I can't help it. I think the problem is that I feel like I did some serious damage to the relationship, or something. I guess I would have felt quite bad if she had said the same to me. I have gone NC, but the longest time we have been without contact is 3 weeks. She Im:s on FB every 2 weeks, I really don't bother anymore.

 

 

I don't know what's wrong with me here. I have thought about this every single day for 6 months. This isn't normal. I'm not really dwelling on her, but more on what went wrong. Really specifically, did what I said kill it for good? I guess it shouldn't, but I'm confused. Maybe it would have been stuck in the back of her head all the time? Idk. So what I'm asking here is, was what I said really that bad, considering it was beginning stage? Ahh, this feels so stupid...

[D78]

I don't think what you said to this girl killed anything because I don't think there was anything to kill. She left you hanging for two weeks while she tried to figure out what she wanted - this is a sign that she's not the one for you.

 

Naturally, you got tired of getting the run-around, and you became disinterested. You were cool enough to actually tell her the truth. Give yourself props for this, as most people apparently stay in a relationship while unhappy and never say a word until one day it all blows up. That's selfish, and it really hurts the person who was not informed.

 

So after you told her the truth, your brain played this trick on you when you realized she was really gone. People are 97% more desirable when they're gone.* You begin to wonder whether you really should have let this person go. It might have been a big mistake. In reality, if you had not let her go, you would probably still be sitting there waiting for her to tell you whether she wanted to be serious with you or not.

 

I think you should write in a journal to try to clarify what you're feeling and why. If you can't get over it, go talk to a professional who can give you better advice.

 

* All stats completely fabricated by me.

[IFDDS]

Hey, thanks alot for replying.

 

I have thought about it probably way more than I should. I already realized she was playing stupid games when I had asked her out during the summer. I would text her or IM, then let it be for a week. Then after a week she would come back: "Heyy haven't heard from you in a week blaah blaah". I knew already then that this ain't going anywhere, but ofc. because I was crushing so hard I couldn't just stop contact right there.

 

She actually did contact me after I got pissed with her games, and we got together. But it was still really fresh and I was walking on egg shells; I tried chilling but she was all strange at school, and some rumours that weren't true led to me breaking up again. We agreed to meet after the exams, but then confusion hit me. It wasn't my fault or anything that I got confused for a week. I was really stressed and I guess that can mess with your head big time. Ofc. I had to let her go, how could I have been with her when it didn't feel right, even though I wanted to? Idk, confusing stuff.

 

But thanks anyway for replying, appreciate it!

Edited April 14, 2011 by IFDDS

[IFDDS]

Hey ya'll,

 

So I guess this is kinda like the place where I just come and share my feelings, as I really don't want to bother my family or friends with this anymore, actually I wouldn't want to bother you either with this, as it's really stupid!

 

I'm getting really angry at myself, because I can't somehow let go of this. It was just a stupid fling, just a basic high-school crush that didn't go anywhere. I used to be so happy with everything, nothing could get me down, but I guess things like these mess you up somehow. It wasn't even a proper relationship, like the ones people have here.

 

Did you guys ever have your partner say that they don't feel anything for you, or something in this manner? Say that their are confused about their feelings? How did that feel to you, it probably didn't feel really nice? I'm bothered with the thought that things that didn't even begin in the first place wouldn't have been the same anymore. You know that from time to time she would have gotten the feeling "oh yeah, then there was that". Or that if roles had been reversed maybe I would have thought about it from time to time too? But as D78 said, maybe it wasn't really that bad.

 

Bah. I'm probably over-analyzing too much, way tooo much, but why am I having a hard time with this? I can't enter any new relationships with this in my head. I need to get rid of it, but how do I do it?

 

But thanks for hearing me out!

Edited May 2, 2011 by IFDDS

[IFDDS]

Yep, so once again posting..

 

I'm still thinking about it, had actually a few days when I almost didn't think about it at all, but somehow it all the time lurks into my mind. Actually everytime i'm feeling good I remind myself of everything that got messed up. I feel like I have to force myself to feel good. What does it help? Why is my mind doing this?

 

This has to stop, how do I stop it? Does someone know why I'm all the time trying to find the answer to one thing: was it that bad? My mind is going in circles, and I'm not making any progress. It's been 7 months, and everyday I have thought about it. Everyday. It's eating me up. I'm a rational person, so I try to always calm down, find solutions and work things out that way.

 

Is this what relationships really are about? It ain't the disney-crap we get fed when we are small. What do I know.

 

I have learned quite alot about myself actually. I have learned that I'm really and answer-seeking person, like most people probably. And I'm really only thinking about how it affected her. I don't even know if it should have affected, maybe it's basic relationship stuff. I've dated before, it was long ago and I ended it myself. Easy. Why can't I cope with this? I want to move on, but I can't. I'm stuck, really stuck. I know it, because I've been feeling the same for many months now.

 

How do I move on from this, I really want to.

 

Man, just a vent, clueless.

Edited May 29, 2011 by IFDDS