illuzionmod Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I've only been talking to this girl for about 3 months but I believe that there could definately be something good that could come out of us getting together. I love everyting about her and Ive come to care for her quite a bit in such a small amount of time. Unfortunately her past hasnt been so good and she has alot of abandonnement issues. She believes that all II am going to do is keep her around for a few months then get tired of her then finally dump her because I'll be tired of her. No matter how hard I try to convince her otherwise. She always asks for more...I tellher that I care about her and she asks why... I tell her its because I want her to be happy and thT i think shes worth my time. Unfortunately its like talking to a brick wall, she cares about me I know this but she doesnt believe a word I say no matter how real my feelings for her are. I have no idea what to do because its as if she was waiting for me to say something magical that will make her see the light... I dont know what to tell her anymore she tells me to try something different. Theres only so many ways I can tell her that I want to be with her or that I care for her. What does she want from me??? Help would be greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Martin Guerrini Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Be careful... these girls actually abandon you first driven by their fears. I think the best thing you can do is to discontinue your pressure on her. Your efforts to convince her make things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 I think the best thing you can do is to discontinue your pressure on her. Your efforts to convince her make things worse. This is so true! The more you try to convince her that you are there for the long term, the more she is going to think you are leaving. Actions speak louder than words... Dealing with the insecurities of a relationship is hard enough, dealing with abondment issues on top of that can be awful. I wish you so much luck... and hope that she soon realizes that you care a great deal for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author illuzionmod Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 yea I hear that... She is the epitomy of contradictions, she says she deosnt want me to leave but she knws I will so I might as well do it right away. Now I know Im not going to do that, but still it wreaks havoc with my head. What you guys make sense Im just going to slow up on my attentions on her and see what she does. I really dont want to be wasting my time so I'm hoping all this hassle is worth my time lol. Thanks again guys Link to post Share on other sites
Martin Guerrini Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 The worthiness depends on your feelings. Your "pulling out" is likely to benefit the relationship as a whole. If she care for you, she will do something about it (in any case, you have already given your reassurances to her). Love is not the burden of having to convince her every single day. Love is to reach a common goal and joyfully shout: "let's go for it together". Link to post Share on other sites
rvanne77 Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I have finally found someone that I trust funny thing is he just so happens to be 90 miles away. He is my very best friend and my love. We had and still have to revisit and deal with trust, abandonment, and self-esteem issues stemming from a ruff childhood on my part. There are a couple points I’d like to make. These “issues” can be trigger by the most random things, they will hang onto her for a long time, remember she isn’t always reacting to you but because you are the closest person to her you get the reaction. One thing that I did to help myself was to go to a counselor, but by doing so I also had to realize that I had “issues” (that is not something you can do for her). This is also something I had to do before I entered a relationship with someone; I needed to be secure with myself before I could even try to be secure in someone else or their feelings for me. I would have to say the biggest thing my BF has done to help me work though these issues, is to listen, don’t feel like you have to fix it for me you can’t -just be my friend. He never makes a BIG DEAL out of it, he listens, and that is it. If you get sucked into the misery too you will just be promoting a co-dependency. Sometimes people are just looking for company in their misery. So simply be her friend and comfort her – you can’t change it, you can’t fix it, only she can DEAL WITH IT. Which sounds harsh – but it is what has to happen. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
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