Ex has facebook pics of me on his page 8 mths after breakup

[Movingthrough]

Moving,

It's true I haven't "chased him down to come back" apart from maybe the first two weeks after the breakup, but I have sent about 5 emails over the course of the past 5 months (like one email a month) offering friendship and apologizing for my part in the breakup. All these have been met with silence. He is toxic and I don't want him back (he knows that, and knows I'm seeing someone else), but I would like some sort of amicable resolution to the whole mess - for both our sakes. He is very introverted, not very attractive (I think he is, but I've been told be others he is not), and so odd that I doubt he will find another girlfriend for years. I think that just for putting up with this s h i t for so long, that I should get some sort of award, but all I'm asking for is to be friendly acquaintances (considering we see each other at work sometimes). Unfortunately, after the jump-up-and-down coffee shop confrontation, I have realized that's not possible.

 

I guess it's best to let sleeping dogs lie and karma will take care of the rest.

 

Well let's and Better - He is most likely personality disordered - I've always thought NPD, as he has all the symptoms, but I may very well be personality disordered myself (as evidenced by details of 3am brawl, which I will not share), so I can't really judge. I just know the two of us together are, like troll said, a "powder keg."

 

But thanks Moving, I like to think he's hurting, as evil as that sounds, at least sometimes hurting about the breakup. I hurt like hell for months. Am doing a lot better these days.

 

ganbare - well, what do you propose I do? Wait forever? It may be years before I've healed form the psychological abuse this bastard put me through. This new guy is lovely and a good friend.

 

In the midst of my small books i have been typing here, i forgot the fact that you are seeing someone else. There is nothing wrong with that, but that explains a lot about how he is feeling.

 

Us guys even if we are the dumper are very weird about the girl moving on faster then us. While i know this was for you and not a "hit" towards him, i can almost bet he is not happy about it, hence the no responses to the emails. For guys we look at it like "well if you have someone already, then i must not have meant much and you are good to go, so you dont need me". We get mad, we battle it, ignore, then move on.

 

Let me make this clear again, you are doing NOTHING wrong nor did anything wrong (i know you know that) but his not responding etc is most likely from that. If you are happy with someone new i would concentrate on that, your ex is exactly that - an ex, so its time to do you, dont worry about him. But just to play devils advocate, i would be careful with the current one, because if your mind is still on your ex (which is normal) it could effect your judgment with the current guy.

 

At this point being blunt, i dont see the ex coming back in your life at least anytime soon, we guys are territorial, if our girl or ex is with someone else, we either are poof gone, or you have the nutjobs that try to fight their way in.

 

Either way I'm happy you met someone new, when one door closes another opens.

Edited April 17, 2011 by Movingthrough

[WellLetsSee]

It must be harrowing. In fact, I know it is, as I was dating an ERD sufferer (even if I was a recovering one myself - that's what looking in the mirror meant). But if you consider what I just said in the paragraph above, you are dealing with a child; the inner child. And that, perhaps, is what makes it so confusing and hurtful, because we feel guilty about having to step away from a wounded child, but a wounded child with fangs.

 

That is not exactly it - what is so hurtful for me about it. I mean I definitely know the no-contact guilt, but I have learned to handle that.

 

... Hmmm but I dont want to further hijack lemonades thread. This whole topic - BP, PD, etc. - is too hot for me right now and I really have to stop myself here otherwise the thread would absolutely go elsewhere.

 

Maybe once I will become established - you can actually let me know a little more about your healing process - I am always curious to hear about this.

[betterdeal]

That is not exactly it - what is so hurtful for me about it. I mean I definitely know the no-contact guilt, but I have learned to handle that.

 

... Hmmm but I dont want to further hijack lemonades thread. This whole topic - BP, PD, etc. - is too hot for me right now and I really have to stop myself here otherwise the thread would absolutely go elsewhere.

 

Maybe once I will become established - you can actually let me know a little more about your healing process - I am always curious to hear about this.

 

I'd be happy to. I'll start a new thread later today, but first I have gardening to do and garden centres to visit. It's a beautiful spring day out side and a sin to spend time indoors on such a fresh, new day!

[ganbare]

I came across this piece of advice while reading another relationship forum and I found it actually was a good answer to the question you asked me. The words are not my own so I will put them in quotes.

 

"Don't try to replace the relationship you've just lost because being without it makes you so sad. Take the time instead to do some internal self-reflection, clean out a few of those messy closets of the soul, and then, when you're done and you look up again, viola! You're no longer human wreckage over a relationship that ended badly through no fault of your own.

 

Um, so to reiterate, Thea's advice is to put the focus on you. Forget the ex, ancient history! Do what it takes to become comfortable in your own skin, upon which all things will become possible."

 

This process would definitely not take "forever" either. Its hard being patience I know though.