my ex texted me!!

[joshextreme]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273380/

 

thats where it started to some extent

 

my ex texted me saying "hey, i still think we left off on a bad note last time we talked and i really dont want that"

 

then 20 minutes later she sent "alright dont answer, bye"

 

now she just fb me saying "if you're gonna ignore me, delete me"

 

idk what to do!!! ive just been going nc

[joshextreme]

i ended up messaging her. my friend said i shouldnt just leave her hanging like that. alls i said was "sorry ive been really busy" she said "ok" and nothing else yet

[lcfc1993]

Breadcrumbs. Just ignore her.

[Exit]

Well, none of what she said involves getting back together (if that's even what you want?). Taking her message literally, she doesn't like the way it ended, that's all. If you feel like it, you can ask her what she wants in order to say it ended on better terms, or try to figure out if she's fishing for a reason to talk again and maybe work it out. My ex and I were on the path of arguing and being hurtful and demanding each other's possessions back, but for some reason, we hung out one more time, had a good day, and then ended up ending it on much better terms, agreeing that it might not be forever, but it just needed to be that way for now. We were both tearful, we got one last hug and one last kiss out of it, and we said goodbye. Did I get her back? No. Is this better than some hurtful painful ending? Probably. Usually I'm immature and I prefer the drama and the pain because it just makes more sense to leave someone when you hate them. Guess I've grown up a little bit, I can understand being in love and not being together right now. So maybe you could manage the same sort of deal. If you both regret the bickering and the insults, hang out one more day, make it like a day when you first met and things were good, and then say a better, mature goodbye.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to make this about my situation, just an example of going from ending on "bad terms" and then managing to make it a little cleaner and friendlier. That may be the only thing she wants out of it. If that seems like a waste of time to you and is just going to hurt you again, then just do what she asked, delete her, and keep up NC. You're only giving her what she asked for. If she was bluffing, then I can guarantee you'll hear from her again, upset that you actually deleted her, and you can tell her that you thought it was what she wanted.

[joshextreme]

Well, none of what she said involves getting back together (if that's even what you want?). Taking her message literally, she doesn't like the way it ended, that's all. If you feel like it, you can ask her what she wants in order to say it ended on better terms, or try to figure out if she's fishing for a reason to talk again and maybe work it out. My ex and I were on the path of arguing and being hurtful and demanding each other's possessions back, but for some reason, we hung out one more time, had a good day, and then ended up ending it on much better terms, agreeing that it might not be forever, but it just needed to be that way for now. We were both tearful, we got one last hug and one last kiss out of it, and we said goodbye. Did I get her back? No. Is this better than some hurtful painful ending? Probably. Usually I'm immature and I prefer the drama and the pain because it just makes more sense to leave someone when you hate them. Guess I've grown up a little bit, I can understand being in love and not being together right now.

 

Sorry, didn't mean to make this about my situation, just an example of going from ending on "bad terms" and then managing to make it a little cleaner and friendlier. That may be the only thing she wants out of it. If that seems like a waste of time to you and is just going to hurt you again, then just do what she asked, delete her, and keep up NC. You're only giving her what she asked for. If she was bluffing, then I can guarantee you'll hear from her again, upset that you actually deleted her, and you can tell her that you thought it was what she wanted.

i know she doesnt want to get back together but the fact that shes coming back and wants to make things better says something. she ended up just saying "ok" and signed off. ill probably just continue NC or i could text her like you said and ask what we could do to make it better

[joshextreme]

Breadcrumbs. Just ignore her.

i wish i did. but oh well i said only one thing

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont worry, you didnt say anything bad. Just go back to ignoring her. What her problem is - her ego is being bruised because now that youre ignoring her she thinks you are getting along fine without her, and she thinks you dont need her. She wants you to suffer, and now she thinks youre not. She thinks youre moving on already, which is a good thing.

 

She wants you to tell her that youre ok with her dumping you so her guilt is relieved, which I assume she held onto you until she found someone else? Then she is feeling guilty about that and needs to hear the words.

 

Dont answer her again, let her suffer her guilt. let her think you dont need her. You really dont anyway.

 

Good job.

[joshextreme]

Dont worry, you didnt say anything bad. Just go back to ignoring her. What her problem is - her ego is being bruised because now that youre ignoring her she thinks you are getting along fine without her, and she thinks you dont need her. She wants you to suffer, and now she thinks youre not. She thinks youre moving on already, which is a good thing.

 

She wants you to tell her that youre ok with her dumping you so her guilt is relieved, which I assume she held onto you until she found someone else? Then she is feeling guilty about that and needs to hear the words.

 

Dont answer her again, let her suffer her guilt. let her think you dont need her. You really dont anyway.

 

Good job.

well she knows i can live without her but she also knows that i do miss her and that i do still love her. we've gotten to the point in the break up where its like you can give me what i want or ill just move on. a month ago moving on wasnt an option since i was so upset but now it is.

 

she told me that when i told her that she had no self respect(older post) that that was the point where she could say she was officially done trying to be my friend, or anything in that matter.

 

if you read my post i told her that i was done making decisions on what to do and whatever happens will happen. then i told her i gotta go. 2 days later this all happens.

 

im kinda just curious to what will happen now. i told her i was busy which i think was a somewhat perfect response lol. im not looking at getting back together with her. if that happens then i guess thats a win but if it doesnt im perfectly fine with it.

[joshextreme]

see like you guys are probably thinking oh she misses you and this and that and shes throwing bread crumbs. im not quite sure its like that. we've been through similar stuff like this before and i believe its gotten to a point where its both sickening us. like i know she misses me and still cares about me because shes told me. but i feel like we've gotten to a point where she might still miss me but wont do anything about until like months from now like has happened for other people.

 

or idk. anythings possible i guess. but what i predict will happen is we wont talk for about a week, something will happen, we'll fight, make up, and then be back where we are now trying to mend our broken relationship into something (which really i dont want to be friends lol)

[Eddie Edirol]

Dude, she moved on from you. Like I said, her ego is bruised because she knows you dont need her. if youre not worried about her, then ignore her. She will not consider getting back with you, that ship has sailed. So theres no reason to even answer texts. You answering texts is just her curious to see if you will answer. Dont give her that.

[joshextreme]

Dude, she moved on from you. Like I said, her ego is bruised because she knows you dont need her. if youre not worried about her, then ignore her. She will not consider getting back with you, that ship has sailed. So theres no reason to even answer texts. You answering texts is just her curious to see if you will answer. Dont give her that.

 

i know she doesnt want to be with me, trust me haha. but this opened my eyes. i keep feeling like im obligated to her when i know im not. i can ignore her all i want. she lost me. thats my motto haha.

[tyler123]

Joshyboy- most people are crazy including me- but no doubt women and men have big ego's and they might want one thing one day and something different the next. THis is why relationships are complicated and get more complicated as we get older. ASk yourself this- are you missing HER, did she add to your life? or are you just missing the comfort of a relationship- but you really were sacrificing your happiness? I know for me i was sacrficing my happiness and missing out on many other relationships not girlfriends but hanging with consistent, respectful friends. NC is working for me one day at a time- i got flirty , goofy somewhat apologetic voicemail yesterday and i started thinking i should not ignore it- i think that pattern always gets me right back into the Relationship accepting the breadcrumbs that she gives and lets her consciously or unconsciously think it is ok to go dark on me whenever she needs to because i will always forgive, understand just for her not to leave me- well it's draining and if this sounds like your situation then remember it's all about YOU and the bull**** about being respectful and responding is a farce and speed bump or a major crash to your healing and HAPPINESS

[EyesWideOpen]

we've been through similar stuff like this before and i believe its gotten to a point where its both sickening us.

 

. . .

 

or idk. anythings possible i guess. but what i predict will happen is we wont talk for about a week, something will happen, we'll fight, make up, and then be back where we are now trying to mend our broken relationship into something (which really i dont want to be friends lol)

 

My question is this. If it didn't work the time(s) before, why would it work this time?

Dysfunctional relationships can be rather addicting. Break the habit.

[joshextreme]

my ex just texted me saying "i just wanna know if you plan on talking to me ever or not"

 

i ignored her obviously. its just this is the third time shes tried to talk to me and i cant help be feel bad. i keep telling myself that she lost me. i know i wont text her no matter how much i want to its just, is there ever a right time to text her? like how should i know if i should text her or not?

[Eddie Edirol]

my ex just texted me saying "i just wanna know if you plan on talking to me ever or not"

 

i ignored her obviously. its just this is the third time shes tried to talk to me and i cant help be feel bad. i keep telling myself that she lost me. i know i wont text her no matter how much i want to its just, is there ever a right time to text her? like how should i know if i should text her or not?

 

When she stops trying to make small talk and actually tries to say something that shows her opening up. Like I said, she hates that you dont need her. She is just trying to see if you will answer because she is curious why you can ignore her. If you try to talk to her, you will just get heartbroken again. Thats the chance you take. You dont want to get back with her, dont hope that this will turn her around.

 

Just keep waiting. if she really wanted to get back with you, she would try contacting you more than that. She would make it a lil more obvious.

[joshextreme]

When she stops trying to make small talk and actually tries to say something that shows her opening up. Like I said, she hates that you dont need her. She is just trying to see if you will answer because she is curious why you can ignore her. If you try to talk to her, you will just get heartbroken again. Thats the chance you take. You dont want to get back with her, dont hope that this will turn her around.

 

Just keep waiting. if she really wanted to get back with you, she would try contacting you more than that. She would make it a lil more obvious.

 

yeah true. in her mind i think she probably thinks im being an ass hole. she knows i dont need her because ive told her in the past i dont need her

[smith1975]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273380/

 

thats where it started to some extent

 

my ex texted me saying "hey, i still think we left off on a bad note last time we talked and i really dont want that"

 

then 20 minutes later she sent "alright dont answer, bye"

 

now she just fb me saying "if you're gonna ignore me, delete me"

 

idk what to do!!! ive just been going nc

Tell her its over. You deserve it to yourself and her. She is just going to drag you back into the fighting. You will break up again and continue the same thing until you go insane. It's best just to cut your losses and move on. There is someone better for you. You just have to get out there and find them.

[smith1975]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t273380/

 

thats where it started to some extent

 

my ex texted me saying "hey, i still think we left off on a bad note last time we talked and i really dont want that"

 

then 20 minutes later she sent "alright dont answer, bye"

 

now she just fb me saying "if you're gonna ignore me, delete me"

 

idk what to do!!! ive just been going nc

Idk if your from a small town or a big city but there is a lot of girls out there. One that will appreciate you. Maybe you need to tell her she needs to appreciate the guy shes with and you can help them by letting there problems work out instead of adding to them. Be the bigger man I'm sure he would appreciate it. How long have they been together anyway?

[tyler123]

i totally get what you said about feeling bad after she has made several attempts to contact you. **** i wish i read this morning on the boards before i did the knee jerk reaction. after a voice mail this week and a text asking what's up with me? i felt like i was being a brat for not responding. i kept it simple saying i am good and hope she is good as well - that was via text. I guess it's progress but i did see me texting her asking her what her story was this weekend? THANK GOD i had some clarity and said do not go there; i know myself that if i did that it i would lose control- and give it all back to her. These boards help so much- and i actually feel better that i responded to her telling her that i am good without asking for bread crumbs. I am back on track and have has a couple of hours to breath and remind myself that i don't want to be with her- she can't give me the love i deserve and i remind myself that before i get into setting up a time to meet. if you are going to text her or call her watch out for letting your addiction to her take over and you are asking her what her plans are.. I guess i am grateful i did not do that because that would have kicked my ass either with a rejection / waiting for her to respond/ or getting right back into it having to get burned down the road. NEW JOURNEYS NEW EXPERIENCES AHEAD

[joshextreme]

Idk if your from a small town or a big city but there is a lot of girls out there. One that will appreciate you. Maybe you need to tell her she needs to appreciate the guy shes with and you can help them by letting there problems work out instead of adding to them. Be the bigger man I'm sure he would appreciate it. How long have they been together anyway?

she dated him for 2 months before me. they're not really together its more of her pretty much being like "oh i want you so bad" and him just stringing her along

 

are you saying i should talk to her? like just tell her its over?

[Darren Steez]

This is all about you and how she sees you, every time she texts she knows she's got you and you're just itching to reply so she can blow you off again and get her little ego message. I suggest a ratio of 2:1 hell make it 3:1, it's the ratio of indifference, the amount of messages she has to send before you send one back, no small talk with her, if she asks a silly question like will we eve talk again simply reply yes and be done with it. She's ****ing with your head and heart, dont let her, take the moral high ground. Good luck.

[joshextreme]

so i texted her saying "hey sorry i didnt text back last night i was busy" then 2 minutes later sent another one saying "and to answer your question, yeah we'll talk." i did as darren said in saying "we'll talk" and just left it like that.

 

she texted back saying "i cant right now im at a party, bye" i think she thinks we're gonna talk later. i havent texted her back nor do i plan to. im gonna stick to the 1:2 or 1:3 ratio like you said darren

[joshextreme]

also, what do i do when she wants to talk? its gonna happen eventually.

[PelicanPete]

so i texted her saying "hey sorry i didnt text back last night i was busy" then 2 minutes later sent another one saying "and to answer your question, yeah we'll talk." i did as darren said in saying "we'll talk" and just left it like that.

 

she texted back saying "i cant right now im at a party, bye" i think she thinks we're gonna talk later. i havent texted her back nor do i plan to. im gonna stick to the 1:2 or 1:3 ratio like you said darren

 

 

She is definitely just stringing you along, trying to cure her ego so she feels better. See look at what she did here.

 

You apologize and give her an actual reply, and what does she do? She acts like SHES doing YOU a favor. "i cant right now im at a party, bye". If she was really concerned about her relationship with you, she would drop what shes doing to talk to you right there and now. This is all about HER.

 

My ex did the exact same thing, except she harassed me with 3 or 4 emails a day trying to get me to respond, all bread crumbs. I did reply to one, turned into an argument, second I said something negative she wanted out of there and to disengage completely. It cures her guilt, it makes her think she was justified for not being with you.

 

I really recommend just not replying to her at all, blocking her from everything, and just letting her guilt manifest for a little while until she actually says something meaningful. Shes wanting communication purely for her own benefit.

[joshextreme]

She is definitely just stringing you along, trying to cure her ego so she feels better. See look at what she did here.

 

You apologize and give her an actual reply, and what does she do? She acts like SHES doing YOU a favor. "i cant right now im at a party, bye". If she was really concerned about her relationship with you, she would drop what shes doing to talk to you right there and now. This is all about HER.

 

My ex did the exact same thing, except she harassed me with 3 or 4 emails a day trying to get me to respond, all bread crumbs. I did reply to one, turned into an argument, second I said something negative she wanted out of there and to disengage completely. It cures her guilt, it makes her think she was justified for not being with you.

 

I really recommend just not replying to her at all, blocking her from everything, and just letting her guilt manifest for a little while until she actually says something meaningful. Shes wanting communication purely for her own benefit.

 

that makes sense. if shes not gonna give me her time why should i give her mine? yap yap. ive done full on NC and since spring break just started she wont be able to see me in school or on facebook(if i block her). that'll really stir things up

 

Edit: i dont think im gonna block her. im sick of doing this immature stuff since i can be OK with being fb friends. Also i want her to see my living my life just as i am.