Layzie89 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 You're in control right now josh. Shes texting you, trying to add you on fb...dont respond to either. Enjoy the power you have right now man!! Link to post Share on other sites
ummike26 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 my ex broke up with me 10 days ago and moved her stuff out of my house.. She left a letter explaining why but never told me directly. I went NC immediately and today I receive one of those HAPPY EASTER texts which I'm not sure if she knew she sent it to me or not b/c it was probably sent to everyone on her phone.. Should I say Happy Easter back? Any input is appreciated.. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted April 24, 2011 Author Share Posted April 24, 2011 I really wanna get rid of her friend notification on my facebookmobile. Like yeah on the computer I can't see it but right at the top of my mobile I see her name. Would it be appropriate to just deny the request now? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 (edited) If you want to give her the message to leave you alone, and show her you mean business, then deny the request. It also is a step forward with you progressing with NC because if you keep these little doors open, it is more of an incentive for her to try to keep peeking and poking through. And that means she is going to keep stepping in and derailing you. Your other option is to keep seeing her at the top of your page, reminding you over and over again about the girl who just wanted to talk to you because she was bored. Edited April 24, 2011 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 If you want to give her the message to leave you alone, and show her you mean business, then deny the request. It also is a step forward with you progressing with NC because if you keep these little doors open, it is more of an incentive for her to try to keep peeking and poking through. And that means she is going to keep stepping in and derailing you. Your other option is to keep seeing her at the top of your page, reminding you over and over again about the girl who just wanted to talk to you because she was bored. thanks. you guys keep me in good check lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 My ex just texted me saying "i know you wont answer but.. i miss you and wish ud talk to me once in awhile. more than anything. bye" Idk what to do. This is the second text she sent since I started nc a week ago Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Just a crumb. Continue business as usual. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 Just a crumb. Continue business as usual. Yeah I will. I feel so guilty though because I miss her too. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 My ex just texted me saying "i know you wont answer but.. i miss you and wish ud talk to me once in awhile. more than anything. bye" Idk what to do. This is the second text she sent since I started nc a week ago I broke up with a guy once. He was much more emotional about it than I was. He requested NC because it would hurt to talk to me. I respected his need for NC because I didn't want to hurt him anymore than the break-up already did. I missed talking to him but I put his well being and his wishes first. And I knew it would be unfair and selfish to make contact when I could not offer him what he wanted. Would you treat someone the same way if you were in my position? Would it be the right thing to do? Or would you not care and do whatever you pleased, even if you knew it would hurt the other person? What do you think she is doing? First she wanted to talk to you because she was bored. You didn't bite. Now she is saying she misses you. So, she tried the first time and she didn't get the response she wanted. Now she brings out the big guns and she knows it means a lot to you to hear her say that...and she hopes you will bite again. Nothing worthy enough to break NC. You can break NC but remember that it will get you back to the same ****ty place you once started at. Then tomorrow you will be back with another post, "Broke NC and I feel like crap" or "Broke NC, texted her back and she didn't reply"...I can think of many more. And why have you not blocked her on your phone? Since now she knows you won't answer and ended with "bye" (another bait to get you worked up), hopefully she will now get the hint and leave you alone. Don't take the bait. You take that bait and you validate her. It won't validate you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted April 27, 2011 Author Share Posted April 27, 2011 I broke up with a guy once. He was much more emotional about it than I was. He requested NC because it would hurt to talk to me. I respected his need for NC because I didn't want to hurt him anymore than the break-up already did. I missed talking to him but I put his well being and his wishes first. And I knew it would be unfair and selfish to make contact when I could not offer him what he wanted. Would you treat someone the same way if you were in my position? Would it be the right thing to do? Or would you not care and do whatever you pleased, even if you knew it would hurt the other person? What do you think she is doing? First she wanted to talk to you because she was bored. You didn't bite. Now she is saying she misses you. So, she tried the first time and she didn't get the response she wanted. Now she brings out the big guns and she knows it means a lot to you to hear her say that...and she hopes you will bite again. Nothing worthy enough to break NC. You can break NC but remember that it will get you back to the same ****ty place you once started at. Then tomorrow you will be back with another post, "Broke NC and I feel like crap" or "Broke NC, texted her back and she didn't reply"...I can think of many more. And why have you not blocked her on your phone? Since now she knows you won't answer and ended with "bye" (another bait to get you worked up), hopefully she will now get the hint and leave you alone. Don't take the bait. You take that bait and you validate her. It won't validate you. Yeah I won't text her. She chose not to be with me so why is she doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Yeah I won't text her. She chose not to be with me so why is she doing this? It could be a number of reasons. Granted she does not want to be with you, maybe she still likes your company or still wants to be "friends", but only on her terms. Wanting to feed that attachment and keep it alive so you're still there behind the scenes while she does her thing. Wanting an ego boost whenever she needs one. Wanting you there when she has no one to talk to when she is bored. It's all about her. Anything other than "I want to get back together and work on us" is not worth pondering over and breaking NC. Link to post Share on other sites
tyler123 Posted April 27, 2011 Share Posted April 27, 2011 Thanks Joshy for your updates - i am going through the same **** as many of us are- and reading your thread helps me stay on track as well. i get the breadcrumb texts but i know its just her terms and if i put energy into it i am just validating her and hurting me- TO be honest i have not seen her in a month and i feel so much more alive and hope- I have been going to the gym and have been exercising regularly for the past 30 days - i've dropped from 218 to 207, been hanging with my friends that i cut off cause i was so emeshed in my relationship- that took over my life. My work seems to be better and i am able to be of more service to others.. THis is good and i have a short memory cause every day i think about contacting her, each day i don't i feel stronger Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 so as some of you know my prom went AMAZING. had the time of my life. small talk with my ex that went very well too. so the day after prom (tonight) she texted me saying thank you for being so nice to her because i guess she wasnt having a good night unlike me. soon enough the conversation took a turn and she was saying things like "when you were ignoring me it was killing me and i needed you so badly." Let me remind you i was about 3 weeks into NC but since prom went well i felt like it would be alright to talk to her. i didnt take any of her bull****. i knew she wanted to feel better if she knew i felt guilty. the last message i sent her was.. "<her name> i really dont want to be friends with you any more, passing you in the hallway and smiling and saying hi is fine because obviouslu we had a real big relationship with eachother. all i want is to be out of your life situations, if you ever really need me like something is seriously wrong or you're not ok at all i will be here to hellp but other than i do not want to be dragged into any bs situation with you. ill only ever be here to help you seriously need it." she never sent anything after that. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 Lol, a real big relationship? You're in high school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted May 9, 2011 Author Share Posted May 9, 2011 Lol, a real big relationship? You're in high school. yeah.. haha i know. Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted May 9, 2011 Share Posted May 9, 2011 It was a big relationship to you and sounds like to her as well, so that's all that matters. Josh I think you're handling everything great. You had fun at prom, your ex misses you, but more importantly it sounds like your happiness is returning. Your on the home stretch, but that doesn't mean it's impossible for you to get sucked back in. Just continue what your doing, don't respond to crumbs and think or consult someone before you make a big move if she gives you cake. Overall good job so far Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 It was a big relationship to you and sounds like to her as well, so that's all that matters. Josh I think you're handling everything great. You had fun at prom, your ex misses you, but more importantly it sounds like your happiness is returning. Your on the home stretch, but that doesn't mean it's impossible for you to get sucked back in. Just continue what your doing, don't respond to crumbs and think or consult someone before you make a big move if she gives you cake. Overall good job so far yeah im enjoying myself once again. we ended up talking for 2 days. when i would try to slip away id get side tracked into a great conversation on something lol. but then finally i just said "well im gonna go nap. goodbye" she knew what that goodbye meant. i dont feel any different. i just dont understand how the day after prom she tells me how much it meant to her that i was nice to her at prom and yet she wants nothing more. oh and about validation, she kept trying to tell me how she cried all the time because of me.. which is bull**** because i treated her so well. shes just ungreatful. she wanted me to probably apologize but i didnt. i told her i treated her well. its honestly impossible for me to take **** from her now which is awesome. my question is when can i expect to hear from her again? she misses me clearly but she keeps saying how its "impossible for us to be together." we've both have changed so much since we broke up. its almost hard to believe that we actually even dated eachother. i know from how things have been going that shes just not gonna come around one day saying "hey i wanna work things out." what if i like started talking to her more? show her why we fell for eachother in the first place? actually now that i think about it its probably a bad idea.. hmm Link to post Share on other sites
CiCi Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 Don't say sorry for being busy Also, don't feel bad. Ask her "What do you want to talk about (Her name)?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted May 11, 2011 Author Share Posted May 11, 2011 Don't say sorry for being busy Also, don't feel bad. Ask her "What do you want to talk about (Her name)?" I don't mean to be rude but what are you talking about? Link to post Share on other sites
Author joshextreme Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 My ex just texted me after like 2 days of NC saying.. "Can you just give me a reason to why you are happier not talking to me at all rather then once in awhile?" what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Play it cool Josh, lets review this: This looks like a gateway question. There is no way you can develop a brief answer that would keep her satisfied. If you respond and give her the truth as to why, she will either argue with it or want more information, which has potential of her dragging you back down to her level. Her ego is probably bruised because you're handling yourself well. So that gives you two logical options and you can do whatever you feel most confident in. If you're feeling strong and wouldn't feel right not responding, just give her a brief answer that satisfies YOU and move on. If shes not satisfied with it you HAVE to have the willpower to not respond to her, because there is NO way you'll come out smelling like a rose from that situation. Otherwise if you aren't comfortable with that and you are enjoying yourself and thinks she doesn't deserve a reply from that, continue NC. If you continue NC expect either an insult and/or guilt trip to try to get a reaction out of you. In the end, do whatever you feel will help you move on and feel happier. Link to post Share on other sites
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