my ex texted me!!

[TheLoneSock]

I really wish you had not apologized to her for not lapping up her initial breadcrumbs.

 

"Thank you ma'am may I please have another!?"

[joshextreme]

I really wish you had not apologized to her for not lapping up her initial breadcrumbs.

 

"Thank you ma'am may I please have another!?"

 

so should i not text her back when she decides she can talk to me?

[PelicanPete]

that makes sense. if shes not gonna give me her time why should i give her mine? yap yap. ive done full on NC and since spring break just started she wont be able to see me in school or on facebook(if i block her). that'll really stir things up

 

Edit: i dont think im gonna block her. im sick of doing this immature stuff since i can be OK with being fb friends. Also i want her to see my living my life just as i am.

 

 

Don't think of blocking her as immature. If it makes you feel better, just tell her before "I dont think it would be a good idea if we continued talking". Let her know that you want to go NC. If you want to stop playing games, keeping in contact with her would be the worst idea. She just wants to stay in contact with you so that she can feel better.

 

Also by going NC, imagine what would be going through her head. She wouldn't know what you were doing, and it will automatically make her think that you HAVE moved on. If you want to show her that you dont need her, prove it by pushing her out of your life. She'll get the message.

 

In the end it your decision, I was thinking and rationalizing the same ideas as you at one point. Just do what you feel is best for you.

[joshextreme]

Don't think of blocking her as immature. If it makes you feel better, just tell her before "I dont think it would be a good idea if we continued talking". Let her know that you want to go NC. If you want to stop playing games, keeping in contact with her would be the worst idea. She just wants to stay in contact with you so that she can feel better.

 

Also by going NC, imagine what would be going through her head. She wouldn't know what you were doing, and it will automatically make her think that you HAVE moved on. If you want to show her that you dont need her, prove it by pushing her out of your life. She'll get the message.

 

In the end it your decision, I was thinking and rationalizing the same ideas as you at one point. Just do what you feel is best for you.

I think what ill do is when she does text me(if she does) ill just say "I think it's best we stay out of contact" and just leave it at that. if she doesnt talk to me then tomorrow morning ill go the 9 yards and block her etc etc.

 

thanks for all the advice guys it really does help a lot.

[PelicanPete]

Stiff upperlip, go full measures, and stay strong buddy. You'll find someone better than her eventually. Post again if you need any help

[smith1975]

Tell her goodbye. I had this happen with me and an ex. She just strung me along. Its not worth all the pain she will cause in the future. Tell her its best for you to stay apart from her or just dont answer her at all. You might seem like a dick but look at what shes doing to you.

Break it off.

[SDA]

I feel like i should post on this for you...

 

You are afraid of letting go and making her angry because you want her back. We've all done it but as everyone is saying let her go and let her miss you.

 

My ex thought we we're "friends" 4 months into the break-up and I put an end to that and we haven't spoken in 2 weeks. GREATEST DECISION OF MY LIFE.

 

I promise it makes you feel better and it makes you evaluate your relationship see the good and the bad and allows you to see if you really want her back.

 

When you meet with her nothing you say is gonna want her to get back with you. It's all on her. She said "I don't wanna leave things off like this" not "Persuade me to get back with you"

 

In other words she isn't gonna take you back whatever you talk about.

 

You can go meet her but if you say anything like you miss her and you wanna be with her it's gonna push her away.

 

You can go and be yourself and tell her you are not friends and that you are not the guy she can fall back on.

 

Or you can cancel it and not talk to her.

 

Let yourself go from her.

[nana841121]

Walk away with dignity and grace.

 

To be a better person

[TheLoneSock]

so should i not text her back when she decides she can talk to me?

 

Your ex is treating you like dirt you don't owe her anything, not even the simplest of responses. Every time she gets anything back from you her brain is flooded with feelings of relief that you are still on her leash.

 

Do you like being on a leash? I would hope not.

[joshextreme]

she didnt text me after the night so i decided to text her

 

our convo went like this..

me: "look im not gonna sit here waiting for you to text me. i just want to be done"

 

her: "i texted you and fb chatted you all week and you wouldnt talk to me. so why should i try some more and look stupid?"

 

me: "i texted you last night"

 

her: "yeah but last night i was actually busy at a party. where you said you were busy but probably werent so i looked dumb"

 

me: "i was busy. ive been busy a lot lately. its whatever. lets just be done"

 

her: "okay well i didnt know that i thought you were just giving me an excuse"

 

me: "alright well i still stand with what i just said"

 

her: "k..guess i cant argue with you about it anymore, bye"

 

me: "cya around"

 

her: "i thought we were gonna try now.. but ok. cya around"

 

and that is how it went down. i hate the last thing she said. i know shes referring to trying to be friends which i never said anything about. she knows how to put me on a good guilt trip. but i wont cave.

[PelicanPete]

Biggest guilt trip ever, she really wants you to backpedal. Like I said before, shes trying to do whatever it takes to ease her guilt.

 

her: "i thought we were gonna try now.. but ok. cya around"

 

She's trying to tell herself "I did everything I could but he doesn't want anything to do with me, therefore our breakup was justified."

 

her: "yeah but last night i was actually busy at a party. where you said you were busy but probably werent so i looked dumb"

 

She's trying to sell that excuse, but as I said before if the relationship was so important to her and she was really trying to get through to you and connect to you it wouldn't matter if she was at a party. Also second sentence trying to take the guilt off of her and wipe it onto you.

 

She is obviously feeling some sort of guilt or remorse over your breakup, so she's going to be latching onto anything to try to make it seem like in her head a breakup was the right decision. Just realize this. All she can do right now is rely on you to cave. She might be persistent in trying to make you cave the next few days, bring up all this crap, throw out a bunch of pointless crumbs, maybe even harass you like my ex did. The harder she struggles, the worse it looks.

 

Keep in mind as soon as you cave, she'll be at ease, get her ego boost and be a little less guilt free, and push you to the back burner. She won't need you anymore.

[joshextreme]

Biggest guilt trip ever, she really wants you to backpedal. Like I said before, shes trying to do whatever it takes to ease her guilt.

 

her: "i thought we were gonna try now.. but ok. cya around"

 

She's trying to tell herself "I did everything I could but he doesn't want anything to do with me, therefore our breakup was justified."

 

her: "yeah but last night i was actually busy at a party. where you said you were busy but probably werent so i looked dumb"

 

She's trying to sell that excuse, but as I said before if the relationship was so important to her and she was really trying to get through to you and connect to you it wouldn't matter if she was at a party. Also second sentence trying to take the guilt off of her and wipe it onto you.

 

She is obviously feeling some sort of guilt or remorse over your breakup, so she's going to be latching onto anything to try to make it seem like in her head a breakup was the right decision. Just realize this. All she can do right now is rely on you to cave. She might be persistent in trying to make you cave the next few days, bring up all this crap, throw out a bunch of pointless crumbs, maybe even harass you like my ex did. The harder she struggles, the worse it looks.

 

Keep in mind as soon as you cave, she'll be at ease, get her ego boost and be a little less guilt free, and push you to the back burner. She won't need you anymore.

 

yeah shes really good at placing me on the guilt trip. i felt bad for like 10 minutes but the i went back to being normal doing what i was doing before. i dont think shes gonna throw bread crumbs at all. im trying to think of what possible reason could she find to need to talk to me and nothing pops to mind which is kinda awesome haha.

 

as we speak im blocking her on facebook.

 

time to enjoy my spring break

[PelicanPete]

yeah shes really good at placing me on the guilt trip. i felt bad for like 10 minutes but the i went back to being normal doing what i was doing before. i dont think shes gonna throw bread crumbs at all. im trying to think of what possible reason could she find to need to talk to me and nothing pops to mind which is kinda awesome haha.

 

as we speak im blocking her on facebook.

 

time to enjoy my spring break

 

 

haha atta boy, you're doin' great. Tread lightly though, don't count on her trying to get a hold of you but be prepared. My ex basically sent emails rewriting our whole relationship when I thought there was nothing left! Your ex may go digging through the past too, looking for anything to talk to you about.

 

Try to focus on your spring break and have some fun

[joshextreme]

haha atta boy, you're doin' great. Tread lightly though, don't count on her trying to get a hold of you but be prepared. My ex basically sent emails rewriting our whole relationship when I thought there was nothing left! Your ex may go digging through the past too, looking for anything to talk to you about.

 

Try to focus on your spring break and have some fun

 

You said that your ex was bringing up old things. Was she trying to get back with you?

[PelicanPete]

You said that your ex was bringing up old things. Was she trying to get back with you?

 

No, but hindsight is always 20/20. She was basically bringing up things from the past and eventually blaming them on me, just to try to get a rise out of me and to try to get me to say something mean. She became relentless and heart set on trying to portray me as an abuser, sending me 3-4 emails a day for about a week trying to twist my past behavior and trying to get me to validate it.

 

So if your ex feels that guilty, and starts emailing you and trying to say that you were a bad boyfriend for whatever reason, don't defend yourself, don't even respond. I responded to her calling me abusive, because she knew that was a soft spot for me. I backed everything up, and mentioned that she was comparing our long term relationship with her honeymoon stage with her balding boyfriend, and she used that tiny little inch to say:

 

"I can't believe you'd verbally attack XXXX, this just proves he's a much better man then you'll ever be. Goodbye then Pete, I hope you get everything figured out."

 

Of course I heard from her a week later, but It's exactly like responding to a text, if you respond to her, she'll feel better, ego will swell, and you'll once again be on the back burner. She wants to end it with her on top. Don't respond to any crumbs.

[joshextreme]

No, but hindsight is always 20/20. She was basically bringing up things from the past and eventually blaming them on me, just to try to get a rise out of me and to try to get me to say something mean. She became relentless and heart set on trying to portray me as an abuser, sending me 3-4 emails a day for about a week trying to twist my past behavior and trying to get me to validate it.

 

So if your ex feels that guilty, and starts emailing you and trying to say that you were a bad boyfriend for whatever reason, don't defend yourself, don't even respond. I responded to her calling me abusive, because she knew that was a soft spot for me. I backed everything up, and mentioned that she was comparing our long term relationship with her honeymoon stage with her balding boyfriend, and she used that tiny little inch to say:

 

"I can't believe you'd verbally attack XXXX, this just proves he's a much better man then you'll ever be. Goodbye then Pete, I hope you get everything figured out."

 

Of course I heard from her a week later, but It's exactly like responding to a text, if you respond to her, she'll feel better, ego will swell, and you'll once again be on the back burner. She wants to end it with her on top. Don't respond to any crumbs.

 

Oh I see. My ex already tried to do this to me a week ago when I told her she had no self respect. But I sadly caved and did all the apologizing. Things are gonna be way different now though

[shawn923]

Oh I see. My ex already tried to do this to me a week ago when I told her she had no self respect. But I sadly caved and did all the apologizing. Things are gonna be way different now though

 

right with you... im about 10 days i think NC. Shes tried textin me once and tried coming up to me once in school. But thats all... Im moving on. When she texted me "so r u happy?" i didnt reply... She tried coming up to me and acting playful, saying "so are we still not talking" and i said "no, because u know why"... and if im by myself, i TOTALLY walk around and avoid her at school... she has a new boyfriend and goes out of her way to rub it in my face whenever im at lunch with my basketball team. I know youll be back at school in a week, so im just trying to help ya...

[joshextreme]

so my ex texted me telling me she missed me and that she missed the deep conversations we use to have. for some reason she just doesnt understand why we cant be friends.

 

i was gonna be honest and i said how i felt. i told her that i missed her too and then we were talking about what we both wanted. i didnt like plead my case but i told her how i have changed and that im sorry for the bad things that i had done. she apologized for her faults too. it was very nice actually lol.

 

it got to the point where she said she wanted to start talking again and seeing where it goes. i then told her about all the progress ive made since we've broken up and that the only way i would start talking to her is if she could ASSURE me that we'd get back together. mind you she really misses me. so she said she couldnt assure me that so we had our goodbyes.. again

 

they went like this..

her: "My life is too off balance to assure something like that right now. i have no clue what to want and thats a big commitment im not ready for. but thank you. goodnight"

 

me: "yeah well when you're ready to try you know where to reach me. just remember everything ive said"

 

her: "i never forget what you say. sweetdreams josh"

(^^ i think she was trying to make me feel guilty. ive said some REALLY mean things to her in the past tho. just what i think tho)

 

me: "im sorry i ever ****ed up. just let everything ive said tonight somewhat make up for it. you know through everything ive cared about you more than ive cared about myself. sweet dreams to you too"

 

 

i guess i caved a little. the last message i sent wasnt needed but i had to leave her thinking that i have changed. because i have. she knows now that the only time she should talk to me is if its her coming back to me. until then im gonna enjoy the rest of the week i have off..

[Chi townD]

DUDE!!! COME ON!!!! SHe is stringing you along. She wants her cake and to eat it too! She misses the deep conservations you two had.....Not your fault you two can't have them anymore! If she tries to bring up the being friends thing, just tell her that you didn't get into a relationship with her and form some deep feelings for her just to ultimately become "good friends". Tell her that you can't be friends with her because you still have feelings for her. How is she gonna argue that?

[joshextreme]

DUDE!!! COME ON!!!! SHe is stringing you along. She wants her cake and to eat it too! She misses the deep conservations you two had.....Not your fault you two can't have them anymore! If she tries to bring up the being friends thing, just tell her that you didn't get into a relationship with her and form some deep feelings for her just to ultimately become "good friends". Tell her that you can't be friends with her because you still have feelings for her. How is she gonna argue that?

 

Her cousin (who I'm really good friends with) is trying to get me to talk to her. She keeps saying how time has passed and both of us have changed and that the only way we'll be able to rekindle things is if we start talking.

[Eddie Edirol]

Yeah shes stringing you along just so she can talk to you and eventually stop talking to you on good terms so she doesnt feel guilty. You also cant corner her on commiting to dating you again, even if she did want to try, making her commit to it would not work.

 

Next time contacts you, you have to be firm with her. "have you reconsidered?"

If she doesnt say yes, its a no, and you say "then let me know if you reconsider, goodnight"

 

Dont let her friend her way to feel guilt free meanwhile you feel like crap. You gotta be a man that has boundaries, and dont let her keep changing the rules and getting you to apologize.

 

Youve already apologized for everything youve dont, do not apologize again!

You want her to see you changed? read this again:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3344707&postcount=1

[suddendumpee]

I would respond with something that may force her to speak her mind. Something like:

 

"XXXX, given that you made the decision to move forward with your life, I have to do the same. Please understand that by communicating with you, it is preventing me from doing so. I truly cared about you, and I can't see you as just a "friend". So that I can get on with my life, I would appreciate it if you would stop contacting me. I hope you understand. Please take care of yourself."

 

Then, obey her wishes and remove her from facebook.

I guarantee there will be no more bread crumbs after this. THIS will have the greatest effect and IF she is thinking about reconciliation, you will know. If she is not, you will not hear from her again. It's a win/win. Trust me on this.

[PelicanPete]

Trust us josh, we've all been there. We've already experienced all of the same crap if not more. If you start listening to the people trying to help you then I guarantee you'll leave the break up in the best way possible. Just start backtracking through this thread, shes riddled with guilt and wants to throw it on you on the way out. Does she deserve to do that? Only if you let her.

 

We know its hard to make good decisions in your emotional state, but that's why were here. We're giving you all of the decisions we made with our ex's that worked, or the ones we wish we made that would've worked better. We only have your best interest in mind, but our words are useless if you don't let them guide you.

 

If she is really wanting back together, go NC and you have it in the bag. She will eventually stop feeding you crumbs and say she wants back together. Let her realize what she's missing.

Edited April 18, 2011 by PelicanPete

[joshextreme]

you guys are so right. i texted her this morning and it was like i was talking to a completely different person. i know i wasnt to break NC but i needed to know where we stood.

 

This is how our convo went( i was going to condense but a play by play is better)

 

Me: "Can we talk"

Her: "sure"

Me: "Last night was ridiculous"

Her: "Why?"

Me: "Because we both went to bed feeling like **** and there's nothing we can do about it"

Her: "yea well thats how it is unfortunately but i got what i wanted to say out atleast"

Me: "yeah same"

Her: "then it was worth it for me, idk about you"

Me: "Alright"

Her "Do you wanna talk later or no?

Me: "Do whatever you want. Bye"

Her: "I wanna know what you want thought.."

Me: "No forget it. I'll cya around"

Her: "alright"

Me: "bye"

 

yeah that was just our convo this morning. as i said i knew i shouldnt of texted her but i needed to know where we stood. i think i handled it alright. i finally see what you guys say about girls being like a bitch. like i saw it before but this was a instant thing. last night we were talking like we were together and then this happened where we set up our walls again. definitely listening to you guys 100%. ofc i was listening to you guys before though

[joshextreme]

Trust us josh, we've all been there. We've already experienced all of the same crap if not more. If you start listening to the people trying to help you then I guarantee you'll leave the break up in the best way possible. Just start backtracking through this thread, shes riddled with guilt and wants to throw it on you on the way out. Does she deserve to do that? Only if you let her.

 

We know its hard to make good decisions in your emotional state, but that's why were here. We're giving you all of the decisions we made with our ex's that worked, or the ones we wish we made that would've worked better. We only have your best interest in mind, but our words are useless if you don't let them guide you.

 

If she is really wanting back together, go NC and you have it in the bag. She will eventually stop feeding you crumbs and say she wants back together. Let her realize what she's missing.

 

yeah seriously i need to thank you guys over and over lol. you guys are right about everything. like i just posted she threw me crumbs and then when i went after them in the morning it was like who the hell am i talking to? NC is the way to go i know for a fact this time im sticking to it 100%. Idc if she text me im just gonna ignore it unless its her coming back to me. She knows 100% how i feel and i made that a point last night.