broken heart wants to contact him back, but in this situation, should I?

[fool4love]

Tell me what you think? My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. We live 1000 miles apart, so there has been very limited contact. Mostly emails. He recently (about 1 week ago) responded to an email I sent him. I'll share some of what he wrote...

 

"I feel awful for hurting you," and "I did and still do love you," and "You will go far in all of your future endeavors," and he ended it w/ "Know that you are in my thoughts every day."

 

He left it up to me whether or not to respond. I haven't replied and it has now been a week. I just don't know what to say to him. I'm still crushed were broken, and if he doesn't want me back, I don't want contact. What do you all think I should do? Email or not?

[UCFKevin]

If you still have such strong feelings, give it time. Let it be for a while. Wait until you can talk to him without having your heart hurting too much, so you can speak with a clear mind.

[fool4love]

That's good advice, but if he's confused, or still thinking about me, I want him to know that I'm still here, and If there's anything I could do or say to get back with him, I would. But, I probably already know your reply. If he wants me back, he has to realize it for himself, there's nothing I can say or do at this point, right?

[Pookette]

To me, it sounds like he is trying to end things on a friendly note. Let things cool down for a while as Kevin suggests. Then, when you feel ready, you can email him or give him a call. Then you will have some impartial-ness to how you view him and can decide whether you want to remain friends or take the next step up again.

 

Guys are icky anyway

[sinkerswim]

I think thats nice that he wrote that to you...Gave you some kind of friendly closure.

I would continue to write him on a friendly basis..then eventually ask if he wants to start things back up again.. but only when you are ready.

[nikkilove]

I agree with Pookette.

 

I also want to add, try not to read to much into his note. It really does sound like he just wants to end it on friendly terms. Personally, and this has always been me, I wouldn't contact him. Let it go, and if he still loves you, he'll contact you on his own. I hope you can move on with your life and later when you are less hurt, and if so inclined, maybe be friends with him.

[fool4love]

Thanks for all of your comments. I'm not going to contact him just yet, I don't want to contact, just to have contact. I have a question a little off topic however. In terms of him moving on (suppose it's easier for the one who wants the break) and meeting someone new, for men, how quickly can this happen. I know that every guy I date here after, I will compare to the ex. I worry that he will meet someone better, and forget about me, and never want to come back. It's a horrible feeling. I've heard guys are able to put away past feelings and move on quicker. Is this true? I don't think he will find "the one" a month or so after breaking a long term relationship, but do you think it could happen?

[lady104]

He still loves you? Why did you break up? Sounds dubious to me

[Pookette]

I've heard guys are able to put away past feelings and move on quicker.

 

Women can do this too. I found that I was able to bond better with my friends after a breakup. This is important on the path to healing. You are going to have unaccustomed freedom to do what [color=red]you[/color] want to do. You can pursue activities that will lead you to meet new people.

 

I don't think he will find "the one" a month or so after breaking a long term relationship, but do you think it could happen?

 

It could happen. It could also happen for you! But take some time off to have fun. Relationships can be a lot of work and work=stress. If you constantly worry about who he is going to find next you're going to drive yourself crazy.

 

I worry that he will meet someone better, and forget about me, and never want to come back.

 

'I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.' Margaret Mitchell

[fool4love]

All this advice is so great but I never quite hear what I want to hear. Noone confirms that this was just a bad dream, he made a huge mistake, and he wants me back! I think what I'm struggling with here is admitting to myself that it's over. He doesn't care whether I contact him again or not. And if he does, then not contacting him will make him wonder about me. So that is my decision no contact...atleast for now. But just when I feel stronger one day, I'll wake up the next and obsess over the breakup all over again. What I truly want is to know exactly what he's feeling, thinking and doing. So that I know for sure why this had to happen and whether or not to hold out hope.