Author shawn923 Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 It's hurts like hell but she's probably hurting too which is why she's numbing the pain by rebounding onto another dude. The good news is this is exactly the type of woman you don't want to put anymore emotional investment into. Be magnanimous, talk to her, don't be a dick and ignore her, reset it back to zero like she's been demoted to someone you just barely know, you have no interest in what she's doing or whom she's with...I'll tell you it will drive her crazy to know you being without her is not bugging you. The truth is a cliche..time is a healer, but it's these situations we find out more about ourselves, whether we are men or destined to be pussy whipped hangers on who hope and wait for reconciliation..and I'll tell you something women love men. Dry those tears, grow some nuts and go forth in the world and do your thing! If she's ****ing with your head after the fact then she's so not worth it. Good luck! Shes gotta be hurting, otherwise she truly wouldnt care and would be trying to avoid me as well. But she doesnt. She flirts with that dude whenever im around. And u know damn well ur NOT suppose to do that in front of ur ex, thats like belittling them and the entire relationship u guys had... and on top of that she comes up to me, asking are we still not talking? like why? Can she really not understand this concept? My hearts telling me she quickly rebounded to ease the pain from our relationship... But deep down she knows she still misses me, and i provide that comfort for her that she doesnt get from her new bf. Otherwise, what good is talking to an ex do? If u dumped ur partner, then were first to get into a new relationship, why would u continue to talk to the one u dumped? what good are u trying to accomplish? I wonder where exactly her head is right now... Oh well. Thats my heart speaking. My mind says NC all the way... Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 You're definitely doing the right thing, NC all the way. Just be polite and don't reveal anything if she tries talking to you... if she really demands an explanation why you don't want to talk (not that she deserves one!) you could say you're not ready to be friends if you're no longer together, or something like that. If she still doesn't get it, then really she's not worth the effort... Who knows what her motives are for talking to you, but I suspect that she wants to be 'friends' so it eases her guilt over dumping you. All for HER benefit, to make HER feel better. Not you. But really, you realise that you can't possibly be friends, and you don't owe it to her to alleviate her guilt, so you're wiser than a lot of people on here! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Thanx it helps.. And i wouldnt say wiser, LOL ive just now started full NC and it manages to be sticking for a week now. I just finally got the picture... But thanks letting me know im doing the right thing helps a lot... hopefully she realizes sooner than later that shes in a rebound relationship... i mean i dont wanna be naive, but i honestly dont think they share the same connection me n her did at all... but oh well. hope time heals me now. Theres not much worse news i can hear...i no longer care Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Shawn923, My Ex got G.I.G.S. and after about 8 months of playing around... She got serious with a guy... That lasted about 4 months. She needed to date around and be in a relationship... She is only 23, so she doesn't have a lot of dating experience. She was great to me but she never fully appreciated who / how I was with her. Now she thinks I am God's Gift to Women! Assuming she didn't cheat and leave you for the new guy.... The fact that she is in a relationship with him... Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Remember... He isn't you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Shawn923, My Ex got G.I.G.S. and after about 8 months of playing around... She got serious with a guy... That lasted about 4 months. She needed to date around and be in a relationship... She is only 23, so she doesn't have a lot of dating experience. She was great to me but she never fully appreciated who / how I was with her. Now she thinks I am God's Gift to Women! Assuming she didn't cheat and leave you for the new guy.... The fact that she is in a relationship with him... Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Remember... He isn't you! Thanks... Great advice. She texted me tonight "so are u happy?" and i didnt reply..... Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I told my ex that we couldn't be friends due to how I felt. At first she didn't want me to go, but then told me she felt for me and wouldn't make it any harder so we parted ways. It was nice and mutual. Not what I wanted to do (we started as friends so would be good to go back there one day) but what I had to do. Tell this girl the same if she keeps texting. If she cares for you in the slightest then she'll do the same and allow you time rather then keeping in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I'm happy for you that you didn't reply her "Are you happy?" sms. Anyway, you can tell yourself, of course I am going to be happy. Stay NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Thanx a lot everybody... I read thru the entire thread again this morning and it easily clears my head. I ignored her text last night about being happy... Im on my way to school now, on a day where i specifically ALWAYS see her at the same time, usually with her new guy... Today, im walking the total opposite way so she doesnt even know im at the school. I dont even want to go to class to be honest lol. But when i do get to school, im gonna make sure at least today to not let her see me. Its just too awkward and wrong to see her flirt with him... Link to post Share on other sites
EyeJustDontKnow Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 If she's ****ing with your head after the fact then she's so not worth it. Good luck! Truth. Am dealing with this myself, spreading incredible lies that are getting back to me via mutual friends. I know the truth and it reinforces my decision but it still stings. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Okay Shawn, normally I refrain from your thread because you just tend not to listen to anyone. However, I do see you trying to do NC which is good. Here's my two cents. She's in a relationship, and yes it's rebound. But, she's playing you both. She only approached you the other day to see where your heads at. To see what you knew. She wanted to see you hurt. If you got choked up infront of her the other day, she would have probably smiled inwardly. She wants you to hurt because in her warped mind you hurt her by not talking to her. She trying to get back at you. It bothered her that she didn't get the response she was hoping for from you the other day; thus, the "are you happy?" text. Dude, you need to let this one go. I would avoid her like the plague. Anytime you think that she the one for you, and you two were meant to be together, she's getting intimate with this other guy and you're convincing yourself that her relationship with this guy is a temporary thing. She made her choice, and it was probably the wrong one, but SHE has to live with it, you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I really hope so... Luckily i erased her and started NC before she was in a relationship, cuz im pretty sure i woulda cried in front of her about it... Well i guess i got taught my lesson for sneaking onto her fb page. Oh well at least i now have a clear reason to WANT to go NC... and i really do hope the hurting stops. Im still in week 1 of NC.... you will! for all the times i cried over my ex i never once cried in front of him. i refused to give him the satisfaction. it's a good thing you didnt do the same in front of your ex, too. chi town is right - - it only would have fed her ego. you explained to her that you were going nc and her approaching you and sending you that text was not respecting your wishes or you for that matter. she doesn't deserve anymore of your attention. let her get it from the new guy. in the meantime, keep up the good work with the nc. we are all pulling for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Well im home now, and i avoided her today. Didnt see her at all. @ChitownD, lol i always accept everyones advice... A few weeks ago I was just stubborn about going NC. She still showed reasons that she wanted me back. But now that she's in a relationship, i finally have that LAST reason to let her go... I know for a fact they wont last, they dont even look like a couple. Me and her actually looked alike, meshed well, etc. So i guess ur right, SHE has to live with that mistake, not me. She's gonna have to go thru ANOTHER breakup, i look at it that way . And when he finds out he was just a rebound, SHE will have her heart broke... KARMA. Why would she WANT to see me hurt tho? SHE DUMPED ME! thats evil to then wish me to be hurt. I didnt choke up, i think i may have even smiled. I didnt look hurt at all i know that...Also, what part of chicago do u stay in? I do as well... @radiodarcy I cried in front of her once on the phone when we first broke up, and once on valentines day, when she didnt wanna take me back and rejected my gift in front of my face... Im soooo glad i started NC just a few days before she made her new relationship official, cuz i woulda called her and asked her about it when i saw it, resulting in me crying, and her ego being raised... To this day im not sure she knows, that i know, that shes now in a relationship. because shes never told me nor are we friends on facebook... But i appreciate it, stay on my side lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Reading these forums is therapeutic. Its like having a diary with all my thoughts about this down on paper, that I can go back and look at whenever i need a wake up call. I suspect she will try to contact me sometime this weekend, because i ignored her txt last night, and she didnt see me today. I suppose i will continue to ignore her... Shes the type thats gonna end up sending me a text like "so ur gonna ignore me now? fine it you want it this way..." she'll try to make me feel guilty. But as long as shes with the other guy, I DONT OWE HER SHHIT... She seems to forget she dumped ME at the height of our relationship, didnt wanna take me back, hopped into another relationship, and goes out of her way to flirt with him in front of me... Now that i look at it all in one big picture, thats kinda evil... I never did anything during our relationship to deserve this. Im not the cheating or abusive type at all. And i took the blame for everything and apologized and promised to change and she still couldnt take me back. and THIS is how u make me pay? For what? for not being perfect? thats wrong... she'll never be happy looking for perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Well im home now, and i avoided her today. Didnt see her at all. @ChitownD, lol i always accept everyones advice... A few weeks ago I was just stubborn about going NC. She still showed reasons that she wanted me back. But now that she's in a relationship, i finally have that LAST reason to let her go... I know for a fact they wont last, they dont even look like a couple. Me and her actually looked alike, meshed well, etc. So i guess ur right, SHE has to live with that mistake, not me. She's gonna have to go thru ANOTHER breakup, i look at it that way . And when he finds out he was just a rebound, SHE will have her heart broke... KARMA. Why would she WANT to see me hurt tho? SHE DUMPED ME! thats evil to then wish me to be hurt. I didnt choke up, i think i may have even smiled. I didnt look hurt at all i know that...Also, what part of chicago do u stay in? I do as well... @radiodarcy I cried in front of her once on the phone when we first broke up, and once on valentines day, when she didnt wanna take me back and rejected my gift in front of my face... Im soooo glad i started NC just a few days before she made her new relationship official, cuz i woulda called her and asked her about it when i saw it, resulting in me crying, and her ego being raised... To this day im not sure she knows, that i know, that shes now in a relationship. because shes never told me nor are we friends on facebook... But i appreciate it, stay on my side lol. will do! next time you have an urge to contact her. post here. the first couple of weeks, i posted on the thread "post here instead of contacting your ex" and it helped a lot to get things out. you may even want to take the lead of other posters on LS and start a NC diary. stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 In my opinion, she's mad as hell at you because, you're not talking, you're avoiding and you won't return her calls. What better way to get back at you than to rub it in your face that she with someone else. Which is very immature if that's what she's doing. I live in the far southwest burbs, but I work on the Northside, hell of a commute but a job is a job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 In my opinion, she's mad as hell at you because, you're not talking, you're avoiding and you won't return her calls. What better way to get back at you than to rub it in your face that she with someone else. Which is very immature if that's what she's doing. I live in the far southwest burbs, but I work on the Northside, hell of a commute but a job is a job. Thats sounds like exactly what shes doing. Being very immature... She's going out her way to let me know she has a great perfect new bf. When i can take one look and tell he doesnt compare... Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Try not to stress too much about it shawn. My ex left me for a fat balding 22 year old with no future, mainly because I wasn't ready for marriage and he was. She basically advertised how amazing and great this guy was compared to me for months, and tried to make me seem like I was abusive to justify her actions. She also wanted to stay friends just to toy with me, but I didn't do her that favor. You'll soon realize like I did, that a girl playing all this crap isn't worth it in the end. It may feel like shes got one up on you right now, but you'll soon realize with time that you're the one that's better off, and shes just screwing herself over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 My question is why? Why would she want to make me jealous? If she supposedly doesn't want to be with me anymore... And to update, one of my other ex girlfriends snapped on her on facebook. They got into a big argument. She basically told her oh how could u do that, u downgraded, ur new bf is ugly, u did Shawn wrong, etc... Lmao. All things that were true. I did not put her up to this nor do I even talk to her anymore. Now I'm thinkin my ex might think I made her do it, when I honestly didn't... Does it even matter anymore? I mean I don't wanna make it seem like I stooped to her level, when I really didn't. Or should I not even care? Link to post Share on other sites
PelicanPete Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I think she just wants control over the break up. You're going NC on her and being completely ignored by someone isn't exactly the best feeling, you aren't waiting on her anymore. She misses the attention of you begging her back to feed her ego, so I bet she is either using this as a rebound to make her feel better about the whole thing, or to try to get you jealous so you'll be once again wrapped around her finger and boosting her confidence. As for your other ex, I bet she's trying to get back on your good side from whatever happened between you two. My advice would just be lay low for awhile,keep NC, and stay strong. Both of your ex's are just demonstrating typical immature female behavior and it would be a wise move to stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 sometimes its good when you find out they are in a relationship it's like shutting that door closed for me, because I would not want them back after that. My ex strung me along for a year told me all the lies she just needed space, acted like my gf and all that was at my house all the time her and her kid like everything was nice and grand, then one day 2 months ago, I noticed she tagged a guy's name on one of her photos so i went there and poof his relationship status said in a relationship with my ex. And well that was it i should haev cut the cord a long time ago, but I did that very day, of course she lied to me, it's just facebook it was just fun you take everything so serious I don't want a relationship at this moment I told you, sorry I was done being played for a fool and I haven't spoken to her since almost 50 days now. Yes it hurts as first sometimes it still does, but if I didn't see that she was in a relationship I would still be there, having her and her kid over, treating her good and hearing those fake words I love you bla bla. Sometimes its good. 3 years ago my ex fiance same thing I was pinning over her for months and months, till i finally saw a pic of her and her new guy and well that was it, never looked bck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shawn923 Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 K. Thanx everyone for the advice She has yet to contact me since last nights text. and vice versa... I think this makes a full week of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 If she contacts you, don respond, keep up to your nc. In no time you will recover Link to post Share on other sites
MissBennett Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Truth. Am dealing with this myself, spreading incredible lies that are getting back to me via mutual friends. I know the truth and it reinforces my decision but it still stings. dont you love it when the 'he said, she said' starts. it's even worse when the friends get involved and everything becomes about rumour and conjecture. I'm in the same boat, and have been called a liar twice now. OP, use it as fuel for the fire. Link to post Share on other sites
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