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Im The Other Woman I Love Him And I Feel Bad


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istilllovehim

Things are still good. Last night, when I got home we had both of his kids. My little one came home from his 10 day trip from Florida, so we had a houseful but it is always so fun with the three of them. She called and I spoke to her about her two little ones being sick. We had a good conversation. I am always kind to her, she is starting to being kind to me too. Grandma always said, kill em with kindness! I am starting to wonder if I am one of the lucky ones. Well we had the baby until 9:30 and we kept his 3 yr old all night. I caught him staring at me when I was reading the boys their bedtime story. I could see the love in his eyes. He told me that I was a wonderful mother and so good with his boys. I told him, when you love someone, you love their children. He said he could tell I love his children. I honestly do, they are such sweet boys. I hope things continue to be happy. My heart depends on it!

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Yes you could be a lucky one! I think you have yourself a good man!!! He sounds really great (but you have to know the good comes with the bad) obviously you guys have had enough bad so it's about time ya get to the good! I agree that ya kill em with kindness! Maybe her seeing that you won't stoop to her level has made her come to her senses or maybe she will at least back off for awhile. :) No truer words were ever spoken than when you said that when you love someone you love their children as well...some people tend to forget that and expect the partner to put them before their kids from a previous relationship. Sounds to me like you two have all the right ingredients for a long lasting healthy relationship! I say if things end up tensing up again just stick with him and let him see you're not going anywhere however I wouldn't count on it getting bad again.....I think you two were meant to be also...and as the old saying goes...*If it's meant to be it will happen*

:D

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Okay so 2 days ago she comes to my house while has gone and told me that they have slept together since he has been with me.

 

I wouldn't doubt it! I still have sex with my husband too. If he cheated on her (and yes, even if he's living with you, he's MARRIED to her, therefore, if he sleeps with you, it's still adultery!), what makes you think he won't cheat on you?

 

She told me that he is not a cheater and that he is just confused.

 

Well, there I think she's wrong. I beleive he's cheating on her because of his hurt from being cheated on by her. But a cheat is a cheat is a cheat...

 

Then here comes yesterday. He had to go to her house because her father who lives across the street from her was fixing his car. He said he used their other car and went and paid some bills, came back, played with the baby a bit and then left. He did tell me that he told her that he was thinking of going back to her but it wouldn’t work. She came to the house and told him that he better tell me the truth that they were at home sleeping together.

 

Again, I'd beleive her! And he told her he was thinking of going back with her?

 

So they left for about 15 minutes and then she dropped him back off

 

I don't know about this guy's stamina, but with my husband, that's plenty of time for sex... even time for a cuddle after lol!

 

He showed up about 15 minutes later without his son because he was sleeping... he went and was back within 20 minutes with his son... ...since they only live 2 minutes away...

 

Hmmm, why would it take so long for him to come back empty handed the first time? Even WITH their son the second time... if they only live 2 minutes away? Again, plenty of time for sex! :bunny:

 

He's never been a cheater. She even told me that, but she says he is now all of a sudden... ...He didn't cheat on her with me

 

Here it is in black and white. He is. HELLO! He's married, and not to you. He IS sleeping with her -I'll never understand how the OW can think he won't do it to her?

 

So about 2 months ago... ... all I really would say is that he has always been in my heart but I am not about to get involved with someone else's husband

 

So what are you doing??? After all those years, he's been back in your life -married to another woman yet- for 2 months... and you're head over heels? Give me a break!

 

I have been a wife, I wouldn't want that for me.

 

Very good!! Looks great, now think about it!!

 

These quotes explain a lot! Read them over!

 

I was so in love with him that it took all of the sanity that I had. I was already using drugs and began feeling insecure and suicidal and therefore my mother had me committed to a mental facility.

 

My husband was abusive and was using heroin behind my back.

 

 

I told him that I was insecure...

 

she said that she had left a marriage for her now husband and has been in our shoes

 

My heart depends on it!

 

Miz_barby... then you shouldn't allow anyone least of all a jealous ex

 

ummmmmm they're still married... she's not an ex "yet" :sick:

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istilllovehim

You haven't said anything that I haven't already thought about. Quite frankly, I am getting sick of being the other woman. This is exactly what I didn't want!!!! I did want a future with him but as his partner at his side, not the other woman in this confused mess. And I haven't done anything that I didn't want done to me. If my husband wanted out of our relationship... thats fine. I would just want honesty. Sure it would hurt but if I cheated on my husband like she did, I would have to understand. They have been having problems for 2 years now and he wanted out. I don't know why he didn't do it then. It could have been love, loyalty or obligation, who knows! I am starting to see that it probably is me, the reason he left or he would have done it back then. I know he did leave a couple of times but went right back cause she threatened with suicide, she cant do that now because she knows the state would take the kids. So what is stopping him from going back now? Me? I have told him numerous times that if that is what he wants, then go back. What if his intentions are to go back, just when he's ready. Where does that leave me? A broken hearted fool! Not to mention a home wrecker! I guess I would get what I deserved. He hasn't mentioned going back to her and he still tells her he is happy with me but I feel as though he still has some sort of connection with her other than the kids. She has to know where we are at all times and she calls about 5 times a day re: the kids and makes silly little flirtatious cracks and he just laughs. I don't want him to be mean to her but shouldn't he draw a line and where their communications should stop. I am such an idiot for ever loving this man. She sends food over to our house everyday and he eats her food and mine. He is letting her still take care of him. She even called and asked him to bring her some of the supper I made for him the other night. He tells her things about me that I think should be kept private. Like last week I was diagnosed with a tumor on my ovary and pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. She asked me about them when she called. Why does she have to know?

 

I got a letter from my ex-husband whom I was about to reconcile with prior to getting back involved with MM. I wrote him and told him all about my intentions and told him that I wanted to separate for good. I told him that I was seeing someone from my past that I cared very much about and wanted to see where my future lies. My husband just replied that he was sorry for all the wrong that he did and that he loved me enough to let me love another if thats what it would take to make me happy. That was mature. Thats what I would have done. I have never been a selfish person (at least until now) and I always put myself after others.

 

I guess I am just getting sick of this whole mess. This isn't what I wanted!!!!!!! I love him, always have, but enough is enough. He needs to divorce her if he wants me, plain and simple. If he cant do that, then he just needs to leave. I can live without any man!

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istilllovehim

You haven't said anything that I haven't already thought about. Quite frankly, I am getting sick of being the other woman. This is exactly what I didn't want!!!! I did want a future with him but as his partner at his side, not the other woman in this confused mess. And I haven't done anything that I didn't want done to me. If my husband wanted out of our relationship... thats fine. I would just want honesty. Sure it would hurt but if I cheated on my husband like she did, I would have to understand. They have been having problems for 2 years now and he wanted out. I don't know why he didn't do it then. It could have been love, loyalty or obligation, who knows! I am starting to see that it probably is me, the reason he left or he would have done it back then. I know he did leave a couple of times but went right back cause she threatened with suicide, she cant do that now because she knows the state would take the kids. So what is stopping him from going back now? Me? I have told him numerous times that if that is what he wants, then go back. What if his intentions are to go back, just when he's ready. Where does that leave me? A broken hearted fool! Not to mention a home wrecker! I guess I would get what I deserved. He hasn't mentioned going back to her and he still tells her he is happy with me but I feel as though he still has some sort of connection with her other than the kids. She has to know where we are at all times and she calls about 5 times a day re: the kids and makes silly little flirtatious cracks and he just laughs. I don't want him to be mean to her but shouldn't he draw a line and where their communications should stop. I am such an idiot for ever loving this man. She sends food over to our house everyday and he eats her food and mine. He is letting her still take care of him. She even called and asked him to bring her some of the supper I made for him the other night. He tells her things about me that I think should be kept private. Like last week I was diagnosed with a tumor on my ovary and pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. She asked me about them when she called. Why does she have to know?

 

I got a letter from my ex-husband whom I was about to reconcile with prior to getting back involved with MM. I wrote him and told him all about my intentions and told him that I wanted to separate for good. I told him that I was seeing someone from my past that I cared very much about and wanted to see where my future lies. My ex-husband just replied that he was sorry for all the wrong that he did and that he loved me enough to let me love another if thats what it would take to make me happy. That was mature. Thats what I would have done. I have never been a selfish person (at least until now) and I always put myself after others.

 

I guess I am just getting sick of this whole mess. This isn't what I wanted!!!!!!! I love him, always have, but enough is enough. He needs to divorce her if he wants me, plain and simple. If he cant do that, then he just needs to leave. I can live without any man!

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:eek: Well I agree about the drawing the line part! That is crazy! If he is done with her he needs to be completely done! He needs to be civil but he needs to know where to draw the line...I mean come on after all the drama you would think that he would want as LITTLE conversation and contact with her as possible....the more you say and the more things progress I too am starting to wonder......

I would say sit down and talk to him about all of this..tell him it is inappropriate and VERY unfair to you for him to continue to flirt with her and accept her "gifts" like food or whatever......if he is letting go of the relationship he needs to let go 100% (except being respectful when talking 2 her about the kids) but when he goes to pick them up he needs to take you with him...........and if he does want out for good and wants to be with you he does need to take legal steps to seperate but if his intentions ARE to go back to her damn it he needs to be honest with you because it isn't fair to any of you!

 

NOW..................is the ex the one who was abusive? I too was in an abusive relatioship (my ex was an alcholic and hit me sometimes, emotionally abused me all the time, and threatend to kill me...his favorite line was "when this relationship ends so does your life") anyway I hope that if this is the same guy who used herion...and who was abusive.....you DON'T go back to him!

No one is perfect but if they had it in them to be physically abusive (no matter what the circumstances) once they have it in them to do it again! No matter what has happened with this guy you deserve better.........I say be strong and if things don't work out with MM take some "you" time......start putting yourself BEFORE any else (other than your child) :)

 

And............he told her about your cancer scare?????? That is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT her business!!!! Oh my Gawd he knows the things she has said and done to you WHY would he tell her that? I would have to be pissed at him for breaking your confidence first of all but to tell HER that! I say tell him how you feel give him a SHORT chance to decide then if he doesn't I have to say move on! Sounds like he is a great guy in some ways and pathetic in others! Oh yeah BTW you are NOT a homewrecker! He left because he wasn't happy! she KNew about you and he didn't play you both in secret.....anyway good luck and keep us updated.... :)

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I say be strong and if things don't work out with MM take some "you" time......start putting yourself BEFORE any else (other than your child)

 

Good advice, except the the "if things don't work out with MM" part. You've been divorced from an abusive husband for less than a year. Your heart is NOT healed from that yet. It takes time. And preferably, also therapy.

 

"Your" MM is not divorced "yet" either. He also needs to take some HIM time, and figure out what it is he really wants.

 

What you both seem to be doing is applying a band aid on your hearts' wounds. You've been through emotional turmoil, and so has he, especially since her affair was in the family (marriages can survive infidelity, but only if the OP is completely out of the picture... hard to do when that person is a family member!) Maybe at a later date, if he decides he wants a divorce, and goes through with it... and then takes the alone time to heal from that... and after you've taken time to heal from your emotional struggle alone (by alone, I only mean without a band aid relationship... friends and family are still always welcome)

 

Lol... do I ever fit in here! Look at my avatar ;-) plus my SN is LBSnowOW... LBS is for Left Behind Spouse- because my husband left me for his mistress when I presented tons of evidence that the affair was going on... and since HIS parents are divorced, which resulted in a fear of abandonment -he left first because it hurts less to leave than to be left... but now I'm the OW (hence nowOW) because I am dating him, have sex with him frequently, and he too is talking about leaving her to come and work on our marriage.

 

Oh yeah BTW you are NOT a homewrecker! He left because he wasn't happy! she KNew about you and he didn't play you both in secret

 

I'd agree that you are not an intentional homewrecker... however, you are enabling it by taking him in. He left because he wasn't happy, no doubt, but should have gotten his own apartment. Not moved in with a past girlfriend with a history of emotional struggle. She knew about you, but he IS playing you both in secret. You only hear his side of the story, and when she offers hers, you prefer not to beleive it. And she only hears his side of the story also, and who knows what he says to her! You already know he's said he wants to go back to her...

 

Also, your thread title says "I feel bad"... why would you want to pursue a relationship that feels bad??

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that's true about the feeling bad part but to be honest WHAT relationship makes you feel good ALL the time?? Sounds like you are in the same type of situation as this person seeking advice but sounds like you're bitter and seeing from the "wife" point of view...how could she "take him" when he left because he was sick of his wife?

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istilllovehim

I wish I knew who to believe... I honestly don't know if they are still sleeping together. If he is sleeping with the both of us, then he is a snake in the grass and obviously not who I believe he is. But when he was with her, he didn't even try to touch me. He came by a couple of times and we just talked. He didn't even hide that. I just came out and told him, "As long as you are with her, we cant touch and can't really talk". He said, "I know, I couldn't do that to her". So if he didn't cheat on her with me, physically that is, why would he do that to me? He has always been very honest, thats what people say his best quality is. In regards to the comment about thinking about going back to her.. I sat down and straight out told him that if my ex-husband had custody of my son, I would still be with him. I said no matter what I have to give up, I am going to be with my son, even if that means taking abuse. I told him I didn't know how he was going to live separately from his children, given what a loving father he is. He stated that he has thought of going back for the children but with all the fighting, he is better off living separately from his wife. They even spoke about it but he told me he told her that sometimes he wanted to come home, not for her, but for the children but he knows that they would just continue to fight and be miserable with each other. She even told me that a couple of times, but then sometimes she says he wants her. If he honestly wanted her, why would he tell her in front of her and I that it is me that he wants to be with. And she told me that she thought he honestly loved me but he was just sleeping with her on the side just to keep her around in case I decided not to be with him.

 

She hasn't said anything in the past week about them sleeping together. But she also told me that she wasn't going to tell me anymore since I don't believe her anyway.

 

How long have you and your husband been split up? Has he been sleeping with you since the day he left?

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Remember whatever you do...remember not EVERY one's situation is the same.......the only way that you will ever know what is going to be is by letting the whole situation play out....to me she sounded like she was only saying things to hurt you (considering her past that sounds more than likely) but only he knows in his heart where he truly wants to be...men seem to be that way..since there isn't anything stopping him from going home to Her I think if he wanted to he would have already! :o

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istillovehim:

 

The worst part about being with a married man is the trust part of it. It's hard to trust that our MM isn't sleeping with their wives anymore. Especially when you have to see them go home to their house everynight. The house where him and his wife had made a home of sometime in the past. I know that feeling of wanting to believe him, but having that feeling deep inside of your stomach that eats at you every time you see him go home. It hurts.

 

I can relate alot to what you feel. And before I didn't think that I could. But recently my MM's wife has been harrassing me. She leaves me awful voicemails and she even called my parents house. I had to change my cell number and everything. She told me that I didn't want to deal with her on a one to one basis. And that her and her husband were back on the right track. She even said that her husband clearly expressed that he wanted his family and that I was just a cheap fling. Of course I questioned him about all of those things, and yes, he denied all of them, of course. And I want to believe him, but sometimes it's hard.

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istilllovehim

Chrissy,

Luckily, my MM doesn't go home to her everynight. He has been living with me since March 20th, almost a month now. But yes, he does go by her house everyday to get the kids and bring them over. I have to wonder what she does everytime he's there. He seems to dedicated to me and here I am having reservations, probably pushing him away. I have got to stop this nonsense of worrying and put my all in on making it work.

 

I know this is hard, but you have got to hold on. She is just trying to hold on to what she loves and knows as her family. I know that all too well from my MM's wife. I have sympathy for her sometimes but she made her bed and now she can lie in it. I honestly cant give any other advice on this as I am just learning.

 

My what a web we weave sometimes. I do not regret getting back with him. As LBSnowOW said, give me a break only two months and already head over hills for him. I have a history with this man. I experienced many of my firsts with him and could never forget about him. My mother seems to think that I just need to get him out of my system but I know I love him. Always have. My ex-husband even knew this. He would tell me all the time that I was still in love with my ex. I just refused to admit for I had cut off ties and left him in the past as best as I could. But somethings are meant to be! Even he and I are only meant to be for a short time or forever, it was planned long before now. God has a plan for all of us. I just hope that I am making the right decision here. I guess I am just going to press the issue of divorce, that way I can truly know for sure.

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istilllovehim

Update...

 

Well, I went home yesterday immediately after picking up my son from daycare and going to the grocery store. My MM was there with his 3 year old. All seemed fine, we were grilling and having a good time when she called. She started with her threats again. She told my MM she was going to come to my house and start s**t. I could hear him saying that she better not and I immediatly started saying where she could hear me that this crap was going to stop. My child is home now and I am not going to let this go on while he is around. He has already been through too much. I told him and her that if she came to my house, I was likely going to knock her out with a baseball bat and call the cops on her for trespassing and endangering the welfare of the children. She kept telling him that he knew she would because she didnt give a crap. She kept saying "Im crazy and you all know that". Im glad she didnt come but if she had, it would have been nasty. I am not about to let her come into my house and get my child upset and scared. She thinks shes crazy, she has no idea what I would do to her if that happened. And my abusive ex-husband will surely put the fear of God in her if she ever does anything to upset my child. My ex is likely to go up into her house and tear her up like shes a man. I never could control my ex's anger and that is something that she doesn't even want to be involved with. I wonder if I should warn her? My ex is very very overprotective of our son. I told my MM that and he just looked at me.

 

Well I started going off on him. I told him as long as he took food from her that he was allowing her to take care of him and that she was never going to give up then. I also told him that he didnt need to be at her house watching the kids, he could bring them to my house. I told him that some how he was leading her on and whatever he was doing, it was time it stopped or he was going to have to get the hell away from me. I was ready to cuss him up and down but luckily he had to take his 3 yr old home. I am so glad he did because I'm sure I would have said some things that I regretted. As soon as he left, I went to my grandma's and she and I had a long talk. She said that she knows that I love my MM but that it was not going to work in the long run. I hope shes not right but she is 99% of the time. I took my son and he and I took a long drive, it was soothing. I felt much better. He came home and we had a good talk. He told me he loves me and wants me. I told him that I love him and as long as he wants me to, I will stand by his side. We left it at that. So today... were still together... just going one day at a time.

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At least you got to let him know how you feel....hopefully he got the point...oh yeah I hope you also told him that he had better stop telling her about your personal problems......anyway if you're Grandma is right and it doesn't work out at least you have been able to have some closure to your feelings for him! You don't have to go on wondering for the rest of your life but if it does work out then that's even better! Again I think his EX (even though she is is his wife he LEFT her so therefor she is an EX) is just attention seeking....anytime things aren't going her way she starts making threats cuz she is "crazy" I think she just needs to grow up a bunch! :o

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Originally posted by miz_barby

Again I think his EX (even though she is is his wife he LEFT her so therefor she is an EX)

 

Lol! Is this how The Other Woman self-validation works? (hey, I need to know about OW self-validation tactics... even though the MM I am dating and having sex with is MY HUSBAND)

 

Is this the "fog" the OW gets that makes what she's doing seem more bearable, more ok... more VALID?

 

Is this the wording that numbs the pain to your own self esteem?

 

Well, guess what. She's not an "EX" until the judge has signed the divorce papers! She is still his WIFE (as you have even stated above, lol, then tried to validate it by saying he left... whatevah!!) Which makes you used... the mistress. :rolleyes:

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It comes down to this, which is more important to you:

 

1) Being with the guy

2) Providing a safe environment for your child.

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Originally posted by LBSnowOW

Lol! Is this how The Other Woman self-validation works? (hey, I need to know about OW self-validation tactics... even though the MM I am dating and having sex with is MY HUSBAND)

 

Is this the "fog" the OW gets that makes what she's doing seem more bearable, more ok... more VALID?

 

Is this the wording that numbs the pain to your own self esteem?

 

Well, guess what. She's not an "EX" until the judge has signed the divorce papers! She is still his WIFE (as you have even stated above, lol, then tried to validate it by saying he left... whatevah!!) Which makes you used... the mistress. :rolleyes:

 

 

wow you said if you are the other woman you are "used" then by your own post what does that make you? Sounds like you're bitter because you couldn't make your man happy enough at home so he went and found it else where....then while having a HOME with his OTHER woman he comes back JUST to sleep with you....

now who sounds used with a self esteem problem? No offense but who are you to judge this woman's situation....apparently it is NOTHING like your's !!!!! Thankfully I have NEVER and WILL NEVER sleep with a MM so this problem will never affect me however most suituations are different so while you're the bitter "ex--seperated from wife with benefits" you shouldn't let your bitterness get to ya! :o

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Originally posted by miz_barby

wow you said if you are the other woman you are "used" then by your own post what does that make you?

 

It makes me his faithful wife (hey, just because he's unfaithful, doesn't mean I have to be... two wrongs don't make a right!) . It makes me a better person for not going outside of the marriage for sexual pleasure. Until this marriage is over... until the judge signs the divorce papers that have not even been MENTIONED, much less started, I am still his WIFE and have every right to date him, and have sex with him if I choose.

 

Sounds like you're bitter because you couldn't make your man happy enough at home so he went and found it else where....then while having a HOME with his OTHER woman he comes back JUST to sleep with you....

 

Lol, do you really think he found happiness with her? If that was true, why would he be "cheating" on her? (cheating in quotations only because the OP he's having sex with is his WIFE) You have no idea where his unhappiness lies. But, I'll clue you in. In his words, before we were even married, he has a "hole in his heart", a "deep emptiness", due to his parents' divorce. He also has a "fear of abandonment" due to his family's breakdown. I don't know why he cheated on me (and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me... though your personal attack above leads me to beleive that you'd like me to think so... some people, men or women, just do that even if their relationship with their spouse is great) but I do know why he left. He left because I'd found evidence that he was cheating on me, and confronted him. He has that fear of abandonment, so, thinking I was going to leave him, he left first. And he's right... I DO deserve better.

 

now who sounds used with a self esteem problem?

 

Well, not me, lol! As I see it, I got the better end of the deal. I will not have to live in guilt for what I have done to my family. I have a lots of friends, a job, and three wonderful children that I get to see every day (except for every second weekend, when he has them... but even then, we usually do something together as a family on those days, such as going to the park, out for lunch or dinner, to his mom's for coffee, etc.). I get to watch them grow, learn, and discover, while he (and she) only get to see how much they've grown, learned, or discovered. And I get dates and sex on the side, not for him, but for me.

 

He is taking his problems with him, instead of dealing with them and healing. The OW now has to live with his infidelity, his lies, and HER guilt for coming between a man, and his wife and children. She (has to) chose to live with a man that cannot truly love another, as he does not even love himself. His only power is money... though he's a squanderer. He makes a lot of money, yet their utilities have been disconnected for non-payment numerous times... right now, as of last week, his cell phone has been cut off as has their internet connection. It's not because he's been spending his money paying his child support (he hasn't), and this will only get worse as I gain some of his monetary power. I am entitled to $900/month in child support, plus back pay. He will not have to pay me directly... he will have to pay it to maintenance enforcement (my request to the courts, as he knows how much he has to pay but hasn't been), and if he doesn't pay them, his wages will be garnished. The petition has been drafted, and I have an appointment with my attorney next week to sign it. He'll then be served, and will have to go to court. True, money is nothing where there's love involved. But there is no love, and my husband does not handle being broke easily! He's the least friendly person I know, when he's broke.

 

No offense but who are you to judge this woman's situation....apparently it is NOTHING like your's !!!!!

 

Ditto to you though... your situation is nothing like this one either. The fact still remains that the MM in question has a WIFE, and that the OW IS being used. Not to mention that if this woman (the wife) is truly crazy, that the OW and her child are at risk! Also, istilllovehim obviously knows that what she is doing, and allowing this MM to do is wrong... it says so in the thread title!

 

Thankfully I have NEVER and WILL NEVER sleep with a MM so this problem will never affect me however most suituations are different so while you're the bitter "ex--seperated from wife with benefits" you shouldn't let your bitterness get to ya! :o

 

I'm glad you have never, and will never sleep with a MM... kudos to you! And since you haven't and won't, why encourage someone else to do so?

 

And I'm not bitter. They're the ones with the problems, while I'm doing well! :p and I don't get this part?? "ex--separated from wife with benefits"... care to explain?

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istilllovehim

I truly hope every situation is not the same as yours, LBSnowOW. As I am fully aware, it is possible and even likely for a man who left his wife for another woman to be unfaithful to his OW. Why would that change? If he does it to one, he will do it to another. And not to sound like a broken record, but my SM (separated man) was completely honest with her and did not do anything to her that he did not want done to himself. Remeber, she was the one who broke the vowels first. She was sleeping with his brother-in-law when she became pregnant. She didn't know if it was my SM or the brother-in-laws child. She didn't even tell him until the baby was 3 months old. And the only reason she told him was becase he suspected and told her he was not stupid. He forced her to admit. No telling how long she would have lived this lie otherwise. She was not good for him. She didnt make him happy, she wasnt the wife that she should have been. She even told me that she wasnt, she was too involved in drugs. The things that he loves about me are the things that are so different from her. I am not suicidal, I do not do drugs, I am faithful and loyal and I love him the way he loves me,

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istilllovehim

Oops, wasn't finished....

 

Now, I know that she is still his wife, legally anyway. And if they want to reconcile, that is their choice. I will walk away. I do not want to be with a man that does not fully want to be with me. But, I honestly do believe that he does want to be with me. Why would he be with me if he didn't? I am not forcing him to stay. I am not giving him ultimatum. Hell, I have even told him a few times that I think it would be best if he did go back and try one more time. He doesn't want to! Why should I force him away if it is me that he wants to be with? That could be the biggest mistake of my life. I do believe that he is my one true love. I always have since the day we met! Why else do I feel so connected and feel like I am with the right person. Sure, I have guilt! What human person wouldn't. He was married, by God, to this woman. But she broke the vowels! I am not the woman on the side waiting for their marriage to end, I am the woman who loves him and is willing to stand by him through everything (even her). I will protect my child. That is the one thing that I am in this world for. One way or another we will figure it out. And if it isn't meant to be, it wont happen!

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What I've never figured out is why the Wife and OW always fight among each other while Mr. Unzipped Pants sits around like HE'S the victim?

 

Either side gladly forgives him....even though he's lied to both of them and continues to do so. I wish the two women involved would get together and beat the hell out of him.

 

If they started a trend...maybe these lying AssClowns wouldn't feel so safe and smug in the first place.

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Okay first off....I did NOT "personally attack" you...I just feel that you sound really bitter but not knowing your situation I guess I can't say!

Secondly....I just gave my advice in the end this woman will do as she chooses and even though someone has the "legal" title of "wife" doesn't mean much when the man is in a DIFFERENT relationship....sounds like your situation is better because now you are "rid" of his problems....and now the other "she" has to deal with.....

 

 

It makes me his faithful wife (hey, just because he's unfaithful, doesn't mean I have to be... two wrongs don't make a right!) . It makes me a better person for not going outside of the marriage for sexual pleasure. Until this marriage is over... until the judge signs the divorce papers that have not even been MENTIONED, much less started, I am still his WIFE and have every right to date him, and have sex with him if I choose

 

you say that you don't go outside the marriage but farther down you say

 

And I get dates and sex on the side, not for him, but for me.

 

I think I may have misunderstood maybe you meant with him you gets dates and sex...if so then oops my bad!

 

What I meant by ex--separated from wife with benefits is that you are the wife seperated from her husband therefor the ex-seperated from *since he seperated from you* and since you are the wife *legally* and you have "sexual benefits" if you want to consider them benefits you are the ex--separated from, wife with benefits

 

 

AND What I say in these threads I only say based on what I read...obviously none of us know each other personally and since you are asking for opinions or placing your opinion on here how can ya expect people not to comment on the things you say as well? (which is what I was doing when you claimed I made a personal attack)

 

 

Okay now to "istilllovehim" I say keep on being with him obviously she wasn't good for him and wasn't what he needed OR wanted that's why HE left! You two aren't hiding anything so until you see evidence of anything bad just have faith and be happy after all don't we all have a right to a little personal happiness in life? :D

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istilllovehim

Okay, I did it :(. Last night we were at his uncles and had a few drinks and were having a good time. Of course the wife drove up twice and he went out and talked to her. He said she was just crying and apologizing for crying. I brushed that aside but when we got home, I had to open my big, not so sober, mouth. We laid down in the bed and I told him that I know he is confused. I said you were with her so long that you have to miss her sometimes. He said he did sometimes because they were together so long. I told him that he was going to have to make up his mind because it was like he was dangling a piece of candy in front of me but not letting me have it completely. I told him I knew how it feels when you leave somebody. He asked me what it was like when I left my ex-husband. I told him that everyday I would think about him and that I wanted him back so bad. But then I took him back and I knew within the first two weeks that I had made a mistake taking him back. That was the only way I knew for sure that it was really over. I had to try it and see. Then I told him that if he did decide to go back home, just to leave me a note and take all his things. He told me he couldn't do it that way but I told him that I wanted it that way. If it was going to be over, just let it be over, don't drag it out. So I laid there for a few minutes and I just flat out told him, "When I get home tomorrow, I want you to be gone, I want all your stuff to be gone so you dont have a reason to come back, and I dont want you to talk to me, just let me be". Of course then I started crying which is the first time I cried in front of him and then he started crying too. I told him that I loved him but I couldn't live like this anymore. I live with the guilt and pain of being the other woman and I dont want to be the other woman. I want to be the only woman! If I cant be that, then I dont want nothing. I said that I knew he loved me and that once he got home to her that he would see that it isnt her that he wants and then he could come back to me ONLY AFTER HE HAS FILED FOR DIVORCE. I also told him that I realized that he could get back with her and they could work things out and then I'd be broken hearted but I would know for sure then. I told him that maybe he should try marriage counseling with her. If none of that worked and he still wanted me, then we could be together. I finally told him that he was going to have to leave, right then. He kissed me, said "I love you" and walked out crying. I got up this morning and drove by her house and he wasnt there. That isn't where he went. I dont know where he is. But he is free now! My favorite quote is "If you love something, set it free. If it returns to you it was meant to be". So I have set him free. I feel good for doing what was right and yet I feel so broken hearted because I do not want to have to face the days without him. But I can! I am strong and I can live without anyone, except my child. It is going to be so hard to see them together. I am going to avoid everywhere they may go. I am going to make it through this! No matter how hard.

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I know that this must be tough and that it hurts, however you should be so proud of yourself. You made a stand that you deserve a 100% committed relationship and nothing else will cut it.

 

Good for you.

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I went to lunch and when I got back she had left a message on my work voice mail. She wanted me to call her and I did. She wanted to know what was going on because my MM (yes, back to calling him that) was sitting there at the house with her and the kids and he wasn't talking to her. She said she could tell he was hurting. I told her I sent him home. She said she wasn't sure if she wanted him home if it wasn't her that he wanted. Dammit, I told her that is what she wanted all along, just for him to come home. I told her that she better give it her best and go at it without holding back. They should try counseling, whatever it takes. Then if it didn't work out, she would know it wasn't me and she should let us have our life together. God, why did I send him away.... This is harder than I thought :( :(. His cousin called and said my MM needed him to help him get all his stuff from my house. The cousin asked him why and he said I don't know, she just wants me to leave. He Knows Why!!! Did he not understand me or is this just his way of dealing with this? I just want to call him and tell him that I love him and to stay but I have to be strong!!!!! I did tell his cousin to tell him to call me. He hasn't yet and its been an hour. I don't even know what I am going to say to him. HELP ME PLEASE. What do I do? What do I say? How do I be as strong as I should be? I am hurt. I guess I wanted him to put up a fight and stay but he didn't. I don't know if he just trying to respect my wishes or if he really wanted to go home and just didn't know how to do it. Maybe he was waiting for me to send him. All these thoughts!!!

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