Author istilllovehim Posted April 30, 2004 Author Share Posted April 30, 2004 This has been such a hard day. I hate not knowing. I did think about calling their house but I am more respectful than that. If it is her that he wants, I will not interfere at all. I am just a mess today. I am at work and have tons of deadlines on me and here I am thinking about my lost love. Why is he doing this to me? What is it that he wants? I wish he were here. I would rather know than sit here playing all the possibilities through my head. I am thinking mostly that he went back for the kids. And now here he is loving me, but sitting there with her. And with a broken heart, he decides to get high because his life sucks anyway. He's all but given up. And he is thinking about me and worried about how I am feeling as I am about how he is. I wish I could reach him. I hope he knows how much I love him and always have. She has to know that he thinks of me. He didn't even get high once when he was with me. He said he was too happy and that he didn't need to. He has to get high to deal with her. Or maybe he was feening for his drug and went back to her because she will. Or maybe he loves her and he went back to her because he truly wants her. Maybe he was just using me to get back at her for cheating. If thats the case, he truly had me fooled because I have never seen a man so hurt over leaving me. It was killing him to leave me. It was killing him that I was so stressed out over her. God, I am just a fool. I guess I deserve this, they are married. I just want to go home and crawl in my bed and cry. I want to cry all of this pain out. He doesn't realize how much I love him. Or maybe I don't realize how much he loves me. Or maybe I don't realize how much he loves her. I am so lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 Maybe he is a lying, cheating, druggie who is ALWAYS going to be messed up and he can only be 'good' for so long before his real side comes out. How many more excuses are you going to give him? How many times are you going to get your heart broken and treated like ****? How many times are you going to be the one he goes to when he is pissed with her? Basically I'm thinking that: You don't think you deserve better. You think your child is fine being surrounded by all this drama and negativity. You think the constant up/down cycle is passionate instead of sad. You think the drama shows depths of emotion instead of lack of ability to get ones life straight. You think that you can only find a man with history/baggage. You think that true love is worth putting up with tons of crap. You know what - you are WRONG. I'm sorry to say but I think you are one of those people who refuse to let themself be happy. I hope you'll prove me wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author istilllovehim Posted April 30, 2004 Author Share Posted April 30, 2004 That hit home. I used to explain to my mother-in-law that I stayed with my husband because he was so passionate. He loves with passion and hates me with passion. It seems as though I'm doing that again, in a way. Really, you have no idea how hard that hit. I hope I prove you wrong too. I owe it to myself and my child. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 As you know I've been responding to your posts and just when I think you are starting to realize all of this you cave in again. It is most frustrating to read and I am sorry you've been living it. HOWEVER you will continue to live it unless YOU change it. PROVE ME WRONG!!! PLEASE. Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 Gawd I can only imagine how upsetting this must be........I hope that you find something out really soon! I can't even imagine how difficult this must be...like a rollercoaster one day up, one day down, when will it end? No matter what I'm with you in hoping that somehow he will come to his senses and isn't just a worthless druggie (which being clean with you as long as he did I can't see it being that) please no matter what ya do just be STRONG! Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Hello! I just thought I'd asked how your weekend went? Any updates? Link to post Share on other sites
unluckylady Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 If there is one thing that I have absolutely 100% learned from all of these threads, it is this: Every situation IS unique. You have to focus on YOU, and YOU alone. Protect YOUR heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts