Jealous or normal?

[Lucy]

Okay, here's my question. Do you think a person can be too well liked for their own good? I know this guy, and he's great. We've been good friends for a while, but now I'm sensing a distance between us. The problem is, he has SO MANY friends! And I'm not exagerating! We used to spend a lot of time together, but so many people want to be near this guy, it's harder for us to see each other so much. I haven't mentioned my feelings to anyone, but have heard from a couple of others that they feel the same way. I still get phone calls from him, asking me to do things, but I feel like we're on his time now, and it's only whenever HE wants to do something. Am I being unrealistic here? Am I being too selfish? I have a lot of aquaintances, but only 3-4 good friends that I feel I can spend a lot of quality time with. I really like hanging out with him, but this is starting to annoy me. Should I just grow up, or do I have a right to be annoyed?

[Paulie]

Yeah...Just be sure to phrase your complaints to your BF as something like "You never want to spend time with me," and not "You're always with your friends-then he won't get all defensive.

[Taressa]

Some personalities fluorish under the attention from many friends while other personalities fluorish from intimate contact with just a few. If your friend and you are on opposite ends of the spectrum it may be wise not to hope for anything beyond a casual, occasional friendship.

 

At this point, as friends, yes it would be selfish and insecure of you to ask this friend to behave in the way you prefer... He's not doing anything to intentionally hurt you, he's just enjoying himself the way he prefers. I'm so very sorry that hurts you and makes you feel left out but there's nothing we can do (or should even TRY to do) to make friends be more like ourselves.

 

Decision time for you now: accept how he is and enjoy the occasional fun time together or cut your ties if you believe it's going to hurt too much.

 

Since this is such a very basic personality trait that differs in you please do not pursue anything beyond friendship. You'll only become bitter when he does not change. Enjoy him as he is.

[Tony T]

The problem with relationships is that, life everything else in life, they change and evolve. We like for them to get better and improve but sometimes the changes are not to our liking.

 

You can't control this guy. He manages his own time. Right now in his life, he seems to be enjoying the attention. Take it from one who knows, there is a time in everyone's life when friends start disappearing, because they move, because they get married and have children to tend to, because they change jobs, move to different neighborhoods, take up new hobbies, join organizations that take up their time, etc. So, if you have lots of friends it's great to enjoy them while you can.

 

It is my personal opinion that if he desired to spend more time with you, he would arrange his itinerary accordingly. But he is in a certain place now in his life and he will fit you in where he cares to.

 

The great thing about life is that we have choices. He is exercising his by diversifying his social life. I hope you will consider doing the same. Hopefully you will fall for someone who leapfrogs over the stage that your guy is going through now and consider your company along with a reasonable number of friends to be quite sufficient.