How can i fix this?

[Daniellec]

I know this is long, sorry, please read though.

 

My girlfriend and I have been very much in love for 2 and a half years. We've gone through really bad times together (our parents finding out we're gay and trying to stop us seeing each other and other generally bad times) and we were doing great. We'd always bickered quite a bit but we never fell out for long, it was just what we were like and that had been getting a lot better anyway. Then we went away in february for a week. While we were away she found texts I'd been sending to someone (maybe 5 or 6 texts) that were inappropriate to say the least ( I know I'm an idiot and it's all my fault, I don't need reminding) this was at the end of the trip, we came back and obviously she was furious and hurt. She asked me to tell her the truth and asked a few questions so I thought the best thing was to just get everything out in the open, so i admit there had been a couple of other people who I'd text like that (Yes, massive idiot i know) she said she was willing to work it out though and we'd been meeting up as often as we used to and getting on great when we were together. We were also planning a 3 week trip to Thailand in August/September. Things were really looking up and I was really sorry for what I'd done. We talked a lot about our future and had said that once I finished Uni (she was going to live with me while i was there) we would travel for a couple of years (this is one of the most important things to her).

 

But then last week we had a pretty big argument over something really stupid but I went to see her a few days later and we both admit we'd been stupid. But what happened next was so unexpected, she went out on Tuesday night with her friends and said she'd call me on Wednesday morning, she didn't and I was a little upset by this so text her saying 'thanks for calling' she text me and apologised and I just forgot about it really but then on the night we were talking and she was really funny with me so I asked her what was wrong and she said she was feeling funny. She went on to explain that she didn't think she wanted to be with me anymore. I really wasn't expecting that at all. She said she needed to think because she didn't know if she was doing the right thing. Her reasoning was that she didn't trust me and she wanted to travel. So I was pretty upset and tried to change her mind, (she'd told me before that the trust would come back and we'd also made pretty firm decisions about travelling) then today she just keeps telling me that she doesn't want to be with me but she still loves me. She won't talk about it because she says I keep asking the same questions but that's because I'm just so confused by it all, It's been about 7 weeks since she found out about me cheating, I don't know why she would have given me that chance if she was just going to cut it off. I want her back so badly but she told me that she's planning on going away next year for a few years travelling and it hurt me so much that she seems to have moved on already. She has told me that she is upset too. I just want things to be how they were.

 

What can I do to fix this?

 

Please don't just tell me how stupid I am for cheating, I never meant to hurt her.

[Professor X]

You are stupid for cheating and now you reap what you sow. Bon appetit.

[stace79]

It sounds like you are both pretty young if you are just leaving to go away to school. If that is the case, I think she is making a good choice. This is the time of life to try new things, go different places and experience diverse relationships. It's all part of learning who you are and what you truly want out of life.

 

If she wants to go traveling now, but you want to go to school, then you have different goals and aspirations already, which is a clear sign you aren't compatible. Also, you did cheat. That means there must have been something missing OR perhaps you are just not ready to settle down either.

 

Give it some time. Don't push. Try to focus on being by yourself and your own goals. You can't force her to love you more or want you again.