anoforum Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I'm a man in my late 20s and I have two female friends who both want to marry me. I have to make a decision that will serve them both (not just my own needs.) But I need some advice. The younger woman is very attractive, but she lives in another city. She wants kids, I don't. Her lifestyle requires high hours of employment, mine is lower. We're both leaders & career oriented. Unsure if her parents approve our union. She wants to get married in a few years after she builds her career. According to marriage studies, it seems we're potentially at high risk of divorce. The older woman is 10+ yrs my senior. We live in the same city. We both don't want children. We have a similar low hours of employment lifestyle. Parent approves. However, attraction & spirituality is 6/10. She's wants to wait to get married in 2 years, until we're both aligned spiritually and learn to handle the age difference. What are my options? I thought of telling the younger one that we shouldn't get married. Stay friends instead. It will be difficult because we are both very attracted to each other. Anything else I may have missed out? Thanks in advance for any feedback Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I don't think you're suited to either of these two women. Woman 1 wants kids and you don't; that difference is something you can't overcome. You're not even that attracted to Woman 2; who would you want to marry someone who is only a 6/10 to you? I think you're better off cutting both of them loose, and looking for a woman who is compatible with you and wants the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Umm...well physical attraction can increase or decrease over time. Depending on how you two get along emotionally. And other various aspects. This decision you're making seems rather calculated and logical. You don't mention loving either woman. Do they love you or are you simply a logical choice for them? Perhaps you should date for awhile, see if you grow an emotional attachment? Otherwise I am with Eeyore...move on from them both. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 If you have to ask which one to marry you shouldn't marry either one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 If you have to ask which one to marry you shouldn't marry either one of them. Quoted for truth. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Ok... they BOTH want to marry you? Which one are you in love with, silly? You marry the one you are in love with... Doesn't sound like you are in love with either one, and this "spiritual lining up" stuff sounds like a bunch of hooha to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Are you dating either of them? They BOTH want to marry you eh? Something doesn't line up. I wouldn't marry a platonic "friend". I would have to "know" them a little better first. If nothing else, make them both mudwrestle in bikinis for your hand in marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 2 woman want to marry you? do you have tiger blood or something? duh winning!! sorry, its a joke in the USA. you had to be there. a charlie sheen thingy. sorry i couldn't resist. i need to joke around once in awhile. yes, listen to the rest of the posters advise, you already got. good advise. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Which one puts out more? Link to post Share on other sites
zakfar Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Without consideration of all the points discussed above, I would like to mention some points that can help you to choose the partner for a long term relationship. Lot of people start the relationship based on 'Affection' (Love is defined as the extreme affection for someone). This is true that affection creates a link and works for positive interaction between couples. However, everyone knows that any kind of affection to anything (or person) decreases with time. This means that no 'Love' can be everlasting. A relationship that starts with Love needs lot more for continuity. The most important thing is the 'Mutual Understanding' between the pair. Although it sounds very simple, it's rather difficult to build an everlasting understanding between the couple that can satisfy both the partners to the maximum extent. At any stage of life, they can get bored with their lives, and/or find someone more appropriate for their internal desires of something else. There are numerous ideas and suggestions for having the partners with whom you can forecast to have better understanding in a long run. The one that I mainly recommend is based on my 'Reciprocal Theory', which is based on the partners with inversely similar desires. It's a bit complicate to completely explain the whole theory here in this short passage here, but the thing to be noted is that, your desires should 'Match' the type of relationship, but should not be 'Same'. For example, if both, you and your partner wants to have strong careers for themselves, than both of you would face more problems, and less satisfaction, due to individual approach. According to this theory, one person in a relationship should be 'Leader' and the second one should be 'Compromising' partner, hence, one should be 'Dominant partner' and become the head of the system, while the second one prefers to have ease in responsibilities and wants to enjoy the 'Spoon feeding' wherever the major decisions are involved. This way, they can have lesser conflicts, better understanding, most satisfaction, and speed of approach in almost all the major decisions of life. Now depending on this concept, you can always see through your future when you are deciding your partner. You can forecast all the possible problems that would arise among you, and you can plan out things in a better way. About your 2 women, you haven't written anything that could clarify enough. However, it seems that both of them are inappropriate for you. However, if you have to choose between them, the second one seems a little better option then the first one, as she has at least some 'Understanding' with you ('offspring decisions' should not be neglected.) I hope it helps. Zakfar. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 A Perfect Relationship is like a working Car. Affection starts it. Sex accelerates it. Mutual Understanding is fuel. Destination is decided by both, but only one of them has the steering wheel. --- Zakfar (Reciprocal Theory Extraction) Zakfar. LOL, yes! but no one should be drinking behind the wheel, or distracted and turning heads while driving, or playing with the breaks or taking detours that dont need to be taken, that lead to bridges our troubled waters. oh and one needs good glasses and a license, to drive. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 oops i meant...LOL, yes! but no one shouldn't be drinking while driving, or distracted and turning heads, while driving, or playing with the breaks or taking detours that dont need to be taken, that lead to bridges over troubled waters. oh, and one needs good glasses and a license, to drive. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 oh and for pete sakes listen to your navigator Link to post Share on other sites
east coast edward Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Its a question bout love, and how this will grow. The younger woman sounds the more suitable partner. Sure ting is that she will want kids, even if not now. Link to post Share on other sites
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