Why do I feel guilty?

[white_angelbreath]

Why do I feel guilty?

 

It was about four months now that my ex-boyfriend and I have decided to part ways. I held on at first and believed in second chances. Maybe, I thought, if I tried hard enough he will accept me back to his life. But I was just fooling myself. I do not know what is in his mind right now. I do not know why he didn't want me back. Although I really wanted him back. But now I comfort myself to the reality that he is not coming back.

 

The feeling that I felt first is pain. I was heartbroken. It took me almost three painful months just to get over him. I lost weight. I became ugly. My face was pale from crying. I had horrible eyebags. Those were stressful days back then.

 

Then sometimes I had mixture of anger while in pain. I hated him for breaking up with me. I hated it when I get to see him everyday. I look at him sometimes when our paths collide and he seemed to get pissed at me. I still wonder why he is angry at me if in the first place he was the one who broke up with me. I have reasons to be angry because I was the one he left.

 

Then gradually as the pain and anger subsides, I suddenly get this intense feeling of loneliness deep inside of me. I feel insecure being alone. I wanted him back sometimes so that I will be happy and secure that he is in my life.

 

I don't get lonely much often than I had before. But this new feeling crept into my heart and my mind,, its the feeling of guilt. I don't like this feeling and when I feel guilty a whole lot of negative emotions surfed into me. Maybe it is because I agreed to have a sexual relationship early on in our relationship. I am tormented with the thought that I have sinned or I did wrong. Maybe I did do something wrong and my subconscious is telling me that I have to repent or at least acknowledge it.

 

Is this process of recovering normal? I mean, I have to go through this as part of coping or recovering from heartbreak?

 

I am so lost and confused.

[NotaBadGuy]

White_angelbreath,

 

It sounds like you are in a similar place I am in right now. But my guilt stems from blaming myself to the point of making myself believe she had reason or justification to cheat on me after we had only beeen married a short time. This is the battle I face right now. So my guilt in this fashion consumes me at times.

 

But at the same time, I know I did everything I could to show her I would do anything to prove to her how much she meant to me and how much I wanted our marriage to work out. But it wasn't enough. So I would spend time second guessing myself on what I could have done differently and if maybe that was the reason she left. And this is 5 months later.

 

But in the end, she chose through her own free will. I did my part. All one can do is put in their best. No more.

 

So to answer your question, I believe it to be a normal part of the coping process. You sound like I do on most days - lost and confused. It is tough, but you will battle through it. Just knwo you are not alone in this coping process. It is difficult at times and some days are better than others, but you will persevere as will I. Just keep your head up and believe better days are ahead.

[sportsloving]

I hope you both heal and find happiness