JJ Posted August 23, 2000 Share Posted August 23, 2000 Ok, i met this girl online and i met her in person last week. A great girl, personality, sense of humor. She has been divorced twice and has two kids, she's 29 and i'm 31 and never been married and don't have any kids. I was just wondering if anybody out there has any opinions on this subject. My friends say not to condemn her for making mistakes in the past. But don't know if i want a built in family or not. She also lives about 3 hours away from me. But my luck has not been very good with women in the past and they didn't have any kids, could her having kids mean she's a little more stable and more willing to be in a relationship. I'm not looking to be a father to her kids, thay already have that. I know some guys stay away from girls that have kids and i did in the past and may have passed up a great relationship. She has said that guys have stayed away from her when they find out she has kids. If i show that i'm interested in her will she hound me? Thanks JJ Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 23, 2000 Share Posted August 23, 2000 You post a lot of interesting questions in your short post. 1. Divorced twice and has two kids: Has made some poor decisions on men, doesn't wait until relationships stabilize to have children, enjoys child support, is hard to get along with, shows some irresponsiblity...not saying any of these are necessarily true but all fair to good possibilities. You have to decide. 2. Don't condemn her for past mistakes: Hell no, never condemn anyone for making mistakes. That's part of their growing process. But don't get sucked into being her third "mistake" or suck her in to being your first "mistake." 3. Don't know if you want a ready made family or not: Talk to a professional about this. Many men can tolerate their own offspring but have trouble dealing with other people's. If the children are age four or more, they may resent you because you are not their father but your proximity to them will require that you discipline them. This could cause resentment from your lady, who may disagree with you on how HER children should be disciplined and raised. A seriously hairy issue!!! Then again, maybe she doesn't care. Find out...then hope she doesn't change her mind later. 4. She lives three hours away: Gas is pretty expensive now in most states. Got a stash of cash for gas? 5. Could her having kids mean a little more stability?: Well, she has two kids and has been married twice. Not my idea of stability but you will have to answer that question for yourself!!! 6. Your not looking to be a father to her kids: Well, guess what, no matter who the biological daddy is, they will stay with mom and if you take up with mom, guess who will be around them the most...whether you're looking to be a father or not. 7. You know some guys who stay away from women with kids and you did that in the past and may have passed up a great relationship: Yes, you are totally right. But you may have also passed up some torturous nightmares that could have destroyed your life. Life with children who are conceived between man and wife after marriage isn't always such a romantic picnic. It's a bilogical mandate we perform to please mother nature. And we do love those little brats, too!!! 8. She said some guys have stayed away from her after she told them she had kids: Well, that's part of it. They actually stayed away after she told them she was married twice and has two kids. No man goes out of his way for the opportunity to pay child support for 18 years. 9. If you show her interest, will she hound you: Probably not, until she gets pregnant and needs money. This lady probably comes from a real screwed up family but she is human and needs love. I think you ought to get to know her better and spend some time with her and the children and pay a lot of attention. She could be a really fine lady who has made mistakes, who knows? She could actually be the lady you have dreamed of all your life. You could be the husband and father that will complete this whole circle. But each time you see her take a cold shower first so you are paying extra careful attention to every detail. And for Gawd's sake, wear double condoms if you have sex with her and don't get her pregnant. You are really going to have to make your own decisions here but cponsidering the details you have set forth in your post, I wouldn't go out and buy a ring quite yet. Link to post Share on other sites
x Posted August 23, 2000 Share Posted August 23, 2000 You post a lot of interesting questions in your short post. 1. Divorced twice and has two kids: Has made some poor decisions on men, doesn't wait until relationships stabilize to have children, enjoys child support, is hard to get along with, shows some irresponsiblity...not saying any of these are necessarily true but all fair to good possibilities. You have to decide. 2. Don't condemn her for past mistakes: Hell no, never condemn anyone for making mistakes. That's part of their growing process. But don't get sucked into being her third "mistake" or suck her in to being your first "mistake." 3. Don't know if you want a ready made family or not: Talk to a professional about this. Many men can tolerate their own offspring but have trouble dealing with other people's. If the children are age four or more, they may resent you because you are not their father but your proximity to them will require that you discipline them. This could cause resentment from your lady, who may disagree with you on how HER children should be disciplined and raised. A seriously hairy issue!!! Then again, maybe she doesn't care. Find out...then hope she doesn't change her mind later. 4. She lives three hours away: Gas is pretty expensive now in most states. Got a stash of cash for gas? 5. Could her having kids mean a little more stability?: Well, she has two kids and has been married twice. Not my idea of stability but you will have to answer that question for yourself!!! 6. Your not looking to be a father to her kids: Well, guess what, no matter who the biological daddy is, they will stay with mom and if you take up with mom, guess who will be around them the most...whether you're looking to be a father or not. 7. You know some guys who stay away from women with kids and you did that in the past and may have passed up a great relationship: Yes, you are totally right. But you may have also passed up some torturous nightmares that could have destroyed your life. Life with children who are conceived between man and wife after marriage isn't always such a romantic picnic. It's a bilogical mandate we perform to please mother nature. And we do love those little brats, too!!! 8. She said some guys have stayed away from her after she told them she had kids: Well, that's part of it. They actually stayed away after she told them she was married twice and has two kids. No man goes out of his way for the opportunity to pay child support for 18 years. 9. If you show her interest, will she hound you: Probably not, until she gets pregnant and needs money. This lady probably comes from a real screwed up family but she is human and needs love. I think you ought to get to know her better and spend some time with her and the children and pay a lot of attention. She could be a really fine lady who has made mistakes, who knows? She could actually be the lady you have dreamed of all your life. You could be the husband and father that will complete this whole circle. But each time you see her take a cold shower first so you are paying extra careful attention to every detail. And for Gawd's sake, wear double condoms if you have sex with her and don't get her pregnant. You are really going to have to make your own decisions here but cponsidering the details you have set forth in your post, I wouldn't go out and buy a ring quite yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 23, 2000 Share Posted August 23, 2000 I couldn't have said it better myself!!! Link to post Share on other sites
x Posted August 23, 2000 Share Posted August 23, 2000 Why don't you oh, I don't know, get to know this girl first before making so many judgements? You have met this girl in person once. Can't you two start off as friends, and not jump into the dating/sex scene right away? From the sounds of it, dating might be the last thing someone like this woman needs right now. The wonderful thing about being a women is the double standards set in place by society and men. Twice divorced for a woman is a big no, no. Kids from a previous marriage? Oh my god. Please, don't condemn her for her mistakes because they are out in the open, and impossible to hide. I'm sure you have made mistakes in your life too. Just make sure to take your time and analyze the situation honestly with an open mind. I'm sure this girl is not some Black widow spider weaving you into her web. Link to post Share on other sites
Jnika23 Posted August 25, 2000 Share Posted August 25, 2000 I'm a mother of two and divorced and it is very hard to find someone who is willing to have a relationship. But we are more stable and fwe bring some baggage to the table but I learn from my past and work very hard when a relationship is good. I woukld say go for it she could be the best thing that has happen to you. Ok, i met this girl online and i met her in person last week. A great girl, personality, sense of humor. She has been divorced twice and has two kids, she's 29 and i'm 31 and never been married and don't have any kids. I was just wondering if anybody out there has any opinions on this subject. My friends say not to condemn her for making mistakes in the past. But don't know if i want a built in family or not. She also lives about 3 hours away from me. But my luck has not been very good with women in the past and they didn't have any kids, could her having kids mean she's a little more stable and more willing to be in a relationship. I'm not looking to be a father to her kids, thay already have that. I know some guys stay away from girls that have kids and i did in the past and may have passed up a great relationship. She has said that guys have stayed away from her when they find out she has kids. If i show that i'm interested in her will she hound me? Thanks JJ Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts