sensitive99 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 My wife's daughter flies a lot in her job and has accumulated a lot of frequent flyer miles. For Christmas she gave us two round trip tickets to anywhere on Southwest. Last year we spent $10K more than we made and I told my wife that we couldn't take a trip because we would spend too much money. In early March she approached me and said she had an idea. We could go to the city where her daughter lives and spend a week with her and it woudn't cost us much. I liked the idea and asked if we could go see my cousin who lives 50 miles away from the daughter while we were there. I haven't seen the cousin in about 45 years, but keep up with him on Facebook. She didn't seem to like that, and said we could if we had the time. She then went on to say that while we were there she wanted to drive to New Orleans which is about 350 miles from the daughter's house. I said OK, although I wasn't wild about that because of the money situation and also because I knew that meant we wouldn't get to see my cousin. A few days later she sent me an email asking if we could go the week of May 30th. My son and his wife are expecting a baby and the due date is May 31st. I was very hurt and upset by this request because I would like to be here when the baby is born. I wrote back and said no, I wanted to be here when the baby was born. She said she thought the due date was the 7th, and we would be back home. I said that is true, but that they are taking the baby by c-section and they will take it about a week early. I had discussed that with her, but she says she didn't remember. When I got home I could tell she was disappointed, and she said that was the best time for her to go, but that we could get together and try to find a time that would fit with both of our schedules. She said that if I didn't want to go that was fine, she would go by herself. I said I definitely wanted to go, just not that week. A couple of weeks ago she told me that her daughter was getting her a ticket to come and visit for a 4 day weekend April 15th through 18th (that's this weekend - she's gone now). This was to celebrate her daughter's birthday, and also hers which is coming up later this month. This is in place of the two of us going anywhere. I'm very hurt and angry over the whole deal. It upsets me greatly that my wife didn't consider my daughter-in-law's due date when she asked me if the week of May 30th was OK for the trip, and it upsets me that I don't get to see my cousin. I need to find a way to get over my hurt and being upset. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 (edited) Seems to me, you wanted this trip totally on your terms ie: no spending of money, having to go see a cousin you haven't seen in 45 yrs, then the baby's due date. Well, now you'll be safely at home for the birth of the baby, no worries about driving to New Orleans & your wife got to celebrate her birthday & her daughter's .. looks like a win,win from where I sit. Btw, it also sounds like your wife was confused as to the delivery date of the baby, sometimes people have so much going on schedules don't line up to plan things. Your wife took only 3 days away instead of a week as originally planned, personally I think that is compromise. Edited April 17, 2011 by soserious1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Sounds like she gets her way a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sensitive99 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 Sounds like she gets her way a lot. My take on it is that she gets her way ALL the time. She would probably totally disagree. I don't think she even realizes what she does. I've given up trying to plan anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sensitive99 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 She picked the week that a grandchild was going to be born. I'm sure it was a misunderstanding and it's not a big deal Before I married her 10 years ago I was an extremely trusting person. Now, because of things that have happened, I've completely changed and I don't like the change. I become suspicious of everything. You're probably right, it was probably a misunderstanding. However W doesn't like my DIL and I wonder if she chose the week on purpose to test me to see if I would choose going with her over being here when the baby was born. I'm probably completely unjustified in thinking that and I wish I could get thoughts like that out of my mind. Or perhaps I'm wrong in wanting to be here. If we had gone on the trip I would get to see the baby a week after she was born. I already have two grandkids, so perhaps it's not as big a deal as I want to make it. At the very least, I think it was inconsiderate of W to suggest going that week without confirming the due date of the baby. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 I don't agree with that at all. It's realistic to consider the financial ramifications of vacations or other expenses when you went in the hole $10k the prior year. There are 52 weeks in a year. She picked the week that a grandchild was going to be born. I'm sure it was a misunderstanding and it's not a big deal. Her making alternate plans without considering the H is a big deal in my book. They could have considered another date as the W suggested. But then she made alternate plans without him. That seems a bit passive aggressive to me. OP, that would upset me too if my H just up and changed the plans without discussing it with me, especially if the plans that originally included me, included me no longer. I don't think you're being too sensitive about that. So ok, if OP's wife said" yes hubby, you are right, we'll stay home for birth of the baby, I'll try to force a change in my work schedule, yes hubby you are right, we can't afford to drive to New Orleans and then said, yes hubby you are right, let's go spend my vacation with a cousin you haven't seen in 45 yrs whom I've never meet Then hubby gets his way 100 % and his wife gets nothing aside from a totally boring vacation that contains zero elements that work for her? OP your wife went away for only 3 days, any chance you could take the other plane ticket and go spend 3 days with your cousin? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sensitive99 Posted April 17, 2011 Author Share Posted April 17, 2011 So ok, if OP's wife said" yes hubby, you are right, we'll stay home for birth of the baby, I'll try to force a change in my work schedule, yes hubby you are right, we can't afford to drive to New Orleans and then said, yes hubby you are right, let's go spend my vacation with a cousin you haven't seen in 45 yrs whom I've never meet Then hubby gets his way 100 % and his wife gets nothing aside from a totally boring vacation that contains zero elements that work for her? You're probably right. I was thinking that out of a week we could spend one afternoon or evening with my cousin I haven't seen in 45 years. I guess I hadn't realized that would be boring for her. We've been on several trips to visit her relatives and I enjoyed meeting them and didn't realize that I was bored. OP your wife went away for only 3 days, any chance you could take the other plane ticket and go spend 3 days with your cousin? Really it was 5 days. She left Thursday and is coming back Monday. This was a present from W's daughter and there no actual tickets, just an agreement that she would use her FF miles when we were ready to fly. They've already made plans for the extra FF miles. W's grandkids are coming to visit us this summer. Besides, I would not even consider asking if I could use it to go somewhere alone. In addition to that, I would not want to spend 3 days with my cousin. Two or three hours would be adequate. Link to post Share on other sites
soserious1 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Don't you mean THEIR vacation? I get your mindset now. I can see where he was willing to compromise. Can you see where she compromised anything? I can't. From the initial discussion what I got was that the big expense of this vacation was going to be funded by the OP's wife's daughter ie: plane tickets purchased with the daughter's miles, the daughter putting them both up, I also got the impression that the OP's wife is still employed, scheduling a brief trip that straddles a weekend is often much easier than having to request a week or more off which in most companies has to be done months in advance. At any rate it appears that OP got most of what he wanted, no excess spending of money, he'll be home for the birth of his grandchild, he doesn't have to spend time visiting with her relatives and as icing on the cake he's got a reason to sit and build up a ton of righteous indignation to present her with upon her return.. sounds like a win,win all the way around to me. Problems like this one make me so glad I'm now divorced! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sensitive99 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 Problems like this one make me so glad I'm now divorced! You have the ideal solution. However it doesn't seem to help your disposition. Link to post Share on other sites
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