What do you think?

[thissucks]

Hi, hope you can help me out a little. I'll try to make this as short as possible.

 

I met "jen" through work. I was 20 she was 16. I did not allow myself to have any feelings for her at this point since I'm not in to getting arrested and stuff. But we had a lot of fun together and she did have a very obssesive crush on me. Once she graduated high-school we would hang out quite a bit and eventually started dating. I knew how much she was in love with me and unfortunately really took her for granted because of it. I wouldn't do the little things like take her out and buy her flowers and that stuff was really very important to her.

 

We never really fought unless it was about the fact that I wasn't attentive enough to her. Every time it came up I said I would change really knowing in the back of my mind that I wouldn't. I've never yelled at her or treated her badly. But I admit I diddn't treat her very special even though I knew she was the kind of girl I could marry.

 

We went out for about 8 months. I was her first for everything bessides kissing. I was really confused while we were going out and it was really just the worst time in my life for a relationship due to certain goals I wanted to achieve before I turned 25. I thought if I diddn't dedicate myself 100 percent to my goals I would regret it later in life so I broke up with her. She was totally devestated. We still saw eachother while we were broken up and were still physical together often even though she's really not that kind of girl. She addmitted she still loved me only a couple months ago. I could tell she was trying not to say it but she couldn't help herself.

 

We'd been broken up for six months when I decided that she really was the perfect girl for me in every way. So I started calling her up (she would almost always be the one who called me) but she kept saying she was busy. Finally she admitted she had been dating someone else and that she realized their are guys out their who will do the "little things." Theyv'e only been seeing eachother for a couple of weeks now. It really opened my eyes that I had been taking her for granted assuming that she would be their when I was ready for her. Now all of a sudden I have a million ideas of how to show my love for her but no way to do so because of her new relationship. I poured my heart out to her but she thinks I'll go back to being the same old person. I can't blame her since I've said I would change before. But now I've written pages of things I want to do for her to make her feel special and even have a plan on how to keep our relationship going strong if we would get back together. I want to do these things for her.

 

She says that she's figured out in the last two weeks that were "just two different people and that to hold out hope of us getting back together is a mistake." She just doesn't understand that I'm a changed person (I know everone says that but it's true) in the one area of our relationship that wasn't perfect. Could she just get over being madly in love with me for four years this quickly?

 

Also my roommate met her new boyfriend and says he just seemed like another version of me. Same age (24), skinny, musician, same instrument I play. But he has mild acne and acne scars and a bit of a receding hairline. Sounds good for me right? But she found out that I went to therapy to deal with the loss of her. Not good. Unless she thinks that I must really love her to be hurt that badly. Or she thinks I'm unstable or crazy or something. I've already sent her an e-mail and talked to her once in person pouring my heart out. I haven't addressed the therapy issue with her. I just pretend that I don't know that she knows. I'd like to send her one more long letter to get everything off my chest. Or maybe I've done enough already. She also plays in a musical group with this guy. I can't imagine being with anyone else but her. Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks,

eric

[nycpetit]

Sometimes when love comes back...to a woman that is...can't speak for a man...you are suddenly stronger and realize that you don't want it anymore. You know how we always want more what we can't have...and then when it is plentiful...well...if there have been problems in the past...we sometmes don't want to take the chance that it will turn sour again..and in her case...to have lost out with another relationship that is just starting.

 

As for your therapy stuff....major kudos to you...because I wish like you cannot imagine that my man would have/would do the same. While it was more him who bailed..it was because of his MAJOR issues with depression, finances, anger control (I think because of the last two factors), and therefore complete lack of tact after about the first year of our relationship. And we were even engaged and living together. I finally put the end to it..because like you we continued to see one another....when lines were open between us..he would call tons..and it wasn't always me who reopened the lines of communication...sometimes it was him doing the calling too...

 

Now I can get to your part..since I am the woman..and have essentially at this point shut the door on him...but know he wiil have to come by one day because his things are still here (at least some of it) and some things of mine are with him...and this apartment is his....I have been thinking long and hard about what I would do if he came back and wanted to give it a go again..because in many, many ways we seemed to NEVER think of a life without one another...even just two weeks ago when we took a trip to South Beach together....it's all so bizarre

 

and my answer is that I will likely say "no" if he is even coming around for that reason..because that might not be why he stops by....because this bs of coming and going..back and forth is just ridiculous.....

 

I think in your situation if you feel a letter has something to say that you have not been able to say..then send it...but do realize that if she is with this other person...that it might be some time....by which you may have moved on as well..before she might come around again..

 

if you think there is a chance she does not really want to be with this guy...then send it..but don't pressure in it....

 

if you don't hear back....

 

you'll know ...at least for now...what the cards hold

 

Natalie

[HeartBrokenGrl]

Go for it hunny!! send the letter put everything you have in it to .. anything you possible can think of b/c it neeeds to be your last after that let it go see what happens from there. If it was the little things u didnt do ... try a little more than a letter add a poem send some flowers 2.... do as much possible in this one time and after that let her have some time to figure out what she wants. If she really loves you ... even though it may take some time for her to see everything clearly .. she'll come back!! If she don't than keep getting help to let her go ... don't watse time on something that wasnt meant to be finish those goals of yours.... your still young and u have many more opportunities down the line!!!