Emily55555 Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Okay i was wondering if anyone could help me. I have a new boyfriend and i'm really afraid i will be forced into sex or something around that. I know he has had sex before, oral too. im scared that he will want to , and i wont. Im really shy and really have a problem saying no. A guy kissed me and i didnt even stop him just cause i didn't know what to do and was scared. It's kind of like a fear. My boyfriend always asks me to go to his house alone and im afraid he'll ask me to do things i don't want to do and i won't be able to say no. If anyone has any suggestions to what i may be able to say/do in one of these situations please help. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Say No. There is no easy way other than to not put yourself into that position, but quite honestly, if you can't stop someone from kissing you who you don't want to be kissing, you really aren't ready for any serious relationships (involving sex). You have to stand up for yourself, if you are in any way uncomfortable, you have to say no. Best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Emily55555 Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 sure i can say no, but i want reasons explaining why Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Um. "I don't want to." Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Doesn't the headache thing work most of the time? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I understand you want reasons. Aren't they giving you kids this in Sex Ed? I'll tell you my 41-year old perspective: I sure as heck will not be pushed into anything I don't want to do, and I DON'T need any reasons. Just "Sorry, no". Then "heck no". Then "Don't ask that again". Then "Get away from me". Then 9-1-1... Please let us know why you think you need REASONS...why your NO is not good enough. If you don't have the right to make decisions about who you have sex with, who does??? And let's turn it around. Let's say you want to perform some act with a third party. Do you get your way if the person does not come up with enough good reasons why not? Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Originally posted by Emily55555 sure i can say no, but i want reasons explaining why You could explain to him that you are not ready. You made a few good points in this forum post. You are afraid, and the thought of getting intimate right now, for you, is uncomfortable. Saying no, and explaining that you are not ready, or comfortable with the idea of intimacy, ought to be enough for your boyfriend. Just because you are in a dating relationship with someone does not mean that you are required to get sexual when the other person wants it, despite what some men might think. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 just say "i'm not ready yet" and say "be patient" Link to post Share on other sites
Dug Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Both DerangedAngel & Tony sound like they could be my ex-wife....but that's not possible ...right ? Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 The reasons stated above (your reasons..) are perfectly good reasons to say no. If your relationship hasn't gotten sexual yet, I don't think going to his house alone is a good idea. As you're aware, it's going to give him ideas and you're only going to be pressured into doing things you don't want to do. So don't go over there. Make him wine and dine ya. He needs to wait until you're good and ready or else it won't be enjoyable for you; if it isn't enjoyable for you it won't be as enjoyable for him. And, you might think twice about having boyfriends that you think will pressure you or who you can't say no to. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Ahhhh Honey.....you don't have to give him 'reasons'. Simply say you aren't ready. If he continues to pressure you...consider breaking off the relationship for awhile. Chances are he won't lose interest in you at all....he will probably chase you even more. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Just eat a whole lot of garlic and onions with some beans! Link to post Share on other sites
much_better_off Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Emily!!! The best reason to tell him is the real reason, like everyone has been saying, simply that you're not ready. If he can't handle that, it's time, as the kids are saying now.... "to step." If you come up with some phony reason that you think sounds better than the real reason, and eventually that reason seems irrelevant or like it's been addressed you'll have to explain that you lied to him, and that would be a bad thing to start a relationship out on. (to use an overly simplified example, if you say you're on your period, what happens when he ask you next week? Or if you say you won't with out a condom, he goes and buys some, now you have to come up with another excuse, you don't want an excuse, you want a reason, and you have a good one!) Your hesitance to be straight forward and honest with this guy worries me, frankly, and if you don't feel that you can talk to him about the fundamental expectations of your relationship, you might have to reevaluate this relationship all together. If he pressures you he's preying on your insecurity, your hesitance to stand up for yourself, and your eagerness to please and be loved. Please, value yourself and recognize that your have a lot to offer someone who deserves you. Perhaps this guy is that guy, but realize that he might not be, and it's not the end of the world if you throw one back. Lots of love! You can do it! ~Noel <-----didn't have sex until she really was ready and really wanted to, and very happy about it Link to post Share on other sites
Jethroky Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 DON"T GO ANYWHERE ALONE WITH THIS GUY! You don't owe this guy anything. You are in control, and you make the rules. If this guy is not THE ONE for you -- which he most likely is not, considering the pressure you feel from him -- imagine the pain you will feel when you do meet THE ONE who truly loves you and you will know in your heart that you were not able to save yourself for HIM. Imagine the pain HE will feel knowing everyone else you've given yourself to. Wait for THE ONE, and HE will wait for you. HE will wrap you safe in his arms until you are entirely ready to give yourself to HIM -- and it will be good and it will be sweet. Like Noel said, throw this one back. Jethroky (Sorry my reply is extremely late) Link to post Share on other sites
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