Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 28, 2011 Author Share Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) i assume that in both instances they didn't leave you for an OM like my wife did? Even if i continue nc for another year or two I don't see how either of us could ever forgive each other. I've never been f*cked over like this in my entire life. All signs point to us despising each other for life. No way I could ever trust her again either, she's a pathological liar. None of this would matter if we didnt have a child together. Edited May 28, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 had to get to the grocery store as the house was empty.. the closest, best store is in the same shopping center as where ex works. we got our shopping done, on the way out you have to drive by where she works.. douchemobile parked nearby, he was probably meeting her for lunch. my outer child wanted to find a way to key his car from bumper to bumper, but I just took a deep breath, smiled, and went on my way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 worst possible way for marriage/relationship to end: you want them they don't want you you have a child together so you HAVE to see them they deceived you/betrayed you and left you for someone else they lie about it over and over you figure the whole thing out and have to pay PI thousands of dollars because they lie your child is living with this OM this OM is on his second divorce and seems like the biggest douchebag on the planet your ex does everything in her power to hurt you/take from you Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 i can't believe I married someone so hateful, deceptive, dishonest, and just plain heartless. As the Brits say I'm gobsmacked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) found this on abandonment.net.. pretty much exactly what I'm dealing with: WHAT IS AN ABANDONER? "Abandoners come in every possible size, shape, shade, age, social form, and disposition. It is often difficult to tell who is safe to attach to and who is not capable of being emotionally responsible - - who is worthy of trust, and who is an abandoner. What complicates the picture even more is that one person's abandoner might be another's permanent partner. Also, many abandonment victims, depending upon certain conditions, go on to become abandoners themselves. The circumstances surrounding relationships are so complex and variable, that it is neither wise nor fair to make moral judgements, point fingers, nor draw generalizations. But there are serial abandoners - - abandoners who get secondary gain from inflicting emotional pain on someone who loves them. For them, creating devastation is their way of demonstrating power. But even abandoners who are not motivated by this need, might experience a heightened sense of self-importance as an unintentional by-product. As regretful as they may feel about having to pull away, they can't help but go on an ego trip as they witness the protests and agony of the person who still wants to be with them. In the light of the other person's pain, abandoners will not usually admit to feelings of triumph. Instead they tend to speak about their more humble feelings, like their regret over having caused another person to be disappointed. They are usually easily distracted from regret however, as they get caught up in their new lives with greater sense of freedom, newness, and a larger ego than before. Many abandoners, however, are able to by-pass regret by remaining oblivious to what is going on for the other person. They blame the other person for the break-up - - attempting to justify their actions and avoid guilt. Their agenda is to sustain their image of themselves as a decent, caring person. This denial and blame often come across as callousness and cruelty to the one they left behind. The abandonee must grapple alone with the pieces of a broken relationship, further wounded by unjustified blame. Let it be said that many abandoners do not set out to abandon, to hurt-by-intention. Many are just human beings struggling to find the answers to life's difficult challenges along with everyone else" Edited May 30, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 looked on OKCupid for the first time today... man, depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hang in there bud. Try what debtman does. Hangout with new people(girls too) but just as friends to get you out of the house and your mind off of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hang in there bud. Try what debtman does. Hangout with new people(girls too) but just as friends to get you out of the house and your mind off of things. thanks Craig.. I'm putting in the effort.. we'll see what happens. as a friend on here told me there is absolutely no reason to invest anymore emotion in this person.. there hasn't been for months. I have to live with what I've done, what she did, and I'll get over it in time. Its all about me and my son. Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 it isn't ALL depressing ;-) looked on OKCupid for the first time today... man, depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 thanks for posting the abandonment info. it was good to read..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 thanks for posting the abandonment info. it was good to read..... Yea.. I thought so too. My ex showed this clear pattern of it from day 1 too. When she got with me she abandoned all her friends, like all of them because they were "immature and only wanted to drink". I tended to agree, but later I started realizing that she was going to do this to me as well. Its pretty scary, and Im sure the OM she is with now will get the same thing in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 just picked up my son... I have to laugh now when I see her.. her whole thing is pure punishment, show how little she cares, wants me to know her life is SO much better without me, etc. good for her. I've really never met someone so callous and uncaring. really at this point, I feel sorry for her.. she may look ok on the outside, but she's hideous on the inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Yeah.. if she acting extra cocky then she is probably feeling way worse inside than you would imagine. Imagine further down the road when years go by.. regret and guilt for the rest of her life. She is riding high at the moment acting like things are good and she will have a great life but once things mellow out and she realized what a mistake she made and what an a**hole she is. You won't even know when it happens but know that it will happen. A bit of solace. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 That's the hardest part, she is all about how great things are now that you are replaced. To me I am irreplaceable. If she didn't care then she wouldnt need to tell you. That's why 180 works, it shows you really don't care via actions not words. I too am waiting for karma, it may take several years, but I hope it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 looked on OKCupid for the first time today... man, depressing. Yea, you shouldn't be looking if you get a depressing feeling from it. Once you're really ready you'll feel fine and good browsing through potential relations. It'll take a while to get there but "good things come to those who wait", right? Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Karma does exist, she will get hers some day. Take the high road and continue to be a good person and everything will work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Karma does exist, she will get hers some day. Take the high road and continue to be a good person and everything will work out for you. yup, all I can do. and jaymz she doesn't say anything, its all in how she acts. i laugh to myself when I see her KRMA PLC plates.. yea honey as if you're exempt from it. nope. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 yup, all I can do. and jaymz she doesn't say anything, its all in how she acts. i laugh to myself when I see her KRMA PLC plates.. yea honey as if you're exempt from it. nope. When KRMA PLC is next to SINCITY, you know that there is going to be trouble.:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) I just woke up sweating.. I just had a major life realization. Pure subconscious introspection. Truth is.. the last few months of our short lived marriage I was a real prick. Angry.. short fuse, had her walking on eggshells, overly critical and picky, mean to the dog, someone who probably was pretty hard to live with and love. And why? Because I felt my basic needs weren't getting met (love, affection, intimacy) and I felt used because I did SO much for her and felt unloved and totally unappreciated. My outer child was punishing and purposely driving her away... and did a fantastic job. Do I agree with how she handled her exit? No, I don't, it was pretty f-ed up. Do I wish I could've seen this and known how much I'd regret losing her and how huge of an impact it would have? Totally. I never thought that far ahead but she had for months. Does it absolutely gut me that she got with another guy in a few months? Damn right it does. Does it break my heart that our boy will most likely never have his real family together? Without question. I think I was also internally wanting some of attention, love and nurturing she showered our son with. She was all about HIM, which is great but I felt left out. I talked down to her quite a bit, and I know she hated the thought that our son would see this and grow up not respecting women. She is uber sensitive to these things since her father was an abusive monster. I'm not a monster by a longshot, but my behavior was unacceptable. And there was no way I would've seen it if I hadn't suffered through all this unfortunately. She thinks we were toxic together... and at times we were. But I'm realizing alot of it was ME. Alot of it was ME. And its way too late. I still love her so much. Edited June 3, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 MM4: Don't beat yourself up. And never count a reunion out, 'cause time can bend/fold/loop in funny ways. It's good you had the epiphany/realization, damn good, but make sure it doesn't eat you up. Remember - to use a metaphor - new life CAN grow from the ashes. Always. Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 show that side of you. the side that realizes you were less than the man she needed you to be...... not because it will get her back, but because you want to be that person and not the nasty person you became. her attitude towards you could change if she sees that YOU have changed. and i don't mean just words, i mean actions. realizing you were less than she needed is a BIG deal!! as women, sometimes all we need is to be acknowledged and have our needs, wants, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. acknowledged. when the man in our lives makes us feel like less than what we are, it's pretty damaging and devastating. the last thing we want to do, is be with someone that doesn't like us........ be the stand up guy! be the good guy! show THAT man to women! ditto what WDW said, new life from ashes!! embrace the realization and go forward! Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I went through the same thing, there were things I did or didnt do that I should have. I beat myself up over it too. Now I know that with my next serious relationship I will not make the same mistakes again and will see any warning signs much earlier. I believe I have learnt new skills that will help any relationship I have, whether its family/friend/lover. It may be over for me and stbxw, but the next relationship will be much stronger and last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 as women, sometimes all we need is to be acknowledged and have our needs, wants, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. acknowledged. when the man in our lives makes us feel like less than what we are, it's pretty damaging and devastating. the last thing we want to do, is be with someone that doesn't like us........ updown: Lord, I am guilty of that (bolded). I know she's got her own issues, but I definitely acknowledge my guilt on that front. {shaking my head ruefully} Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 updown: Lord, I am guilty of that (bolded). I know she's got her own issues, but I definitely acknowledge my guilt on that front. {shaking my head ruefully} oh man, did I ever do this too.. I sold her very short. And now she must be thinking ha I got a better man than you who adores me and you're a hot mess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 the answer for me is A. forgiving myself for what I did wrong B. forgiving her for hurting me, intentional or otherwise C. let her go 100% D. keep becoming a better person and move on with my life. I'm single again.. the final divorce decree will be signed probably monday. Link to post Share on other sites
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