worldgonewrong Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 this woman is going to do nothing but make me miserable if I let her. the sooner I get that through my thick skull the better off I'll be. Dude, you are - via divorce - FREE of a lot of her bullsh*t now. Yes, you have mutual dealings as pertains to your son. But psychologically? YOU ARE DONE WITH HER as a wife, soul-mate, friend, etc. And y'know what? SHE did that. Right now, and I say this with all love & sympathy, it's like you're in a little pup tent. The minute you open the flap, you're going to see the Grand Canyon in front of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) yea man.. I have no idea why I let her bs get to me so much. i don't know if she has BPD.. just that she is in denial, is 100% selfish, and completely dishonest. must be nice not having a conscience and not caring.. you can do or say anything you want with no consequences. she's such a cancer.. I just need to continue with chemo to get her out of my psyche completely. this person can convince herself of ANYTHING as long as it benefits her and doesn't make her feel bad about herself or guilty. she basically said yesterday that she thinks she deserves custody 70% of the time because for his first 3yrs I didn't care about him and was a bad father. whatever. she said she "had to do everything" for our son. YOU WERE A STAY AT HOME MOM for 3yrs. I changed thousands of diapers, and loved my son, everyone but her knows it. sorry I didn't want to goto Target with you 4 times a week. she had the EASIEST life ever.. played with our son, watched Price Is Right, went to the mall, while I was working 45hrs a week supporting both of them and got pretty much NOTHING in return. I asked her why she lied about where my son was staying and over and over about if she was seeing anyone. she sat there and said I don't want to talk about the past, it will just bring up negative feelings. so, I have pay because of her delusional account of the past, but she doesn't. I don't know if this is immaturity, or just the sh**ty background she if from, but it upset me so much I was literally shaking. THEN.. she asks for her support check aka shopping money.. I asked how much and she said the full amount I had been paying since last August. I knew how much it should be, but she has been collecting $350mo spousal support for at least 6 months when she has been living with this lowlife. she said the spousal support goes away in July as per the "agreement". I was like how can you collect money from me for months you KNOW you don't deserve? she said oh its the agreement, I don't care what you or I think its the agreement. no integrity, no morals, just pure greed. I've never in my life dealt with such a despicable person, ugh I curse the day I met her. Edited June 16, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) I don't know.. am I being a whiner and baby? I HATE HOW THINGS ARE NOW. I know, everyone says things will get better.. I really don't see how. Even if I'm 150% over my ex I still can't stand this whole thing with our son. How could I have possibly known my life could be totally f-ed up by this?? Yea, I know.. millions of people go through this, great. I must be "weak". I'll never get used to this, going through this crap for the next 14yrs. I love my son more than anything but I totally understand why some men decide to bail and start completely new lives.. makes total sense. I'm sorry this is negative, but unfortunately its how I feel. Why can't I have married someone who REALLY loved me.. things would've been so different. I'm just so worn out and I can't do this anymore, I really can't. No one wants to hear it.. no one. Hell probably even no one on this board. Edited June 16, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Don't sell us short man. We've been there. We still are. Sucks every time my kids get in her car and drive away...sucks every time I drop them off and my daughter cries as her mom pulls her away from me. Dealing with the emotions of being separated from the kids is the HARDEST part...at least for me. But, she took that choice away from me. All I can do now is be grateful for every moment I have with them and try to do the best I can for them. I have to make SURE they know that, even if I'm not there as much, I will ALWAYS be there for them ANY time they need me and I will ALWAYS support them in whatever they do. I can see the rationalization behind leaving completely and starting a new life, but I couldn't ever do that to my kids. They need a father and NO ONE can do that job as well as I can. No one will love them as much as I do, that I do know. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't ever have contact with my stbx again after the way she treated me. For them, I will see or talk with her every day until they are no longer living with her...for them, I would do a lot more...so will you. I know it doesn't seem like it can get better and I know you keep hearing it from other people and it doesn't help...but remember, you are in a temporary place...be strong, for yourself and, mostly, for your kid. Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) thanks debtman.. i was at a low last night. ultimately i have to make the best out of this sh*t situation. i still cant believe i put myself in a position of vulnerability like this, and to have her take FULL advantage of it is unconscionable. there is no way I could ever leave my son, i love him too much and thats not an option. this om will never be anything to him but some guy nailing his mother. i'm 10 minutes away and not going anywhere. Edited June 17, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 marquee: You can always vent here, I have learned that the folks here are compassionate and full of great advice. Don't ever think you can't let loose emotionally on this board, that's what it is for. Good luck, stay strong, keep being a great person and father. Have a nice weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 thanks Surfer.. honestly i hate coming off as a whiner.. I was never like this before, I kept everything to myself and handled everything as it came my way. i've never been one to complain about things. i don't like what I've become, though I have improved as a person in a lot of ways. my son just let me in on some thing his mother and om do together, point at their eyes and then point at each other. so cute Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 I don't know.. am I being a whiner and baby? I HATE HOW THINGS ARE NOW. I know, everyone says things will get better.. I really don't see how. Even if I'm 150% over my ex I still can't stand this whole thing with our son. How could I have possibly known my life could be totally f-ed up by this?? Yea, I know.. millions of people go through this, great. I must be "weak". I'll never get used to this, going through this crap for the next 14yrs. I love my son more than anything but I totally understand why some men decide to bail and start completely new lives.. makes total sense. I'm sorry this is negative, but unfortunately its how I feel. Why can't I have married someone who REALLY loved me.. things would've been so different. I'm just so worn out and I can't do this anymore, I really can't. No one wants to hear it.. no one. Hell probably even no one on this board. I identify with EVERY SINGLE WORD you wrote, MM4. Hang in there, brother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 17, 2011 Author Share Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry but again I have to vent... this girl has a sticker on HER CAR for some military range shooting statistic thing... something I'm sure OM is into.. let me add, the 8yrs I was with her she HATED FIREARMS and complained that I had a .45 pistol, AR-15, and SKS in the house because of our son even though they were all stored safely, locked, and not loaded with the ammo nowhere near the weapons. Can you say CHAMELEON?? FFS, even I wouldn't have the nerve to try and put a sticker on HER CAR (that I might add I paid for) for something I WAS INTO. Thats the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Edited June 17, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Craig2425 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Sorry man. She should never say she wants 70% because you're a bad dad. Ever. She probably just wants more money from child support. As for whining. Dude, don't even stress. This is a place to get everything off your chest and get support. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) Sorry man. She should never say she wants 70% because you're a bad dad. Ever. She probably just wants more money from child support. As for whining. Dude, don't even stress. This is a place to get everything off your chest and get support. ya she's greedy as hell. there is absolutely NO reason why it shouldn't be 50/50, none. she says oh you'd have to put him in daycare.. so what. I'd get more overnights with him and I'd rather pay the daycare than her. God I hate her. Edited June 22, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 not that i should give a F, but I just had a premonition.. I bet this chick gets knocked up by scumbag bf in the next, oh, 4 months. bank on it. Link to post Share on other sites
updown Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 if you have him over 90 days per year, you get to pay less in child support. so, if you currently have that then don't change a thing. if you DON'T see if you can change that, or let things be. from what i understand, numbers won't change until you hit 90days in a year. add em up if you're not sure! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 not that i should give a F, but I just had a premonition.. I bet this chick gets knocked up by scumbag bf in the next, oh, 4 months. bank on it. hooboy, that would be...well, maybe par for the course as pertains to her. the big question is, you think scumbag BF would stick with her or scurry off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 hooboy, that would be...well, maybe par for the course as pertains to her. the big question is, you think scumbag BF would stick with her or scurry off? who knows. she sure seems to think highly of him and is buying all his bs. i hope he turns out to be as big as doosh as he appears to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 (edited) latest drama.. my mgr at work told me yesterday since someone resigned I'd have to start working on fridays 5am-3:30pm. That would mean my schedule (which my mgr put me on to help me with visitation of my son) would be M, Tu, Th, and Friday. Problem is I have my son every Friday, and I only have him like 10/11 days a month... 30% of the time, so there goes 4 of those days a month. AND that means on fridays I'd have to get him into a daycare BEFORE 5am somehow, pay for that on top of the $750/mo I pay in child support and then every other week pretty much hand him right back to her at 6pm. i text her and said "I've just been notified that I have to work on fridays" her: ok... well i don't know what to do about that. it's your day so I guess you need to figure that one out. me: actually, it concerns you plenty, as my job pays 9/10ths of our sons support her: ok well I don't know what to tell you me: i know putting yourself in other peoples positions is a foreign concept to you, but that takes me down to 7/8 days a month. her: well I put him in daycare two days a week. I have to do it. I can't help you on this, this is about you. me: hah, ok. this is about me... I don't know why I'm surprised... who pays for his daycare again? Not you. Like I needed any more evidence that this person cares only for herself. Why does ANY MAN put themselves at the mercy of someone else by having children with them and HOPING they don't turn out to be totally selfish and horrible?? Edited June 30, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 mm4, Dealing with this myself. Nothing like paying for childcare so the mother of your kids can work to make money on top of what you already pay in child support so she ends up with more $ than I have and can take the kids out, go do lots of fun stuff with them while I'm struggling to pay for food when they come to stay with me. Only way I can justify it is to remind myself that the kids are also getting a better quality of life by being able to watch her big screen tv, play Wii with OM and go to amusement parks with the two of them. When it comes down to it, she's always been more stressed by $ than I have, so I'd rather be the one struggling with it since the kids will be less affected by the finances of the situation if she's not stressed. However you need to justify it...It does end up being all about the kids, too bad she's not willing to help you out with some of the mechanics of the actual drop off, etc. Yeah, crazy how we put ourselves into this situation, never thinking that someone we love and who claimed to love us and want the best for our kids could make such selfish, vindictive decisions...and then, at least in my case, think that we can now, somehow, end up being "friends" and hang out and do things together. They're NOT our friends if they can treat us like this, take half (or more) of our kids lives away from us and put us in such financial turmoil... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I txt this later last night, no response.. what a surprise. me: listen, its important to US our son sees both of us.. you understand you have him almost 40% more than me. i thought we were going to work together on this? Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I even hate reading her responses.. my wife gave the same type of responses. I can FEEL the selfishness in your wife's words.. it makes me so upset to see you or anyone treated like that. What a hooker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 I even hate reading her responses.. my wife gave the same type of responses. I can FEEL the selfishness in your wife's words.. it makes me so upset to see you or anyone treated like that. What a hooker. i mean, from my perspective... this chick planned out her exit from me months before she left.. tried to get me to pay for all her **** while she "went out with friends" and I KNOW this dirtbag bf was in the picture. So, she moves in with this lowlife inside of 3-4months after leaving. I pay for almost all my sons support. She is sponging off new guy cause he was dumb enough to invite her to live with him. She lied to me saying our son was living at her parents. I had to pay $3k to prove she is a liar. She STILL WANTED spousal support after she was outed. This chick thinks the world owes her a living.. and why? Cause this dude wants to bang her? She's basically a prostitute, going to the highest bidder. She makes me sick. She has a huge dose of reality coming her way in the next few years, I hope it ruins her. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 gah, she's evil. But like I've said before: time WILL catch up with her -- the reality of this whole thing will slam her hard, and by then you will be so far ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer203 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 She will get what's coming to her man, don't you worry. I can certainly relate to your feelings - wanting her to be ruined, have a miserable life, be sad, etc. Some of them truly deserve it. It would be nice if we could be men and take the high road - but it would also be nice if our wives never cheated on us/left us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) so, after a holiday weekend full of emptiness, drinking, and boredom.. continued cruelty from the ex regarding our son, remembering that the single world absolutely sucks, I'm not feeling particularly good today. messed up my knee tripping over my dog, have no idea how serious it is but it hurts like hell. i can't even begin to relate how much sh*t has gone horribly wrong since last May when my exW left.. I haven't experienced a minute of joy, fulfillment, or of carefree happiness since that day. I had all my ducks in a row and now they're all over the place, and I don't have the desire to do anything about it. i've met numerous women from around my area and they all seem totally phoney and insincere, not to mention they're either super young 22-25 or total cougars. the only thing that keeps me going is my son.. past that I really have no interest in living my "life". I have absolutely no faith that things will get better, probably only worse. I have so much going for me and its all being wasted.. Edited July 5, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I feel your misery, bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marqueemoon4 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) I feel your misery, bro. i had no idea having a child with/marrying this heartless person could do the irrepairable damage its done. and its just starting.. 14 more years of this bull****. * no remorse whatsoever on how little I get to be with my son, none * no crumbs, no weakness, nothing * double rebound going great * since she doesn't care at all about ME or my feelings and has someone else she thinks she is free to be as cruel/unfair/irrational as humanly possible * apparently I'm doing this to MYSELF. right. I should be able to handle this no problem and not think twice about it again * I keep hearing that "all women are like that".. i sincerely hope this isn't true, as I'll be living a very solitary life Edited July 5, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
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