You've Been Left... Analogy

[marqueemoon4]

Surfer I totally agree.. my ignorant, overbearing exW seems to love to make huge issues out of things that aren't a big deal. OHHH he has to get allergy shots!!! Big deal, I got em when I was a kid/teen.. its nothing. I also think he behaves much worse with her because A. he likes me better B. doesn't like OM C. she has no clue how to discipline him D. she spends most of her time focusing on scumbag OM.

[jaymz]

I also think he behaves much worse with her because A. he likes me better B. doesn't like OM C. she has no clue how to discipline him D. she spends most of her time focusing on scumbag OM.

 

Exactly the same with my kids. I have always been the one that disclplines them so they listen and respect me (well, most of the time ). She does not do that and over the last 4 months has been buying their affection instead. Its been hard, esp when the kids say "mummy lets us do this/that", but I want to do that work and bring them up right.

 

Keep up the good work.

[marqueemoon4]

His diet SUCKS and we're both guilty on this which could add to hyperactivity.. way too much sugar intake, and the pickiest eater I've ever seen. I came across this a few months ago on a parents connect website where she puts it on me (this is from 2008 btw):

 

exW:

 

" Hey all! I'm hoping you all can help me out here. I'm dying for some ideas! My 2yo son won't eat hardly ANYTHING!!! His menu includes chicken nuggets, french fries, grilled cheese, some cereal bars, cereal, pancakes, fruit snacks, raisins, and peas. Literally.... THAT'S IT!!!!

When he was starting out with food, if he got just a little messy, my husband would freak out and clean him up. I think because of this, he won't eat anything that could be messy... spaghetti, mac & cheese, the good stuff!

Help me PLEASE!!!! Ideas to fix this?? Recipes??? Anything!! My son is only 27lbs and I need him to gain some weight... if only he would eat!!!!!!"

Edited July 12, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[worldgonewrong]

1. Man, even back then (2008) she was selling you down the river. GRRRR.

 

2. My son was a picky eater, too. Don't sweat it. Now he's proud that his palette is expanding. Last night he shoveled in his veggies, without any prompting, and I about fell on the floor.

[marqueemoon4]

1. Man, even back then (2008) she was selling you down the river. GRRRR.

 

2. My son was a picky eater, too. Don't sweat it. Now he's proud that his palette is expanding. Last night he shoveled in his veggies, without any prompting, and I about fell on the floor.

 

yea well her answer to everything is panic and run to the doctor. she's truly a hypochondriac.

 

check out this drama--- my God she is/was ridiculous (from same thread, which btw I had no idea she was on this site)

 

exW (07/24/2009)

 

"I'm becoming so stressed out because of this. I find myself getting mad at him for not eating. It's awful. I seriously want to break down sometimes. Eating has been such a problem for him. We even put him into food therapy when he was one because when he would finally put something in his mouth, he would gag and throw up. Many days he would go without eating because he would just throw up. Thank goodness I was nursing or who knows what would have happened.

Now, he is pocketing food sometimes. So, now, when I am finally able to get him to put something in his mouth, he holds it in there, and then whines because he doesn't know whether to swallow it or spit it out. I end up having it pry open his mouth and stick my finger in to scoop it out.

I feel like such a failure in this. My son has horrible eating habits and I feel like it's all mine and my husbands fault. Someone said that I will spend many times in the bathroom crying, and I already do. I feel like I can't not give him what he wants and to make him try new things. I feel like he will starve... it's just so damn frustrating and so hard."

 

 

 

geez, blow **** out of proportion much?

[worldgonewrong]

Dollars to donuts, SHE was the root cause of all his eating anxieties that made him throw up. If mommy makes every eating occasion stressful, you're gonna throw up!

[marqueemoon4]

it does sound bad, but rest assured this is Academy Award material from her... it was never as dire as she makes it out to be.

 

at the end of the day, she sucks as a mother, straight up. from breaking up our family, confusing our son, her selfishness, her over parenting, just everything. she sucks.

Edited July 12, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[updown]

WOW! yikes!

i have the pickiest eaters on the entire planet. they are also some of the smallest kids i know. my son, rarely eats. i'm waiting for the days where he puts food away like i hear of boys doing! but, till then i just feed him what he'll eat and not stress over it.

 

i'm one of those moms that likes variety, but i don't stress if all they'll eat are chicken nuggets and french fries. you and i have some role reversal going on here. my stbxh is the one that hates the way i feed the kids. has actually said that to me too. my kids have a great diet, they just don't eat a lot. they actually love vegetables and fruit, but love the nights when i say " ice cream sundaes for dinner."

 

parents anxiety and issues DEFINITELY carry over to the kids. parents force their issues on their children all the time. and, kids then end up stressing like the parents do. it's not healthy, or helpful AT ALL!

 

i'm sorry. GOOD LUCK!

[dreamingoftigers]

Um, since when is Mac n cheese and spaghetti the "good stuff"?

 

And if that is all he is eating, perhaps remove those items from his diet until he becomes accustomed to others. As well, right around the toddler stage they become VERY picky eaters as part of a survival instinct. ( no kidding). They usually start to outgrow that around 3-4.

 

She sounds like one anxious woman.

[marqueemoon4]

Um, since when is Mac n cheese and spaghetti the "good stuff"?

 

And if that is all he is eating, perhaps remove those items from his diet until he becomes accustomed to others. As well, right around the toddler stage they become VERY picky eaters as part of a survival instinct. ( no kidding). They usually start to outgrow that around 3-4.

 

She sounds like one anxious woman.

 

um, thats an understatement.. if there is anything she deems "wrong" about our son she panics. here's one of her BIG justifications for divorcing me-- its bad for our son for us to be together, because if SHE isn't happy, HE won't be happy. Is it me or is this 3rd grade logic? nevermind the fact its very painful and confusing for our son that we're apart and she has him living with some scrub. critical thinking skills--- she has none.

[Tiberius]

I dont understand many of the stories I hear out of America. Dont American men have any rights to the place where they live?

[worldgonewrong]

I dont understand many of the stories I hear out of America. Dont American men have any rights to the place where they live?

 

Culturally, and even economically, America thrives on a victim-based market.

We have Oprah and other stuff like that to thank, where people sit around on TV and glorify their status as victims.

Women - being the so-called "weaker sex" (antiquated expression) - understandably have a legitimate history of getting the short end of the stick (right to vote, ERA, etc.). The problem is that things have become so muddied that the swindler can somehow manage to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the truly-aggrieved battered woman. Enough swindlers slather the term "abuse" on their unhappiness in their marriage -- which 80% of the time means simply "he disagreed with me, wouldn't capitulate, got angry...so it's gotta be ABUSE!" -- and you have the current state of affairs in this country.

 

This is not to disparage or contradict 99.99% of the female members of this forum, who are legitimately in a very tough, cruel position in life.

 

Rant mode off.

[dreamingoftigers]

The further unfortunate part of the is that the women who truly need help and who are in desperate situations now have the stigma of being a "con artist" and have to jump through hoops designed to weed out those who take advantage of the system. As well, the delay it takes to get to women/families that need help is extended because of the ridiculous behaviour of a few. And if there isn't a delay, there is increased taxpayer funding where everyone ends up paying for some marital manipulation.

[marqueemoon4]

This is really, really hard for me. Being categorized by my ex as being "abusive". If I'm abusive them I'm sure 90% of married men are as well.. I regret some of things I said in the past, I have the capability of really hurting people with my words, its a defense mechanism I built over the years. Its something I have control over now.

 

I picked my son up from his new daycare provider yesterday, she asked if I could because she had some work thing to do all day. I had asked her to pick up the last of her things a few days ago as well, they've been collecting dust for 14months in my fairly small condo. She came to pick him up at 6pm, the garage was open and she walked in the garage and knocked on the door. I lugged a huge plastic bin filled with her stuff down to her car, and told her mattress/box spring was upstairs as well. She said I could get rid of it.. thanks for that responsibility. We had a fairly long chat about our sons diet and how we need to cut his sugar intake way down. I kept things on topic and didn't say a word about anything else. Finally all her stuff is completely gone.

 

When she was ready to leave our son threw a tantrum and wouldn't leave and kept saying "dadas I want to stay with you all night" and cried. It took 15 minutes to get him settled down and in her car. As usual she seemed to be in a hurry to get back to the OM. Its pretty apparent that she'll ignore all the pain our son is in to have things the way she wants them. I'm nothing more than an atm and babysitter to her and an obstacle between her and her perceived happiness with this POS.

 

She's gonna regret this some day.

[marqueemoon4]

beat it spambot.

 

I'm so tempted to mention that I know that she cheated when we were still living together and right after she left. It won't accomplish anything, without doubt she is able to rationalize that she had every right to do the f-ed up things she's done.

[debtman]

beat it spambot.

 

I'm so tempted to mention that I know that she cheated when we were still living together and right after she left. It won't accomplish anything, without doubt she is able to rationalize that she had every right to do the f-ed up things she's done.

 

Don't even bother. She'll never see reality, only her own warped perspective. I got some ranting emails from my stbx earlier this week where she laid out all sorts of lies and rationalization about what a horrible husband I was and I was so tempted to reply to that email and set her straight on some of the utter BS she said, but, I let it go. She's not worth the time it would have taken and it doesn't matter anymore what she thinks. She will only see things through her own fog and selfish interests. That's why she dumped our marriage and family for OM in the first place.

 

All that matters is that YOU know that you are an excellent father and you need to be there for your son. Very evident from his reaction. I get that a lot from my kids and she (and OM) get to see the trauma that comes every time I leave. It's getting better now, 9 months later, and the kids are getting used to the switch, but they often tell me that they want to stay with me instead of going back to her house.

 

Good luck and keep posting...

[marqueemoon4]

debtman u are right... I wish I could make her see her actions are of a two bit tramp, but again, she'll rationalize and then ask her mentally challenged friends/family to reinforce she did nothing wrong. of course they'll oblige because the concept of objectivity is absolutely foreign to any of them. I pray to God my son doesn't grow up to be like these cretins.

[Melfotheptgot]

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[marqueemoon4]

stupid mistake made by me.. went on that hockey board we both used to frequent.. numerous absolutely moronic posts by her, posting pics of herself to get attention from strangers, pathetic. I like this one:

 

dipsh*t exW posted:

It's all about the Reisling for me. I don't think I have tried one that I didn't like. The Bridgeview Reisling I get at a local wine bar by my house is my favorite. A go to Reisling for me would have to be Ch. St. Michele. Very light, fruity, but not too sweet. Most restaurants seem to carry it.

I'm learning to try reds. To me, I am not a fan of that oaky taste. This is the main reason I don't drink Chardonnay when I'm looking at whites. Reds seem to have that taste to it as well. A couple I have tried have been just fine. I had a Malbec at Christmas that was fantastic and for the life of me can't remember the name of it.

I like the local wines around here as well. Farmers markets seem to carry some great local wines. I don't mind paying a little more and most of the time they will do a free tasting. I just bought a raseberry merlot and I can't wait to drink it. Actually, I'm drinking that one tomorrow.

Now when I'm really feeling the need for some sweet dessert wine, Moscato is the choice for me. The Wine Kitchen in xxxxx had a Moscato that was on point.

Ok, for openers you never drank one glass of wine from 2002-2010.. and now you're an expert? Hey honey, fyi if its your FAVORITE wine you might want to learn how to spell it correctly...its RIESLING. Gah, you're dumb.

 

She also posted a thread "For Guys That Do Everything Wrong"

 

somebody posted something like what if you're a guy who does everything RIGHT?

 

she responds with: you get an awesome lady like me !!!

 

so wait, doing everything right gets you a lying, cheating, ungrateful, hypocritical, two faced skank with BPD??? where do I sign up??

 

rant over.

Edited July 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[Surfer203]

Reading that bothers me. She sucks. That's all I could think while reading that message. Just plain annoying, I hate lying, phonies.

[marqueemoon4]

Reading that bothers me. She sucks. That's all I could think while reading that message. Just plain annoying, I hate lying, phonies.

 

dude you totally get it. she is SUCH A PHONY. she has NO personality of her own so she gets with people and morphs into them. this OM doosh she is with is all into wine so now she is too. its absolutely embarrasses me I married such a sorry excuse for a human being.

 

my friend said it the best.. she sucks out loud!

[Surfer203]

Dude.. my wife is the same way. Always adapting to whatever I was into at the moment. Then she hangs out with people and morphs to be more similar to them. I used to think she was an individual like me but no.... just another sheep.

[HeavenOrHell]

Wrong section sorry!

Edited July 14, 2011 by HeavenOrHell

[dreamingoftigers]

Gentlemen,

 

Three things:

 

1) That chameleon-like behaviour is called co-dependency. It would be absolutely useful for you both to look up the following resources so that you have an idea on how to deal with Codependents, how to spot one and in your case MM4 how not to get roped in with one again. Furthermore, spouses of Codependents often "mirror" their codependent spouses. Not sure exactly how to pinpoint this one but I will give it a shot.... I had a poor communication pattern of blasting whatever complaint I had at any given moment (I.e. Randomly as I found something amiss I would say something like "see this? Can you put your socks in the hamper, I am sick of picking them up day in and day out, and while you are at it, can you take out the trash already, I always get stuck with this stuff.":sigh:

 

Anyways, that wasn't the most helpful way to approach things. Now if something household comes up, I ask if now is a good time to talk about something (sometimes I will say like: problem-solving our laundry issue, can we put it all in one place?). I don't fire off the complaint the moment I am irritated and when we do discuss it, I don't discuss my feelings. We take the five minutes and solve the problem. Anyways..... The negative communication pattern my H used to complain about has now been firmly adopted by him. A lot of codependent people have the same behaviors/ patterns that you have that you are bit expressing at the moment. They can really push your buttons with it. Life's funny that way. If you have a codependent spouse, there is often something that really overlaps between your separate identities. Some are much worse then others.

 

Example 2: MM4's ex-w used to bitch wild about him to him, friends and family to the point where it may have done some reputational damage. Now she is out of the marriage and MM4 comes here and probably to other's in his real life and complains about many distasteful aspects of her personality (same pattern, different times, but still that same communication mirror-image). (nit trying to just single you out MM4 or say that you don't deserve to vent or anything, don't kick me out of your fan club just yet...)

 

Resources: Taming Your Outer Child (for being able not to fall into the obvious painful life traps), Codependent No More, The New Codependency, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, 12 Steps for Codependents.

 

2. MM4, your wife needs spell-check, stat. It bugs me.

 

3. Edmonton sucks, just sayin....

[marqueemoon4]

Dot you will always have a place in the club

 

You are so right about the codepenency.. and the very painful flipside is that once she broke the dependcy to me and started putting her hooks into first the coworker she realized he was a lousy provider compared to me, then dropped him when she found as solid a meal ticket as I was and is now 100% dependent on him. I no longer have any place in her world because I'm now redundant. Funny thing is I guarantee the relationship with the OM is every bit as unhealthy if not worse, but its new and this guy is "nice" to her so she fools herself into thinking its "healthy" and a vast improvement over me. Nevermind the fact it took 8yrs, a child and a disappointing marriage for things to get to critical mass between us.

 

Bottom line was I wasn't happy with her, and now I've been alone for over a year and the harsh reality that the dating scene sucks has been painful. She's a semi attractive girl so finding someone new probably took 10-15 minutes, and since she morphs into whatever her partner is there is no conflict whatsoever. Like let's say I'm liberal and meet some woman who shows interest in me but she's a staunch conservative. Sorry that's a deal breaker for me, and there is no way I'm compromising my values or beliefs to be with anyone. That's not a problem for her, she'll chameleon into anything in the name of comfort and security. Yet another reason she sucks (like Edmonton) She also knows men are driven by sex so her thing is to put out really quick and act all into you to build false confidence. I don't believe for a second she ever loved me for ME although she sure fooled me into thinking she did. I was the best thing she had going at the time and her financial security depended on it. She is pretty much the embodiment of everything I loathe about the human race.

Edited July 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4