Really like my friend

[Feanor]

I've known this girl for a little over a year now. We met on an online dating site and we went out a few times. We hung out a little bit for the first six months we knew each other but not too often. We chatted online quite a bit but that was it. It seemed like she wasn't interested and I was fine with that at the time. I even ended up having a brief relationship with another girl over the summer but it didn't work out.

I ended up helping the original girl to get a job at my work about six months ago. We would hang out all the time after work and talk and go out to dinner and stuff. It was cool for a while but I really started to have feelings toward her. Over Christmas I told her that I had feelings for her but she shot me down. I foolishly told her this while I was drunk. We've remained friends but lately I have been having trouble dealing with it. It was her birthday a few days ago and I got her a card and some flowers and she invited me to her birthday party, which was last night. I mostly had a good time but I walked in on her and she was cuddling with this guy from work. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach when I saw this. I realized that our friendship was killing me and hurting my self esteem. It's like I've been waiting for her to decide she likes me too but now I know it will never happen. After the guy left I ended up sleeping on her couch. I woke up at five in the morning and she was still awake, I was still a little tipsy and I told her that I wouldn't be coming back to her house anymore and that our friendship was bring me down, hurting my self-confidence. It was late and she said we should talk about it another time. Now I'm at home sitting here, wondering if I should remove her from my facebook friends and really cut off contact with her. Although I would still have to see her at work. Luckily we work at a school and we'll be temporarily laid off next month so it'd be only a few weeks. I just feel so horrible about the situation, looking back I think I've even passed on some dating opportunities because I liked this girl so much. It just hurts really badly and I don't really like the situation at all anymore.

Edited April 17, 2011 by Feanor

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm very glad that you posted this.

 

So many women at this website just don't get that men seeming to be interested in "friendship" with a woman to whom they have no work, community, or family ties, nearly always see themselves as being in line for the romantic affections of said woman.

 

What you describe is quite often the male outlook on similar scenarios.

[Feanor]

I've had female friends before but never someone I was close to, I'd hang out with them in group settings and things like that. This is the first time I've hung out with a girl all the time and we weren't romantically involved. Now I know better, I'm never going to just hang out with a girl and be her 'friend' again. Unless we're romantically involved we will not be hanging out all the time. This whole situation just broke my heart.