FeelingLonely98 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 I've been divorced now for 14 months. (Still can't thank LS for helping - saving? - me 'til I got through it all.) I was going through an old office planner and saw my encrypted LS login info. and thought I'd check in! I thought I could never be happy. I thought I could not be happy living alone. I thought I would never find a good woman. I thought I could not make it financially on my own. I thought I was a failure. I thought, I thought, I thought, ... Well, I am fine. I'm happy. Enjoying my sons, my new girlfriend, my family, ME. I got a good promotion, just bought a new car, remodeled the house, ETC. Life is good. BTW, Still taking it slow with the new GF - one day at a time. No rush to commit to anything. If I could give some advice to any of you maybe feeling like I once did ... Stop trying to think about what you can't do, how times are tough, how sad you are, ... ETC and just live for the moment. You have ZERO control over the other person. If they come back it will be of their own accord. Maybe it will be too late for them, maybe not. Live for the moment. Enjoy yourself Enjoy watching a movie Enjoy nature Enjoy a song Enjoy family Enjoy a good book Enjoy your work Enjoy a beer / wine Enjoy chance encounters Enjoy a good meal Enjoy your independence ENJOY Trust me, everything will work out. Hope all my old buds are doing good! PEACE!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 I've been divorced now for 14 months. (Still can't thank LS for helping - saving? - me 'til I got through it all.) I was going through an old office planner and saw my encrypted LS login info. and thought I'd check in! I thought I could never be happy. I thought I could not be happy living alone. I thought I would never find a good woman. I thought I could not make it financially on my own. I thought I was a failure. I thought, I thought, I thought, ... Well, I am fine. I'm happy. Enjoying my sons, my new girlfriend, my family, ME. I got a good promotion, just bought a new car, remodeled the house, ETC. Life is good. BTW, Still taking it slow with the new GF - one day at a time. No rush to commit to anything. If I could give some advice to any of you maybe feeling like I once did ... Stop trying to think about what you can't do, how times are tough, how sad you are, ... ETC and just live for the moment. You have ZERO control over the other person. If they come back it will be of their own accord. Maybe it will be too late for them, maybe not. Live for the moment. Enjoy yourself Enjoy watching a movie Enjoy nature Enjoy a song Enjoy family Enjoy a good book Enjoy your work Enjoy a beer / wine Enjoy chance encounters Enjoy a good meal Enjoy your independence ENJOY Trust me, everything will work out. Hope all my old buds are doing good! PEACE!! :bunny: I live for posts like these, unfortunately they are few and far between. Glad to hear your doing so well FL and good luck to you and your new squeeze. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 FL98 Another success story. So good to hear from you. Great Advice, quite simply just believe in yourself and that it will get better. Many of the old timer every day posters are gone. I haven't seen Gunny post in months. Tojaz, like myself only make occasional appearances. My GF and I are still going great. She continues to amaze me with her love, every day I love her that much more. Seven more and you will be out of the triple digits. You friend Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Excellent post...this is so true. Thanks for sharing and best wishes to you! Link to post Share on other sites
russell1968 Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 I've been divorced now for 14 months. (Still can't thank LS for helping - saving? - me 'til I got through it all.) I was going through an old office planner and saw my encrypted LS login info. and thought I'd check in! I thought I could never be happy. I thought I could not be happy living alone. I thought I would never find a good woman. I thought I could not make it financially on my own. I thought I was a failure. I thought, I thought, I thought, ... Well, I am fine. I'm happy. Enjoying my sons, my new girlfriend, my family, ME. I got a good promotion, just bought a new car, remodeled the house, ETC. Life is good. BTW, Still taking it slow with the new GF - one day at a time. No rush to commit to anything. If I could give some advice to any of you maybe feeling like I once did ... Stop trying to think about what you can't do, how times are tough, how sad you are, ... ETC and just live for the moment. You have ZERO control over the other person. If they come back it will be of their own accord. Maybe it will be too late for them, maybe not. Live for the moment. Enjoy yourself Enjoy watching a movie Enjoy nature Enjoy a song Enjoy family Enjoy a good book Enjoy your work Enjoy a beer / wine Enjoy chance encounters Enjoy a good meal Enjoy your independence ENJOY Trust me, everything will work out. Hope all my old buds are doing good! PEACE!! Great timing of your post as i have been asking myself all the questions above all day long and have been miserable all day! your post is exactly what the doctor ordered, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 FeelingLonely98 - damn, man, that is great. I really needed to read this today. thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 Oh how I wish this were true. I'm really pleased for you FL, don't get me wrong, it's just every time I read one of this posts from someone checking back in, it reminds me of the fact I have been here for two years now, still in pain. I've met no one I could even entertain the idea of a relationship with and the more stories I hear about what guys have done to friends, it just all seems so hopeless and so pointless and it reminds me of how wonderful my ex was, some of the **** some guys put women through...I've had nothing but heartache in the dating world with the very small number of guys I have actually managed to meet and date. It's good to hear it works out for some people and I appreciate your post, truely, I just wish it could give me hope like it would have done a year or so ago, unfortunately all hope of happiness for my furture has pretty much gone. Sadly, it doesn't get better.....not for everyone Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 :bunny::bunny: FL98!!!! Always a light at the end of the tunnel, glad you made it and gave us an update. You and Floridapad still owe me a beer and I owe you guys a song. Been practicing. :) Will be down your way in a few months to head out to Key Largo...shoot me a PM, would love to meet you and the new lady. :love: Trust me, everything will work out. Hope all my old buds are doing good! PEACE!! We are all hanging in, each to their own...if nothing else, the strifes of life make us stronger. Thanks for the update. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Oh how I wish this were true. I'm really pleased for you FL, don't get me wrong, it's just every time I read one of this posts from someone checking back in, it reminds me of the fact I have been here for two years now, still in pain. I've met no one I could even entertain the idea of a relationship with and the more stories I hear about what guys have done to friends, it just all seems so hopeless and so pointless and it reminds me of how wonderful my ex was, some of the **** some guys put women through...I've had nothing but heartache in the dating world with the very small number of guys I have actually managed to meet and date. It's good to hear it works out for some people and I appreciate your post, truely, I just wish it could give me hope like it would have done a year or so ago, unfortunately all hope of happiness for my furture has pretty much gone. Sadly, it doesn't get better.....not for everyone Give it time Willow and take good advice when you hear it..... Live for the moment. Enjoy yourself Enjoy watching a movie Enjoy nature Enjoy a song Enjoy family Enjoy a good book Enjoy your work Enjoy a beer / wine Enjoy chance encounters Enjoy a good meal Enjoy your independence ENJOY Do that and all will fall into place in time. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) Give it time Willow and take good advice when you hear it..... Do that and all will fall into place in time. TOJAZ Living for the moment.....I love living for the moment without any pressure or having to please or being responsible for anyone else's happiness other than my own...that is living for the moment, I know that now. It never gets anyone closer to getting off a dating site and just living in being happy with what they have does it? Have you ever ventured to think that perhaps Willow lived for the moment for 20 years of her life?? Hope you got my message Willow..my friend and I are considering it. Edited April 18, 2011 by trippi1432 Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) Give it time Willow and take good advice when you hear it..... Do that and all will fall into place in time. TOJAZ I have been! That's all I've done for a very long time now and nothing is falling into place. I go to school, I do my work, I watch TV, I read, I watch movies, I go out, I go to bars, I go to the beach, I go swimming etc etc. Despite enjoying these things, nothing is falling into place, I am lonely, I am single and I have the memory of being very happy and it damm near kills me that that is missing from my life now and it kills me even more to know that I am most likely going to be single now until I die because there is no one to date. I don't want to post on the open forum what happened with the two guys I have dated, but trust me there is no way I could have continued to date either of them, for VERY good reasons. There are no single guys my age, I've looked, dating sites, bars, sports clubs etc they are ALL married! Which is what I should be at my age but my ex took that away from me and left me in the situation where everyone else IS married, I'm not 22, the single guys are single for a reason it seems in my expereince so far. How is everything JUST going to fall in place Tojaz? Maybe it has for you, you're lucky, it doesn't JUST fall in to place for all of us, some of us as are still extremely unhappy. One common feature of those who post these update posts - they ALL have found someone else. Not one person who has returned here and posted about how they have moved on and are happy again has been single the whole time, every single one of them has found a new partner. Edited April 18, 2011 by willowthewisp Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 My friend Willow I have tried to point out part of you problem is your continuing looking backwards to the past instead of forward to the future. We have all been there. Those of us who have gotten over our heartbreak had a turning point where we put the hurt aside and began looking toward the future and quit looking back at the past. If you read FL98's threads you can see when he made had his turning point. His first threads beginning about Sept. 09, had repeated referances to his wife choosing an 18 year old kid over him. The change came when he quit mentioning this, and his new life has been on the upswing ever since. Will post to your latest thread Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 FL98 I hope I am not stepping over the line, but am curious what happened to the Ex. IIRC you made out like a bandit in the D and she was stuck living with her mom in a small apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 My friend Willow I have tried to point out part of you problem is your continuing looking backwards to the past instead of forward to the future. We have all been there. Those of us who have gotten over our heartbreak had a turning point where we put the hurt aside and began looking toward the future and quit looking back at the past. If you read FL98's threads you can see when he made had his turning point. His first threads beginning about Sept. 09, had repeated referances to his wife choosing an 18 year old kid over him. The change came when he quit mentioning this, and his new life has been on the upswing ever since. Will post to your latest thread I do look forward, its when the looking forward makes no difference, when my life is still **** that I get to remembering how good it used to be. What's the point, no matter what I do or don't do, nothing makes any difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 Great timing of your post as i have been asking myself all the questions above all day long and have been miserable all day! your post is exactly what the doctor ordered, thanks Prescription filled. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 I have been! That's all I've done for a very long time now and nothing is falling into place. I go to school, I do my work, I watch TV, I read, I watch movies, I go out, I go to bars, I go to the beach, I go swimming etc etc. Despite enjoying these things, nothing is falling into place, I am lonely, I am single and I have the memory of being very happy and it damm near kills me that that is missing from my life now and it kills me even more to know that I am most likely going to be single now until I die because there is no one to date. I don't want to post on the open forum what happened with the two guys I have dated, but trust me there is no way I could have continued to date either of them, for VERY good reasons. There are no single guys my age, I've looked, dating sites, bars, sports clubs etc they are ALL married! Which is what I should be at my age but my ex took that away from me and left me in the situation where everyone else IS married, I'm not 22, the single guys are single for a reason it seems in my expereince so far. How is everything JUST going to fall in place Tojaz? Maybe it has for you, you're lucky, it doesn't JUST fall in to place for all of us, some of us as are still extremely unhappy. One common feature of those who post these update posts - they ALL have found someone else. Not one person who has returned here and posted about how they have moved on and are happy again has been single the whole time, every single one of them has found a new partner. WtW - This is my reality --> I did find someone but I don't need her to be happy. I became happy when I started to realize I'm a good person, that I am not dependent on anyone, that I have a purpose and a place in this world, that I didn't cause what happened to me. I have actually told the new GF that I don't "need" her in my life, but rather that I "want" her. Probably not a great way to start after feelings for each other develop but that's me. I choose her, not the other way around. She is great and I care about her but if it all ended tomorrow I would be sad sure, but I will also be happy. If someone comes around for me great. If not I will wake up the next day. Some of the old timers here will vouch (sp?) for me that I started posting for a few months how I felt happy and content with my life (in spite of an upcoming divorce, the prospect of being alone for who knows how long, the uncertainty of making it alone financially, ETC.) and THEN I found someone. I met a few frogs before I met this princess (so to speak). If I had met her before I felt more confident or happy with myself I am certain it never would have worked. After I told myself enough many times a few years ago - that I will move on and be happy - it just sort of happened - the relationship. Not sure why or how, it just did. I almost forced myself to change my outlook. Ask anyone here - I was in a pretty dark place for a while. I hated it - lost 40 lbs., averaged 2-3 hours of sleep for the first few months, ... I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't change her so I changed myself. Leaned on friends, family, and LS! Everyone's "answer" is different ... Not sure what yours is. You will find it though. I just wanted to share my ascension out of my hole. This post may not help you but maybe it will let you feel a slight glimmer of hope that your day will come. PM me if you wish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 My friend Willow I have tried to point out part of you problem is your continuing looking backwards to the past instead of forward to the future. We have all been there. Those of us who have gotten over our heartbreak had a turning point where we put the hurt aside and began looking toward the future and quit looking back at the past. If you read FL98's threads you can see when he made had his turning point. His first threads beginning about Sept. 09, had repeated referances to his wife choosing an 18 year old kid over him. The change came when he quit mentioning this, and his new life has been on the upswing ever since. Will post to your latest thread My Friend Gallon is right Willow. All of a sudden I stopped looking backwards and looked ahead. The fact that you are HERE on LS means you want to help yourself, be a better person, ... listen to these wise folks. I still defer to them. I don't know much. I just knew how to "fix" me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 FL98 I hope I am not stepping over the line, but am curious what happened to the Ex. IIRC you made out like a bandit in the D and she was stuck living with her mom in a small apartment. Not at all gallon. I honestly have no idea about her. I don't care to know either. I suppose I hope she is happy, but I suspect deep down she is not. If you rememebr her son moved out last Summer. He asked me to be his "Friend" on facebook but we rarely and never discuss his Mom. I'm sure the former 18 yr old who is now 20 has her living with him in a mansion on South Beach, LOL. I kept the house and all my assets, she kept all her debts. I signed this proposal immediately!!! I'm still in the house, just got a new car, got a nice promotion, ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 I do look forward, its when the looking forward makes no difference, when my life is still **** that I get to remembering how good it used to be. What's the point, no matter what I do or don't do, nothing makes any difference. What is so ****ty about your life? That you no longer have him? That you have not replaced him? Until you find this inside you these are just words but here goes --> You do not need anyone but Willow to be happy, to not feel like ****, ... I was one who ALWAYS had someone by my side never more than a few months alone. It wasn't easy because all I ever knew was to have a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 What is so ****ty about your life? That you no longer have him? That you have not replaced him? Until you find this inside you these are just words but here goes --> You do not need anyone but Willow to be happy, to not feel like ****, ... I was one who ALWAYS had someone by my side never more than a few months alone. It wasn't easy because all I ever knew was to have a partner. I live in an enviroment where I am abused emotionally every day. It's so bad my IC tells me I display symptoms of a victim of domestic abuse. No one loves me, no one, not even my family, it is a family member abusing me. I am homeless and have to live there, my life is controlled down to when I can wash and how much waterI can run. When I can go out and where and who with. My finances etc. I am alone most of the time. I am in school but still no prospects of a job and I finsih school in 8 weeks. I need a job to get out from the abuse. I spend most of my time alone. I eat alone in a bedroom 9ft by 8ft. I live in that room. I have no one I can talk to about anything. My friends are all married with children and I don't feel that after two years since he left I can burden them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 I live in an enviroment where I am abused emotionally every day. It's so bad my IC tells me I display symptoms of a victim of domestic abuse. No one loves me, no one, not even my family, it is a family member abusing me. I am homeless and have to live there, my life is controlled down to when I can wash and how much waterI can run. When I can go out and where and who with. My finances etc. I am alone most of the time. I am in school but still no prospects of a job and I finsih school in 8 weeks. I need a job to get out from the abuse. I spend most of my time alone. I eat alone in a bedroom 9ft by 8ft. I live in that room. I have no one I can talk to about anything. My friends are all married with children and I don't feel that after two years since he left I can burden them anymore. WOW. That's tough Willow. Do you have a plan of where you want to go, when you want to get there, how you will get there? It sounds like the school will be over soon and then maybe you will find the job you so need to take the next step. Best of luck to you - my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there Willow. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 WOW. That's tough Willow. Do you have a plan of where you want to go, when you want to get there, how you will get there? It sounds like the school will be over soon and then maybe you will find the job you so need to take the next step. Best of luck to you - my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there Willow. Thanks FL98. I'll stop complaining now, things could be worse and the abuse could be worse, its not all day everyday, just eggshells that's all. Plans? Can't make any until I have a job to go to. Not having much luck, keep getting rejection letters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FeelingLonely98 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Plans? Can't make any until I have a job to go to. Not having much luck, keep getting rejection letters. WTW - Keep the spirit, keep your chin up, keep the strength... You will get thru this and come out ahead. Take Care of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 FL98 I see that you hit the magic thousand mark. Please continue to drop in on occasion and share your success story. Your friend Gallon Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Hi FL98, Glad to hear that you are out of that hole. Is the house still as clean when the XW left. Happy 1000th post! Link to post Share on other sites
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