GabbyGirl Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 What do you think real love is or what is your definition of love? Seems like in todays world love and people are disposable. Link to post Share on other sites
Baroness67 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 OK, I will bite Lots of different kinds of love. Romantic Love, Love for one's kids, Love for one's parents and relatives. Love for Pets. Indeed also love for friends. There's this whole funny cartoon in a coffee table book that says "Love is ... a battlefield, all you need, etc." and 100 other things ... but here goes. My personal definition of Love changed when my husband, my partner in life and the one with whom I believed I was in love, was not behaving like the person I thought he was. I had to change this definition, because what was going on in my life was inconsistent with living a life with love. Man, that is so hard to say, and I'm still not sure it makes sense. I would expect that there are still some people who read what I am posting and say I am full of crap. So be it. Anyway, I was one of those who looked back and remembered "in sickness and in health" ... and decided that a long term partnership was not just about how awesome he made me feel and how much of a princess he made me. Although of course we were too young to know it at the time, I decided ours was a partnership built on the premise that we both might become very different people in the future. I looked around me at the world of adults my age who have figured out that life doesn't play to all our plans. I'm amazed I really didn't believe those who gave me this advice 20 years ago. But, it's so true. True love is giving up parts of yourself for the benefit of someone else, and being glad to do it. You don't have to be happy, you just have to be willing and grateful. Do you want to be at the side of your pet being put down? That's love. Do you want to take care of your spouse someday who is ill and incontinent and feel privileged to share that time with them? That's love. Do you want to be someone's girlfriend and have everyone else at school really jealous of you because you know they all think he's hot? That's not love. True love hurts. It is inconvenient. It's difficult. It's so many things ... but if you have true love for someone, you only recognize that the rewards are worth the sacrifices. Link to post Share on other sites
Irishlove Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 You care more about their happiness then your own. You make sacrifices. You love them while they snore, fart or do things that drive you crazy. Its not imagining the rest of your life without them. Wanting to grow old and taking care of then. Its hurting when they hurt, it's giving them space when you know they need it. Sometimes it's just being there saying nothing at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GabbyGirl Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 Irishlove you made me laugh. My husband can't stand it when I burp and fart. We sleep in separate bedrooms because of snoring. Thanks for your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 For me love is not a feeling, but a series of actions that show you care about someone greatly. Real love is when you say that you love someone and then act on what you say by doing things that show they mean alot to you. Honestly there are only 4 people in this world I truly love (and I say love, because to me true love is unconditional and cannot die). They are my sister, my nephew, my boyfriend, and one of my ex boyfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Love is stepping out of that spotlight in the center of your own life and letting someone else take your place. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Light Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 What do you think real love is or what is your definition of love? Seems like in todays world love and people are disposable. There are many sweet platitudes about love but as I've grown older and more cynical I now think that love is simply two people who can tolerate each other especially through the bad times. Human beings are quite frail emotionally and you really have to keep your expectations low. Link to post Share on other sites
coffeecat Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 (edited) I have been married for 16 years. When I married my husband he possessed and pampered and controlled me. At time I loved it and it's one of the reasons I married him. I was raised by parents who never really cared what I did so I interpreted his actions as love- and well , for him- that is how he loves. So I thought I knew what love was. It was being pampered and doted on and being drunk with those feelings of being adored. When I would wake up in the morning in his arms I would press my body so hard into his that I would crush his chest. I couldn't get close enough to him. After having all of these feelings, I started having children. After having my first son I once looked at him and thought "I have never known what love was. NOW I know what love is". And so I felt that the love of a mother for her children trumps all other forms of human love. As I grew older, I began to assert my independence and I began to resent my husband. I resented him horribly. I often contemplated how I could feel such distinct hate for a man that I was certain I remembered loving ecstatically. I was growing up and changing. He had to change too. He did, but not without resistance and not without many volatile fights. So now here I am married to someone whom which I have a different relationship with then when we first married. As we get older I detect a shift in our relationship- I hold more power - I do not want to disrespect my husband and say that I hold *the* power. However, he definately defers to my opinions about parenting and household decisions. The way he loves is still through possessing. He has learned to temper those feelings and his actions. So - do I love my husband?- What I feel toward my husband cannot be described as love in the fairytale sense of the word. What I have toward him is an unwaivering loyalty, respect and commitment that only was built from years and years of history. We have been poor together, rich together, raised a family, lost our loved ones together and put up with each other's horrible flaws. Edited April 18, 2011 by coffeecat Link to post Share on other sites
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